Monthly Archives: June 2012

Healthy Living Blogging

Carrots ‘n’ Cake Thinks She Is No Longer Sweet

Yesterday on Carrots ‘n’ Cake, Tina shared with readers how she beat her sugar addiction.  On the surface it seems like a pretty open and shut case. WHO KNEW!?

Hold the phone Ms. Honesty. I thought you already learned how to “take control” of your love of sweets.

I still experience cravings, but when a craving for something sweet strikes, I don’t immediately run to the nearest cookie or brownie. I’ve found healthy alternatives for my cravings, including fruit smoothies, flavored Greek yogurt with granola, and sweet potato wedges (which I cook ahead of time and keep in my refrigerator for when cravings strike). Sometimes, even just eating a second serving of veggies or salad from lunch or dinner prevents me from reaching for dessert. Each day gets a little easier, and my progress has come a long way. Remaining control of my cravings (and giving in to them in moderation) is what keeps me on the path to a healthier lifestyle!

Did you forget too? Is that why you didn’t include that article from February in your post?

In any case, if you are even a semi-regular reader of Carrots ‘n’ Cake, you probably reacted to yesterday’s post the same way I did, with a big “WTF!?”. Tina, we all know you like your sweets. It’s even okay that you do. But don’t even try to dupe readers into believing that you have conquered Sugarland when you clearly still indulge. As michigancherry points out, in the last month alone you’ve succumbed to the sugar fairy on numerous occasions.

Furthermore, if you still claim you beat this sugar addiction, how do you explain this?

I’m left with a few questions. What is the point of claiming you’ve taken control of your sugar cravings when the evidence seems to say otherwise? Why not just say “Like I Give A f**k”  and own up to the fact that you like to indulge?

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Healthy Living Blogging

KERF Would Like You to Know She’s Got A Small Bump

Kath Younger, the most pregnant woman ever, is now 30 weeks pregnant with The Most Important Baby Of Our Time. Lest we forget that every single thing about her pregnancy is unique and a first in the history of human reproduction, Kath is recording every fascinating moment over at her BERF blog - and yesterday she informed us that her genetics are so spectacular she can barely form a preg-gut:

I’m still waiting for my stomach to really grow. I’m starting to think it’s just something in my genetics or frame that means I’ll look on the smaller side this whole time. Sometimes I think it looks huge, but I have had so many people tell me how small I am for 30 weeks. Just this weekend at the market two women commented. I’m not complaining – I’m glad to sport a smaller bump – it’s just so unexpected!

Darling KERF went on to humblebrag to former pregnancy pal CaitlinHTP “…I feel like my stomach is still basically flat – I can see my toes without really even noticing it – but then I came home from an hour at the gym looking in the mirrors and decided that it was bigger than it feels.”

Considering she’s been been wearing maternity clothes since the stick turned blue I can understand she must be devastated that she’s not the size of Octomom Round Two at this stage in her loaf baking; however, I don’t understand her claim that she is “on the smaller side”. She looks about normal for 30 weeks to me. But of course Kath can’t be 50th percentile pregnancy so we get a post about how she’s just not huge like other pregnant women, she’s just built small, she’ll probably not get big.

I look forward to her revising this claim in 8 weeks.

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Mommy Blogging

Is That Wife Preparing For Another Bathroom Baby?

Jenna Cole, victim of Mormon racism and e-book advocate, is finally off at college doing high educated person things and trying to lose weight. Well…she was trying. Seems she’s throwing in the towel on her “That Weight Loss Challenge 3″, announcing on her blog that she’s “putting my weight loss efforts on hold” until she gets through school. According to Jenna she will also be halting any weight loss posts for the summer, saying:

I have my whole life to lose weight. This chance to finish school in person, sitting in classrooms discussing what we’ve read and what it means, isn’t going to come again for me. I want to give as much of myself to the experience as I can mentally handle.

However a source tells us this excuse is a bunch of bullhockey, claiming “She’s told friends she’s pregnant again. That’s why she’s not doing the diet, she’s too sick from morning sickness.” Could Jenna be expecting little Bathroom Baby 2? Or, free from the locked up cheese regime, has she simply packed on a cheese baby?

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SOMI

Stay On My Internets: Vintage Vixen

Vintage Vixen. For once a blog leaves me almost snarkless. I tried to reach deep and find some snark to post about her. I really did. I know you guys love the snark. So I wanted to portray it as cringey, I wanted to muster up a b***hy “act your age, woman!”, I really wanted to make a joke about Cher. But I just can’t. She seems to be having such a great time all the time, and to be so lacking in f’s to give that I can’t help but feeling all of my “LOL WTF?” from a place of love.

I mean, I had some snark when I first started following her. But somehow I lost it. Fine, I admit it, she grew on me. She’s like the wacky Aunt Flora of the internet. You’re sort of embarrassed by her at first, but when you grow up you see she’s just a free spirit who follows her own drum; and while you still shake your head at her you can’t help but smile because she’s just so weird and fun.

Anyway, Vintage Vixen is apparently the blog of a 40-something woman who posts her personal style and her doings such as camping and trotting about in plastic flower bikinis and going to “festivals”. There’s nothing really offensive about her. She could be anyone’s odd relative or neighbor, unremarkable beyond the fact that she is wearing a tambourine as a hat or using rollerskates as a purse or something. Honestly I might only be returning to her blog because I want to see what she wears that denim vest with next which I’m sure is not the most compelling reason to post about her. But how could I not share this with you, fellow GOMIBLOGers?

So what do you think: is Vix a SOMI for you?

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Healthy Living Blogging

Kath Eats Real Papers

As she closes in on the finish line, Kath is finally starting to realize that there’s more to babies than fun times and  adorableness. No, one can’t just simply nurture a fetus into adulthood through real food and body pump; unfortunately additional tedious tasks are required. Tasks which Kerf claim are worse than baby poop. Tasks like the difficult administrative paperwork that comes with birthing a new human. Please note that she is “not an expert” and will look into these things soon. “Probably.” Because why bother with the annoying, time consuming little details that may impact your child’s life later on?

Her list includes two things that I would think all new parents would prioritize: writing a will and deciding on guardianship in the unlikely event that both parents expire. Kerf admits that she doesn’t even have a will, since she “thinks” that “in most states married couples pass on all of their assets to their spouse upon death, and then their children when both spouses die.” At this point with an established marriage and family writing a will seems a bit “unnecessary.” Now, I’m not any type of parent or will expert, so I have no idea if wills are really that necessary. But they usually seem like a good idea, especially once children are added into the equation, not to mention owning a home and a business. To me it seems like one of those “it couldn’t hurt” to have items, despite the minor hassle of writing one and making sure it’s valid. At the very least, Kerf could bother herself with looking into what happens to their estate without a will if both she and her husband pass away.

Kerf follows the pesky will item with the issue of guardianship, calling that particular paperwork “unlikely” and “probably another thing to get in legal writing.” All somewhat valid points, but again- why not just suck it up and do it? It may never be needed, but it would be incredibly important to have if it was. I can’t imagine that either of these documents would take all that long to settle, and once they’re written you only have to address them again if any changes need to be made. As far as I am aware, it’s all a very straightforward process. Nothing that can compare to as “worse than poop.”

You never know what’s going to happen and part of being a parent is being prepared for the unlikely and providing for your children’s care in the event that you are unable to anymore. It’s very basic stuff that are necessary evils of adulthood. Kerf may hem and haw and wish that she didn’t have to bother with the dull intricacies of parenthood, but unfortunately the bad comes with the good. There is no “probably” about it. If Kerf is overwhelmed now just thinking about paperwork, she might want to brace herself for the next 18 years.

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Lifestyle Blogging

That’s Quirky Reveals Not Amazing Dining Room Makeover

Jessica and Adam Quirk, lifestyle wannabloggers, are finally sharing the visual ipecac which is their dining room makeover. The Quirks explain their design choices using language they no doubt picked up reading Apartment Therapy:

Selecting paint colors was my biggest challenge. The living and dining rooms are connected through a large arch and I wanted each room to look different, but also flow through smoothly. My vintage globe collection, black and white rugs and accents in the living room and the original wood trim were my main concerns. And I finally got that black wall I’ve been dreaming of! I love how it shows off our old house walls which are so full of character!

Pairing blue walls with a black accent wall and a dark wood dining set is certainly a matter of personal taste I suppose, but I can’t help thinking it must feel like they are eating their meals inside a giant bruise.

Whatever. They made kind of a big deal about this makeover so maybe my expectations were too high. We are talking about Messica, after all, so I’m not sure why I expected something with a little more style. It seems their attempt at lifestyle blogging is going to be as riveting as Messica’s attempt at style blogging. Meaning, not interesting at all. I think this marks the end of me giving a crap about the Quirks.

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Mommy Blogging

Dooce Dares You To Insinuate She’s Racist

Heather Armstrong, not that kind of mommyblogger, threw a surprisingly normal and adorable birthday party for her 3 year old. There was Costco food and a regular old sheet cake, bubble machine toys, friends and family. It was all very average and not all twee mommy blogger, as Dooce Vader reminded us several times.

It seemed like a pleasant day that could have been turned into a pleasant post about her pleasant life. Instead, true to form, El Dooce took the opportunity to make passive aggressive digs at her detractors:

My gift to her was a piñata, and because I know nothing about piñatas I had to trust Tyrant’s judgment. He’s half Mexican, so, you know, he learned how to hit a piñata before the doctor cut his umbilical cord. OH! PLEASE TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. Please tell me that I’m being insensitive and that I should know better. Because when it comes to Weimaraners and Mexicans I AM OUT OF CONTROL!

She continued her sarcastic attempt at humor with a bizarre reaction to the suggestion that quarters be placed into the pinata:

And then Tyrant says, “We should throw in a few rolls of quarters.”

The? A few rolls of quarters? Those things would come flying out of that piñata, hit a kid in the head and knock him out. MEXICANS ARE MURDERERS!

Now I’m sure ole Dooce was trying to stave off any comments that she is culturally insensitive by pre-emptively taking pot shots at herself. But was there really a need for that? Is this simply her writing style, and I just don’t get the joke? Because it doesn’t come off as hilariously self-deprecating, it comes off as being defensive on the offense. Was she really that worried that people would make comments about getting her kid a pinata for her party?

I honestly can’t tell anymore if she’s just trying to goad people into starting crap with her to prop up her dying blog, or if she’s really that insecure and sensitive to any remarks about anything she does. If it’s the former perhaps she should cut to the chase and start spilling about the separation – as one GOMIBLOGer said, “That’s all people care about. Juicy details will bring the clicks.” If it’s the latter then maybe she should start considering a different career already before she runs off the readers she has left with her increasingly bitter defensiveness.

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Fashion Blogging

Already Pretty Joins The Blog-To-Book Trend

Sally McGraw, personal stylist and blogger, joins the ranks of Cupcakes & Cashmere and What I Wore by producing yet another blog-turned-book.

According to the announcement of her self-published effort, Already Pretty: The Book is supposed to teach you how to dress your shape and give you self-esteem through clothes or something:

The book is packed with enlightening exercises, mix-and-match figure flattery techniques, and effective tutorials that illustrate how personal style can foster self-love and self-respect.

Because as everyone knows, self-respect is based on wardrobe choices.

Well at least this is a self published book, which means I don’t want to yet again yell “WTF” at the publishing industry. But frankly these blogger books are getting a little tedious. It’s as though bloggers think print = legitimacy, and getting something in a book form seems to be the ultimate goal of most bloggers these days. It sort of lays dead the typical blogger argument of “I’m a REAL WRITER! Just because it’s a blog doesn’t mean I’m not a REAL WRITER!” when they are trying so hard to get in print.

I just feel that having something that you have basically already published for free on the internet bound and printed seems like nothing more than an exercise in vanity. It doesn’t increase the validity of your words, it doesn’t make you more authoritative. It just means you can puff yourself up by adding “author of” to your About page. And in my opinion, that’s really not a good enough reason to put a book into the world. But what do I know, I’m not a writer.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Sweetney Would Like Kenmore To Help Her Out

Sweetney, the inspiring full-time blogger, made a “sad technology death face” Thursday when her dishwasher apparently died. Since Sweetney is a blogger she did the obvious thing and went twitter begging.

Don’t judge her; having a dishwasher is the right of every woman in a first world country. Not having a dishwasher, to Sweetney, is “terrifying”. Really Kenmore owes her a dishwasher, because Sweetney shouldn’t have to wash dishes by hand in a sink like some savage in an Amazon village!

I look forward to hearing about the free new dishwasher some company sends her, because you know that’s what’s coming.

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Mommy Blogging WTF

Cecily’s New Bed Is Great For Sex

Cecily Kellogg, you don’t get a say, is going to have all the says about sex on her new mattress. Apparently some company contacted her out of the blue and offered to send her a free $3,000 bed. After rattling off the sales pitch the company no doubt made a part of the deal, Cecily regales us with another sterling feature of her sponsored sleep arena:

Know for what y’all really want to know: how’s it for sex?

Oh yeah, you know I’m gonna go there.

It’s GOOD. We’ve found that for some, er, festivities, we prefer to increase the pressure settings temporarily, but it’s great for other things as is (such as being on your knees for any length of time AHEM). Generally, it’s been awesome, although there is a much greater risk of falling asleep after any festivities because the bed is so damned comfortable (and with my mom living with us and Tori, we’re often grabbing time together during the day, so this is a serious risk. Heh.).

Thanks, Cecily! This mental image is exactly what will convince me that this is the bed for me. Why do bloggers continue to confuse “keepin’ it real” and “edgy” with “crass” and “unnecessary”? People, there is a way to get the message across that it’s less squishy than a waterbed but more squishy than the back of a Fiesta hatchback  (wow I really need to date higher caliber men) without getting into details about knee joints and your actual coital schedule.

I’m not some huge prude. But if you’re going to skankmouth at least make it well written, amusing skankmouth.  There’s a fine line between entertaining reality based anecdotes and just plain awkward tmi. If you can’t tell the difference then maybe keep your 50 Shades of Sponsored stories to yourself.

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Mommy Blogging WTF

Did Kayla And Checkers Get Their Baby Back?

Kayla and Checkers, why do some people have children, were supposedly scheduled to get their daughter back May 31st. Many of us looked forward to an update on her blog about whether she had been reunited with her daughter. Unfortunately Kayla’s blog was buhleted and the internet has been a concerny place for the last 5 days, filled with speculation and discussion, and folks trying to figure out where Kayla is.

Though it appears she has been doing some posting over at Dear Sunshine there is no definitive answer to the question so many want to know: were Kayla and Checkers awarded full custody of their daughter once more? Or are they still on a visitation schedule while their baby remains in a foster home? What do you think happened, GOMIBLOG?

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Lifestyle Blogging

That’s Quirky Is a Steaming Pile of No

The new That’s Quirky has gone live. Though I expected it to be underwhelming on every possible level, the knowledge-resistant Jessica and Adam Quirk have actually managed to cram a stunning amount of bullshit into such a bland website.

Let’s start with the food section, where Messi and Adam (Medam? Adssi?) share a recipe for Swedish meatballs:

 Playfully plop the pork into a large mixing bowl, and add shallot, garlic, egg, bread crumbs, wine, salt, and pepper. Wash your right hand (or left if you’re weird) and plunge it on in. Vigorously massage this stuff with your fingers until it’s all combined and seemingly uniform.

“Or left if you’re weird.” HAHAHAHAHAHA left-handed people are freaks, y’all! If Messi and Adam weren’t such awful people, I might excuse their fruitless attempts at humor; but they’re not, so here we are. Also those meatballs are grey and seem as appetizing as a hernia. Now this recipe is bad enough on its own, but at the very end the That’s Quirky Dream Team just had to include this:

Ok, now dump it all out into a beautiful serving dish or the floor depending on your eating style and culture.

OK, I know I shouldn’t be surprised, given the Park Slope fiasco and the videos/pictures on Wrecks & Salvage’s Flickr, but seriously? The floor? Are these people capable of making a joke that isn’t a.) painfully unfunny, b.) in very poor taste, or c.) both?

The disaster continues. In another post Messi waxes poetic on the thrills of Bub’s Burgers, apparently the only burger place she has ever been to:

The first bite of a Bub’s burger it reminds me of the Fourth of July – a perfectly cooked, straight off the grill taste that brings on a wave of nostalgia.  The fixings are simple but fresh (green lettuce! crisp pickles! red tomatos!) and the burger’s themselves couldn’t be better.  For sure the best burger (and banana shake) in town.

LETTUCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE GREEN. Why does this woman seem surprised that the lettuce hasn’t spoiled? Also since Messi slam noms those Scholar’s Inn burgers every couple of days or so I fail to see how she can get all nostalgic about just another burger. I love a chunk of dead cow as much as the next red-blooded American, but eating one doesn’t take me back to a younger, more innocent time. Plus if I’m describing a burger place to someone I would probably refrain from mentioning three of the most common things that are seen on hamburgers. Though I guess maybe tomatos[sic] are usually not red. I don’t live in Broomcloset so I have no idea.

Fortunately, it’s not all bad. Adam Quirk even takes some time to remind us of the simpler things in life:

I feel a powerful peace when I stand in the forest surrounded by trees and think of their massive, benevolent lives. The forest is full of trees that have been growing for longer than many of us have been alive. Some have been here for generations. Those trees have spent their lives growing towards the sun, exhaling oxygen, and providing shade and food for the creatures of the forest. No thanks required. Just enjoy.

So on that note, I’m going to take @Quirk’s advice and go hug some oaks. You should do the same, but after checking out That’s Quirky in all its “WTF” glory.

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Mommy Blogging

God Makes MckMama Pay Off Her Bills

MckMama, of MckMama fame, had some “chat” last night with her fans. And by “chat” we mean some ridiculously complicated comment thread type discussion. Inevitably people started asking what was up with the bankruptcy. What’s up is apparently God’s path for MckMama involves not getting a discharge:

It’s ok because it is all in God’s plan! She’s fine paying back probably over half a million dollars! The path is CLEAR now, guys! What I don’t get is, if she is so “let go and let God” about this, why was she pulling the lolyer card earlier this week?

What about God’s plan? Where is the acceptance of His will? I thought vengeance was His? I know she is claiming a bunch of fake paypals were setup in her name, but if they had no money in them and had never had anything deposited into them, I don’t see how it would have impacted her bankruptcy case. Then again I’m not a bankruptcy expert.

Anyway, I don’t need to be an expert anything to know it’s a bit ridiculous to be all “one day at a time, sweet Jesus” about having to pay back a crapton of money after you spent a lot of effort trying to NOT pay back that money. It makes no sense to put on that pose at this point. Maybe if I pray, God will explain this labyrinth of a story to me before I get eaten by a Minotaur or forced into a dance number with David Bowie.

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