Monthly Archives: June 2012

Healthy Living Blogging

Carrots ‘n’ Cake Thinks She Is No Longer Sweet

Yesterday on Carrots ‘n’ Cake, Tina shared with readers how she beat her sugar addiction.  On the surface it seems like a pretty open and shut case. WHO KNEW!?

Hold the phone Ms. Honesty. I thought you already learned how to “take control” of your love of sweets.

I still experience cravings, but when a craving for something sweet strikes, I don’t immediately run to the nearest cookie or brownie. I’ve found healthy alternatives for my cravings, including fruit smoothies, flavored Greek yogurt with granola, and sweet potato wedges (which I cook ahead of time and keep in my refrigerator for when cravings strike). Sometimes, even just eating a second serving of veggies or salad from lunch or dinner prevents me from reaching for dessert. Each day gets a little easier, and my progress has come a long way. Remaining control of my cravings (and giving in to them in moderation) is what keeps me on the path to a healthier lifestyle!

Did you forget too? Is that why you didn’t include that article from February in your post?

In any case, if you are even a semi-regular reader of Carrots ‘n’ Cake, you probably reacted to yesterday’s post the same way I did, with a big “WTF!?”. Tina, we all know you like your sweets. It’s even okay that you do. But don’t even try to dupe readers into believing that you have conquered Sugarland when you clearly still indulge. As michigancherry points out, in the last month alone you’ve succumbed to the sugar fairy on numerous occasions.

Furthermore, if you still claim you beat this sugar addiction, how do you explain this?

I’m left with a few questions. What is the point of claiming you’ve taken control of your sugar cravings when the evidence seems to say otherwise? Why not just say “Like I Give A f**k”  and own up to the fact that you like to indulge?

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Healthy Living Blogging

KERF Would Like You to Know She’s Got A Small Bump

Kath Younger, the most pregnant woman ever, is now 30 weeks pregnant with The Most Important Baby Of Our Time. Lest we forget that every single thing about her pregnancy is unique and a first in the history of human reproduction, Kath is recording every fascinating moment over at her BERF blog - and yesterday she informed us that her genetics are so spectacular she can barely form a preg-gut:

I’m still waiting for my stomach to really grow. I’m starting to think it’s just something in my genetics or frame that means I’ll look on the smaller side this whole time. Sometimes I think it looks huge, but I have had so many people tell me how small I am for 30 weeks. Just this weekend at the market two women commented. I’m not complaining – I’m glad to sport a smaller bump – it’s just so unexpected!

Darling KERF went on to humblebrag to former pregnancy pal CaitlinHTP “…I feel like my stomach is still basically flat – I can see my toes without really even noticing it – but then I came home from an hour at the gym looking in the mirrors and decided that it was bigger than it feels.”

Considering she’s been been wearing maternity clothes since the stick turned blue I can understand she must be devastated that she’s not the size of Octomom Round Two at this stage in her loaf baking; however, I don’t understand her claim that she is “on the smaller side”. She looks about normal for 30 weeks to me. But of course Kath can’t be 50th percentile pregnancy so we get a post about how she’s just not huge like other pregnant women, she’s just built small, she’ll probably not get big.

I look forward to her revising this claim in 8 weeks.

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Mommy Blogging

Is That Wife Preparing For Another Bathroom Baby?

Jenna Cole, victim of Mormon racism and e-book advocate, is finally off at college doing high educated person things and trying to lose weight. Well…she was trying. Seems she’s throwing in the towel on her “That Weight Loss Challenge 3″, announcing on her blog that she’s “putting my weight loss efforts on hold” until she gets through school. According to Jenna she will also be halting any weight loss posts for the summer, saying:

I have my whole life to lose weight. This chance to finish school in person, sitting in classrooms discussing what we’ve read and what it means, isn’t going to come again for me. I want to give as much of myself to the experience as I can mentally handle.

However a source tells us this excuse is a bunch of bullhockey, claiming “She’s told friends she’s pregnant again. That’s why she’s not doing the diet, she’s too sick from morning sickness.” Could Jenna be expecting little Bathroom Baby 2? Or, free from the locked up cheese regime, has she simply packed on a cheese baby?

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SOMI

Stay On My Internets: Vintage Vixen

Vintage Vixen. For once a blog leaves me almost snarkless. I tried to reach deep and find some snark to post about her. I really did. I know you guys love the snark. So I wanted to portray it as cringey, I wanted to muster up a b***hy “act your age, woman!”, I really wanted to make a joke about Cher. But I just can’t. She seems to be having such a great time all the time, and to be so lacking in f’s to give that I can’t help but feeling all of my “LOL WTF?” from a place of love.

I mean, I had some snark when I first started following her. But somehow I lost it. Fine, I admit it, she grew on me. She’s like the wacky Aunt Flora of the internet. You’re sort of embarrassed by her at first, but when you grow up you see she’s just a free spirit who follows her own drum; and while you still shake your head at her you can’t help but smile because she’s just so weird and fun.

Anyway, Vintage Vixen is apparently the blog of a 40-something woman who posts her personal style and her doings such as camping and trotting about in plastic flower bikinis and going to “festivals”. There’s nothing really offensive about her. She could be anyone’s odd relative or neighbor, unremarkable beyond the fact that she is wearing a tambourine as a hat or using rollerskates as a purse or something. Honestly I might only be returning to her blog because I want to see what she wears that denim vest with next which I’m sure is not the most compelling reason to post about her. But how could I not share this with you, fellow GOMIers?

So what do you think: is Vix a SOMI for you?

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Healthy Living Blogging

Kath Eats Real Papers

As she closes in on the finish line, Kath is finally starting to realize that there’s more to babies than fun times and  adorableness. No, one can’t just simply nurture a fetus into adulthood through real food and body pump; unfortunately additional tedious tasks are required. Tasks which Kerf claim are worse than baby poop. Tasks like the difficult administrative paperwork that comes with birthing a new human. Please note that she is “not an expert” and will look into these things soon. “Probably.” Because why bother with the annoying, time consuming little details that may impact your child’s life later on?

Her list includes two things that I would think all new parents would prioritize: writing a will and deciding on guardianship in the unlikely event that both parents expire. Kerf admits that she doesn’t even have a will, since she “thinks” that “in most states married couples pass on all of their assets to their spouse upon death, and then their children when both spouses die.” At this point with an established marriage and family writing a will seems a bit “unnecessary.” Now, I’m not any type of parent or will expert, so I have no idea if wills are really that necessary. But they usually seem like a good idea, especially once children are added into the equation, not to mention owning a home and a business. To me it seems like one of those “it couldn’t hurt” to have items, despite the minor hassle of writing one and making sure it’s valid. At the very least, Kerf could bother herself with looking into what happens to their estate without a will if both she and her husband pass away.

Kerf follows the pesky will item with the issue of guardianship, calling that particular paperwork “unlikely” and “probably another thing to get in legal writing.” All somewhat valid points, but again- why not just suck it up and do it? It may never be needed, but it would be incredibly important to have if it was. I can’t imagine that either of these documents would take all that long to settle, and once they’re written you only have to address them again if any changes need to be made. As far as I am aware, it’s all a very straightforward process. Nothing that can compare to as “worse than poop.”

You never know what’s going to happen and part of being a parent is being prepared for the unlikely and providing for your children’s care in the event that you are unable to anymore. It’s very basic stuff that are necessary evils of adulthood. Kerf may hem and haw and wish that she didn’t have to bother with the dull intricacies of parenthood, but unfortunately the bad comes with the good. There is no “probably” about it. If Kerf is overwhelmed now just thinking about paperwork, she might want to brace herself for the next 18 years.

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Lifestyle Blogging

That’s Quirky Reveals Not Amazing Dining Room Makeover

Jessica and Adam Quirk, lifestyle wannabloggers, are finally sharing the visual ipecac which is their dining room makeover. The Quirks explain their design choices using language they no doubt picked up reading Apartment Therapy:

Selecting paint colors was my biggest challenge. The living and dining rooms are connected through a large arch and I wanted each room to look different, but also flow through smoothly. My vintage globe collection, black and white rugs and accents in the living room and the original wood trim were my main concerns. And I finally got that black wall I’ve been dreaming of! I love how it shows off our old house walls which are so full of character!

Pairing blue walls with a black accent wall and a dark wood dining set is certainly a matter of personal taste I suppose, but I can’t help thinking it must feel like they are eating their meals inside a giant bruise.

Whatever. They made kind of a big deal about this makeover so maybe my expectations were too high. We are talking about Messica, after all, so I’m not sure why I expected something with a little more style. It seems their attempt at lifestyle blogging is going to be as riveting as Messica’s attempt at style blogging. Meaning, not interesting at all. I think this marks the end of me giving a crap about the Quirks.

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Mommy Blogging

Dooce Dares You To Insinuate She’s Racist

Heather Armstrong, not that kind of mommyblogger, threw a surprisingly normal and adorable birthday party for her 3 year old. There was Costco food and a regular old sheet cake, bubble machine toys, friends and family. It was all very average and not all twee mommy blogger, as Dooce Vader reminded us several times.

It seemed like a pleasant day that could have been turned into a pleasant post about her pleasant life. Instead, true to form, El Dooce took the opportunity to make passive aggressive digs at her detractors:

My gift to her was a piñata, and because I know nothing about piñatas I had to trust Tyrant’s judgment. He’s half Mexican, so, you know, he learned how to hit a piñata before the doctor cut his umbilical cord. OH! PLEASE TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. Please tell me that I’m being insensitive and that I should know better. Because when it comes to Weimaraners and Mexicans I AM OUT OF CONTROL!

She continued her sarcastic attempt at humor with a bizarre reaction to the suggestion that quarters be placed into the pinata:

And then Tyrant says, “We should throw in a few rolls of quarters.”

The? A few rolls of quarters? Those things would come flying out of that piñata, hit a kid in the head and knock him out. MEXICANS ARE MURDERERS!

Now I’m sure ole Dooce was trying to stave off any comments that she is culturally insensitive by pre-emptively taking pot shots at herself. But was there really a need for that? Is this simply her writing style, and I just don’t get the joke? Because it doesn’t come off as hilariously self-deprecating, it comes off as being defensive on the offense. Was she really that worried that people would make comments about getting her kid a pinata for her party?

I honestly can’t tell anymore if she’s just trying to goad people into starting crap with her to prop up her dying blog, or if she’s really that insecure and sensitive to any remarks about anything she does. If it’s the former perhaps she should cut to the chase and start spilling about the separation – as one GOMIer said, “That’s all people care about. Juicy details will bring the clicks.” If it’s the latter then maybe she should start considering a different career already before she runs off the readers she has left with her increasingly bitter defensiveness.

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Internets

How Much Do Bloggers Really Earn?

The big buzzword among fashion bloggers is “monetize.” They’re always looking for a way to monetize their blog, their outfit posts, their shopping suggestions. They’d love someone to subsidize their vacations. Hell, why not subsidize their entire life? Their blog sidebars are riddled with ads. Some of the retailers are recognizable, others are small boutiques suckered into the big league world of Blog Marketing 101. Affiliate links are everywhere. Their entire outfit might be c/o’d. Is that the big American Blogger Dream?

No one can deny that a few bloggers have basically lucked into a viewership that affords them a decent income per month, but what about the little guys? If you’re in it for the money, does your hard work pay off? If it doesn’t now, WILL IT EVER?

Let’s start with a few case studies:

On to the TL;DR…

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Internets

100 Reasons Why IFB Needs to Get Off My Internets

IFB, or “Independent Fashion Bloggers,” takes their mission very seriously. You’d think there would only be so many ways to say, “Here’s how you can monetize your blog and get rich,” but they’ve managed to come up with dozens of articles based around that weak, misguided premise. But, dumb as their content is, IFB sure isn’t dumb. They know that there are legions of bloggers out there fervently frosting cookies in the hopes of becoming the next Cupcakes & Cashmere (or twitching in their long underwear at the thought of being the new Rockstar Diaries). But, IFB really took a leap into Enabler Kingdom when they posted these 100 Reasons Why It’s Great to be a Blogger a few days ago. My favorite of IFB’s reasons are in bold below. My commentary follows.

  • We’re changing the visual culture of fashion. You hear that? We’re called “influencers” for a reason. No. You’re not. About 10 bloggers are and you are not one of them.
  • We can command as much as $50,000 for a brand campaign. No. You won’t. About 10 bloggers can do this. You still aren’t one of them.
  • We’re legit enough to be awarded by the CFDA (congrats Scott and Garance)! Unless you are Scott or Garance, this in no way legitimizes your vanity blog.
  • Shopping can be considered “market research.” If you’re stupid enough to believe this, you and IFB deserve each other!
  • Online shopping can also be considered “market research.” See above.
  • It’s cooler not to dress sexy. Tell that to Cupcakes & Hooker Shoes.
  • Taking pictures of yourself isn’t vain – it’s work! Is that what you told your boyfriend to get him to take your photos?
  • 27% of bloggers are full time bloggers (as of 2011, via this) That is of ALL bloggers. Not fashion bloggers.
  • You can quit your day job. Probably not.
  • It’s great for your self-esteem, even getting one compliment on your outfit post. !!!!!!!!!!!!! What is this even
  • You can invent a new personality for yourself, if you want to. !!!!! What the , IFB! Are you TRYING to get people on GOMI now?
  • We make the Internets more enjoyable and interesting for everyone. We just do. But no one will ever be more interesting to you than yourself!

IFB members, how do I say this without puncturing a giant hole in your colorblocked rainbow unicorn dreams? You will probably not blog full-time. You aren’t going to get a book deal. No one is going to fly to you fashion week. Think you’re going to get a $50k advertising contract? You’re not. You think you haven’t been discovered yet and that’s the reason why you aren’t getting these things? Don’t hold your breath.

It’s articles like this that make bloggers such infuriating little shits. It’s this enabled, entitled, I-am-the-most-important-person-on-the-Internet blogger persona that slowly warps a normal, well-adjusted person into an asshole. If you want to blog, good for you! But don’t do it for the reasons IFB listed. Thinking that list is real life will turn you into an asshole…that is, if you aren’t one already.

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Fashion Blogging

Already Pretty Joins The Blog-To-Book Trend

Sally McGraw, personal stylist and blogger, joins the ranks of Cupcakes & Cashmere and What I Wore by producing yet another blog-turned-book.

According to the announcement of her self-published effort, Already Pretty: The Book is supposed to teach you how to dress your shape and give you self-esteem through clothes or something:

The book is packed with enlightening exercises, mix-and-match figure flattery techniques, and effective tutorials that illustrate how personal style can foster self-love and self-respect.

Because as everyone knows, self-respect is based on wardrobe choices.

Well at least this is a self published book, which means I don’t want to yet again yell “WTF” at the publishing industry. But frankly these blogger books are getting a little tedious. It’s as though bloggers think print = legitimacy, and getting something in a book form seems to be the ultimate goal of most bloggers these days. It sort of lays dead the typical blogger argument of “I’m a REAL WRITER! Just because it’s a blog doesn’t mean I’m not a REAL WRITER!” when they are trying so hard to get in print.

I just feel that having something that you have basically already published for free on the internet bound and printed seems like nothing more than an exercise in vanity. It doesn’t increase the validity of your words, it doesn’t make you more authoritative. It just means you can puff yourself up by adding “author of” to your About page. And in my opinion, that’s really not a good enough reason to put a book into the world. But what do I know, I’m not a writer.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Sweetney Would Like Kenmore To Help Her Out

Sweetney, the inspiring full-time blogger, made a “sad technology death face” Thursday when her dishwasher apparently died. Since Sweetney is a blogger she did the obvious thing and went twitter begging.

Don’t judge her; having a dishwasher is the right of every woman in a first world country. Not having a dishwasher, to Sweetney, is “terrifying”. Really Kenmore owes her a dishwasher, because Sweetney shouldn’t have to wash dishes by hand in a sink like some savage in an Amazon village!

I look forward to hearing about the free new dishwasher some company sends her, because you know that’s what’s coming.

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Fashion Blogging

Cupcakes & Cashmere’s Book Will Educate the Masses

Emily of Cupcakes & Cashmere revealed a sneak peak of her new book today and like almost everything else about her, it appears to be a total snoozefest.

You’d think that people might not trust the advice of someone who dresses like an escort to go get coffee, but apparently her publisher thinks otherwise. While she’s almost too boring to snark, I can’t let her advice about how to open champagne and choose a playlist go unnoticed. What I find most cloying about her is not the fact that she complains about her OMG HARD LIFE all the time or that she wears hooker shoes far too often (which she does), but that she’s assumed the lowest common denominator about an audience and it’s actually paying off for her. People eat this shit up! Oh Emily, THAT’S how you uncork champagne? I’ve been doing it wrong all these years by smashing the tip of the bottle against my kitchen counter! And wearing multiple bracelets? I was lost until you instructed me on the proper etiquette of this DIFFICULT TASK!

It gives me some solace to know that most of the hundreds of commenters on her blog leave comments in a lame attempt to drive traffic to their own little vanity project, but it’s still baffling that people feel compelled to compliment her on essentially schooling them on jacking other people’s recipes and wearing platform heels with miniskirts 90% of the time.

Anyway, best of luck Emily, and hope your book does just as good as Messica’s!

*nose in air*

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Mommy Blogging WTF

Cecily’s New Bed Is Great For Sex

Cecily Kellogg, you don’t get a say, is going to have all the says about sex on her new mattress. Apparently some company contacted her out of the blue and offered to send her a free $3,000 bed. After rattling off the sales pitch the company no doubt made a part of the deal, Cecily regales us with another sterling feature of her sponsored sleep arena:

Know for what y’all really want to know: how’s it for sex?

Oh yeah, you know I’m gonna go there.

It’s GOOD. We’ve found that for some, er, festivities, we prefer to increase the pressure settings temporarily, but it’s great for other things as is (such as being on your knees for any length of time AHEM). Generally, it’s been awesome, although there is a much greater risk of falling asleep after any festivities because the bed is so damned comfortable (and with my mom living with us and Tori, we’re often grabbing time together during the day, so this is a serious risk. Heh.).

Thanks, Cecily! This mental image is exactly what will convince me that this is the bed for me. Why do bloggers continue to confuse “keepin’ it real” and “edgy” with “crass” and “unnecessary”? People, there is a way to get the message across that it’s less squishy than a waterbed but more squishy than the back of a Fiesta hatchback  (wow I really need to date higher caliber men) without getting into details about knee joints and your actual coital schedule.

I’m not some huge prude. But if you’re going to skankmouth at least make it well written, amusing skankmouth.  There’s a fine line between entertaining reality based anecdotes and just plain awkward tmi. If you can’t tell the difference then maybe keep your 50 Shades of Sponsored stories to yourself.

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