Monthly Archives: May 2012

Lifestyle Blogging

Kayla And Checkers Will Raise Their Babies Homeless

Kayla, the 22 year old girlfriend of some guy named “Checkers”, blogs over at “It’s Always Sunny…”. Kayla and Checkers are “homeless by choice”. They are just free living, sweet hearted hippies, taking road trips and picking up hitchhikers and smoking and loving each other. Nothing wrong with that, if that’s how you want to live.

Unfortunately this lifestyle led in a roundabout way to Kayla’s 9 month old daughter being cruelly and for no reason ripped from the arms of her homeless parents after police found pot  in their housecar! And it totally wasn’t even their pot you guys!

The 2 hitch hikers have a MEDICAL MARIJUANA CARD.  They can legally have 19 pounds at them at any given time.  (There was 2 pounds in the car).

We were ALL charged with the marijuana even though they told the cop it was THEIRS and even though it was found in THEIR suitcase.

Kayla and Checkers have been “jumping through hoops” to get her back. Even if they “will have to take some kind of parenting/drug class or something dumb”, all that matters is getting her baby back and getting back on the road before blessing number two arrives.

Yes, “house-less” Kayla and Checkers are expecting another little miracle soon. Since their housecar is evidently still in a tow yard there’s no telling where they plan on stashing two babies if their first daughter is released to them May 31st. I’m going to assume child services did plenty of checks and that the couple is at least pretending to be living in an actual place zoned for residence for the time being.

I’m not trying to be a dick when I wonder again where exactly they plan on putting two babies when they have no jobs and no place to live. People WITH jobs and homes can barely make it with two kids. How long do these two think they can pull off couch surfing with two kids and no jobs? What happens when these kids need to learn how to read and write? And is this really a thing – raising your kids “house-less”???


Mommy Blogging

MckMama Bankruptcy Fraud Begins Reaching Critical Mass

MckMama“, some mommy blogger that filed for bankruptcy, supposedly lied about her situation to both readers and  the court. People have asked me several times to post about the situation, but I could never figure out what exactly was going on. Luckily forensic accountant Tracy Coenen has been following the story and gave us some background on why people are so angry at mckmama:

On to the TL;DR…


Healthy Living Blogging

Kerf’s Do’s And Don’ts Of Pregnancy

Kerf, who is on vacation even though she claims to never take vacations, is currently in her 25th monumental week of pregnancy. So far she has spent her gestation analyzing every single bodily function or response that could potentially be related to her pregnancy, ranging from her incessant complaints about SI pain to the perceived movements of the fetus. Just reading her entirely separate blog devoted to chronicling every last minutia of pregnancy is exhausting, so I can only imagine how hard life can be for her. Sometimes I think all the kicking kerfetus does is just to get his mother to chill out and stop thinking so much.

Kerf has had some weird anxieties about pregnancy and as a result, some weird ideas about what one can and can’t do while pregnant. She stopped riding a bike early in pregnancy, even though

I read in Fit Pregnancy that biking is OK for pregnant women so long as they play it safe, but I’m not sure riding on roads counts as safe, so I’m choosing to abstain.

I know that Fit Pregnancy isn’t the New Yorker but I would assume they know what they’re talking about when it comes to pregnancy and exercise. However, Kerf has previously demonstrated that she trusts herself over any other form of authority or source of information so it’s not surprising she threw their advice out the window immediately. It seems she apparently decided that she was, in fact, safe enough because later posts indicate that she ends up riding her bike despite her public claim of abstention.

She then decides that she is no longer going to use the elliptical or vacuum because her yoga teacher/doula has claimed that these activities can throw the hips out of alignment, making labor more difficult. I’m going to go ahead and assume that the vast majority of healthy babies born in the history of humanity, or at least the existence of the vacuum, have been born to women who have vacuumed while pregnant. She backtracks in the comments and states that she’s vacuuming more “mindfully” and not cutting it out entirely and says she “should have worded it differently.” However, “we really don’t know how women’s activities over the years have affected labor” so it’s not as ridiculous as it sounds.

While bike riding, the elliptical, and vacuuming are all looked at suspiciously, taking a little dip in the hot tub doesn’t seem to problematic at all for Kerf who recently jumped in one at the first sign of an “issue with the weather.” Now, I’ve always been under the impression that pregnant women are strongly advised against using hot tubs and if they do decide to use them to make the dip brief and at a cooler temperature. Granted, Kerf did just that (or so she claims), but what I find remarkable is that she managed to use only one exclamation mark and didn’t follow with an anxious question about the appropriateness of using a hot tub. Maybe she finally is starting to relax; funny how vacations can do that for you.


Lifestyle Blogging

NicoleandGwendolyn Now Shamelessly Pro-ED

Nicole Marie Story, thinks you’re fat, has long claimed her blog is about “living with” eating disorders. Till now she has confined her obvious sizeism and fat hatred to offhand remarks about the obesity problem in America or the random “you must be fat” comment to a dissenting commenter. She has stated many times that she is healthy and posts pictures of her meals (consisting of cold tofu with ketchup. Yeah.) Now it seems the mask is coming off; with this post she’s going full fat hating/thinspo/pro-ed blog…

I’m skinny, or else I would not fit into size zero jeans (patting myself on the back slightly even though they are j.crew and j.crew zeros are to me, the ‘Fat Girl Zeros’).  And I would NOT have posted Fat pictures to the article of subject either.

But regular slim is not good enough for me.

Ummm ok. That sounds totally healthy.

So how to resolve this Fat?

I could restrict.

I could get liposuction.

But I shan’t.

French Girl Leek Soups may pop their little, fashionable heads into the upcoming weeks, as might my old No-Dinner-Thursday-Rule which I canceled in November…

I’ll keep it healthy, yet EXTREME.


Off topic, I’ve now counted the word “fashionable” 4 times. Anyway, I don’t have an ED but the words “healthy” and “extreme” just don’t seem compatible when speaking about food restriction.

But that’s not good enough for me.  If I am a regular skinny girl, I am nothing.  I must be what is acceptable to me.  I must be Vogue.  I must concurrently be the best and healthiest.  And that means looking like an Orange County housewife, not a regular girl who isn’t envied for her body.

Yep, this is sounding more and more healthy. She then goes on to say she intends to look like a lollipop head within 45 days, and justifies it with some sort of weird “eff you” to mental health professionals:

And this, mademoiselle, is why there is no such thing as recovery from an eating disorder.  What I have just written is not ‘healthy’, yet it is ‘healthy’ to me.  If my body is not supreme Vogue stature, then I am nothing.  If I am nothing, then I am not healthy.  This is not ‘disordered’ to me, yet it is certainly ‘disordered’ to others.  Who sets the bar for ‘recovery’ and ‘healthy’ anyway?  We do as individuals.  The DSM is shit.

The sad part about this is the fact that there are young women who admire this person. To those girls I say I hope you read this and do not see something inspirational, unless it inspires you to get help from a professional. This woman, by equivocating and justifying her behavior and posting as if it is a reasonable plan, is (in my opinion) being irresponsible to her audience full of people who may be teetering on the verge of relapse.

This is terrible.I hope this girl gets over herself and gets some real help.


Fashion Blogging

Camilla Combs Is A Natural Woman

Camilla Combs, aka “Cami”, is apparently more than just the person who follows dooce around doing…whatever it is she does (we assume her job is making sure The Imperial March plays whenever dooce enters a room). She is a “stylist”, “designer”, and “photographer”, and she has quite the eye for detail. From the cliche Essie polish to the meh handbag to the “lost all my money at the casinos and have to work the board walk for bus fare back to New York” shoes…

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Hm, actually those shoes are growing on me. I like how the gold tips mirror the shine of all the golden leg hair. This is so brave, right? Is keeping it real is the new personal grooming, because I haven’t really heard about this trend. Not that I really keep up with trends, but if going fallow is the new sexy I’d like to know – I like any excuse not to hoist myself into my special obesity tub and shave.


Mommy Blogging

Project Babies Now Showcasing Her First Worldness On twitter

Project Babies’ Kristen, mental powerhouse, is widely revered for her political views. So when she tweets a golden nugget like this:

…then we should all contact the entire government and have them spend all that money on the poor people instead of themselves! Maybe if politicians weren’t selfishly wasting money on their own wants then we could take care of some of those poor people that Kristen has heard about on the internet. This spending on themselves is just shameful when there are people out there who need food! They should be ashamed of themselves, and Kristen is going to take a stand by tweeting about it.

I’m sure Kristen will be more than happy to share some ideas about how politicians can spend their money on poor folks…right after the valet at Southpark Mall finishes loading up her car.


Mommy Blogging

Gender Reveals Becoming Increasingly Bizarre

It’s no secret – if you are pregnant and you have a blog it is practically expected of you to conceive not just a baby, but a brilliant, original, creative way to reveal the sex of your fetus. There is post after post on the internet with ideas for “gender reveal parties”; apparently it’s no longer enough to call your parents, break the news, and then have a baby shower at some point. You now need to plan an unforgettable way to tell the planet whether you are growing a penis or a vagina.

Now it’s time for Jasmine, of the “Experiment in Poverty” blog, to try her hand at impressing everyone with her OMG AWESOME “gender reveal“. Her version of this bizarre new ritual involved her guests running around South Coast Plaza mall riding the carousel, polyvorying outfits at baby GAP, chew a gumball or something….seriously it goes on and on and on. Finally after what seems like 6 hours they open a gift box to discover the baby’s sex.

On to the TL;DR…


Fashion Blogging

Bleubird Vintage Continues To Care About Health

Bleubird Vintage, everything must be twee, has a track record of not really giving two craps about established medicine (as of January her toddler had “never been to the doctor“.)  That may have to change soon since the addition of her new photo accessories.

i wanted to give you all an update on our chicken keeping. we are still enjoying every minute of it. all five of our hens are alive and well and seem to be extremely healthy.

They may appear healthy but the CDC still warns people not to let their babies rub chicks all over themselves:

Live baby poultry can carry Salmonella and not appear sick, but can spread the germs to people. Children can be exposed toSalmonella by holding, cuddling, or kissing the birds and by touching things where the bird lives, such as cages or feed and water bowls. Young children are especially at risk for illness because their immune systems are still developing and because they are more likely than others to put their fingers or other items into their mouths.

Salmonella can make people sick with diarrhea, vomiting, fever, and/or abdominal cramps. Sometimes, people can become so sick from a Salmonella infection that they have to go to the hospital. Infants, elderly persons, and those with weakened immune systems are more likely than others to develop severe illness. When severe infection occurs, Salmonella may spread from the intestines to the bloodstream and then to other body sites and can cause death unless the person is treated promptly with antibiotics.

I know her life is all about creating twee photo ops for her twee blog, but maybe keep the bacteria carrying farm animals off the tables and out of the kids’ faces?


Healthy Living Blogging Lifestyle Blogging

Cary Randolph Knows How To Eat

Cary Randolph Kennedy Jefferson Washington Fuller, American girl, is regularly asked by anonymous tumblr people for advice. Yesterday a curious reader wanted to know “…what is your diet like?” The American Ms. Fuller responded with her usual combination of wit and relatability:

Funny story: I was on a date recently, and the guy asked me what I like to do besides running. Paused for a moment, asked myself, What are my hobbies? Then looked him in the eye and said, “Well, I like to eat.”

So here’s a typical day in the appetite of moi: egg whites and a piece of cheese or a green juice for breakfast (plus green tea with Splenda), Cobb salad for lunch, Larabar and half-pint of blueberries in the afternoon, salad for dinner, half a PBJ for dessert.

But that’s a good day. Here’s a “bad” one: bacon-egg-and-cheese croissant for breakfast, crab cake salad with French fries for lunch, handful of M&M’s in the afternoon, martini-and-sushi binge fest and gelato at dinner.

Bottom line: eat what you want when you want it (within reason), and then kill yourself at the gym and on the trail. Feel fat? Eat less, and move more.

Did she seriously say “half a PBJ for dessert”? On a “good day”? And then instruct you pork out (within reason?) and then “kill yourself” at the gym??? Cary. CARY honey. I know you’re trying to seem “real” with your little all American PBJ anecdote but come the freck on.

And there is no universe imagined by Carl Sagan in which I would stuff myself with whatever I want and then spend hours in a gym to make up for it. That’s just swinging between extremes for no reason and smacks of a borderline eating disorder. You live in NYC where the average person walks 2 miles a day and you run marathons, Cary. I think you’re allowed french fries and binge drinking on occasion without the guilt laden aftermath of killing yourself at the gym.

WTF woman.


Mommy Blogging

Dooce Will Scrub Her Content

Readers initially rejoiced when Dooce, requires two employees, posted a mildly interesting and almost amusing post about helicopters or something:

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Why, my goodness! This post seemed to have some effort behind it! Readers held their breath thinking finally the old Dooce was returning. Turns out the old Dooce was returning…just not the way folks had hoped. The post had the feel of the Dooce of olden days because it IS a post from the olden days – September 18, 2006 to be exact.

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With no disclaimer in the recent edit of the post, some readers apparently just assumed this was a fresh post. Especially since the original version, while still listed in the archives, has been deleted. It’s very confusing, honestly; if the edit was done in order to remove her estranged husband’s name why not just edit the original, and post another archived post with no mention of him? Why not just post an actual fresh post? Or is this actually a brand new event that is startlingly exactly like an event from 6 years ago? Maybe Dooce just lives in a broken version of the Matrix, and is now starting to actually re-experience previous things?

Honestly I wish someone would explain this to me because this is terribly wtf.


Mommy Blogging

Dooce Out Of Town On Business…Again

Katrillionaire mommy blogger Dooce, don’t call her a mommy blogger, is once again reposting archives because she is “currently out of town on business, so for the next few days I’m going to post some things from my archives that many of you have probably never seen.”

Wait…again??? Look, I get that she’s supporting her friends and estranged husband and her two little Fallback Contents. But isn’t her blog her job? Or is she really going to try and make a go of being some kind of video star? Nobody is begrudging her some success; but if she is now frequently going to be too busy jetting around the country to produce content for the vehicle that actually makes her life possible, maybe she needs to take on some guest writers. I’m sure there are drooling sycophants lined up around the block wanting to post their content on Dooce – for free, even!

All this archive posting does is highlight what a nosedive in quality her blog has taken the last two years. It’s like when 50 year old rock stars try to go on tour to perform the 6 songs they are famous for. Thanks for the memories, but all the audience is doing is comparing you to your previous quality. Sometimes it’s best not to remind people of how awesome you USED to be, lady.


Food Blogging

Mary Rambin Presents the Airport of the Future

In Mary Rambin's future we will all be women laughing with salad.
In Mary Rambin’s future we will all be women laughing with salad.

Mary Rambin clearly doesn’t care for bad standup comedians, as she wants to remove the one reliable joke they’ve ever had. Today on her More than Mary blog Rambin decided to take on airline food:

When we go to their airport, we walk down an aisle of fast food and are forced to choose between the lesser of many evils – processed snacks, frozen and then fried meals, food infused with preservatives, sterilized or canned veggies, over-sized desserts, and candy bars galore.

Or you can just bring food from home if you don’t like the options at the airport. You’re not forced to buy anything there. Plus “their” airport? Whose airport are you referring to?

Carrying my homemade salad, I pass by these “restaurants” feeling so bad for people who travel often.  They have no choice but to consume this crap.  Then I think about how uneducated people are surrounding what they eat.  Even if there were fresh options, would they chose them?  Finally I come to, it’s a shame this is all a money game.  Processed food lasts longer and is cheaper than fresh food so the margin is higher for the airport and businesses.  OR IS IT??!

Jesus Christ what? She’s going for the “oh the poor stupid masses” argument? Why is it so hard to believe that some people eat at these restaurants because they actually enjoy the food? Am I wrong in thinking it is possible to acknowledge something is unhealthy but still consume it because it tastes good? I guess I am, obviously the only reason anyone would eat at a fast food restaurant is because they’re too stupid to know better. Never fear however, Rambin has a solution!

Farmers produce TONS of crop they are dying to sell to sustain their business.  The airport has a high demand for food, turns it over quickly, and sells it at high profit margin.  What if the farmers created fresh meals everyday and came to sell them at booths in the airport?  Since they wouldn’t need a kitchen or much manpower, the airports would generate a bigger profit.  Travelers could then choose from a variety of fresh and healthy foods!

Put the current food vendors aside; they’ve had their hayday.  Imagine they’re gone.  All that is left are magazine stands and retailers.  Now, fill up the old McDonald’s and Taco Bell that used to be dishing out deep-fried fat with friendly faces handing over sliced meat sandwiches and tossed salads.  Baked potatoes, chilled veggie sides, and homemade pastries are other options for you.  Each booth has a different flavor:  Mexican, Italian, Greek, BBQ, etc.  Everything was locally grown  then washed and sliced that day before being made into a hand-crafted meal just for you.  Take your meal to a group of tables or a bar nearby and enjoy!

Now my mind is going wild with ideas of developing the area around airports to support this concept.  Farmers would plant their crops nearby; community kitchens open to prepare the meals; airlines join in and have their planes stocked with the local food.

Really now, how many airports are located near enough to fertile farmland to actually make this a remotely feasible idea? Plus I’m not sold on this Crunchy Granola Utopian ideal of “smiling faces serving out hand-crafted meals just for you.” Does Rambin have any idea how much manpower that would require? Community kitchens? Who’s going to staff them? More to the point, does she even know how much farmland would be needed to grow enough crops to serve Greek, Mexican, BBQ (you need land for livestock to graze on as well), and whatever the else she’s thinking of to stock an entire airport and the planes in it?

Here’s the thing: I have no problem with encouraging people to be more conscious of the food they consume. It’s a good goal and one that more people should focus on. However, casual condescension followed by a highly unrealistic idea about somehow growing enough fresh food near an airport to feed the people who use it really isn’t the way to go. However, I regularly eat greasy pizza, hamburgers, and french fries so I’m clearly too uneducated to even comment on this. What do the healthy people think?


Mommy Blogging WTF

Project Babies Surrenders Her Vote To Christ

Kristin Timmerman, that blogger over at Project Babies, recently decided to share some of her her political decisions on her personal facebook:

No more hesitation. Christ was not ashamed of me while He hung on the cross and died…why should I be ashamed of Him today?Matthew Timmerman and I voted YES to the amendment today. Not because we hate homosexuals, not because we are ignorant rednecks, and not because we didn’t “educate ourselves” on the amendment. When the voting screen asked me if marriage is between one man and one woman, my heart and head both cried out YES! Our Christian faith is explicitly clear on the subjects of marriage and homosexuality (and many other issues). There is no gray area. We believe in loving everyone just as Christ loved us, but we are not interested in rewriting the Bible or His commandments. It doesn’t matter what our opinions are, God gave us rules to live by and when we willfully choose to not follow them, then we deceive ourselves. Your whole life, Christians, is to reflect the truth (yes, the WHOLE truth) found in God’s word. The Bible is inspired, authoritative, and infallible. You believe it ALL or you believe none. As a Christian, marriage is a covenant created by and ordained by God between one man and one woman. Popular or not – this is our vote and we stand by it.

*shrug* k, whatever lady. If you want to make your voting choices with a bible in one hand that’s your call. I mean don’t we all vote partially based on our feelings and beliefs?

I was kind of “eh, whatever” about this until I started reading the comments. A few people disagreed with Kristin and suddenly she declares Christians are being “suppressed”:

‎….so far I’ve been called close-minded, judgmental, & a hypocrite. Not because I attacked those that voted against amendment one, but because I explained why we voted FOR IT and encouraged other believers to do the same. It’s funny how the other side promotes “choose love” and “rights for all” yet they don’t want to hear anything Bible-believing Christians have to say and attack their belief system. Who is suppressing who?? I surrender all to my Lord. That includes my political beliefs, my marriage, my children, our work, everything. I will be a “fool” for Christ because He was a fool for me.

She cannot be serious with this, right? A white, upper middle class Christian woman who just voted to continue denying basic rights to one of the most maligned groups of humans in America is going to claim she’s being suppressed?  If she wants to vote however she wants, fine. But to then put on some defensive butthurt hat and declare:

If people want to make assumptions about me or call me names….I gladly accept it for the cause of Christ. You see, I have taken up my cross on this issue and I am HAPPY to deal with the pushback. Consider it pure joy, my friends.

…what? Hey lady, it’s cool that you like Jesus and stuff, but his cross is crowded. Stop trying to climb up there with him. Saying “too often, people choose what’s popular and easy over what is right” while waving the banner of your own righteousness just crosses into eyeroll territory. You’re not a martyr, Kristin. You’re just another well off married white lady who is turning her vagina into a salad shooter for babies and going to church. You’re about as suppressed as Detective Stabler interviewing a p**ophile when nobody’s watching. Get over yourself.