Monthly Archives: April 2010

Internets

Jordan Reid Is Much More Cautious Since The Break In

Jordan Reidkow, recent burglary victim, has become much more guarded about telling people when she won’t be in the house, and what things might be laying around. For instance, today she posted about her long trip to L.A., accompanied by her husband:

So a little drama already this morning: we pull up to the airport in our taxi around 5AM, and Kendrick pauses thoughtfully before calmly announcing that he has decided to fly across the country with no photo identification. He has a temporary driver’s license (having lost his real one)…that should be fine, right?

Jordan is faithfully following the recommendations set forth in this post: she is not letting people know that her husband left his identification in their now empty-for-a-weekend apartment. We are glad to see she learned her lesson – it’s just not a good idea to tell people that you will be 3000 miles away for days at a time with only a dogsitter stopping by. Safety first!

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Mary Rambin Finally Commits

Mary Rambin, commitmentphobe and possessor of beach hair, has finally sucked it up and signed a lease.

Done deal. I’m officially living in Houston for a year.

No word on what she will be doing in Houston for a year, but we hope she’ll be swanning about the country clubs looking for a rich oil baron husband. I really want a big Texas Mary wedding!

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Internets

Julia Allison Is Biology's Latest Victim

Julia Allison, one of the few women pioneers in the tech industry  (along with trailblazers Meaghano and Sarah Lacy), is succumbing to the genetic truth of womanhood: the raging desire to get married and shit out kids.

In the middle of a long rambling post about…well nothing really, Julia confirms what scientists and the tech industry have always known. Eventually, all ladies really want is a man:

And of course, at the same time, I’m battling biological forces, forces that kicked in unexpectedly at the end of last summer, forces that made my relationships feel, for the first time in my life, more important than my career.  Forces that made me want to preference cuddling with my boyfriend (or crying about my lack thereof) above “crushing it” online or on air or in print.  You better believe that wasn’t the case in the five years prior.

Yet another victim of the inferior genetics and biology of womanhood. This is why we can not allow women to learn code. It just leads to confusion about their true roles in life! Tumblr would be wise to discourage women bloggers as well. Every post you make means you are not in the kitchen or on your back where you belong.

Now, put down that O’Reilly book and find a man to make sandwiches for!

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Internets

Sarah Lacy Missing

Sarah Lacy, tolerance activist and famous author of some stuff nobody read, has gone MIA from the internet.

According to her twitter she has not bothered to update us on her latest illness or bad travel experience since April 12. Her blog thing hasn’t had a post since April 7th.

Could it be true? Has she finally left our internets??? Or did Paul Carr finally snap and chain her in the boiler room of his hotel? It is a mystery.

UPDATE: Roughly two hours after we posted this, Sarah updated her twitter:

i haven’t opened twitter in like a month. was in rio. now snowed under with work :( how is everyone? about 4 hours ago via web

Coincidence, I’m sure.

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Internets

Meaghano Needs To Get Over Herself

Meaghan O’Connell, “Director of Outreach” whatever the that means, joins Julia Allison as one of the women showing men that women are a force in the tech industry!

I just have one question. Who are these deluded girls who think the likes of Julia or Meaghan are somehow even IN tech? Ginger Midget up there is basically a glorified PR person/wannabe writer. Wooooooooboy really sockin to the misogynistic view that women can’t code or admin! Really revolutionizing the tech industry’s inequality to women programmers and sysadmins. Thank GOD for you, girl! Can tumblr please hire another woman already so this poundcake will get the over herself?

Whattheever.

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Internets

David Karp Wants To Inseminate Rachel

David Karp, founder of blogging for tards, thinks he should procreate.

I still can’t get enough of this kid. I need to have some babies. Or a cool 4 year old friend.

I really hope he sprogs up ole stringbean – because if there is one thing Brooklyn needs, it’s more hipster babies!

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I Don't Think You're Ready For Jake's Jelly

So I was sitting around naked today cutting flowers, and I wondered “Gee what’s JaLo up to?” Turns out he was up to the same thing, apparently.

Oh and I guess he’s going to be making more videos. That sound you hear is Jacy clearing both her calendar and her desk.

Welcoooome back, man.

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Internets

Jordan Reid Likes Corn

Jordan Reid Berkow Lastnameofhusband, might be excreting more than blog posts today. According to her twitter feed, Jorebe has an affection for a highly explosive food:

I like corn. 11:08 PM Apr 24th via web

According to wikianswers and every human being on the planet, corn can cause diarrhea due to it’s practically indigestible outer shell of cellulose. Combined with the laxative powers of garlic we are looking at a lot of “OPEN A WINDOW, JEEEEEZUS” going on in the Jorebe house!

Good thing she likes scented candles.

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Internets

Robert Scoble Hates PowerPoint

Robert Scoble, expert, declares PowerPoint to be archaic and boring. This thunderous proclamation from the taste maker of tech will no doubt change the way boring mandatory meetings about synergy and quarterly projections are conducted forever:

It’s interesting how many businesspeople use Powerpoint in planes. I have not seen a single presentation yet that I’d want to sit through. 13 minutes ago via web

@keithbooe most PowerPoint slides are dreadful. People don’t know how to tell stories and evoke emotion. Study Steve Jobs… 8 minutes ago via web in reply to keithbooe

@redsheep right, presentations should be about telling a story and evoking emotion. Even when pitching to financial people. PPT not required 3 minutes ago via web in reply to redsheep

I +always+ get applause when I start out saying I won’t use PowerPoint today. Audiences HATE PowerPoint. It’s amazing we still use it. less than 10 seconds ago via web

Do you hear that, corporate America? The Mouth Of Change has decreed your slidey maker thing program to be boring and ineffective. I know I know; you have never heard this before. Nobody but Bert has the balls to just come out and say the truth. But  now you know. Now, people who have to make presentations to stuffy board members, you should spend a week making a Flash presentation for them to ignore. Get with the times, people!

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Internets

Julia Allison Is A Fashion Risk Taker

Sigh.

Julia Allison, skewering sartorialism, wore…that incident up there to some ASME event she shouldn’t even be at.

To be totally honest, the green heels don’t look nearly as good in this photo as I thought they did in my head when I decided to wear them. They were supposed to bring out the green on my nails and in the necklace … but I think should have gone with the flesh colored YSLs instead.  Oh well.  No fashion risks taken, no fashion rewards given.  ;)

National Magazine Awards Head to Toe

- Makeup – thanks to CBS News :)
- Necklace, bracelet & ring – Ranjana Khan
- Dress – Aqua by Bloomingdale’s
- Green heels – Steve Madden (bought at Nordstrom)

NO. No! First of all, does she only own three pairs of shoes now? She clomps around in those nude YSL’s and the black top shop booties nonstop. I’m not hating on that – hell I have three pairs of shoes myself – but I think if I had events like this to go to I might invest in a nice pair of simple black heels. I also wouldn’t go around with nails the colour of a polluted tributary.

Also, why was she there? She hasn’t worked for a magazine for a couple of years, correct?

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Internets

Mary Rambin Has Commitment Issues

Maybe you didn’t know that Mary Rambin, fashion diva, is living in Houston. Mary has apparently been crashing at her mom’s for some time. (Yeah, livin at mom’s in the armpit of Texas, GLAMOUR!) She’s understandably ready to find her own digs but she has a small problem:

I think I found an apartment in Houston….but now I just need to get over my fear of commitment. 1 year in one place, yikes! 6:58 PM Apr 21st via TweetDeck

It’s not fear of commitment, Mary. It’s fear of spending the next year in the 4th Circle of Humidity that is Houston. I mean, look at what it’s doing to your hair!

Why don’t you try Austin? It’s pretty much the only town in Texas worth living in (sorry Mom, Wichita Falls sucks – please don’t send me hate email.) I think you’d have less fear of commitment if you weren’t trying to commit to something you don’t want.

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Internets

Jordan Reid Thinks You Should Rescue Animals, Because She Isn't

Jordan Reid, dog purchaser, continues to tell people they should adopt rescue animals:

Now, neither Lucy nor Virgil is a rescue dog – Lucy was bought in a pet store in Malibu, and was more or less abandoned with my ex-boyfriend and me when her original owner decided that dog ownership wasn’t really her thing and took off for England, and Virgil was a Christmas gift from Kendrick, who decided to surprise me with the little guy I’d fallen in love with when we went to Ohio for Thanksgiving – but please, consider searching for your new love in a shelter. Even if you’re really set on a specific breed or size, just trust me and go: you’ll find who you’re looking for.

Why is she constantly apologizing for her hypocrisy? Just stop this repeated song and dance of “Well I didn’t get my dogs at a shelter and I just feel TURIBLE about it, but aren’t they cute, and I LOVE THEM so much! You, however, should go adopt a paralyzed puppy and pay who knows how much to repair it, because God knows the earth is running out of puppies!”

Just drop it already. If you feel so guilty about the provenance of your pets then just quietly volunteer at a shelter and stop trying to justify it. Nobody cares where your dogs came from! Also? This “I feel guilty but you can’t help who you fall in love with” routine? Yeah. That’s what cheating spouses say. So ya know.

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Internets

Meghan O Is Not Pining For David Karp

Meaghan O’Connell, sad sack of fail and (apparently) donuts, totally did not care at all that David Karp made it to one whole year (that is like 13 years in tumblryrs) with his skinny girlfriend. In fact she’s totally not posting this Mary Karr quote after spending another night alone with her Rachel Voodoo Doll and an Entenmann’s box:

David is the only guy rash enough ever to get my name tattooed on his bicep- in a heart with a banner. Even before we’ve kissed on the lips, he does this. Watching those flesh-colored band-aids peel off a phalanx to show an arm scarred and bloodied, a thinking woman would’ve hied for the hills. My response is more pitiful. I think, Wow, he might really like me- a thought nobody past grade five gets to have about anything bigger than a hamster. I plant a big wet Texas mouth on his.
It’s a sad testament to my virtue that an inked-up arm is all it really takes to bed me…(cont’d)

Yes our little pound cake is not at all trying to SAY something. It’s just totally RANDOM that this was posted the morning  The One She Longs For shat out some stupid yearbook montage of two megaskinny people in love. It’s just a coincidence! NO BIG DEAL!

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