Monthly Archives: January 2014

DIY Blogging

Bower Power Purchases A “Crack House”

SO BRAVE

Katie Bower, says y’all a lot, has finally acquired the investment property she’s wanted for a while. Saying “nothing is a done deal right now”, Katie proceeded to post the address and interior photos of the property – despite the fact that the “crack house” is still occupied.

Right now it is used as low-income housing for six different people and that is why these photos show a lot of furniture and clothing and stuff.   They do still live there.  I could explain more detail but honestly, it’s hard for us to even draw up a floor plan because of all the stuff so for now, I will let a few photos do the talking…

Featuring such fun captions as “this used to be a drug dealers bathroom”, the remainder of the post is mostly photos of the interiors. Katie concludes her post by asking readers to “please pray for us” while they “bring on this crazy crack house journey”.

Because obviously the person needing prayers in this scenario is the affluent white woman who will have to *gasp* renovate, not the displaced low income families. Yay gentrification!

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WTF

Jen Caron Is Traumatized By “Black People In My Yoga Classes”

Jen Caron, white woman who does yoga, wrote yesterday on XOJane about a harrowing experience at yoga. It seems her “beloved donation-based studio” was invaded by “a young, fairly heavy black woman” who “put her mat down directly behind mine.”

I was completely unable to focus on my practice, instead feeling hyper-aware of my high-waisted bike shorts, my tastefully tacky sports bra, my well-versedness in these poses that I have been in hundreds of times. My skinny white girl body. Surely this woman was noticing all of these things and judging me for them, stereotyping me, resenting me—or so I imagined.

After reminding us that the black woman was heavyset, Jen informs us she thoughtfully “tried to very deliberately avoid looking in her direction” – because, she claims, the woman was obviously upset about being a heavyset black woman in a yoga class full of skinny white women – but added she “could feel her hostility just the same”.

Jen attempts to frost this layer cake of wtfery with a suspicious glaze of faux self-awareness. Saying that “self-importantly believing myself to be the deserving target of a racially charged anger is nothing” in the grand scheme of race relations, she concludes by claiming she “was shaken” by the experience “all the same”.

Um, ok. So brave.

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WTF

Attention Journalists – Bloggers Are Better Than You

Dino Dogan, apparently very important or something, wants you journalists to know bloggers “are smarter than journalists”. That’s right, people who went to school and learned how to write – a self-described “Global Force for Badassery” is just better than you at what you do:

Here’s what a journalist does. They write a story. BOOM! That’s it. That’s all they do.

They don’t write the headline, they have copywriters and editors for that. They don’t proof-read their own work, they have proof-readers for that. And they don’t market their own work, they have their paper’s circulation that gets the eyeballs on their content.

On the other hand, a typical blogger will write a story, admit their bias, write the headline, publish it on their own platform, and do all the promotion themselves.

Afterwards, a typical blogger will engage with his or her readers, where a typical journalist would consider that beneath him.

With the stunning lack of self-awareness seen in most bloggers, Dino declares journalists “believe [they're] better than most” and then comes to the conclusion that bloggers “are more hard-working, more honest, and more passionate than your average journalist.”

I’d like to know where all this honesty and hard work is in the blogosphere, because personally what I’ve encountered is a “citizen journalism” army that is about 99% entitled, shady, avaricious, and lazy. If Dino is trying to say some specific portion of the blogosphere is superior to a specific portion of journalists, fine. But that’s not how he wound up coming across. Then again, maybe I didn’t understand him because he’s a superior awesome citizen journalist gonzo blogger and I’m just some chick with a laptop.

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Mommy Blogging

Single Dad Laughing Begs You For Facebook Mojo

SAVE ME OH GOD PLEASE OHHHHHHH fart.

Dan, WTFmaster General of the Dadosphere Army, is begging his superfans to help omgsaaaave his blog, “Single Dad Laughing“. You see, according to Dan, blogging has been ruined by sites like Mashable and Buzzfeed because such sites force all bloggers to put out crappy content as often as possible just to compete. That’s right – the quality of Dan’s blog sucks now because, Buzzfeed:

These sites (each which generate tens of millions in revenue each year) have all but destroyed the ability that so many of us writers and bloggers and Internet entertainers previously had to stay relevant, and they have done it by developing a ruthless yet simple business plan…come up with mindless, cheap, random content, pump it out at the tune of often 30 or more new posts per hour…

Of course that didn’t stop him from initially trying to play their detestable game by chucking out his own “mindless content posts”:

At first I just introduced one here or there, supplementing the usual Single Dad Laughing blog posts. And, I learned, that doing that both drives traffic, but also drives the time commitment to this blog.

Evidently it didn’t work as well as he wanted, so now he suddenly feels like “a sell-out”. Dan also claims the captains of industry in this new world of content factories are driving down ad prices because “advertisers don’t necessarily like putting premium ads onto cheap mindless content”. So poor Dan isn’t making money anymore because, Mashable or something. (Though, confusingly, he also said these content farms “generate tens of millions in revenue each year”. So apparently someone is making money, it just isn’t Dan.)

And the worst part? Facebook is out to destroy bloggers by changing their algorithm!

…Facebook came along while I was on that sabbatical last month and nailed yet another big fat nail into the Single Dad Laughing coffin. They drastically changed the algorithm…now showing my links to (maybe) 20% of the people it was before the algorithm change, and unless I pay big bucks to have my posts show up in people’s feeds, there’s not much I can do about it.

What can be done to  help you, Dan? asked nobody. Well, Dan will tell you – basically, you need to ‘like’ everything he posts on Facebook, and comment on everything he posts on facebook. Not just “once or twice, and not just do them for a week or two, but to actively remember to do them forever. It’s the only way this will work.” FOREVER, folks. You have to do this for everything from Dan, forever.

If we work together, it means higher quality blog posts from me. Fewer of my links clogging your feeds. Fewer memes to keep it all going. It means more engaging updates and witty statuses.

Ok, can someone explain to me why he can’t just start offering better quality content and fewer memes and more engaging updates…without making his readers do all this work? It just seems to me that begging people for likes and comments isn’t particularly organic and most likely won’t be a lasting solution. Why not just get back to producing something worth reading and seeing how that goes first? Serious question.

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Mommy Blogging

Bleubird Will Make The ER An Instagram Moment

Bleubird, previously known as Bleubird Vintage before her rebrand, had a bad Saturday. It seems her one year old son needed five stitches on his head, and was rushed to the emergency room. According to her husband:

Little sailor took a nasty spill in the kitchen and needed 5 stitches on his forehead…Sailor was a champ and was flirting with every nurse there.

It appears from this picture that Mr. Bleubird had to hold the child down, and Miss James did what any mother would do – stood back and captured the moment for instagram.

Good lord, people.

Because obviously when your husband is pinning your screaming baby down while his head is sewn up, the first thing that crosses your mind is documenting the moment for your fangirls. Hooray for the internets!

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Lifestyle Blogging

Margery Reminds You That You Don’t Deserve Your Man

SUBMIT

Margery, femininity warrior, has some real talk for all you ladies. It seems too many women are doing submission wrong:

In our current culture women “deserving” a good man and relationship is so beat into us that it becomes hard to separate our sense of entitlement from ourselves.

Well, all that being ‘entitled’ to a good man simply won’t do. You women need to remember one thing – you’re not worthy:

Submissive wives, we do not deserve the men we have. I don’t care if this statement is true or not (meaning, don’t bother debating this with me- it’s irrelevant) this is what we are to believe. We are not worthy and we must always seek to be worthy.

Margery wants you to kill your inner ‘shrew’ – in fact,  you must ‘kill her and then…kill her all over again’ in order to remain properly submissive. While she tries to explain that a ‘shrew’ is actually just a passive aggressive drama wh*re, the real message is simple – Margery is better than you. Margery ‘can stand strong all by myself, shrews are cruel’.

Look, it’s a great message that there’s no need to be passy assy or an attention vulture. But does it really need to be based on being a good wife? Why can’t anything just be about being a good person for these anti-feminists?

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Fashion Blogging

Even Messica No Longer Cares About What Messica Wears

Jessica Quirk, professor of teaching how to draw stick figure Jessicas, is apparently all but over personal style blogging. She recently announced that What I Wore would be transitioning into a lifestyle blog;  now she tells readers she’s “spending a little less time thinking about what to wear”:

I’ve been resorting to my own archives for ideas on how to get dressed these days. With my mind on other things (like my upcoming lesson plans!) I just don’t care as much about clothes these days.

If you’re doing more lifestyle posts and no longer care about clothes…isn’t it maybe time to rebrand and be done with it? I’m so confused – all these bloggers who don’t need to are rebranding, yet the one blog that really should, isn’t. Gawd internets ur like harder than math sometimez!

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Mommy Blogging

Ramshackle Glam Producing Another Bundle Of Content

Jordan Reid, self-titled ‘chic mom’, has been in taped-down-snooze-button mode for about year. Now it seems she’s finally doing something about it – announcing her second pregnancy via extremely odd youtube video, where she informs us that doctor’s visits are ‘the worst’.

She’s apparently a couple months along now, and already whining about omg two kids under three while her husband is living in another state attending business school omg already frazzled you guys. Which, ya know, is stuff most people think about beforehand but since Jordan can’t even figure out how door locks work, I’m not sure how up to speed she is on family planning.

Anyway, congrats I guess. Shillshackle Sham must be as lucrative as Post Its if Jordo’s able to support two kids, two dogs, a mortgage, and a husband at Yale. You know, without any help from their parents at all.

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Mommy Blogging

That Wife Will Not Deal With Kids Or Readers

Jenna Cole, stay at home tweeter, has had a busy few days. It seems nannies and mother’s helpers are no longer providing enough “me time” for Jenna, because now both of her children have been shipped off to daycare:

LEANING INTO CHEESE

And how did Jenna spend her first day full of newfound work hours? Why, telling her readers their opinions don’t matter, of course. Saying she is a “gladiator in my own arena” and that the “feedback that does matter comes from a very select group of people” who provide her with hugs when she shares things, she announced she won’t be listening to anyone else from now on:

And now, when the clouds gather and the mental stewing begins, I picture My Arena. Is the feedback I’m considering coming from the hug+honesty group? No? Then I’ll be moving right along thankyouverymuch. I’ve got a battle to fight and a life to live. There is greatness to be had.

When readers suggested that the post came off a bit “you don’t get a say” Jenna responded by telling them “If you want your opinion heard, then don’t jeer. It’s pretty simple.” She went on to tell commenters that since it’s “impossible to please everyone” from now on she will only listen to “people who fit my criteria for feedback”. Presumably meaning not her readers.

Since she tweeted that her “work” is now blogging and photography I’m not sure why she thinks it’s a good move to essentially tell her readers that she won’t be listening to them anymore unless they agree with the “hugs” group. If that’s how a blogger feels it’s best to just quietly turn off comments, not check replies to your twitter, and setup email filters without some big fingers-in-ears post.

If bloggers have learned anything it should be that telling your readers they don’t matter is basically career suicide. Or, as one commenter said, “Good luck turning your blog into a full-time job with that attitude.”

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Lifestyle Blogging

CecilyK Won’t Let You Forget She Has No Heat

Cecily Kellogg, former financial adviser, is apparently still living with a broken furnace – during one of the worst cold spells in recent memory. She announced on November 28th that her furnace was out:

doh

Since then she has said the family is using space heaters to keep the cold at bay, but it seems she still hasn’t taken care of the actual problem. She tweeted yesterday that they still do not have a working hvac system:

It seems the space heaters are not fully addressing the issue since she also tweeted about being “#coldasf*ck” and saying that her pets are all hiding under blankets. Her latest solution is hanging towels around the windows. She has previously mentioned her water heater being out as well; no word on whether that has been taken care of as brilliantly as the furnace problem.

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Fashion Blogging Lifestyle Blogging

What I Wore Finally Becomes Lifestyle Blog

After basically abandoning her attempts to get her blog That’s Quirky off the ground, Jessica Quirk has decided instead to begin transitioning her daily outfit blog into a lifestyle site.  In yesterday’s post she announced the coming change:

On a side note: If you’re only here for Daily Outfit posts, please save THIS LINK in your bookmarks. You’ll be seeing more food and lifestyle posts on What I Wore in 2014! 

We’ve been saying for a while that she needs to fold What I Wore into her “That’s Quirky” site and just have a lifestyle blog. Despite how much I hate rebranding, Messica is one person who would actually benefit from one. She hasn’t been posting outfits with any real frequency for at least a year, and honestly she doesn’t seem that into the “personal style blog” concept any longer. Between taking on a side job and revamping her site’s purpose it looks like she’s finally accepting that her reign as queen of the daily outfits is over.

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

ROK Wants You To Stop Being A Fat Mom

Return of Kings, the MRA site that seems to have an obsession with fat women, is once again obsessing over fat women. This time they are telling women that “Pregnancy Is No Excuse To Be Fat And Gross”:

There’s an epidemic of land whales in first world countries b***hing about post pregnancy bellies, blaming even their own children for being fat…After a year of pregnancy, a woman has absolutely no excuse to be overweight. They’re just fat chicks who happen to be mothers.

After going through a bunch of math that basically says you should only gain enough pregnancy weight to be able to walk out the hospital 2 yoga classes away from your pre-pregnancy body, the author offers this suggestion to help all those disgusting pigs see the light:

Every time you see a woman who’s been pregnant a year ago or more and she’s still big, call her out with subtle remarks. A good subtle shaming comment is to ask the fat mother her due date. It will be awkward for you to do so, but we have an obligation as a society to help fat mothers be more aesthetically pleasing.

Yes ladies  - not only is it your job to pump out the offspring of these manly men, it is your duty to maintain your body in its pre-child state. Because not only is it “child endangerment” to gain more than 25 lbs., “being a fat mother is just plain gross”. So get on a treadmill already, because the MRA’s deserve some MILFs!

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The Golden Hammys

The 2014 GOMI Awards Are In

Another year of fail has ended. As we look forward towards a new year of new fails, let us congratulate those who sufficiently ruined enough of the internets to make you vote on them.

Dooce won Most Likely to Call it Quits in 2014 which may turn out to be either the most amazingly accurate prediction ever, or a lot of wishful thinking. Since she also won Biggest Decline maybe it’s more accurate than any of us know.

Hey Natalie Jean also takes home a Hammy for dual category wins - Best Non-Apology/Backpedal for Menorahgate, and Biggest WTF Moment when readers found a post of hers describing her husband strangling a dog.

Most Ridiculous Product Endorsement prize goes to Delightfully Tacky for her sponsored post about tampons…in which she announced her favorite use for the sponsored product was “wearing them during yoga/pilates classes to keep from queefing”.

Blogger Kid Most Likely to Write a Tell All was neck and neck between Dooce’s eldest daughter and That Wife’s eldest son. In the end Dooce’s daughter won the day, and I have to agree she probably is the most likely to go Christina Crawford in a few years.

Unsurprising wins included Kelle Hampton‘s Hammy for Most Insane Fangirls, and  Katie Vyktoriah for Best Manufactured Drama. Katie also beat out Hugo Schwyzer for Best Flounce.

And finally, The Lifetime GOMI Failchievement Award. Between complaining about raising the children she supposedly wanted, telling libraries that poor people don’t matter, shoving her son into a bathroom instead of letting him have the second bedroom, and then finally apparently shipping him off so she could spend time with her husband and the daughter she actually wanted, Jenna of That Wife came in a solid first place for this year’s ultimate shame prize.

Thanks to everyone who voted. It’s been fun thinking back over last year’s wtfery. I can’t wait to see what bloggers bring to 2014.

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