Monthly Archives: March 2010

Internets

Excitement Mounts as David Karp Finally Approaches Puberty

David Karp, creator of the greatest thing ever, EVER made for a computer even counting TCP/IP, is finally entertaining hopes of getting those long awaited face pubes!

I think this is the year I finally get decent facial hair coverage.

First the facial hair, then his company. I’m sure only one thing is allowed to be mature at a time.

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Internets

Michael Arrington Finally Ready For A Soulmate

Michael Arrington, hater of snark and cash fan enjoyer, is in search of a living creature to humiliate:

does anybody have a goat? we need to borrow a goat for a few minutes. about 19 hours ago via web

we promise not to molest the goat or hurt it in any way. it just needs to do a cameo in a video. nothing more. about 19 hours ago via web

I’m serious about the goat. we need one. about 19 hours ago via web

I may be wrong about this…but I’m pretty sure that the kinds of nerds that follow Michael Arrington’s twitter stream are not living on a farm with access to goats. I guess I’m not sure what he was trying to accomplish other than “We just want you to know we are trying to make a lol video with a goat!”

Really justifying  your salary, asshole.

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Internets

Julia Allison's Vimeo Account Allegedly Hacked

Julia Allison, hater of publicity stunts, is implying your Vimeo accounts aren’t safe!

After a supposedly private video was shared on RBNS, Julia emailed moderators of the site accusing them of hacking into her Vimeo account to access the video:

Subject: I don’t know how

you got either of those videos, because BOTH were password protected until (apparently) tonight – and now they’re password protected again, but if I ever – EVER – hear about you hacking into my private videos again, I swear to god I will get a lawyer and sue you.

RBNS moderators deny the allegation, stating that such a charge is easily refutable by contacting Vimeo to find out how access to the videos was enabled.

It might be a good idea for Vimeo to look into their logs and see exactly what the situation is, since Julia’s claims basically imply that Vimeo is insecure. Better safe than donkey!

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Internets

Caro's Future Is Just As Cliche As Yours

I love it when OMGBEARS tries to be witty on her formspring:

How do you envision your future?

There are flying cars and jet packs. I can tell you that much.

Wow, flying cars and jet packs. Wait, will we have robot house maids too? OH OH OH. Houses on the MOON, Bears???

Yeah ok, this was weaksauce post. But it just reminds me of my Grandpa sitting in his green naugahyde chair, yelling at my Mimi for a Schlitz and then looking at the grandkids to shout “FLYING CARS! I was promised a flying car. Where’s my flying car, I ask you!???”

So, thanks for the memory, Bears!

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Internets

meaghano Got Where She Is Because She Is Talented, Ok?

MeaghanO, the ginger midget responsible for Pitchforkgate, wants you to know that women are not just objects who get jobs and stuff because of their looks!

She spent this morning posting crap about women in the workplace, and gender roles and blah blah boring shit women who their way into jobs post to throw everyone off.

Your faux SISTAHOOD and “well I never” posts aren’t fooling anyone, ginget. What is it you DO at tumblr, again?

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Internets

David Karp, Reality Star

David Karp, CEO of WTF Are We Doing Ent., apparently thinks he is a lot more interesting than his hair would suggest.

I feel like I have a lot to offer reality TV.

Reps for Everyone Thinks They Should Be On Tv, Inc, would like to express their regrets. Apparently they already followed around the president of Tripod a few years ago. Thanks for your interest!

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Internets

Julia Allison Leaving Internets Forever

Julia Allison, soon to be forgotten, is once again threatening to take an internet hiatus.

This post has been a long time coming, and I think it will surprise no one to hear that I’m taking a leave from lifecasting.  How long will I be gone?  Perhaps only a few weeks.  Maybe a few months.  And yes, there is the possibility (however implausible) that I’ll never lifecast again.  I love the solidity of closing the door to the past, of ending this life chapter with a definitive thud, all “Well, that’s THAT!”

Yeah it goes on and on, whatever. Hasn’t she gone ‘dark’ before and it lasted all of 2 days?  She’s just jumping on the having-an-epiphany-going-offline trend that happens every year at springtime.

Srsly, have you noticed this? Every year around the beginning of April all these tumblrs and bloggers go ‘I need to take a break and blah blah discover blah blah me me me blah blah I might be back blah thanks for reading blah blah better person’ or some variation of the NEVAR BLOGGING AGAIN mad libs.

Why can’t people just grasp that when the weather gets nice you start feeling antsy, or fidgety, or wanting a change, and it has nothing to do with some huge soul opening inner realisation? It’s just called spring, people! Calm down, have a glass of Arbor Mist, and stop with the flouncing.

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Internets

Irony Eludes Meghan McCain

For those of you at home who don’t care, Megatits was like SO SICK U GUYZ all weekend!!!

I am so sick, I can’t believe it. If anyone has any quick fix cold recommendations, please let me know! drinking lots of orange juice… 3:10 PM Mar 20th via web

Waiting in the drs office on that paper table thing, there is nothing less sexy than this… 2:47 PM Mar 22nd via mobile web

I hope I’m not super sick, I’ve gotta rally for my speech at George Washington university Thursday!! 2:51 PM Mar 22nd via mobile web

Of course for political activist Megatits, no amount of virul infestation could make her miss the historic moment today when the universal health care bill was signed by Obama, converting her beloved country into a socialist state.

ughhh, I can’t even watch this bill being signed #stillarepublicanincaseyouforgot about 5 hours ago via web

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyep.

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Internets

Richal Has An Eat Adventure

So: Lasagna from Friday night. Still good tonight? Please say yes. I’m so hungry. about 11 hours ago via UberTwitter

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Internets

Julia Allison Will Never Mention This Again, Apparently

Julia Allison, happy and healthy, has an annoying habit of mentioning something and, if the outcome is not to her liking, never mentioning it again.

For example, Ms. Allison made sure to let us ALLLLLLL know that Meghan McCain had agreed to listen to Jaba talk about herself for 3 hours. If not for that pesky deadline that people who do actual writing have, Julia would have been breaking bread with the greatest political mind of our time. Instead it was rescheduled for Friday.

Well that was supposed to happen two days ago, and instead of endless tweets about how ineffable and tiny and cute Megatits is, we got a vague mention of being out in New York and eating eggs at 5 am. Not that Megatits was much more open. All we heard from the betitted sphinx was mention of repairing her high heel with superglue, and some “life’s what you make it” tweet that means…who knows?

I’m disappointed that we didn’t get a full breakdown of this meeting of the minds. I mean, did they meet and Meghan just forbid Julia from tweeting and taking pics? Did Meghan blow her off yet again, hoping she’ll get the hint? Did they solve world hunger and end poverty? WHAT?

So, since we all know that Julia never provides us with follow up or content unless someone calls her a liar on her google alert, I’m going to call bullshit on the dinner happening at all and predict we won’t hear another word about it.

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Internets

Stay On My Internet: Coochie

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6844yOXYS4]

Pretty much “What you want? I’m on my way to LUNCH” is the only reason I think Coochie needs to stay on my internets.

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Internets

Meghan McCain Still Not Talking About Her Tits

Megatits is SO TIRED of people talking about her tits. She never even brings them up, and YOU PEOPLE just keep mentioning them.

I have just been informed the most googled thing about me is “breasts”….I dont know if I should be offended or flattered. about 2 hours ago via web

Gawwwrsh can’t you people just drop it? Stop talking about her body!!! It’s not like she’s always bringing them up (to her chin OH ZING).

I don’t understand why we can’t all focus on her intellectual attributes instead.

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Internets

Dear Jordan Reid Berkhow, Or Whatever,

In case you have any future regrets about leaving NonSociety and starting Ramshackle Glam, I would recommend that you turn to this photo:

And then you will immediately be reminded that NonSociety was truly horrible, horrible mistake.

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