Monthly Archives: September 2010

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A Reminder: Meaghan O'Connell Has A Book

Meaghan O’Connell, awesome person who claims to be a writer, invites you to attempt to read whatever the *&$& this is:

tonight i was crossing the street with a big bag of laundry and it was around 8 and a bunch of people were coming home from work (because we are Sad here and work too late) and cars were doing their car stuff (driving) and this guy came pedaling around the bend on his bike saying, “Brake. Brake. Brake. Brake. Brake,” and I had already been laughing to myself about something else and when I heard him kind of shouting it, brake. brake. brake. I just sort of CRACKED UP LAUGHING for some reason, to myself, but very loud, and everyone on the street looked at me, and I had my arms full of laundry so i couldn’t hide my face or cover my mouth and this other man SHOOK HIS HEAD and I couldn’t tell if it was at me or with me, but then I saw the brake. brake. brake. guy riding passed me and then I saw a small child riding behind him and I realized he was in the middle of TEACHING HIS SMALL CHILD HOW TO RIDE A BIKE and he was telling him to brake/brake/brake so this car didn’t hit him and I was at this point laughing at the fact that I was laughing and it was way past under control, and the Dad looked back at me over his bike shoulder and I had this huge, stupid grin on my face, but luckily the little kid braked (broke?) and I was able to scurry along and laugh all the way up the stairs to my apartment and die alone forever goodbye.

Look I get that it’s her BLOG and it’s a place to be casual and yadda yadda. I don’t care. You go around claiming you are a writer, to the point of convincing people to send you 20 thousand bucks to print a bunch of your tumblr friends sex stories. Can you at least try to not sound like a drunken depressive doing a dramatic reading of Chocolat every time you click “publish”?

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Another Hard Day Of Work For Messica

Jessica Schroeder Quirk, hard worker, continues her grueling career as a pretty dress up girl. Yesterday her workday started like any typical day for any typical career lady:

Excellent morning coffee with @johnjannuzzi 11:00 AM Sep 29th via Twitter for BlackBerry®

Four hours of backbreaking labour later and Messica faced a crisis:

Just spent 20 minutes frantically looking for my passport and in tears (I found it… thank god I never throw out receipts!) about 21 hours ago via web

Later that afternoon Mrs. Quirk got the news – she sent herself a memo that she was promoting herself to “Director of Mrs. Quirkness” at Dress Up Lady Inc!  Splendid!

So how to celebrate after the Augean task of posting wedding pics and packing for her  honeymoon?

Pre-honeymoon mani pedi! Glitter on the fingers, dark pink/raspberry on ze toes!about 20 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

Well it’s been 3 days, people. She has earned it! Now plebes, back to your unhappy single lives doing work that doesn’t inspire you!

UPDATE: Finally we have some idea what Messica does for her “job” – acts like a condescending b***h to her unmarried readers! Commenter Jen dared to leave less than fawning praise over lovepuppy’s wedding dress:

The bodice on your dress is so ill-fitting. For someone who proclaims herself as style-conscious, I’m wondering why you thought that would be a flattering choice.

God Karen, you’re so stupid! You don’t talk about the most amazing, magical dress of someone’s ENTIRE LIFE, ok? Thank goodness Messica graciously replied:

Ya know, I wasn’t 100% thrilled with the way it fit either, but instead of throwing a fit when I picked up my dress two days before the wedding (remember I was planning it from out of state), I just went with it. One day, when you get married, you’ll realize that no matter how many things “go wrong”, it’s the best day of your life. Still love the dress, still loved how I felt in it and still walked away marrying my best friend.

Now, unwed lady. How about that? Suck it single b***hes! Die alone with your well fitting clothes and your hate!

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Jordan Reid Knows Elegance

Jordan Reid, of the twiggy stemmed Reids, knows the meaning of refinement:

When it comes to Jell-O, I suppose this is pretty much as refined as it gets…which is to say, not very refined at all. But fun!

To make your own: pour 1/4 cup cold water, 2 packages unflavored gelatin, 1 tbsp lemon zest, and 3 cups of red wine into a pot and simmer until the gelatin dissolves. Pour into wine glasses and let set; top with whipped cream.

Recipe via Cooks.com; Image via Nanoborg.com

It’s called a jello shot, mongoloid. They stop being refined after you graduate. From high school.

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AOL Dude Tim Armstrong Tries To Convince You Techcrunch Is Content

Tim Armstrong, guy from AOL who paid around 40 million in actual money for the shit produced by Sarah Lacy and Michael Arrington, went on CNBC to convince us that his focus is on content.

I repeat: This guy just gave Arrington upwards of 40 MILLION dollars and would like to make you believe AOL cares about content.

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Did You Know Jessica Quirk Had A Wedding?

Because she’s not going to let you forget it! Today, three weeks after her OMG WEDDING, she posts “What I Wore Down The Aisle: PART 1″:

I am so excited to share my official wedding photos with you today!  On the day of the wedding I was on a mission to stay calm, to remember all of the emotions I was going through and to really enjoy the day.  While my bridesmaids were doing hair and makeup in the adjoining bathroom, I was having my makeup done by the very talented Heather Parrish. And this whole ‘glow’ thing? I never understood it until that day… I’m sure other brides will totally agree.

And now to share what will surely get me ridden off GOMI on a rail, I kind of like the dress in these pics. Maybe “like” is too strong a word – I don’t want to roll my eyes and shake my head at it. That brooch still looks a little too “girl’s costume jewelry dress up kit” and I don’t know that strapless is my fave thing in the world, but eh it’s ok.

Stay tuned for more hourly updates reminding us that Messica is married, had a wedding, is married to her husband, and would you like to see her wedding pics? Because she has some of her and her husband!

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Meghan McCain Wants To Do This

Meghan McCain, successful writer, resumes her popular book tour today by doing New York City:

At the airport, on my way back to NYC for the week – phase 2 of Dirty Sexy Politics media, will keep everyone updated on the shows I’m on!about 15 hours ago via mobile web

What’s up New York City?!?! Let’s do this! Dirty Sexy Politics media phase 2! about 7 hours ago via mobile web

The odd thing to me is that she will be here a week, yet there’s no mention of a book signing in New York. That doesn’t make any sense to me when every person with a tumblrbook gets at least a couple of book stores to have them in for a reading/signing. You’d think the insanely popular Meghan McCain could at least get Housing Works to humor her for a couple of hours.

Oh, I forgot. She doesn’t care about you. She just wants to be on Leno. Carry on.

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Sklarge Changing The Ratio With Period Jokes

Rachel Sklar, Editor at Sklarge, gives me new respect for her ranting about women in tech. Via her twitter, she introduces what she is calling #ladypanel:

rachelsklar Aight here cometh the #ladypanel: @cyantist @sarahcuda @laurenleto @sarajchipps @leila_c @michellegreer et moi. Anyone have a tampon? #hee  3 minutes ago via ÜberTwitter

Really? A tampon joke? That’s how you are going to get this industry to take women seriously? I get that you are trying to be irreverent and light, but what’s next? Making cracks about PMS and thigh size? You aren’t going to get the respect of men in the tech world by turning your “movement” into a damn Cathy cartoon, Sklarge.

Just sit down, Chuckles. We don’t need your type speaking for us, thanks.

Update: Sarah Lacy is really making some great points up on stage!

WendyNorris #ladypanel discussion veers to women’s values of work-life balance. @sarahcuda proclaims women can’t have kids and excel in tech. #tcdisrupt 12 minutes ago via TweetDeck

Good lord, what a trainwreck these idiots are.

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AOL Confirms Aquisition Of TechCrunch

Tim Armstrong has confirmed the stories of Michael Arrington’s future millionaire status:

I’m very pleased to announce that we have acquired TechCrunch. Details are in the press release below, and I’m sure founder Michael Arrington will have a few words to say as well. This is a great compliment to our continued investment in world class content.

No word on whether Sarah Lacy will still have a job.

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Jessica Quirk: "I'm not pregnant"

Jessica Mrs. Quirk, married, taunted her twitter followers with some news – but not the news we are all waiting for:

Man oh man, do I have some hot gossip to share!about 16 hours ago via web

(please keep in mind i’m drinking a brew right now, so no, I’m not pregnant)about 16 hours ago via web

The O/U here at GOMI headquarters is still December for the baby announcement, but in the meantime keep stuffing yourself with beer and ice cream while complaining about losing weight, honey.

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tumblr Will Be Back Shortly, They Swear

Since last night the watered down version of livejournal known as tumblr has been informing users that changes to the infrastructure will inconvenience them.

At intervals of about 20 minutes, many users are presented with various “maintenance” messages. Probably unrelated: former tumblr CTO Marco is working from home while rumored replacement Matt Langer is in Las Vegas. I guess nobody else is available to fix tumblr?

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Sarah Lacy Doesn't Care About Your Afterparty Anyway

Sarah Lacy, recession expert and writer for TechCrunch, was unable to get in to the TechCrunch Disrupt afterparty:

Not allowed in the #tcdisrupt after party. Sorry everyone I said I’d see there!about 7 hours ago via txt

@mikebutcher bouncers were a bit overzealous. just means i’ll be refreshed for tomorrow ;)about 7 hours ago via web in reply to mikebutcher

@ryangoodman thanks dude! comfortably in pjs now watching the soup on tivo ;)about 6 hours ago via web in reply to ryangoodman

Her blithe acceptance of rejection soon turned into an emo tweet:

sad. about 5 hours ago via web

Aw, poor Sarah. Does this mean we can look forward to a post about how elitist TC Disrupt is becoming?

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Mary Rambin Throws Pity Party, Invites Self

Mary Rambin, hard worker, is learning that you when you put your fast paced career ahead of your personal life, you wind up alone with a laptop, a microfleece bathrobe, and a block of smoked cheddar cheese that you ignored so long you have to cut the hard outside off before you toss the knife on the counter and just take the chunk to the couch with a glass of lemonade, because the bodegas are all closed  and girl you are hungry:

After a long night, coming home to an empty house with only hours of work to greet you can be really hard. It would be in my best interest to put on some “happy” music, but it just doesn’t feel right. Stephen Kellogg on the other hand, hits home. Ok, pity party over, I’m cracking open my Mac.

I totally understand! Sometimes when I’ve been at the pool for 6 hours I notice it’s 5pm and realize I’ll probably have to go shower and do two hours of powerpoint slides. It IS really hard. I usually put on some Erasure and quote lines from Less Than Zero to cheer up, but whatever works for you, Mary. I know it’s tough being a single lady with a demanding job! Keep your chin up, girl!

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Nick McGlynn Dooms Social Media Climbers To Gawker Parties

Those of you who remember Nick McGlynn (none of you) and his totally rad webtard celebrations called “Obliterati” are no doubt destroyed to learn that he has moved to Los Angeles. While his prolific photos of webtools getting drunk can be readily replaced by burka lover Mo Pitz (Gawker Party Crash photographer person), who will take the reigns of the amazing source of so much douchery, the Obliterati party?

Am I really going to have to talk about Gawker roof parties now to fill the void? Or worse, Guest of a Guest parties? Don’t do this to me. Someone please take up this shitfest again.

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