Monthly Archives: July 2010

Internets

Jordan Reid Doesn't Want You To Judge Her For Eating

Jordan Reid Berkow, the 98 lb OMG MARRIED wife person of a former rock star, doesn’t want you judging her because she tasted some bologna, ok???

Yesterday, minutes after arriving on the set, I chomped down on my lower lip so hard while eating my bologna-on-a-roll (it’s what I felt like; don’t judge) that my mouth filled with blood (I know, sorry) and I almost fainted. Right in front of everybody, of course.

Who is going to judge some anorexic blonde for eating a little bologna roll? It’s not like she sat down and plowed through 4 stuffed crust pizzas, threw up, then went to the Cracker Barrel buffet. She just had a piece of bread with bologna. And WHY is she so set on drilling into our heads that she eats eats eats nonstop folks,  like a pig, all day long! Nobody’s buying it, and it comes off like major denial. Jordan, you know who gets judged for eating? Fat people. They get judged nonstop for eating anything that is not celery, so knock it off with your eating disorder “whatever don’t judge me for fulfilling a biological need” bullshit.

Seriously, do you know how your “don’t judge me for eating” statements make you sound? It makes you sound like one of those chicks who feel guilty for eating a tic tac. Like one of those women who see a fat lady eating nachos and a hot fudge sundae and unconsciously make a face as they look away, and then start thinking about how SOME people just don’t care about their HEALTH and promise yourself that tomorrow you will only take two bites of your meals. Like one of those women who says either nothing or YOU GO GIRL at anyone over a size 6 eating a meal, but then smokes another pack of cigs and skips lunch.

Jordan, just eat something without apologizing for once. Trust me, nobody is judging you except you.

22

Internets

It Wouldn't Be A Day Ending In Day If Jordan Didn't Tell Me Something I'm Already Aware Of

Jordan Reid Berkow, wannabe lifestyle and food blogger, recently discovered a new food thing: cooking eggs in a frying pan with water:

Huh! Well, this is something new.

This morning, I wandered down to the lobby of my hotel in search of a hot breakfast, and when I requested poached eggs, the lovely gentleman behind the stove suggested I have them “basted.” I have never heard of this in my life, so of course I said yes,…

Basted eggs are more or less a hybrid between sunny-side-up eggs and poached eggs…sort of steamy-fried, if you will. Sound gross? They’re totally not. All you do is crack the eggs into a lightly buttered frying pan, salt and pepper them if desired, and add a little water to the pan (any liquid works, really – even chicken broth – and the chef at my hotel just used 3 or 4 ice cubes, just because there happened to be an ice cube-filled bowl sitting next to him). Cover and cook on low heat until the tops of the eggs turn white, or until they’re cooked through to your liking. What’s happening is that the heat is being reflected downward as well as upward from the pan, resulting in a more evenly cooked egg (no runny whites).

Uh…my dad has always cooked his eggs this way. He called them milky eggs. Outside of scrambled it’s pretty much the only way I can successfully prepare eggs without burning them. This isn’t a new thing. It’s in every cookbook on the planet.

Buy a cookbook and actually read it, and stop acting like you’re discovering new exotic unheard of dishes, Jordan. I know this isn’t a big deal but it pissed me off that Tinkerbell up there acts like she’s the Columbus of food all the time when she’s basically just learning shit everyone else already knows, then telling all of us with her seal claps and golly-shucks ain’t that neat shit. We already know, dim bulb.

Shut up already, Bobblehead.

15

Internets

Jordan Reid Will Soon Retain More Water Than Hoover Dam

shillshacklesham somehow continues to limp along towards it’s inevitable whimpering fail, but that doesn’t mean Jordan Reid isn’t going to keep giving you handy dandy info on where to buy….salt.

Because Melissa is awesome and knows that things like gourmet salts are inexplicably exciting to me, she sent me home from our beer & cheese tasting with a wonderful gift: three jars of Artisan Salt. Cyprus Flakeis a mild salt with a unique pyramid shape – perfect for finishing dishes – and has already been called into action (I sprinkled it over last night’s delicious dinner – recipe to come). Murray River (pictured at left), a peach-pink salt with a mild flavor, is both beautiful and versatile and would be perfect to set out in a small dish at a dinner party. Finally, Salish is a fine, smoky salt ideal for grilled meats or creamy pasta dishes (plus it’s a very cool-looking dark-grey color).

And, of course, all three should (and will) be sprinkled over freshly sliced tomatoes as often as possible for the remainder of the summer.

Ok look – I love salt. I consume enough salt to brine all the anchovies in the world. Anyone who likes their salt can GOOGLE “gourmet salts” and get a whole world of pink rock salt and freaky orange cajun salt minus the shills.

But really whatever, bitch wants to shill salt; fine. Whatever gets her the fame she so pathetically desires. I’d just like to point out that the jackhat up there claiming a salt has a “mild flavour” recently admitted she can’t cook worth a shit, and by the looks of her blog she sticks to pasta and salad and beans/rice. She’s basically at the culinary level of a 3rd grade latchkey kid.

I’m going to take her shilled attempt at being some gourmand with a grain of salt. (OH DAMN SEE WAT I DID THAR????)

18

Internets

Yall Shut Up, Mary Rambin Is Totally Legit

Mary Rambin, consultant, has a new gig – being the social media expert for Houston!

I just launched a new blog: @HoustonSocial for The Chronicle

Along with contributing features to The Good Life Section (and coming soon 2995) I’ve just launched a blog to help educate Houstonians on social media.

For those of us active in the blogosphere, the information will seem like ancient history. But as with fashion, Houston is a little slow in adopting trends. Southerners in general are adverse to change.

While consulting and even socializing in Houston, I realized so many people are unfamiliar with blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc and how to harness these tools. So I’ve launched this blog for The Chronicle (a source they trust) to inform them and help them make baby steps in learning the space.

P.S. I know I look like a drag queen in my profile pic, but it’s the only recent hi res photo I have. It was taken at fashion week so the make up was caked on pretty thick for the camera.

This is what Houston needs. With the lack of technology companies, there is a real need for someone with proven social media and internet expertise like Mary Rambin, who describes herself as running a “popular lifestyle blog, MoreThanMary.com” and claiming she has “been working on the cutting edge of the industry for the last three years with some pretty notable brands”.

Uh…ok! Congrats Houston! Enjoy twitter!

54

Internets

Meghan McCain Is A Powerful Political Force, People

Meghan McCain, author, is fully aware that her upcoming tome will forever alter the face of politics in America:

hearing lots of interesting rumors about a few people a little nervous about “Dirty Sexy Politics” coming out…and of course I love that 😉about 6 hours ago via web

Honey the only people nervous about your book coming out are the unfortunate book reviewers who will be forced to read it. Stop acting like you are some major pundit to be reckoned with, Megatits.

7

Internets

Jordan Reid Shares Her Make-It-Complicated Tip

Jordan Reid Berkow, expert chef and lifestyle guru, has a super easy tip for those of you not aquainted with GladWare or dollar store plastic store and serve shit:

Love this picnicking tip from Real Simple:

To prevent crushable munchies (chips, cookies, etc) from disintegrating en route to your destination, place them in a Ziploc bag, and then slide a straw into the top of the nearly-closed bag. Inflate, and seal the bag: the air will create a cushion around the bag’s contents, ensuring that they arrive in one piece.

Yeah, I just can’t on this one.

23

Internets

David Karp And UBERCHIO Rachel Prepare For The Inevitable

David Karp, inventor of Julia Allison, is obviously trying to make Poundcake’s head explode:

“Our prenatal lecture got kinda silly.”

Rachel as a preggo.

Buy stock in Entenmann’s now, because when these two announce their engagement there will be a run on cake by a million hipster girls with broken hearts.

15