Monthly Archives: July 2016

Fashion Blogging

What I Wore Announces Squirk 2.0

Jessica Quirk, I guess she’s still blogging or something, has finally admitted that she is pregnant again after everyone on GOMI knew for like 2 months.

… I’m pregnant! I thought I’d do some big post to announce but I haven’t really had a bump until this morning! It’s kind of weird how it works in the early days…The early days were so rough on meMuch more difficult than my pregnancy with Felix…which some of you have probably guessed by my lack of summertime posts!

She says it’s “strange to keep such a big secret for so long” even though pretty much every single person who follows her blog at all has known she was resquirked since oh, May. I’ll never understand why these people who live their entire lives publicly – and leave a detailed trail of their changing shape and fashion choices and attempts to skinny app on the internet – think they are able to contain such secrets. But sure, ok. Big secret.

Anyway, I’m sure we are all looking forward to round two of Messica’s condescending decrees about how to treat a human broodmare and her increased whining about being a mom of two as if she is the first woman to ever have two children under three years old.

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Healthy Living Blogging

Escape From Obesity Is Inspired By Eric Hites

Lynn, apparently did not escape obesity the first 39 times, is now jumping on the ‘across America’ bandwagon.

I have plotted out a route across America on Google Maps, from coast to coast, and I’m going to ride that route on my stationary exercise bike. Yep, it’s Fat Mom Across America! This way I am committed to the ride but can do the miles without leaving home.

Inspired by Forest Lump’s amazing tale of accomplishing nothing for a year before returning home, Lynn will use his story to motivate her as she attempts a “virtual trip” from coast to virtual coast.

Part of what inspired me to do this is wondering: can I, at 245 pounds, do the same amount of miles that Fat Guy Across America can do at 560 pounds, even with my joint issues? If he can do it, I can too, right?  I’ve tried to find a ride log on his site with no luck, so I am wondering how many miles per day he is doing and how far he has gotten. I can’t find his official route, either; there seems to be some driving and circling around and changing routes along the way, so I decided to pick my own route instead.

That sounds…whatever, sure, awesome. Stunt weight loss is always a great solution to decades of eating issues and an inability to include daily exercise without making a big public performance of it. Just ask Ben and Eric!

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Lifestyle Blogging

Living Absolutely Thinks Weed Should Be Normalized Just Like Abortion

Jenna Cole, normalizing day drinking, wants you to “make use of your privilege” by helping her legalize marijuana. In her latest post she takes on the justice system for penalizing non-white non-upper-middle-class-SAHMs merely for enjoying the cheeb.

…27.6 percent of drug offenders were locked up for crimes related to marijuana…Many, I would argue most, were participating in an act no worse than anything I’ve done – possessing marijuana. Except I’m white, and I had $60 in cash to pay for 5 minutes with a weed doctor in exchange for a “medical marijuana card” and I can afford to choose an employment position that doesn’t do drug testing.

She then took her reasoning to facebook, where she claimed that “normalizing” marijuana use would be a main decider for legalization. When readers argued that it probably had more to do with states wanting that sweet sweet taxable money from legal regulation, she took the discussion in a weird direction.

Let’s compare this to…. abortion. If more women spoke openly about their abortions, do you think that would accelerate public opinion toward unrestricted access to safe and legal abortions. This is a move that some feminist groups are working at right now, to change public opinion on a political issue via normalization. Do you also think this is not effective?

Well, DO YOU? Ok, I sort of see where she’s trying to go with this, but the analogy doesn’t really work here. Access to safe medical terminations for all women is not really the same thing as Jenna wanting to be “one step closer to getting high on vacation”. But keep on looking for ways to remind us you’re a stoner now, Jenjen.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Neely Is Pregnant

Neely somebody, that blogger who is basically only known for slamming her wedding photographer, has announced she and her goblin husband are expecting.

Andrew and I are overjoyed to announce that baby BOY Moldovan will be joining our family in February. It’s been quite the journey to get here but we feel beyond blessed to be this little guys parents! #MiniMoldovan #OurMiracle

I really want to care about this but I don’t. Honestly doubt anyone else does either. All I can think is ‘sympathy ploy in the lawsuit game’. But hey, good job locking down your pregnancy hashtag!

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Healthy Living Blogging Internets

Fat Guy Across America Would Like To Sell A Children’s Book

Eric Hites, the fat guy who said he would ride his bicycle across America but instead fiddlefarted around for a year before returning home, has announced that he and his little garden gnome wife are trying to produce a children’s book.

Age range will be for any range as you can read it to a toddler and they can enjoy the colorful pictures and the words are simple yet be good for a first Grader.

Instead of spending the past 30 days getting real jobs, going to fitness boot camp, or riding daily like he claimed, Eric has instead opted to grift money for a binding machine so he and his all-but-illiterate wife can ‘write’ a book for kids.

Of course they are also selling bike chain key rings because everybody wants a piece of the fat guy adventure!

Order a key-ring with chain from Fat guy’s bike to help with the journey and to be a part of the journey. Soon he will be leaving from Dallas, Texas to complete his journey across America. Be a part of it today by supporting the ride!

Hasn’t the internet been ‘supporting the ride’ for like, 18 months? How about Eric supporting his own ride now? Ya know, with an actual job?

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Fashion Blogging Lifestyle Blogging

Jordan Reid Will Overcome, Joins Snapchat

Jordan Reid, brave and feministy, has posted a new ramshackle ramble explaining why she has finally joined snapchat. She begins by explaining she’s like SO behind on technology, for reals, you don’t even know ok.

Twenty or so years later, my manager and I were sitting together at lunch and she took my phone from me and physically downloaded Instagram from the app store, because despite the fact that most of my colleagues had signed up a solid two years earlier, I would never, ever have done it otherwise.

I have never owned an iPod, and am still sort of confused about which device people’s music resides on these days (…the cloud, perhaps?). I’ve never taken the three seconds required to figure out how to reliably link my car’s Bluetooth to my phone. I still use MapQuest.

At first she implies it’s because she is such a too-cool rebel, saying “if you tell me something is “the new thing everyone is doing,” that will result in me very much not wanting to do it”, and if you make her do it she “will whine. And still not do it”. But like everything else with Jojo there is a first-world-problems story from her tween years that is the root of whatever problem she’s having.

She proceeds to blather on and on and on about some story from sixth grade – yep, roughly 25 years ago Jordan bought saddle shoes the day after the Cool Girl in sixth grade declared them so last week, and this has caused Jordy all the anxiety ever about showing up late to trends…or something. And she had to share this story in order to announce her bravery in overcoming this fear and joining snapchat.

Yeeeeah. Never has a blogger deserved more #sobrave hashtags.

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Mommy Blogging

People Totally Blew Dooce’s Mental Health Issues
Out Of Proportion

Dooce, no one cares but it’s a slow news day so far, has revealed via podcast that she maybe made too big a deal out of her mental health. She says based on her years of posts where she brings up her variable moods, people apparently got the idea that she was actually mentally fragile – but that wasn’t really the case.

I did hammer the nail into my own coffin…I had crafted a narrative that I was the crazy neurotic wife…when he revealed to people that I was the one who asked for the separation all these people were like I can’t imagine what it was like to live with someone so mentally ill..

She went on to say most of her tales of instability were just “curated” stories she shared on her blog, but the “narrative” “worked against” her during the divorce because “a lot of people interpreted” her “as a deranged woman”.

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Healthy Living Blogging

Hungry Runner Girl Got Married

Janae, got engaged to the guy she met like 45 minutes ago, evidently tired of being engaged and got her new man down the aisle yesterday. She didn’t share much because they were probably racing off to have sex as soon as possible, but she managed to throw up an announcement post.

Long story short… we were supposed to get married in August and then changed our minds a few weeks ago and decided to get married yesterday instead:)  We are off to Mexico today and I’ll be back soon with all of the details!

I cannot imagine what details could be missing here. She found a new guy and hustled him down the aisle in under six months, presumably so she could get back to making babies. But maybe she wants to share Aunt Myrtle’s Tangy Jesus Punch because everyone at the reception just loved it.

Anyway, I guess in a couple of weeks we will get a baby bump picture because these two seem to be moving faster than a 1980s makeover montage. But congrats, I guess.

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Food Blogging

White Cookbook Lady Will Make Deaths Of Black People About Her

Shauna Ahern, did you know she adopted a black kid, adopted a black kid. She knows all about the horror and heartbreak of the Alton Sterling family, and of all families who endure racism and possible violence, because she adopted a black son.

This is my beautiful 2-year-old son…in 10 to 15 years, he’s going to be enormously tall and strong. His black body will be a threat to someone…he could be killed for driving black.

She can tell us all how to fix racism because she adopted a black kid. Did you know she adopted a black kid? She did.

She explains that nothing will change in America until white people fix it.

There is a wound at the heart of this nation…And it’s going to take white people doing something, so many of us shouting, before anything changes. Rise up, people. Rise up.

White people like Shauna, who knows all about racism and how to fix it because she adopted a black kid.

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Internets WTF

Healthy Happier Bear Is Uplifting Someone

Ashley, of the Healthy Happier Bear blog, wants to share a powerful message with you.

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Internets WTF

Jennifer Mayers Doesn’t Understand Why People Are Mean To Her On Twitter

Jennifer Mayers, the blogger who claims to be “Spreading Positivity through Jesus Christ”, is expressing confusion over why twitter is being so hateful towards her. After all, she’s just expressing her #truth.

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And of course her blog is full of wonderful commentary about America and advice on how to not be killed by police like Alton Sterling.

This is why I do not associate with poor people or blacks.  I treasure my life, and I simply refuse to put myself into these types of situations around people who have no regard for the law or the GODLY way of life.

I’m assuming this is all some kind of elaborate satire, so I’ll leave you with this #brave tweet.

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Well ok then.

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Khloe Kardashian ‘Flowergate’ Reaches Peak WTF

Khloe Kardashian, of the talented and classy Kardashian family, got tongues wagging Wednesday when she instagram vagueposted about a pile of flowers.

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The Daily Mail, which is sort of like CNN but for celebrity bikini pictures, quickly broke the news that Khloe had posted omgflowrz and speculated about whether they are from some guy she’s rumored to be dating.

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The problem is, neither Khloe nor the DM seem to be aware that the pic contains the best known sink on instagram.

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Yep – that pic is an old one posted last year by the Million Dolla Skalla, Ms. Rach Parcell of Pink Peonies. She’s known for herflowers in the sinkpics. The roses have nothing to do with Khloe Kardashian or that Trey person.

I know this is kind of a non-story but the whole thing is so absurd I had to share.

Update: About an hour after this post went live the Daily Mail updated their post to say “eagle eyed fans spotted” that the image “was taken from another Instagram account” and that she “borrowed the snap of the beautiful arrangement from clothing designer Rachel Parcell’s Instagram”.

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Internets Vlogging

YouTuber Charged With False Report In Alleged Hate Crime Attack

Calum Mcswiggan, who runs a youtube channel for “LGBT+ Lifestyle”, claimed a few days ago via an instagram post that he was the victim of a brutal, possibly homophobia fueled attack.

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But the police are telling a different story.

…the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department said in a statement that Mr. McSwiggan had no visible injuries and that it could not substantiate his account. The sheriff’s department said he had been taken into custody after deputies saw him vandalizing a car, and provided a booking photo in which no facial injuries could be seen…[he] was later seen hitting himself with the handle and receiver of a pay phone at the jail and was taken to a hospital…

Mcswiggan claims on his facebook page that he did not lie, he WAS attacked.

I have spent my whole adult life campaigning for LGBT+ equality and did not take this attack lightly. I can not say for 100% that this was because I was gay but I can’t think of any other justification for this random attack…Many people are trying to discredit my story but …[j]ust because there were no visible marks on my face does not mean I was not attacked. Being accused of being a liar and being called a disgrace to the LGBT+ community, a community I’ve dedicated my life to, is more painful than any hate crime could ever be.

He has since been charged with “a misdemeanor count of false report of a criminal offense”.

 

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