Monthly Archives: November 2015

Lifestyle Blogging Vlogging WTF

You Need A Change Of Pants, But First Summer Will Post It To Instagram

Summer Bellessa, wannabe youtube star, took her potty training son out Black Friday shopping at Target. I know…already the momhams out there are thinking what a fantastic idea this was. What could go wrong?

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Well if something does go exactly the way all reason and mother nature would predict, make sure you take a pic of it in the middle of the aisle while your son cries. Instamommies – they’ll make their kid stand around in pee soaked jeans if it means they can post a bon mot on the gram. Happy holidays!

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Food Blogging Internets

Stavvers Has A New Recipe You Can Try This Thanksgiving

Happy Eat-And-Argue-With-Family day to all us American hams! If you’re in need of another carb at the table but all out of unique ideas, blogger Stavvers has an idea you can steal.

I am making sourdough. I started the starter on Saturday afternoon…I bunged something a little bit unconventional in the starter: yeast from my vagina.

Yes, Stavvers (who has already hashtagged the event with the delightful #c**tsourdough) used as “much vaginal yeast as I could scrape off a dildo I put in my vagina” in her sourdough starter and is now sitting around seeing if she can get some dough out of it. Of course this is getting a lot of vocal side-eye, all gleefully documented in a blog post where she describes the process in detail.

So there you go. If those Pillsbury rolls just aren’t getting it done this year, I guess you could try some vag biscuits. Happy Thanksgiving!

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Healthy Living Blogging

KERF Knows How To Select Pictures For A Post

It’s so slow around the intarwebs the past week, so I thought we would play a game called “What the hell is going on  in this picture?”

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It seems KERF had one of those boring Blue Apron sponsored dinners, complete with copious amounts of wine. Enough wine, apparently, to send her friends to the floor.

Hahahahaha!!! That’s Lauren’s arm but I don’t remember what she was doing. Probably trying not to disrupt the photo.

Er…ok? But why on earth would you include this in your post about a nice multi-family dinner? “Lulz look at my drunk friend on the floor” is less “lovely adult dinner with friends” and more “we had so much fun at this kegger party”. But hey, whatever gets Amber’s spray tan off the top post am I right?

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Barefoot Blonde Finally Goes Into Labor

The seemingly endless pregnancy of Amber Fillerup, of the ‘shirtgate’ episode, is finally coming to an end. The human Barbie entered the hospital last night and quickly provided a sexy gram photo to alert her fans of the coming event. The photo already has nearly 70,000 likes.

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Predictions on the name selection have already begun with choices swinging between “some hipster/old timey name” or something omgFrawnchy sounding.

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Internets

Gawker Can Become A Political Website

Gawker Media is shutting down Defamer, Millihelen, Kitchenette, Valleywag, and several other sites in order to ”focus intensely on politics, broadly considered, and the 2016 campaign”.

Several folks have obviously been canned as part of the “reorganization”, with Millihelen’s Jane Marie taking to twitter to share her displeasure.

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It is rumored that the changes are being made because Gawker began hemorrhaging advertisers after they outed a random married executive, and are part of Nick Denton’s pleadge to make Gawker “20 percent nicer”.

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Internets Mommy Blogging

A Cup Of Jo Will Affiliate Link Empathy

Joanna Goddard, she’s a cool Brooklyn mom ok, has joined the hordes of bloggers rushing to hitch their names to the Paris tragedy hashwagon. She put up an eye-dabbing post about teaching children how to feel the feelings of all the feels.

After such heartbreaking events in the news this weekend, it makes you think even more about how teach empathy to children…

And what’s the best way, you ask? Affiliate linking books about kindness, of course. Hey, no reason you can’t be sad about a tragedy AND make some money off of it, right?

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Natalie Now Is Sad For Paris

Paris is under siege tonight, but Natalie Now knows how to tragedyjack with sensitivity and solemnity.

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Yep, post a picture of herself smiling and twirling in front of the Arc de Triomphe. Look, I understand that bloggers and social media stars cannot privately acknowledge any tragedy because private prayers don’t come with hashtags. But maybe chill on the ‘gee my heart is breaking for you, but here’s a pic of me having a grand ole time in front of one of your landmarks in better times!’ posts, guys.

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DIY Blogging Fashion Blogging Internets Lifestyle Blogging

A Friday News Dump

I’m kind of busy lately so here’s some little news bits I never got around to posting the past couple of weeks.

Amber Venz, RStyle queen, finally gave birth to her daughter. She and husband Baxter Box chose the name Birdie. Birdie Box. She’s enjoying her postpartum leave by taking little Birdie Box for walks in outfits like this. Ok then. And if you’re into nursery decor you’ll be thrilled to know she went with the GOMIBLOG Forums favorite color scheme of grey and white (combined with what looks like some sort of mintish color on the walls).

Young House Love is selling artwork on Society6 now in case you want some of their amazing paint skills in your life.

Snappy Casual decided it was too hard to pick up her house and also entertain a child and evidently wants internet headpats for this decision.

What I Wore is busy cementing her place as queen bee of her husband’s booze factory by putting on various events.

Socality Barbie announced her retirement and the internet crapped its pants.

And finally, a bunch of supposed internet celebs are going on Season 28 of ‘The Amazing Race’ and pretty much nobody cares.

Feel free to add any other newsie bits that I missed!

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Healthy Living Blogging

Healthy Tipping Point Retires Blog

Caitlin Boyle announced today that she would be closing her 7 1/2 year old blog, Healthy Tipping Point.

Blogging was not always easy. To share 7.5 years of my life on the Internet – there is bound to be some low points. But I wouldn’t change that…I always said that I wouldn’t do this forever.  I knew it would have a natural conclusion from the very start.  And now that my kids are older, that moment is here.

She says she craves “more privacy” for herself and her kids, and will “probably not update IG but may pop in every now and then”. Fangirls are apparently crying at their desks at work and saying they are “shocked and so sad”. I guess time will tell if Caitlin really actually peaces out, but since Dooce redefined what quitting blogging actually means I am pretty cynical when anyone says they’re out.

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Passenger Jumps Overboard During Travel Blogger Cruise

Travel bloggers recently boarded the cruise ship Oasis of the Seas for the TBEX at Sea event. The cruise left Ft. Lauderdale on October 31st and has been making its way through the Bahamas, but tragedy apparently struck this morning.

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Evidently a man jumped from Deck 7 and attempted to cling to a lifeboat but was unable to hold on.

Officials said crew members witnessed the 35-year-old intentionally leap from the Oasis of the Seas ship early Friday morning in the Bahamas. A rescue ship from Clearwater has joined search efforts.

Lou Mongello, a passenger on the TBEX cruise, claims there is “a very disturbing video of the passenger hanging onto the lifeboat, where you can hear another passenger saying “You murdered him!… Because of you this happened!”" being passed around the group. A video of the event was recently removed from youtube.

Rumors state the incident involved alcohol and some sort of domestic argument. The Captain was apparently given notice that there was a “domestic situation” happening which allowed the Captain to slow the ship before the incident. Royal Caribbean has now passed on search and rescue duties to the Coast Guard and the ship is heading back to Florida.

UPDATE: Video of the incident is now available here. Warning: Graphic.

UPDATE: Link removed from post because I’d like my phone and inbox to stop blowing up.

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Internets Vlogging

Essena O’Neill Flounce Is A Hoax, According To Youtubers

By now you’ve probably heard about the teenaged “Instagram model” who dramatically claimed she would be flouncing from social media because it ruins lives or something. Because the media loves photogenic white girls with first world social causes, Essena O’Neill became an overnight sensation for her “brave” choice.

After posting a bunch of stuff to her social media complaining about how social media sucks (while posturing herself as the Bringer Of Truth) she finally started to get some backlash. In her final youtube video she talked about a trip to Los Angeles, implying she was there as some kind of celebrity/working model being chased by agencies and saying all the rich and famous people she met while there were “miserable”. Unfortunately the folks whose couch she crashed on are also Toobers, and posted a lovely response – the gist of it being Essena was just a broke nobody who crashed at their house and ate all their food while hooking up with their guy friends.

Finally, after three days of people asking why she was still on social media if it’s so horrible, she deleted her instagram account and youtube videos yesterday. Not that she’s actually left social media completely – she’s still validation fishing over on Vimeo. As of this post she has 4 videos up of Essena talking about Essena, with the latest video being Essena talking about how everyone is talking about Essena.

She’s also started a new blog called “Let’s Be Game Changers”, the focus of which seems to be Essena begging for donations, claiming she can’t pay her rent without the money she was making from her promotional gram posts. Guess she should have lined up some income before flouncing out of the money-for-posts gram game, eh?

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Internets Mommy Blogging

Sparkling Adventures Husband Pleads Guilty To Manslaughter

Some of you may remember Sparkling Adventures, the provider of gaybys to foreign fathers. Three years ago her husband David took their infant son on a walk.

But when Fisher returned home, he was dripping wet, distressed and alone. The father had fallen into the Logan River cradling his son in his arms, and let go. The six-month-old’s body was found downstream the next morning.

Apparently the husband was high on a combination of substances and allegations swirled that he was having “delusions” at the time of the incident. He was charged with murder.

The case has now been settled in court as the father pleaded guilty to manslaughter and some drug charges. He was sentenced to 7 1/2 years, with parole eligibility after 3 1/2 years. Since he has already spent over three years in jail he could possibly be released by the end of 2015.

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Blogger Costumes Will Leave You Whelmed

It was Halloween this past Saturday, and your favorite bloggers really put in 50% this year. In case you missed it here are a few of the costumes put up by people who are supposedly super creative.

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Kelle of ETST went as Frieda Kahlo, prompting her fanpuppies to slobber about her super on fleek eyebrows.

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Miss James of Bleubird went as Carrie White. Eh. The costume was well done, I guess I’m just tired of seeing at least 3 Carrie costumes every year.

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Amber of Barefoot Blonde didn’t wear a formal gown for once. Evidently she was having contractions all day and didn’t feel like doing a costume, though that didn’t stop her from coordinating her outfit with her baby and dog.

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Ole Messica is still chugging along at What I Wore, and despite promising that this year’s costume would make her famous Marie Antoinette “look like child’s play”, she simply threw on her old wedding dress and slapped on some black lipstick.

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Natalie, still in Idaho, went as Wednesday Addams. There’s just…not much to say about that.

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Million dollar blogger Rach Parcell of Pink Peonies got over a thousand comments for her #lifegoals family costume.

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And finally, Jenna of That Wife. In case you didn’t know she is a super ladycoder woman in tech now, so obviously she went for a “pun” costume based on her Silicon Valley relevance. Of course that wasn’t enough for Jenna The Kardashian Of Tech – she later changed into a Marilyn Monroe getup for her night of “drinking and dancing”.

Other bloggers decided instead to celebrate Dia de los Muertos – sponsored by Veuve Cliquot, that is. Which is not at all offensive.

Hope you hams had a fun and safe Halloween weekend!

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