Monthly Archives: May 2013

Mommy Blogging

Dooce Community Defends Sex Offender Then Bans Victim Of Abuse

The Dooce Community, or DoCo as the doocepoodles call it, is in an uproar after three days of drama surrounding the outing of a Level 3 Sex Offender as a member of their community. The outing led to several DoCo members defending “Slappy” saying it wasn’t a secret, she pled “no contest” so she’s not guilty, and dismissing any outrage by saying “What do you think a level-anything predator can do to you? If you don’t give that person access to your physical space, how on earth can they actually harm you?”

When a DoCo member who was a victim of molestation repeatedly expressed disgust at the community for defending the registered “violent offender”, she was promptly asked “don’t you have anything better to do?”

As members who disagreed with the consensus of “it doesn’t matter” became surrounded with jokes of “level 6 a**holes” needing “an a**load of lube”, the sexual abuse victim was “instructed to apologize for being offensive” after calling the “Slappy” person a “scumbag”. (“I’m sorry. there’s the apology. That’s as far as I am willing to go with that.”) Moments after her apology, her account was locked.

So this is the wonderful, “kind”, “respectful” community of Dooce.com, where registered sex offenders are welcome but victims of sexual abuse are told to “just migrate over to GOMIBLOG already”, and moderators tell you you’re acting like children and say it “really is retarded” how some people get offended by things. Welcome to what defines a “safe space” on the internet.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Frank Swift Can’t Seem To Find A Woman

Frank Swift, on a journey for truth, is also apparently on a journey for a woman. On his blog he mostly details his  complaints about women who are not interested in him (or refuse to entertain his attempts to pick them up).

In his search for a wife he even makes use of online dating, evidently with limited success:

This is why online dating is such a difficult endeavor for men, even when you’re gorgeous like me… If you don’t look good and your profile is badly written and generic, it’s out with you.  And since I’m a dude and thus especially visually oriented, if the photos don’t depict even a mildly pretty girl, it doesn’t matter what their profile says, I quickly click on to the next profile.

Gee I can’t imagine why women aren’t lining up for this winner. But don’t get the wrong idea, ladies! He’s not a jerk, he’s just a real man looking for a real woman:

I understand that there are men who are willing to stay home while the women work.  I personally think these men are girlie boys who should be ridiculed, scorned and flogged mercilessly with a rusty barbed cane, but hey, if the relationship works, more power to them…I’m not a nurturer though.  My drive is to protect and provide, because I like protecting things, and I like providing for others.  It’s a man thing, and I’m not going to apologize for it.

Even the God fearing, active church going women who seem to be his desired brand of lady aren’t spared his criticism:

It seems they were spreading their charity around to the extent that they had nothing left over to give to a man, or more specifically, a husband…Finding a husband was still a priority, but only secondary to their primary focus of  ”serving the church.”  To me it seemed backwards, that a husband should be their first priority…

Since this paragon of a man seems to think he deserves a “hot” girl with a “quiet nature”, maybe he should just look into one of the buy-a-bride sites and be done with it. It might serve him better than creating a blog full of complaints about how he is awesome and women are just a bunch of jerks.

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Mommy Blogging

The Paper Mama Would Like You To Pay For Her Surrogate

Chelsey Andrews, of the Paper Mama Andrews, had a horrible medical emergency giving birth in 2009. Because of that, she doesn’t want to risk another pregnancy; but she needs another baby. What to do? Why, do what everyone else does when they want another child –  ask the internet to pay for it, of course!

My husband and I have been wanting to start our journey to surrogacy for a while, but we recently learned our insurance will not cover this. We will have to cover 100% of the costs…

I know for a fact we will have another child. Whether it’s by surrogacy, or adoption, we will have a brother or sister for our kiddo. Both are a ton of money. Goodness. Sooooooo, that brings me to my Go Fund Me. It’s a site dedicated to raising money for people/situations/whatever. I set up a page to begin raising money for surrogacy.

Yes, Chelsey has created a GoFundMe page asking for $55,000 in order to pay for a surrogate to carry her second child. I mean, this is just what you do these days when you can’t afford to get another kid – ask the planet to pony up and fund the expansion of your family, right? Hooray internets!

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WTF

“Karamazov Idea” Says Tattoos Make You A Slut

The Karamazov Idea, not pretentious sounding at all, wants you gals to know what men really think of your tats and piercings. And according to the “23 year old man” who claims to “read a lot”, having tattoos and piercings means men think you are “loose” and “*likely* diseased”:

Women, let me tell you something that your friends and many guys will not. Your tattoos are ugly. We do not like them. We respect you less for them. We think you’re a pawn without a sense of solidarity in a world that pressures you to conform. Even if we’re not conscious of this belief, we hold it. Men who gush about the sexiness of girls with tattoos do this because they are culturally trained to do so.

That’s right, ladies – not only do men dislike cardigan wearing feminists, they also hate body modification. According to this gentleman, men hate tattoos especially, because “it’s where another man left his mark on you” and they are “primarily a symbol of prostitutes”:

The fact that women with tattoos and piercings are exceptionally easy to conquer sexually with minimal effort always gets contested despite the universal anecdotal evidence to the contrary.

Of course it’s ok when men get tattoos, an opinion this fellow qualifies by saying “It’s not fair, but neither is child leukemia or Cystic Fibrosis.”

He ends this delightful piece of slut assignment by warning you women that you will “lower your social value by having one and limit your choice of potential suitors”. Thanks for the knowledge, good sir! It’s always nice to know that even in the 21st century a woman’s primary concern should still be whether a man will approve of them.

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WTF

Andy Wants To Know Why You Insist On Bringing Nature’s Wrath Upon Yourself

Andrea Francis, has a blog, has a caring and thoughtful blog post up in response to the Oklahoma City tornado tragedy. In a nutshell, she wants to know wtf is wrong with people who live in “disaster zones”:

With all the modern technology we have, instead of using it to avoid places we know are susceptible to disaster we try to come up with ways of living in disaster zones. But nature is still winning.

Is it really that hard to move? 

After seeing all the images from Oklahoma today I feel a bit frustrated that people continue to live in tornado belts, active volcanic areas and hurricane zones.

Saying “Humans create enough of a mess…without having to plant ourselves deliberately in situations very likely to have disastrous consequences on the things we care about”, Andy also provides a list of reasons why idiot humans purposely live in parts of the world where nature ruins lives. This list includes adrenaline addiction, inability to remember the last disaster, and “invented identity”. She closes this sensitive response to a regional disaster with these comforting words:

I live in a part of the world where there are no volcanos, no landslides, no earthquakes, no sandstorms, no blizzards, no hurricanes. I’ve never had to worry that these things will happen. Why would I want to live in a place that could kill me easily?

Oh. Well ok then. I guess that solves everything! Let’s all move to Andy’s town!

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Lifestyle Blogging

MODG Will Sell You Her Things

Martinis Or Diaper Genies, aka “Modg“, is selling a bunch of her things on Poshmark. In between haggles about pricing (apparently she will lower the price if you just bypass Poshmark and paypal her money directly), she is defending herself against accusations of inaccurate descriptions and “false claims”. For instance, in her listing for a “Rachel Pally never been worn maxi with deep V”, the recipient of the item says:

 That’s right, “dude”: “it’s never been worn”! Except, oh wait:

Gee, this dress from a post in November of 2010 looks an awful lot like the “never worn” dress in the listing. So…does she own two of the same dress, or do we have a budding Anthroholic?

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Mommy Blogging

That Wife Needs More People To Raise Her Kids

Jenna Cole, on Good Morning America and don’t you forget it, recently confessed that not only does she have her 3 year old son in daycare, she also has a part-time nanny:

Well evidently that’s no longer enough “me time” for Jenna – she’s now looking for even more childcare help:

For someone who thinks all women want to do is have kids, she sure seems to be seeking a lot of ways to not have to deal with her kids. Can someone tell me if this much childcare help is required for your average middle class stay at home mom? I mean, I don’t have kids so maybe it’s totally normal to have your childcare outsourced to this degree when your supposed “job” is raising your kids.

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Mommy Blogging

Scary Mommy Will Use Gender Roles As Humor

Scary Mommy, supposed to be funny, has a delightful post up titled “25 Ways You Know You Have A Boy“. Apparently this is supposed to be some kind of funny listicle about parenting a son. In reality it’s a tl;dr modern version of defining male gender with snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails.

I’m going to ignore points #2 (“A girl makes eyes at your son and you have this weird urge to pull her aside and call her a “slut” (whether she’s 6 or 16).”) and #6 (“Your child asks you to marry him and you’re totally considering it.”) because I don’t even know why these kinds of thoughts would be happening unless your son is named Oedipus. But overall, her little list could really apply to children of either sex, right? I mean I loved “Airplane” and “Fletch”, regularly took my pants off in public, and rode the golden retriever. I’m also pretty sure my parents stepped on my legos, and guess what – I have a vagina.

Am I the only one that doesn’t really understand the humor in this list? I just don’t get it, but maybe you have to have a son to understand.

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WTF

Mish Will Fat Shame Your Kids

Mish, loving life, does not love your fat kids. Yesterday she visited the Coca-Cola factory in Atlanta, and saw something that shocked her to her core – children on a field trip to a soda factory! She proceeded to post multiple photos of overweight children drinking soda (along with shocked and disgusted commentary about how they were daring to drink soda sample after soda sample) before asking the internet what is wrong with parents today:

Here’s the thing. I’m really not trying to offend. But don’t you think something’s wrong with this picture? We’re taking our children on school field trips to The Coca-Cola Factory and letting them run wild and bombard their bodies with cups and cups of sugary drinks all the while sending them the message that this is perfectly acceptable?
Aren’t we supposed to be educating our children on the benefits of a healthy body?
Aren’t we in some sort of “childhood obesity” crisis?
And these poor kids, they don’t know better. They never learned, obviously.
Maybe our schools should think of other educational field trips that don’t involve learning about the history of Coca-Cola and instead teach them more important things like health?

I wonder if it would be more acceptable to Mish if all the kids had been thin? Because the message here seems to be that fat kids should be in a classroom learning about salads rather than allowed to go to a soda factory with their peers.

Maybe Mish should have been taught that it’s not really acceptable to post pictures of kids on field trips for the purpose of shaming them about their soda consumption.

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Mommy Blogging

Kelle Hampton Will Rewrite Her Birth Story

Kelle Hampton, enjoying the monetizing things, is well known for using her children’s lives for attention. Well now it seems Land of Nod, purveyor of children’s furniture and decor, is also using her kids to sell  you things.

The company has featured Kelle’s photo of her daughter and newborn son on their May catalog cover, saying that her children will appear on several upcoming catalog covers as well. For May’s cover, they are using a photo Kelle claims was snapped at the moment her daughter first met her new brother:

From my hospital bed I watched as my daughter protectively embraced my new son, slowly and silently bringing her nose to his until they touched.  And they stayed like that for a good minute while I wiped tears from my cheeks and reached for my camera.  Here she just met him and yet suddenly, he belonged to her.

That’s all very touching – except for the fact that, in the birth story published on Kelle’s own blog in February, the real story seems to be quite different:

I didn’t cry when the girls met their brother but rather smiled and sat calmly on the bed, watching them, marveling at the fact that it seemed so meant to be–like he’d always been here and they’d always loved him.

So which is it? Is this just another case of Kelle rewriting history in order to make a better story? Because if she’s going to do that it might behoove her to go edit the original story before trying to peddle a new version to Crate & Barrel.

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Food Blogging

Gluten-Free Girl Wants You To Pay For Her Eating Tour

Shauna James Ahern, totally expert cooking instruction giver over at Gluten Free Girl, wants to write a fourth cookbook called American Classics, Reinvented. Apparently no other person anywhere has provided recipes on how to make “classic” American food in a gluten free manner, and Shauna and her dirty-fingernailed chef husband want to fill that void.

Obviously they can’t just buy a few Good Housekeeping cookbooks from the 1940s and go grocery shopping. No, they need to “experience” the food. In order to make that happen, they are asking the internets to give them $15,000 so they can drive around the US eating food:

We want to sit in barbecue joints in North Carolina, eat dim sum in San Francisco, make pie with wild Maine blueberries, drizzle honey on warm sopapillas in Santa Fe, and watch pizza being fired in great places in Brooklyn. Of course, Shauna can’t eat any of this. But Danny and Lucy can. And Shauna can take photographs, talk to the chefs, and take notes.

The book already has a publisher and the pair have even received an advance, but they are quashing any questions about why they can’t fund this themselves by saying “This idea of traveling through the country to experience the food where it’s made? It’s our idea, not the kind publishers pay for, really” (I guess she’s never heard of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’?). And to cover all their bases, they’ve warned you that even if they get the $15k, “Life could happen” delaying the nomtrip.

After her behavior during the Hot Widow Boots donation scandal one has to wonder who on earth would want to hand over free cash to this woman just so she can indulge in what amounts to a gastro-vacation.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Caroline McCarthy Leaves Quartz Surrounded By Gossip

It’s been a long, long while since GOMIBLOG mentioned Caroline McCarthy, OMG BEARS, internet fixture, blogger, and writer person. Since that time she has joined and left Google, and then joined Quartz, “a new kind of global business news outlet” (translation: yet another blog talking about tech and business because the internet doesn’t have enough of those).

Now, amid rumors in the NYC media underground of what one source called “an office outburst”, Caro has announced her departure from the company:

As of last week, I’m no longer there. The reason: After a lot of conversations with our leadership, the consensus among all of us was that it didn’t make sense for Quartz yet to have someone in the role I was hired for.

Though she went on to say “I think it speaks very highly of them that they understand when and why something isn’t working” another source claims the real problem is “jackassery at the executive level”, primarily consisting of management being “way too full of themselves” in “many areas”. Why anyone would be surprised by that from executive leadership at a startup tech website is beyond me.

Caroline McCarthy declined when asked to comment on this story.

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Mommy Blogging

Internets Continues To Scratch Head Over Dooce And Tuff Relationship

It seems Heather Armstrong and Matt Tuff, the gentleman friend she has yet to mention on her blog, are starting to publicly acknowledge each other – at least on instagram. On a post early Wednesday Dooce wrote that she was on her way yet again to New York City, to which (hopefully both halves of) Tuff’s nose responded “See you soon.”:

Tuff had posted a photo of himself and Dooce to his instagram just hours earlier and the two exchanged sentiments, with Tuff telling Dooce she is “beautiful”, and Dooce responding that Tuff is “incredible”:

The question remains: are these two romantically involved? And if they are, will Dooce ever incorporate him into the blog or give any kind of heads up to her readers? And is Tuff her Mother’s Day gift or did her kids buy her a gallon jug of Cetaphil as well?

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