Monthly Archives: June 2010

Internets

Meghan McCain and Julia Allison Can't Just Have A Conversation

Meghan McCain, known for her stellar taste in bff’s, is now apparently letting Julia Allison move past hinting at dinners. Now they are announcing to twitter that they are TEXTING EACH OTHER YALL:

juliaallison Late night insomniac texting with @McCainBlogette. Love that girl! :) about 6 hours ago via Echofon

mccainblogette @juliaallison neither of us sleep, we should be studied in a lab! :-) about 7 hours ago via web in reply to juliaallison

Why can’t these people just pick up their iphones and CALL EACH OTHER? Why do they feel the need to announce that they are talking to other people who are c list celebs in a circle of maybe 40 people who even give a shit about them? Are we supposed to be impressed?

Meet up in a diner at midnight if you can’t sleep, or just call each other and talk, but stop with the “I’m talking to @soandsofamuzz” crap. It makes you both look like pathetic social climbing famewhores.

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Fashion Blogging Internets WTF

Dear Park Slope, Jessica Schroeder Quirk Hates You

PICTURE OF NOT LOVEPUPPY HERE (sorry I don’t care enough to google another one)

The girl formerly known as “Midwest Jess”, and then as What I Wore’s Jessica Schroeder, wannabe model/fashion designer/fatty hater Jessica Quirk, lives in the Park Slope area of Brooklyn. Surrounded by squalor in her depressed ghetto neighborhood in the middle of crack houses and an underground baby selling ring, poor Jess has to endure endless assaults to her delicate midwest senses. Take this entry for example:

I hate Park Slope

I just got home from brunch to see the front tire was stolen off my bike, cutting the breaks in the process.

I hate Park Slope. It’s not just that my tire was yanked, but it’s that I live near a women’s shelter full of obnoxious, loud, obese women who spend all of their EBT cards on chocolate bars and candy. I’ve gone down for my daily coffee many a morning and seen women buying 6 40s, ice cream and bread.  I don’t give a shit what people eat, but those EBT cards? That’s a modern way to say food stamps. And those food stamps come from tax dollars, so WHY THE HELL are you buying junk food?

I also live by a bus stop. This is where a lot of the assinine bull shit takes place. A month ago, a man and a women were screaming at each other and cursing (F-word). Adam opened the window and said “This is a family neighborhood, could you take it somewhere else?” The response? “WE”RE WAITING FOR THE F&*^ing BUS! YOU GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!” Really? REALLY? You want me to go somewhere other than my living room while you shout and call each other Effing liars?

New York is grinding me down to a fine dust. It might not be too blow before the blow the hell out of here.

Yeah assholes! This is a family neighborhood! Take your unseemly white trash behavior somewhere else! Jessica didn’t move all the way from Indiana to the Big City, take up the Secret, get a tumblr and successfully snag the husband she was searching for just so you fat welfare trash could offend her by buying beer and yelling at the bus stop.

Don’t you know who she is? She is the What I Wore girl! She is friends with David Karp! RESPECT!

EDIT: Jessica just updated her tumblr post with the following:

*Re: Fact checking. No, I don’t believe EBT cards will purchase alcohol. I’m just trying to paint a picture of the kind of purchases I see made in my local bodega.

WHEW. Here I thought we were talking about how the post in its overall tone was classist and b***hy, I had no idea we were all in a tizzy about that one fact. Carry on then!

EDIT EDIT: And now she has removed all the offensive text, and replaced it with this:

Apologies to anyone who was upset or offended about the previous post in this spot. I’m upset at myself for posting it too.

So…does this mean I can buy some Steel Reserve and twinkies at the store with my ebt tomorrow? Cuz that’s how us poor fatties start our day in Brooklyn.

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Internets

Jordan Is So Relatable And Middle Class

Jordan Reid Berkow Stauch, person who DOES NOT HAVE A TRUST FUND OK? is apparently helping her Daddy raffle off some 72,000 dollar motorcycle for a school! God that Jordan is so giving.

My dad is one of the owners of Pro Italia, a motorcycle shop in LA that specializes in Ducatis (basically the Ferraris of the motorcycle world). For those of you who watch Entourage, the shop was where Vince bought four motorcycles for himself and his boys. Last year, if you recall, I worked the Cafe Desmo event for Pro Italia (and met Steve Jones, who allegedly asked my father last week how I was doing, ahem ahem); I’m planning on going back this August to help out again.

Anyway, my dad just told me that Pro Italia is raffling off a Ducati Desmosedici D16RR (pictured above) valued at $72,500 (!) to benefit the Los Feliz Charter School for the Arts (a parent-initiated, non-profit, public elementary school located in Los Angeles), so I thought I’d share. If motorcycles are your thing, news doesn’t get more exciting than this. Tickets are just $40, and no more than 2,500 tickets will be issued.

So…basically what I get here is that her daddy owns part of a motorcycle dealership specializing in 5 figure two wheelers. Name drop – daddy’s shop was on omg Entourage. Instead of just quietly donating 100K after selling a couple of bikes in the humble spirit of charity, Daddy is having a raffle to give away a bike while getting a bunch of kudos, back pats, and oh yeah free publicity for his Big Expensive Bike Store (FEATURED ON SOME TV SHOW!)

And Jordan – last year, if you recall, nobody knew or gave a shit who you were. So no, nobody remembers you being the ring girl for some event, or that Steve Jones is still sniffing around your laundry basket.

Jordan is tiresome and her blog is becoming shill-let me remind you that important ppl like me-shut up haters-shill.

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Internets

Jordan Reid Continues To Tell Us Shit We Already Knew

Jordan Reid Berkow, the OMG SO NICE shillshacklesham blogger I am apparently losing readers over, decided to dig out her old stash of Sassy magazines and share some summer hair tips!

I’m going to be all about the beachin’ in weeks to come (headed to Mexico with Nadine for a press trip, then Morgan’s wedding in San Diego, then – fingers crossed – some kind of sun/sand/happiness-related activity every weekend thereafter with Kendrick), so before departing the John Sahag Workshop I asked Doug how to protect my brand-new Keratin treatment from the ravages of salt water.

His advice: slather on a thick layer of conditioner before prancing around in the waves, and then rinse your hair with fresh water immediately afterwards. Good to know.

She could NOT have heard this for the first time from this dude. Seriously? I read this in some teen magazine 10 YEARS AGO.

It’s when I read super helpful entries like this that I wonder who the hell these idiots are that think her blog is such a revelation. “Oh Jordan your blog is SO HELPFUL and INSPIRED! I just learn SO MUCH!” How can people goo and gah over this woman’s blog? It’s great that she’s SO NICE but do people really think her hobby horse with shill ads is so informative and fun?

I’m starting to think the only people who are rabid shillshacklesham fans are young girls who never had a subscription to Seventeen and maybe a couple of her real life friends. Nothing she offers on her blog is some kind of new information that can’t be found with a google search or by calling your mom.

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Internets

Where Did Mandolph Go?

Since it came up in comments, I thought I’d throw out a post on Cary Randolph,writer, sartorial person, shirt-as-dress wearer.

Several months ago she locked up her twitter, and since then I haven’t paid much attention to her. Yesterday she came up in the comments, with juliaspublicist asking the question on all our minds: whatever happened to Scary Mandolph?

It seems Cary has left New York City. From her tumblr:

slowlybecoming asked: Wait a minute? Did you move? Are you no longer a New Yorker?

Moved to Newport, R.I. and love it! To quote John Cougar Mellencamp, I can breathe in a small town.

Yes it seems Mandolph could no longer hack being a minnow in a shark tank and hauled her duds to a place she could really fit in. She is apparently now working “at a fancy new boutique hotel right in the middle of Thames Street” in Newport, Rhode Island. I wonder if she is OMG loving it as much as she implies; as of Sunday, over a month after her move, she is still talking about NYC and why she left:

As if I could answer this in one blog post!

Newport pros: It’s the best beach town in the world. I ride my bike everywhere, I run around like an extra in Dazed & Confused, and I can actually save some of the money I make because it does not cost fifty dollars to just leave my apartment. I’ve lost five pounds since I moved here! I’ve made great friends! I’m so healthy and active!

Newport cons: It’s a small isolated New England town with a year-round population of 26,000, not ideal for a single twenty-something chick. My best girl friends are at least four hours away. I’m missing all the parties, and it costs eight dollars just to leave and return to the island.

New York City pros: It’s the greatest city in the world! I walk everywhere, and I run around like an extra in … a movie about twentysomethings getting rowdy in New York City. I didn’t mind being a little fatter because I was eating the best food all the time! The Brooklyn Flea! Styley parties! Rooftops!

New York City cons: f**king kill myself every time I check my bank balance. Dudes don’t want girlfriends because there’s always a(nother) dime piece right around the corner. I lived in a shoebox. What’s a girl got to do to get a little fresh air in this town? Where’s all the nature? Where’s the beach?

So there you have it. She most likely won’t be showing up here again, since desk clerks at beach town hotels are really not part of what we cover. I wonder what happened to her writing career…

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Internets

Richard Blakeley Allegedly Issued Cease & Desist Order

Following the mysterious disappearance of the blog “This Is Why You’re Fat”, the project previously started jointly by Richard Blakeley and former girlfriend Jessica Amason,  an anonymous tipster sends us the following information:

Richard sabotaged the site itself from within Tumblr as well as sabotaged the shared Facebook page – removing all press that mentioned co-creator Jessica and barred her as an administrator. All of the above was done on the eve of him admitting guilt to the details of the physical assault in exchange for accepting a plea bargain of Harrassment in the 2nd Degree & thus avoiding actual jail-time.

The tipster adds:

In light of the egregious interference in the shared business, he has been issued a cease & desist order and is facing (even more) possible legal action…He is now facing more potential serious legal issues as a result of his actions to sabotage the shared brand.

So ALLEGEDLY, this is why they’re offline.

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Internets

Emily Gould Attempts Lucid Discussion Of Privacy Issues, Fails

Emily Ghouuuuld, sort of famous 3  years ago for rolling her eyes at fameballs (while self-promoting herself into the Times), would like to tell you about privacy issues and the Facebook debate! First important point to make: remind you that she worked at Gawker.

When Gawker Media announced that all employees we were required to have Facebook profiles, in 2007, some of my coworkers were decidedly un-thrilled at this encroachment on their private lives.  Others shrugged; they’d already been on Facebook for ages.  I was somewhere between the two camps — I’d lived through the heyday of Friendster, I didn’t feel a pressing need to publish a list of my favorite bands again — so I put up a perfunctory profile, leaving lots of information fields blank…

Oh, btw? Emily worked at Gawker. Not sure if you knew that because she doesn’t really mention it every 3rd post. Anyway, let’s get to the point here: Emily’s position on the whole debate can be summed up with this quote:

As the skirmishes between Facebook and its critics continue,  I think the most interesting part of the debate isn’t whether Facebook has gone too far; it’s why people still care so much about “privacy.”

She then goes on to say the only people who really care about this are you b***hy clench assed conservatives, and you don’t even use fb that often -  “alarmist privacy panic is always politically useful, especially for conservatives who want to rile people who probably only use Facebook to remember their grandchildren’s birthdays” – and you idiots who don’t seem to really understand the internet anyway – “it might be tempting to presume that there’s some “silent majority” out there that cares about this, I think it’s likelier that there’s a not-particularly-internet-savvy group of people who misunderstand the issues at hand…”

As a commenter said in a previous post, “This Facebook issue is not so much about a divided self but those Facebook assholes wanting to monetize your private information by selling it to corporations. How do any thinking people miss this as being the point?”  Well, that point can be made in 4 paragraphs, leaving little room for Emily Ghouuuullld to talk about herself, how she feels about fb, get in a dig at the oppressive State of Gawker, and fart out a couple of passive aggressive dismissals of anyone who doesn’t agree with her!

Oh, you said thinking people. Never mind.

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Internets

“This Is Why You’re Fat” Website Now Down For Several Days

thisiswhyyourefat.com, the blog-now-book created by Blakeley and then-girlfriend Jessica, has now been offline for several days with no explanation, though this error was displayed by tumblr for a couple of days. The website is now simply a white blank server not found page.

No word on whether this has anything to do with a rumored tv show or the outcome of Blakeley’s sentence, or whether the blog will be returning, but it’s a little hard to promote sales of a book based on a blog when there is no blog.

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Internets

Jordan Reid Has Integrity And If You Aren't Nice To Her Then You Suck And She Will Remain Dignified, Now Pass Her A Hanky

Jesus Christ.

Jordan Reid, person who has been on the internet for 23 minutes, is now going to begin complaining about how she is so above all this negativity. Negativity which should not even exist, btw.

I’m a fairly self-deprecating person in general – I’ve always been a pretty easy target for those who are looking to make fun of someone, ever since I was little – but lately I’ve noticed that I’m getting even more so. I put up videos of me screwing up recipes, go on and on about my “non-expertise,” and rag on myself for everything from my wardrobe choices to my pale legs. In short, I’m being a bit hard on me.

And you know why? Because I’ve been feeling defensive, and calling myself out on my foibles before anyone else can is my way of dealing with getting shit that I don’t necessarily think I deserve.

Translation: Everyone has teased me my whole life for being blonde and skinny and letting my dogs dress me, and I really don’t think I deserve it. Doing it myself first doesn’t seem to be coming off in the cute, charming way I want, so I’m going to make my failure to win you over about YOU, and how I was only doing it so YOU wouldn’t comment on me anymore, thus neatly becoming both a victim and ramshackly human!

When you put your life up for public consumption, you subject yourself to a level of scrutiny that simply isn’t the norm. And while this decision may stem from about a million different places (everything from narcissism to a desire to showcase one’s abilities), a lot of people don’t understand this impulse. More importantly, they don’t trust it.

Believe me (hee!), I understand why. Blogs are supposed to be sort of the last frontier of transparency. They’re like indie rock bands: only cool when two or three people know about them, and the second one of their songs hits the radio they get called “sellouts”…and you start distrusting them. That makes sense, given our collective experience with public figures: they get a little attention, and then all of a sudden they have a better haircut, better clothes…and then the sales pitch comes, some illicit, under-the-table transaction aimed at manipulation for financial gain.

Translation: I’m not a sellout because I will gladly agree to shill for everything that comes my way, I’m a sellout because I’m just too famous and popular to be “cool” now. It’s so hard being one of the first ever people to talk about myself on the internet, because having a blog where you talk about yourself “that simply isn’t the norm”.

The presence of “Internet public figures” (yoiks, that term) is such a new phenomenon that no one knows how to deal with it yet, either logistically or emotionally. It used to be that being known by people beyond your intimate circle was the byproduct of having done something extraordinary. Now that private information can be made public so easily, the volume of images and information available about a given individual is no longer particularly indicative of that person’s talent or importance.

Translation: It’s SO HARD being internet famous. What do you mean you don’t know who I am? I was almost the original Sweet Dee. Recognise me now? Well, I am part of the groundbreaking frontier of intarwebs famous, and it’s just sooooo hard.

And so there’s a movement to separate the wheat from the chaff. Which would be fine, if that movement consisted solely of selective attention (“Huh. This person isn’t deserving of my time. Next!”)…but it doesn’t. When people encounter someone online to whom others devote time and don’t agree that said person is deserving of those bits of technological/intellectual space, they feel tricked; screwed over…and they want to “take that person down.” If you have a couple thousand Facebook friends and haven’t cured a disease or invented an iSchmutzie, YOU’RE GONNA PAY! And for what? For having the luck – or, dare I say it, (gasp!) the talent – to have some readers take an interest in what you have to say?

Translation: I have GOMIBLOG bookmarked.

Here’s the problem: I open myself up as a gesture of good faith (I was the first NS contributor, if you recall, to insist on allowing comments) and simultaneously open myself up to being viciously – and falsely – attacked, both on my site and on others. If I ignore these attacks, I feel frustrated, but if I fight back I am criticized for being defensive. These vocal detractors obviously came my way courtesy of my association with NonSociety – but really? Will my decision to associate myself with a single website for a brief period of time cast a shadow over everything that I do from here on in? My content is good; my site is good; I’m trying to get better. This is just a distraction, but it sucks.

I don’t know who she is talking about here, but I’m pretty sure we haven’t brought up her time at NS since she started shillshacklesham. Also, no, your content is not good – it’s boring, self-serving look-at-meism sprinkled with paid for opinions. Nobody cares what you did at NS. Your blog NOW sucks. Stop dabbing your eyes with the unfair victim kleenex and get real.

Jesus, sometimes the Internet feels like the Wild West, and at the very least I’d like to stand on top of the bar in my own little saloon and say YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE AN ASSHOLE IN HERE. Go down the street; that guy’s place is all about the assholes. He’ll probably buy you a shot.

Welcome to GOMIBLOG. Drinks are on the  house.

It goes on (and on, and on). There are some true gems: “I think drawing hard lines about how a person should and should not act based on their past actions is less expressive of humanity, and more expressive of an agenda” and “Just because I don’t like to fight doesn’t mean that I can’t”. I read it, rolled my eyes so often that I now have my ceiling memorized, but I just can’t be frocked to parse the whole thing.

She’s boring and whiney and has this “woe is me” victim shit DOWN. Whatever, Jordan.

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Internets

David Karp Recommends David Karp's Mom

David Karp, boyfriend of ULTRA CHIO Rachel who let’s face it is the only interesting participant in that relationship, has placed his own mother in the “Recommended Blogs” widget of tumblr.

Anyone who wants to act like it’s not who you know in that crowd can now proceed to pick an acre of my ass to kiss.

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Internets

Non-Expert Jordan Reid Speaks As Expert

Jordan Reid, expert and beautiful home haver, went on record with her expert tips on how to have an expert organised home for an expert to live in:

Experts speak: Easiest ways to organize a home office

… SheKnows spoke to three experts about their do’s and don’ts for home office organization.

Jordan Reid, founder of RamshackleGlam.com

Do: Just say no to paper. “Invest in a scanner and get all those documents that you have floating around onto your hard drive,” Jordan says. She cautions that, if you go with this method, you should invest in a backup drive for your computer. She also recommends ditching your paper trail in favor of Google. “Anything you can find on the Internet — for example, the instruction manual to your vacuum cleaner — toss it.”

Don’t: Share all of your space. Your home office probably serves as everyone’s access to the Internet, and it’s probably the place where adults pay bills and family members file important papers, too. With so many people using a small place, items can get misplaced and an organized desktop can turn into a document dumping zone. To save yourself those 15 minutes looking for the receipts you’re sure you placed right there, Jordan recommends reserving an area just for you. Mark off a part of the desk or section of the room that is yours and yours alone for important filing and work. Be sure that trespassers know they will be prosecuted to the full extent of the No Dessert After Dinner Law if caught.

She’s an expert on the internet, fashion, celebrities, makeup, and decorating. So now she’s an expert on home organizing? Sure, why not.

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Internets

Meghan McCain Is Not Going To Do Your Work For You

Meghan McCain, plus size advocate, is putting her people skills to work. She is currently in Denver and was happily eating room service when some TOTAL JERK dared to ask her a question about a TOPIC!!!

chrisgeidner : So, @McCainBlogette, will you tell @ColoradoSkiUSA your position on the #DADT amendment passed by the House in May? about 11 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone in reply to McCainBlogette

Um…excuse you? Megatits does not need to answer that. She already addressed it ok?

@chrisgeidner have you thought to google me? I have written columns and spoke publicly about my support for repealing #DADT, seriously dude. about 11 hours ago via web in reply to chrisgeidner

GAWRSH. You lazy f*$ks! How dare you try to engage and interact with Megatits while she is EATING? Christ. Don’t you know how to use the google? Now look what you started you big ding dong:

Pellucidation : @chrisgeidner Clearly, she still supports DADT anddisagrees with her dad. Casting aspersions at her only earned you an irritated reply. about 10 hours ago via web in reply to chrisgeidner

chrisgeidner : @Pellucidation “Clearly.” Um … yeah. Pundit refuses to comment on a current issue? U pt to something written b4 current issue existed? about 10 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone in reply to Pellucidation

Suddenly Megatits is the center of a twitter slapfight. All her dreams have come true! Now, if someone can please call her fat, make a blonde joke, and tell her she’s not Republican enough, she can have all her soapboxing done in time for dinner!

Seriously though, that was pretty b***hy there Megatits. You are supposedly a political pundit, you should expect to get asked the same questions over and over – sometimes by people you don’t like. If you are going to do this for a living then learn how to be patient, gracious, and lucid in your responses no matter how tired you are or how low your blood sugar is. I would think you’d know that growing up as a politician’s kid.

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Internets

Speaking Of David Karp's Assets…

In the first documented case of dividing by zero, GOMIBLOG is posting two back to back wtf’s about David Karp.

Since you have nothing going on in your life, you no doubt remember that after tumblr got their latest round of funding David Karp and his omg totally chio girlfriend Rachel traipsed off to Japan – I assume for their one year anniversary, her birthday, or just because they wanted to. Upon their return they felt they deserved another gift to David and Rachel: a completely redecorated apartment.

Well apparently their new furnie (furnie for furniture…that’s how the cool kids talk now) arrived intact and it’s time to show you venture capitol idiots what your money went for. Presenting a little subtle bragging:

Aw, someone left a gift on our new table :)

I love how these people try to be cutesy when they’re rubbing their lifestyle in your plebe face. What’s with the posing? Why not just come out and say “Check it bidges, this is what 8 bazillion dollars worth of furniture looks like, peace out losers” instead of  something like “Aw look how cute our $90000000 couch is!”

Or better yet just be a little more discreet about it. It’s great that you two are nesting in preparation for your engagement party but come on dudes. You kind of look like assholes flaunting your new money. We get it, you’re a high school dropout millionaire. Now take a break from wiping your ass with hundreds.

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