Mommy Blogging

Taza Is Happy Her Sick Son Was Able To Be In The Photoshoot

Naomi Davis, of the family so little it’s even little in Frawnch,  has shared the uber artsy results of her MilK magazine cover shoot. As usual she was so grateful and so blessed and so glad and so thankful. She was especially happy because

…conrad had just gotten over having a fever for a few days so he slept for most of the morning.  we didn’t put him in most of the shots since he was just cuddling with josh nearby…i’m so glad we still were able to sneak a few pictures with him in there

Sparkle Conrad, sparkle! Now before you scream ‘exploitation’ she says she asked the kids if they wanted to…honestly I don’t know what they’re doing. Recreating an Annie Lennox video or something? Anyway, she asked!

before agreeing to do it, i showed eleanor and samson photos from past magazines and also from anna palma’swork…and asked them what they thought and if they wanted to do it. they were up for it…

How parental! I’m sure framing it as “playing dress up and interacting with fun props” rather than just another day reversing the strides made by the Factory Acts made no difference whatsoever in their obviously informed decision. Oh well, whatever it takes to get on a Frawnch magazine cover, right? Press is press, and clicks is clicks!


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Lifestyle Blogging

Barefoot Blonde Moves To Hawaii

Amber, moved to New York City for ‘exciting projects‘, has announced their ‘time in NYC is over’. They are ‘building a home in Arizona near family’ but since they are ‘doing a custom home we have a while til it’s done’. They have ‘decided to come to Hawaii for 6 or so months’ until Castle Numbskull is completed.

Apparently you don’t just show someone pinterest boards and start building the next week… We are on the island of Oahu and we had the most perfect first day here.

All their things are in storage and the ‘first thing’ Amber wanted to know was if ‘the storage unit was temperature controlled because I have boatloads of lipstick that I can’t have melting’. And before you ask, Amber wants you to know their dog is hanging out somewhere for a month because ‘Hawaii has strict dog rules which we unfortunately didn’t know about until later on in our planning process’ – she swears he’s joining them soon.

So I guess it’s going to be all bathing suit #ads all the time now?


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Instagram

Stasia Will Use Uber Passengers For Instagram Material

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Stasia, the garlic scented grifter, finally got herself a job. She’s driving for Uber and the job comes with a perk – being able to use her passengers as social media content. She has posted a photo of one of her passengers who appears to be passed out near the backseat along with a caption detailing his behavior with her new hashtag “#stasiasuberstories’.

Gorgeous guy with the worlds most perfect teeth and dazzling smile, who gave me a $20 tip and a kiss on the cheek after hearing about my adventure filled, ER included, barftastic night of Ubering. – Priceless… Dudes get in, one falls out to barf, gets back in and barfs out the side, then falls into it, continuing to puke on himself. 20 minutes later we finally get him inside. Then once we are all in, he’s barfing out the window and the dude behind me starts barfing too! This is why they invented barf bags!! NEVER start driving uber without them!! Dude in front keeps his head out the whole time, I’m rubbing his back. People are taking videos as we drive and he’s sobbing tears and has barf and snot hanging from him like a St. Bernard in front of a T-bone steak. Sweet baby jeebus. What an adventure.

She continues, saying it’s totally fine for her to post pictures of her customers in this condition.

*this pic was as they were trying to get him back in the car after he fell out while puking. He’s laying in his barf. No faces are shown so it’s fine to show. This was before he started sobbing like he just lost his favorite puppy.

She then sneers that “These are the men that protect our country”, which I suppose makes them inferior to the  fleshmountain who spends her days on her ass making duckfaces into her phone.


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Instagram WTF

If You Are Looking For A New Honey Boo Boo, Madelene Has This Daughter

Madelene, Barbie’s trashy rural cousin she never invites to the Dream House, has joined the world of pimpmoms. She created an instagram account for her two year old daughter and offers her up as a “BRANDREP” for free tiny thigh high  boots and toddler sized daisy duke shorts.

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An example from bellaelizabethblack instagram account.

She does adorable things like dress her daughter up like a miniature extra in a Warrant video and poses her on her knees, has her tousle her blond hair and blow kisses, and coats her mouth with red lipstick while she enjoys a sucker. There’s so much mama-daughter fun! I’m sure you’ll enjoy this pleasant, innocent diversion during your weekend.


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Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

This Christmas, Glennon Wants You To Give The Gift Of Glennon

Glennon, busy being in love, has a way for your holiday to be “low in stress and high in meaning”. Just follow her amazing holiday gift guide!

Glennon suggests gifts like the Brian Andreas Love Warrior Collection – a selection of $35 glorified LiveStrong bracelets that keep Glennon’s woo spew within wrist’s reach. Or maybe give a book – a book like Love Warrior! If coffee mugs are what you need, head over to the Momastery Zazzle store and drop $18 to make a custom mug with some quote from your kid that’s probably hi-lurrr-ious to you and maybe one other person. Or you could give someone a Love Warrior tote bag or a Love Warrior t-shirt, because nothing says “this made me think of you” like wearable advertising for a book about a crappy marriage. And if none of that blows your skirt up you can just give the gift of a hashtaggable experience.

Give the gift of CourageWorks! It has NEVER been more important for we brave ones to write our own endings to our personal and collective stories. This course that Brené and I taught together has been taken and loved by so many because the time is NOW to become the heroes of our own stories.

Did you guys know Glennon and Naynay are superbeefs who teach classes and stuff? Now you know. And now you or a loved one can “experience the healing we felt” – with a discount code and everything!

So this holiday season remember that the greatest gift you can give yourself and others is the gift of more Glennon. Unless your name is Abby, in which case you’re probably getting some Indigo Girls cds.


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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Freckled Fox’s Huswolf Can Totally Fix Her Kids You Guys

Richard, replacement huswolf of untouchable internet saint Emily, has posted another emotional belching. On our second episode of As The Stomach Churns, Dickie shares a scene in which his two year old stepchild tells him “Daddy, I miss Daddy-Martin.”

She told me she would like a hug. This made me smile. When I smiled, she smiled some too. I made a happier face at her, and she gave me her big classic Lydia smile…Then I looked back to see Lydia crying again. When our eyes met, she gave a big smile again. This time as I looked back to the others, my attention stayed on her, and I watched out of the corner of my eye as her face fell again, and tears started to flow as if she hadn’t smiled at all. When my eyes returned to hers with my full attention, it brought another smile, but then her face again fell as I looked away. She seemed in limbo, stuck between happy and sad…Having had a few hours now to think about this, things are ok. Little Lydia returned to her happy place, and is now sound asleep.

It’s ok, Huswolf Dickie has sort of got this because he has done the whole “move in with a cancer stricken family and play daddy” thing before.

‘Dad’ wasn’t doing well, and I moved in eventually to help more consistently. For a year I lived and breathed family life in many aspects, and learned a lot. Cancer is hard. But it also means a lot of opportunities for growing.  And the kids all handled things in different ways. It was a very special time for me…

Icky savior-complex vibes, anyone? He concludes with a weird list of goals including eating more chocolate chips, and says “while today wasn’t perfect, and *I* couldn’t stem Lydia’s tears completely, tomorrow, I want to make sure she smiles more”. Yeah, Lids, get over your dead Daddy-Martin already! Daddywolf needs “more smiling faces”!


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Instagram

Katie Is Sorry Your Son Is Dying So She Needs To Go Online Shopping

Katie Bower, of the crack house journeys for Jesus Bowers, is asking all of us to pray.

Guys. I know today is supposed to be about scoring amazing deals and shopping till you drop but my heart is so heavy for @savannat8 and her sweet family. If you don’t know her story, don’t go there now without a box of tissues. I have followed her little guys story from the day he was diagnosed and this week, I have cried so many times for her and I don’t even know them. I just simply can’t imagine. It has brought new perspective for me in quiet moments and I pray for them throughout the day.

She continues her touching plea:

I hope you join me and the hoards of mamas praying for this sweet family. Let’s pray for a miracle. Thanks y’all. And now to distract myself with discounted shopping  #mamasunite #prayers

That’s so moving and I…wait, what the hell? Did she really just tell a story about a baby dying and end it with “now to distract myself with discounted shopping”? She didn’t do that. OMG she did do that. No wait, first she made it about how much SHE was crying and how much SHE was praying. Then she hashtagged ‘mamasunite’, dabbed her eyes and blew her nose, and went do some online shopping to ‘distract’ herself.

Ok. Cool story, Katie.

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