Monthly Archives: May 2016

Lifestyle Blogging

Jordan Reid’s Dream Predicted 9/11

Jordan Reid, ramshackle trains of thought, honored Memorial Day by informing everyone she had a premonition about 9/11.

On September 11, 2001, I woke up several hours before my first class because I was startled awake by a dream in which I died in a fiery explosion. In this dream I went to heaven, where I sat on a hilltop and watched things burn way down below. I wanted to remember that dream, and sat down at my computer to start writing it down. And so I was awake when my father called to tell me about the plane that had hit the World Trade Center.

She says she ran downstairs to tell everyone but they “just kept eating breakfast” like it wasn’t a big deal because they weren’t as psychically in tune with true patriotism as Jordan.

She then reprinted a piece about how Trump is the next Hitler or something, imploring us to contemplate politics while she headed off to “go drink some beer and lay in the sun and be happy I have the day off”.

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Healthy Living Blogging

Hungry Runner Girl Is Engaged

Congrats on your properly moisturized hand situation!

Congrats on your properly moisturized hand situation!

Janae, previously divorced, is now engaged. She has allegedly known her fiance for about two months. She talked about their meeting in a recent post.

…we were set up on a blind date and we clicked instantly (although, I was my normal awkward self of course for that first date and talked a million words per minute and told stories that had no relevance to anything)….  It was weird because I even told about 8 people leading up to the blind date that I had a really good feeling about this one…

Anyway, they got engaged last night and this morning they celebrated by running ”5 celebratory miles” because I guess that’s what healthy active people do to honor a happy occasion.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Cupcakes And Cashmere Will Elevate Your Culture’s Textiles And Then Sell Them

Emily Schuman, the clean fresh hair behind Cupcakes and Cashmere, launched her eponymous bedroom decor line this week. It allegedly sold out on the Nordstrom site within hours, though it was all back in stock like half a second later so I’m not sure how that qualifies as “sold out”.

She says she wanted the line to feel “intentional”, I guess because “intentional” is the new “curated” and can’t be used by everyone often enough to describe everything they do or buy or make. She then explains her inspiration.

The Moroccan Geo pillow is a personal favorite, with prints and tassels you might see on traditional Hammam towels, while many of the colorful, embroidered pillows are inspired by our trips to Mexico. The rainbow of pinks, golds, and greens is a bright reminder of one of my favorite places in the world.

This of course resulted in people calling Cuppy out for her “orientalist mind” and “unispired” copying of native fabrics.

…Besides your counterfeit Mexican heritage fabric, the Moroccan Geo pillow pattern is actually one found in Turkish hammam towels, not Moroccan ones. There is a difference between Turkey and Morocco…

…I’m stunned that her line blatantly copies Otomi fabric/embroidery, which is Mexican folk art made by indigenous populations in Mexico…

Culture poaching aside, the collection is about as a big a yawn farm as you’d expect from Cuppy. Safe blues and whites and beiges in patterns of ‘lace’ and ‘dot’ and ‘stripe’, and color pop/decor trends that went out in 2014. None of it really seems much more special than any Martha Stewart crap in the discount bin so I have no clue how it “sold out” but whatever. I don’t understand Cuppy’s appeal in general so maybe it’s just me.

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Internets WTF

Amanda Lauren Is Glad You’re Dead

wtfamanda

Amanda Lauren, bridesmaid dress expert, had a post published yesterday on XOJane in which she explains why she is glad her former friend died. Some reasons included not being the kind of adult Amanda felt she should be.

…something about her mindset that had had just stopped evolving after high school. Her apartment was always filthy and her bedroom had clothing strewn about everywhere. She didn’t take pride in her home or respect her own property…She also didn’t have real boyfriends or go out on dates. While dating in L.A. is hard, I feel like she probably had no concept of how to be in a relationship.

Other reasons included her Facebook feed not being up to Amanda’s standards.

While most Facebook posts, at least in my feed, are pictures of engagements, weddings, vacations, children, pets and links, her page felt like the diary of a fourteen-year-old girl with an eating disorder from a Lifetime movie circa 1993…She also frequently posted about how she was mentioned on entertainment shows, talking about the status of her relationships with various celebrities.

Her friend was also apparently a “cam girl” and “there were basically nude clips and pictures all her over her page”. But mainly, Amanda seems glad she died because her friend was mentally ill.

It sounds horrible to say, but her death wasn’t a tragedy, her life was…Schizoaffective disorder robbed her of reaching her potential…She was alone and terribly unhappy when died…This girl had nothing to live for.

Amanda wrapped up her post with this wonderful feel good conclusion.

She would have either been institutionalized or a major burden on her family. There was just no way she would have survived on her own. Drowning to death was relatively painless compared to what she had to endure in life.

Truly a touching tribute to a former friend struggling with mental illness. The post is now marked ‘Anonymous’.

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Internets Vlogging

Monica Will Copy Your Videos

Jaime Primak Sullivan, uploads videos on Facebook, recently discovered something very weird.

jaime5

What she found was some random apparent wannabe Facebook blogger reciting her video content in her own video. Word for word. The woman, Monica Dominguez Alvarez, is shown in an edited video next to Jaime’s original as she tearfully tries to pass off some kind of ‘it gets better’ pep talk as her own.

 

Obviously Monica responded in a mature, apologetic manner. LOL JK of course she didn’t. She immediately began posting about how women should support each other before finally turning to pure bravado.

Screen Shot 2016-05-20 at 10.29.14 AM

Jaime’s supporters are telling her to fire off cease and desist letters and report the videos, but is there even anything that can really be done about something like this? Other than public shaming, of course.

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Hey Natalie Jean Leaves Blogging: “I’m just really over it”

Hey Natalie Jean, former instagram darling and book author, is saying goodbye to blogging. She says she agonized a bit over her “flounce” post.

What did I want to say in this, my very last blog post? What are the messages? The themes!? What does a reader even look for in a good flounce post anyway? I definitely wanted it to be, like, AN ESSAY. You know, one of the good ones. Make it mean something!…But the more I thought about it the more I was sure, I’m just really over it.

Thus, instead of the long thoughtful essay, she got right to the point.

So, this is it. After ten years of blogging, I am closing up shop.

Natalie says she will “leave the archives up for a bit” and might be on social media “from time to time”, though she hasn’t decided whether she will set things to private or not. She ends by saying she is “pretty proud of the career I made here, and I owe a lot to you guys”.

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Mommy Blogging

Josi Denise Thinks Your Reaction Is Sexist

Josi Denise, apparently a former mommy blogger, posted some screed the other day basically telling everyone their mommy blog “sucks”.  She informed her former peers “nobody is reading your sh*t” and that they are “wasting” their money chasing blog fame. And it went on. And on.

She ranted at women for pretending to be happy…

Love my hubby, love my life, love my kiddos, love jesus, love cupcakes, love it all! No. You are not that happy in your every day life. Nobody buys it. And if they do, you’re just making them feel bad about themselves.

…and told mommy bloggers their reasons for blogging are “confused”…

I’m guessing you’re a bored housewife or working mom who has heard that blogging can earn you some extra cash. You like getting free products and feeling like you are a special snowflake. No. Just no.

…and called mommy bloggers sellouts with no soul who aren’t honest about product reviews…

You have no spine. If you are so scared about telling it like it is, and you rely that much on putting up a sunshine and daisy front for potential sponsorships, then what is the point? Go work for a company instead of yourself.

…and finally telling all of them to STAHP.

What hole are you trying to fill by calling yourself a blogger? Just quit. Quit now before you get burnt out and feel guilty. Quit before you realize you wasted years of your life writing bullshit about your kids’ childhood and your relationships instead of being actually involved.

Obviously this all went over like a bag of cheap conference swag with her former blog pals. The reactions ranged from blaming her outburst on hormones to blaming it on the jealousy of a blogger who only started in 2013 and thus has no idea wtf she is talking about. Josi turned this blowback into some kind of sexism issue instead of a ‘told a bunch of people stuff they don’t want to hear’ issue.

None of these things would have been said about a man, his personal life, his emotional stability, or his ability to parent. Not a single one…If women perpetuate this type of sexism amongst themselves, how do they not deserve it everywhere else it may inconvenience them?

So…yeah. Momma Bloggah Drama continues even though that genre has been pretty dead since about 2012. Shrug emoji here.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Jenna Wants To Remind You She Is Smokin The Pot

Jenna, still living absolutely, has been half ass hinting about smoking weed on social media since around the time she dyed her hair Cecily Kellogg pink. Well now she is determined to make it clear in case you didn’t get those hints – Jenna is smoking the marijuanas.

I SMOKE WEED HEY LOOK I SMOKE WEED

Yep, That Wife is now totes a stoner u guiz. The 31 year old mother of two posted this to snapchat so you would be in no doubt that she is super San Francisco hipster cool now. Nevermind that even Martha Stewart knows how to roll – smoking pot obviously makes you super cool and Jenna needs you to know she is cool now and smoking pot.

Of course there’s never been any actual evidence of Jenna actually imbibing actual pot, just a lot of her talking about it and teeheeing about omgweed. So who knows wtf she’s trying to prove with this snap, because anyone can take a pic of a dispensary. But ok. Sure.

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Internets

The Toast Site Closing “is really happening”

After just three years online The Toast has announced they’ll be shutting down July 1st.

In a convo style post announcing the closing Nicole mentioned having to pay costs out of pocket and evidently after talking about the revenue problem she and Mallory asked themselves “would we want to keep running the site as a vanity project?” The answer, she said, was “Probably not!”

Nicole went on to say that further discussion led them to the conclusion that “it had become clear that the bigger issue was not money, really, it was just…not wanting to do it anymore”. Mallory added:

It’s difficult to convey an accurate sense of how much we both love The Toast and everything it’s become and also being ready to stop! Both are true, at the same time. We’d both, I think, started to notice the ways in which we just couldn’t keep up the pace we started three years ago.

Mallory says “the-toast.net and all related archives will not vanish” and Nicole implored readers “do NOT…start a Save The Toast campaign of any kind” because “We are done.”

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Kiel James Patrick Confuses His Followers

Kiel James Patrick, the Gatsby of social media, evidently posted a weird instagram pic implying he was facetiming with Gigi Hadid and his wife.

um....what?

The post seems to have disappeared from his feed. That’s ok; the original is still on his wife’s gram feed.

wait...double what?

So…can someone explain what that was? Did Sarah screenshot the same facetime and crop out the gents? Or did KJP photoshop a faketime convo to impress…I’m not sure who?

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Healthy Living Blogging

Belle Gibson Might Be Going To Court

Belle Gibson, the Australian woman who claimed healthy eating cured her brain cancer, might be heading to court for lying about healthy eating curing her cancer.

Consumer Affairs Victoria says they are taking civil action against Belle in Federal Court. They “will be seeking financial penalties” and “injunctions to ensure that that conduct is not undertaken again”, on the grounds that “claims made by her round when she suffered the illness, her therapies in respect of that illness and what she did with her own alternative remedies are false and misleading and deceptive”.

Meanwhile, Penguin – the folks who published her Whole Pantry book – have announced they will no longer publish “any claims or statements about a person’s medical condition without them being substantiated in writing by a medical practitioner”.

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Food Blogging

Gluten-Free Girl Apparently Still Talking

Shauna Ahern, working on yet another book, has jumped on the ‘blogging is dead’ bandwagon. In an interview with some blog no one cares about Shauna says she read on that there google machine that “in four to five years 75 percent of the Internet is going to be video, not text”.

I’ve noticed that blogs don’t really matter any more. Very few people are starting blogs these days. There’s Tumblr, Instagram, Periscope – people can do social media without a blog. A lot of people have stopped writing. Even the notion of a website is antiquated now, because you can make an entire living from Instagram.

This pronouncement came on the heels of Shauna saying they are “switching over to an ad network on our blog, so there will be revenue from that” and that in a few years they hope to “have enough subscribers to stop doing ads and sponsors”. Which doesn’t really make sense if blogging will be dead in a few years, but ok.

She also revealed she has signed with “a talent agent” who will “build partnerships for us and actively seeking out companies to work with and appearances”. I guess because people are really clamouring to book the magic and majesty of Roadface and Fingernail Filth for personal appearances. She concluded the interview by saying “My blog voice is reassuring, contented, and distilled into a peaceful place. People want to come back for that.”

 

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