Monthly Archives: June 2016

Healthy Living Blogging

FGAA Will Try To Ride 50 Miles And Not Finish

Eric Hites, the begging biker who had to end his “Fat Guy Across America” ride due to heat, attempted yesterday to ride 50 miles – despite heat index predictions of over 100 degrees. He even claimed he intended to sell plasma at the halfway point of his ride saying he had “no choice at the moment” because “that drive from Dallas wasn’t cheap”. He decided not to go through with selling his plasma after his enabler army begged him not to, but the ride still ended in a predictable manner.

So, I headed back home. By that time my water had gotten pretty darn hot, but I had no way to buy the cold stuff so I had to make due [sic]…Apparently the heat overtook me and a passerby called 911 on me…Next thing I know I’m wobbling down the road and the Police put an end to my ride and yanked me from my ride and tossed me in the ambulance. I was pretty overheated and dehydrated and not very coherent. They took me to the hospital pushed fluids and ran tests…they fixed me up gave me my marching papers and said go home, rest and also rest tomorrow.

The convenient emergency happened about 30 miles in on his ill-conceived stunt ride, and gives him a 36 hour breather to get pity donations and come up with another reason why he can’t do any of the things he claimed he’d be doing for 30 days.



Healthy Living Blogging

Ben Is Also Going Across America In Case You Forgot


Ben Davis, doing life, is yet another guy who is going across America. For the past four or so months he has been walking across the country because why not. But now he is out of money and needs you to pay for the last 700 miles.

I almost made it, but as it turns out here nearly 2,400 miles in, I’ve come up just short on funds allocated for the walk. If you’d like to chip in a couple bottles of Gatorade or some trail mix or whatever you can, I’ve made it pretty simple; just click the link in my profile bio here on Instagram.

People have been predicting for months that he would eventually start donation begging, so nobody is really surprised. But Caitlyn Boyle has “found what he has done really inspiring” which is like, the seal of approval on what’s inspiring on instagram. So clearly he deserves your money for Panera meals.

Really though, I’m on the fence about whether to side eye this since he IS getting farther than ole FGAA did in a whole year. I guess I’m just not understanding what is so inspiring about this that it deserves ‘donations’.



Mommy Blogging

Cecily Kellogg Wants You To Know Her 10 Year Old Daughter Came Out

CecilyK, the “former” blogger who has been inexplicably overlooked for Parent Of The Year awards, has announced that her 10 year old daughter “came out at Pride“.

…my role as an ally changed in a big way at this year’s Pride parade, when my daughter said, “Mom,” and then took a deep breath, looked me deep in the eyes and said, “I know what I am now. I’m pansexual.”

Cecily says she asked her 10 year old “queer daughter” why she “thinks it’s important to be public about it, and she said, “Kids need to know it’s OK. Also, I give no f**ks.”” The article continues with paragraphs of hard to believe conversations Cecily evidently had with her daughter’s friends about their sexuality, and concludes with Cecily practically salivating at the thought of all the victimjacking she can now do over LGBTQ issues.



Healthy Living Blogging

Fat Guy Across America Has Retreated Back To Indiana “For 30 Days”

Eric Hites, the Moby Dick of fail whales, announced on his facebook page that he and his albino smurfette friend are now back home in Indiana to regroup. In an endless video featuring his neckbeard and more excuses than a post-Ashley Madison marriage counseling session, Eric blathers about his latest big plan.

We’re basically doing a 30 day bootcamp…I’m going to be working out at the gym AND riding every day. We’re gonna be workin’ on my diet, we’re gonna be workin’ with the medical, we’re gonna be workin’ with the dental, we’re gonna be workin’ on the RV, everything we can get done in the 30 days, we’re gonna get done.

He implies that everyone around him told him to go home and get his RV fixed, his teeth fixed, and see a doctor – presumably so science can study why a man can eat all the “right things” and allegedly bike for hours every day for a year and somehow manage to not lose like a grillion lbs – and then start the “second half” of his “journey”. He also says his goal is to get his “first 50 mile day” and it will be “documented with somebody riding with me”.

He then starts with his vaguepleas for donations; he is “trying to figure out funding” because “funds are rough” right now. He says he is “trying to find ways to raise money without constantly having to ask”. His solutions include “sponsorship possibilities”, selling FGAA branded products, and selling links from his bike chains. He then declares that both he and smurfette “are going to work”. But even with jobs they need to get sponsors because his trip “costs between $600-700 per week”.

If you want to feel like you’re in Ben Stein’s economics class then head on over and watch his video. I did, and I have to wonder if Dr. Phil is somewhere rolling his eyes.



Mommy Blogging WTF

Courtney Wants You To Know When Her Child Is Alone

Courtney Snowden, some instamommy in Utah, recently informed her 10k+ followers that her youngest child would be flying alone to another state. Just to make sure the whole internet had the details, she posted a picture of his itinerary to her public instagram.


Sure. This seems like a safe idea.



Mommy Blogging

Living Absolutely Will Take A Flask To The Playground

Jenna, that person, does not celebrate Father’s Day. Instead she and the family spent Sunday together doing things as a family. They started off with a nice family Sunday walk, and like most totally hip cool moms, Jenna spent the walk taking nips from her inspirational message flask.


Once they reached the playground ol’ Sippysides really got in the spirit of family.


The day ended with a snap apparently taken from bed before sundown, which is generally how day drinking ends. What a Happy Uncelebrated Father’s Day!



Mommy Blogging

Tiffany Would Like You To Take A Moment Of Silence

Tiffany Raina, still pimping out her plump baby, is also pimping out a “friends shop”. Despite tragedy upon tragedy the past seven days, Tiffy would like you take a moment of silence…for baby clothes.


Obviously followers informed her that her wording was pretty tone deaf considering the past week’s events. Tiffany responded that “it’s a figure of speech, and you took it way too literal. I’m advertising my friends shop. This has nothing to do with world events. Get over yourself.”



Healthy Living Blogging

Eat Live Run Is Happy To Shill Despite The Sad News In The World

Screen Shot 2016-06-16 at 2.01.35 PM

Jenna Beaugh, she eats lives and runs, is terribly sad. So sad that she can’t even look at the news. But she won’t let that stop her from pushing the awesomeness of her mlm.

When everything on TV and media seems so negative right now, it makes me even more thankful that my job is SO positive and uplifting…I’m thankful I get to mentor such an amazing team of women who are all about radiating JOY and helping others.

Yep, sorry about all the death and horror, but at least Jenna is happy to shill Beachbody! So glad she can choose joy while she tunes out the events of the world and lives her best life.



Mommy Blogging

Zsuzsanna Thinks You ‘Sodomites’ Deserved To Die

Zsuzsanna, of Are They All Yours, doesn’t understand why people are upset about the Pulse Massacre.

If the news had been that a ring of p**ophiles was shot and killed, no sane person would be mourning. Those who believe the Bible ought to know that sodomites are reprobate, and thus capable of any perversion, having the mind of animals. This includes p**ophilia. Of course, the average brainwashed American will protest this notion, but facts are stubborn things.

Her facts include a deranged email, because obviously one email represents all gay people. And that email proves that the evil gays are evil because they are gay!

If you think sodomites are just like the rest of us, you are sadly mistaken. They are violent, and capable of any perversion…What the media and society wants us to learn from this gay bar shooting is that homosexuals are nice people, and guns should be banned. Reality tells us homosexuals are violent predators that will stop at nothing, and that everyone ought to keep a gun within easy reach to protect themselves and their families from the attacks of these perverts.

She then comes to the this Jesus-like conclusion.

According to both the Old and New Testament, sodomy should be punishable by the death penalty. As always, God knows best…

Spreading love, forgiveness, absolution – Zoozoo and her pastor husband seem like lovely Christian folk.



Mommy Blogging

Tiffany’s Bid For Baby Fame Is Going Well

Tiffany Raina, the ultimate instagram stage mom, didn’t manage to get on the Ellen Show. But her baby pimping gram feed certainly is getting attention.


Her instagram is full of such hypercreepy comments. Just another reason to think twice about creating instagram accounts of your child.



DIY Blogging

Young House Love Jumps On The Podcast Bandwagon

Young House Love, they just can’t stay away I guess, are joining basically every other waning blogger by moving to podcasting. Because podcasting is super cool with all the kids and is like trendy-dizzle represent dawgs. Or something.

The first question on everyone’s mind is probably: why a podcast? (And for anyone whose first question is actually “what’s a podcast?” we’ll get to that in a moment). The short answer to the whole “why ” question is that we’re podcast junkies, especially me, and we got excited to try something new and a little bit different for us.

Sure. Ok. They currently have three episodes available and they are…just awful. I’m sorry but they’re awful. They are just as terrible and forced sounding on radio as they are on video. But they claim they are super nerdy a/v club  geeks so obviously they want to be part of the podcastocracy. And obviously, sweet $pon$or money and the chance to show off how many celebrities they know is a great bonus!



Healthy Living Blogging Internets

Fitting It All In Has Found The Viral Boyfriend Of Every Blogger’s Dreams

Clare, not some obese binge eater, has allegedly been seeing a new guy lately. According to him, he’s handsome, and educated, and makes six figures.


He also apparently likes to go nutburgers on women on dating apps.


Connor has since disappeared from social media. No word on whether Clare intends to continue dating the pseudo-MRA brofail.



Lifestyle Blogging

Cup Of Jo Adds Another Jo Clone To Staff

Jo Goddard, Shakespeare expert, has finally found a new editor for her yawn farm, ‘Cup of Jo‘. To the surprise of nobody  the new hire is yet another skinny white brunette Brooklyn type. When commenters responded with some bewilderment that Jo hired just another Jo Clone, she replied that she is totes going to hire some diversity.

we’re hoping to hire another person later this year, and we have some great new freelancers of different races, ethnicities and sexual orientations, so please stay tuned!

Look, let’s be honest: Cup of Jo isn’t really a site targeted towards chubby wage-job having Latinas living in Orlando. It’s pretty clearly an upper middle class thin white ‘creative’ Brooklyn lady site. So I don’t even know wtf she would accomplish forcing diversity into her brand, other than getting buttpats for trying.

But hey, take that, complainers! Or something. I’m not even sure what she means by this. So she’s going to actively TRY to hire in some diversity now that people have commented on her fleet of Jos? I dunno, maybe it’s just me but it kind of smacks of tokenism to suddenly announce you’ll be bringing on “different races, ethnicities and sexual orientations” after your readers bring up your lack thereof.