Monthly Archives: March 2014

Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Mormon In Manhattan Noticed The New Baptism Video

OH NO NOT BROWN PEOPLE

Natalie Hill, man getting expert, spent Sunday ugly crying into her pillow over some Mormon women’s conference. But it seems some of those tears were also salty with confusion. Evidently her sister made the previous baptism video clip – but around the 1:30:00 mark, Natalie and her sister noticed something different:

wait wuh

…wuuuuut? Natalie’s other sister chimed in with her feelings as well:

i wut wut

Well, those Hill girls sure are a swell bunch. Such great representatives of the open minded universal love of the Mormon church. Where do I sign up?

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
79

Food Blogging

Gluten-Free Girl Adopts Baby

adopted

Shauna Ahern, picture of gluten free health, has finally convinced someone to give her a baby. After complaining last year that adoption was hard because she couldn’t get the exact baby she wanted, Shauna is now posting pics of her new baby all over instagram and, of course, posting about it on her blog.

Last week, on March 19th, we met our son…When I first heard about open adoption…I was scared. I wanted to be the mother, the only mother…But a good friend of ours told me something that changed our minds. She also didn’t want to try open adoption at first. And then she realized this: it’s all about having a story for your child.

Really? That’s what adoption is about? Having a story for your child? Anyway, it seems Shauna wants to blog safely because they are now going back to their comment free policy for the foreseeable future.

…we also want a little more quiet in our public life right now. So we’re going back to the policy we tried last year of no comments. Looking back, it was lovely. What we write and cook is meant to be an offering. If you really want to talk to us, you can reach us by email, on the Facebook page, on Twitter, and on Instagram.

Yep, nothing says ‘want to be quiet in our public life’ life like saturating your instagram feed with pictures and videos of an adopted newborn before the ink on the papers is even dry. I just wonder if are they going to take little Des along on their eating tours. Maybe having a newborn will help them with their next fundraiser!

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
126

Mommy Blogging

The Bielankos Break Up

In news that will shock absolutely no one, click bait expert Monica Bielanko and her husband are separating.

For so long I’ve allowed myself to be this dysfunctional individual who struggles within a dysfunctional marriage, even going so far as to convince myself that couples who fight are normal, that Serge and I are charmingly dysfunctional…

Part of me doubts that Monica just came to her senses and turned into a rational adult all of a sudden, but she claims that’s pretty much what happened.

Several months ago, after another argument about who the hell knows what, it all just kind of bubbled up inside me…Our marriage sucks. And it has for a while now. I’ve been unhappy for a long time but have become so used to living this way I assumed this was it in life.

So it seems little Band-Aid Bielanko didn’t fix things after all. Does this mean they will finally close up their joint Babble column?

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
175

Healthy Living Blogging

Ashley Will Crash Your Race And Take Selfies

The Race Pirate

Ashley Hesseltine, selfie taker, recently decided to copy the selfie stunt of another marathon runner and selfie stunt during a marathon of her own. Of course, she didn’t see the need to pay the race fee just to selfie:

I put it out there on social media–”Anyone have an extra bib number so I can follow in this glorious girl’s footsteps (literally)?”…Aaaaand crickets…So, being the rule breaker I am, I ran it anyway.

With captions like “The ‘Waiting to Start the Race in a Corral You Snuck Into Because You Don’t Have a Bib Number’ Selfie” and ”The ‘This Sweaty Shirtless Dude Is About to Rape My Arm With His Arm’ Selfie” Ashley jogged and tongue-thrusted her way through her free race. When other runners began to berate her for hijacking a race she didn’t pay to participate in, Ashley shot back:

And to all the runners who have too much time on their hands and posted ridiculous hate comments below: A) Thanks for the pageviews. B) Please note I tried up until the night before to get a number. I didn’t even know if I would even finish the race–I just wanted to go out there, run on PUBLIC ROADS, show off our beautiful, amazing city, and make an entertaining blog post that was actually enjoyed by quite a few people who ran the race. And C) I’ve run this race two other times and paid for it and I plan to again. If you’re losing sleep over this, tell me where to send the check. I’ll take a selfie with it.  LYLAS.

I’m not a runner (unless the taco truck drives away before I get there) but isn’t it generally considered bad form to pirate races this way? Especially for your own publicity stunts? I assumed they would discourage randoms just showing up to run for free when other people are paying entry fees. Not that Ashley seems to care about such etiquette.

So anyway…I guess by the laws of Supporting Women we are all now supposed to say “you go girl, race for you”?

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
280

Lifestyle Blogging WTF

CheyB Will Tell Single Moms How To Raise A Son

CheyB, “relationship expert”, has already gifted us vaginal citizens with top secret info about men that women “need” to know. Now he is going to help single mothers raise decent man children.

Unfortunately, in many cases, a young male may love his mother to death, but the respect factor isn’t always there simply because you’re a woman. The extent of that respect will be simply because you’re his mother. What he needs is a man who will enforce rules, regulations, standards, requirements and firm consequences for breaking rules.

His advice includes awesome tips like “strategically position him around a man who has power and influence” and finding a man to advise and guide your son because discipline “feels like it’s “nagging”” when it “comes from a woman”.

There you go, single moms of sons – hand your boy over to a man before he turns into a useless hoodlum, because he’s never going to respect a mere woman.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
93

DIY Blogging

Young House Love Launching Target Collection

The big secret project Young House Love is itching to reveal has been leaked to GOMIBLOG – and it’s just a bunch of cheap Target accessories.

yawn

Featuring already played out things they have tried to make happen in the past (we get it, you have a chihuahua) the collaboration appears to mostly be decorative hooks and weird doorknobs. So for all you YHL “dawgs” who were making panty pudding waiting for their big announcement tomorrow, there you go. Hooray or something.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
217

Lifestyle Blogging WTF

XOJane Will Make It Easy For Your Abuser

XOJane, where pageviews are apparently more important than people, just published a post called “It Happened To Me: I Live With My Abuser” that details the author’s story of moving back in with the stepfather who she alleges sexually abused her.

When I graduated high school, my only goal was to move away from him, as far as possible. That only ended up being Mississippi. My time in college was miserable…In 2012, I finally left college and moved from Mississippi back to my family home in Texas, where I am today…My plan was to move home and immediately find a “good-paying” job where I could move out and start my own life. I haven’t been so lucky in finding that job. I currently work part-time as a receptionist, and my life is a mess.

In the post, which also features a picture of the author and intense details of her abuse and resulting depression, the author claims “I know that if, given the opportunity, he would abuse me again” before saying the abuse has never been reported.

Do the XOJane editors not wonder for a moment what would happen to this woman if her stepfather found this post, with her picture and all her allegations? Or do they just not care because pageview$?

Update: XOJane commenters have created a fund to help the author get out of her situation. You can donate here. I wish the best of luck to the author, and if anyone else has any resources to recommend please feel to add them in the comments.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
129

Lifestyle Blogging WTF

“Emphasis Added” Will Not Worry About Her Home

Emily, Olympic level dieter, received some terrible news shortly after her family vacation began.

Woke up to a call from our doorman that a pipe burst. Water has been running for 2 days and flooded our entire home. Floors buckled, ceilings collapsed, closets/furniture/everything ruined.

Of course the family remained on their ski trip and within 24 hours Emily was back to posting duckfaces to instagram.

um ok

On one hand, I don’t know how someone can just shrug their shoulders and say “oh well, let’s drink!” in the wake of total home destruction. On the other hand, at least they aren’t starting a donation drive. It’s certainly a head scratcher.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
63

Fashion Blogging Mommy Blogging

What I Wore Finally Announces Pregnancy

eyeroll

Jessica Quirk, running out of content, has finally publicly confirmed – she’s pregnant.

We’re expecting our first baby this summer! We could not be more thrilled with our happy news…On a hunch and a day late, I decided to run to the store to grab a pregnancy test on Christmas Eve – and that’s when we found out! What a happy holiday!!

I guess now that she can’t hide under big coats anymore she sort of HAD to announce it if she intends to continue doing What I Wore as a style blog. Saying “I’ll also be sharing some baby and pregnancy related posts from time to time” she explained that she was too tired for her first trimester to post outfit posts.

So at last Messica is pregnant and I think it’s highly likely that she will transition into lifestyle/mommy blogging. I’m sure the internet is eagerly awaiting What I Wore While Pregnant, and What My Baby Wore.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
97

Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Love Taza Is Not Pregnant

Naomi, not pregnant, has announced on her blog that she is not pregnant, so everyone stop asking her.

why do people keep commenting on here and on instagram congratulating me on being pregnant or asking if i’m pregnant or trying to be the first person to discover that i’m pregnant?

i am not pregnant. i wish i was pregnant. but i am not pregnant.

Saying “winter was just really delicious”, she proceeded to empty her brain out over her keyboard in a long post that basically said it’s mean to speculate whether an extremely popular married mommy blogger is pregnant because, privacy.

i like to share, but then again, i also like being private…we women have a great power within us to build each other up, but sometimes human nature gets in the way and we kind of tear each other down through gossip or politics or critique instead…we’re all struggling with something, and we all deserve a kinder and gentler interaction with one another.

You know, a simple response of “nope, not pregnant!” to those who ask on instagram would suffice. Instead we get 5,000 words that basically tell people to be nice to her and respect her privacy. I’m sorry honey, but you sold your privacy up the river when you decided to turn your life into a “brand”. If you can’t handle speculation and gossip maybe it’s time to shut it down before you get even more famous.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
95

Healthy Living Blogging WTF

Healthy Ashley Would Like To Show You Her Placenta

DINNER IS SERVED

Healthy Ashley is apparently not content with simply live-instagramming her birth – she’s now live-instagramming her afterbirth.

Asking the internets whether “wearing an apron” would “make cooking my placenta seem more mainstream”, commenters responded with the usual head pats and talk about placenta smoothies, and CaitlinHTP chimed in to add “I hope all the people disgusted by this don’t eat meat”.

Can someone explain to me why the world needs to see someone cooking an expelled organ? Why is this a thing?

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
188

Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

“MOB Society” Will Tell You What Makes A Man

Uh, wut

MOB Society, a website for “moms of boys”, wants to remind you mothers that you shouldn’t chide your son for getting dirty – you should encourage it, because men are supposed to do all the dirty work.

What are men made of? The ability to handle dirt and hard jobs. Jobs most of us women don’t want to do…In Genesis I’m pretty sure that while Adam was off getting messy with the animals, Eve was getting a tan—after all no tan lines!

Saying “your future daughter-in-law will thank you some day” if you cheer your sons for “getting too dirty, yelling too loudly, or making a mess”, she reminds you ladies to “[t]hank your husband today for getting his hands dirty on you and your family’s behalf”. Because everyone knows real men love being loud and filthy, and women enjoy sunbathing and making babies, I guess.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
89

Mommy Blogging WTF

“Any Mommy Out There” Did Not Swerve

The f**k?

Stacey, “could be any mommy”, shared an amazing story of bravery yesterday. Recounting her weekend “escape” to a cabin with “wonderful girlfriends”, she talked about how sometimes life is about holding your course no matter what. She apparently learned this lesson after running over a dog on the way up to her relaxing getaway:

The dog was just there. One second the headlight beams caught only snowflakes and black tarmac and the next second they outlined a shape my brain recognized with no time to compute or react.  I saw the collar around his neck, I remember that, or I imagine I do, and the simultaneous thoughts: Oh shit, a dog!  And then, DO NOT SWERVE.  I didn’t, which is fortunate, I think, traveling at 45 mph on a narrow, icy road, for the three people in the Suburban, but very, very unfortunate for the poor dog.

Stacey then explained that she left the dog on the road, saying she “couldn’t even call whomever would miss him and then find him dead in the morning because he lay in the middle of the road and given how quickly we bore down on him, I did not feel comfortable having one of us stand in the same place for even a short time”. The next morning, she reveled in child-free coffee:

We drove on and left him there, physically, if not mentally.  The next morning I woke to the sounds of only two other adults in the blissfully child-free cabin – coffee brewing, water running, pages quietly turning.  Is it just me or is it the mornings that are so utterly decadent about taking a short break from life as a mom?

When a shocked commenter remarked that it was “just plain cruel to let the dog lay there dead on the road” Stacey responded:

…I know it must feel good to be so morally superior to the rest of us mere human beings. You know, I bet if you googled it enough, you could find the poor family who lost their pet that night and chastise them for not having their dog properly secured when they live along a road with such a fast speed limit and fairly heavy traffic. They will appreciate your judgment as much as I do!

Stacey soon began commenting that she did feel bad about it, and finally took refuge in the classic You Weren’t There defense. She finally said she celebrated her birthday the next day, and that “it was a sad and happy day with a lot of chocolate cake”.

Seriously, maybe bloggers should just stop posting dog killing stories. Just…stop.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)
277