Author Archives: Super Nintendo Chalmers

Fashion Blogging

Unabashedly Prep Will Distort the Definition of “Signature”

Go-to-hell jumpingF.E. Castleberry, a man who expresses his nonconformity by flashing his ankles every chance he gets, is holding a giveaway on his site this week–enter and win one of these ties. F.E.C. describes the ties as thus:

K. Cooper Ray is doing it again. He is putting his signature twist on traditional neck-wear. First, it was his reversible bow ties with Brooks Brothers. And now? Now it is long ties with contrasting knots and blades under the Social Primer (a word play on the dual meaning of the word, yet takes the long pronunciation of the “i”) label.

A commenter objected to the “signature twist” part, and had the following conversation with Castleberry:

Harry left a comment on 4/9/2013 at 6:12 PM:

Everyone knows that Tommy Hilfiger made (perhaps still makes) contrasting ties just like this for years, yes? How can this be his “signature twist” when it’s already been done/is being done by another, similar designer working in, essentialy [sic], the same space?

F.E. Castleberry left a comment on 4/9/2013 at 6:18 PM:

@Harry—While several companies, including Tommy Hilfiger, have played with contrastivg [sic] blades, I don’t believe any of them did a contrasting knot.

Harry left a comment on 4/9/2013 at 8:37 PM:

Fred – isn’t it the contrasting tail that creates the contrasting knot?

F.E.C. stops replying after this, but the weird thing is that the tie designer’s own website says that the tie is “…so old it’s new.  Inspired by his grandfather’s fraternity tie…” I’m not sure you can call something a “signature twist” if it’s just an updated version of something that has been around for decades. Also, since Castleberry is such a fan of history and passing things down from one generation to another, it seems like he would be playing up the “fraternity tie” angle, not ignoring it. Maybe I should just be happy he didn’t call them “go-to-hell ties.”

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Mommy Blogging

Project Babies Thinks It’s Appropriate to Discuss Layoffs On Twitter

Project Babies’ Kristin, captain of industry, has been spewing hot, fiery conservative rage all over Twitter since last night. One part that really stood out was this:

First off, what if employees of Trisha Hope’s company read her timeline? Is that really the best way to announce layoffs? Also, the way Kristin’s tweet is worded she makes it seem as if employees who support health care reform are the ones she and her husband will fire. Even if that’s not the case, it just seems flippant and incredibly gross to talk about firing employees in a forum that your employees can easily read.

Note: Project Babies has locked her Twitter timeline, so don’t bother trying to look at it right now. Oh well, we’ll always have the screenshots.

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

In Case You Were Wondering, Mary Rambin’s Condescension Circuit Still Works

Gal about town and pioneering testicle designer Mary Rambin has dusted off her soapbox to drop some more knowledge on the unhealthy masses. This time she focuses on NYC’s recent ban on large sugar-sweetened drinks, which is, in her words, “a step in the right direction.” More specifically:

My hope is that this is the first of many acts to follow to take the over-processed crap out of our diets; people are obviously not capable of doing it themselves.  (Have you seen the lines at McDonald’s lately?!)

Again with the “oh poor unhealthy idiots, eating McDonald’s because they’re too dumb to know better” schtick. She honestly seems to believe that if soda and fast food were wiped off the face of the earth, everyone would just start going to Whole Foods and eating salads and granola all day long. She doesn’t show even an iota of understanding that health is way more complicated than just trying to force people to reach for water instead of Pepsi. I’m just tired of seeing Rambin pull this ridiculous concern-trolling routine, when it’s clear she doesn’t care about starting or joining any halfway serious conversation about health or obesity.

I will give it to Rambo, though. The woman certainly knows how to end her posts with a bang:

Although I have no scientific references to back this up, it’s my belief that the crap these big brands inject into food is a cause of cancer.

Cancer, you say?! Well I’m convinced. I’ll put down my Cinnabon and pick up the nut butter. Does anyone know of any good recipes involving quinoa?

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Lifestyle Blogging

Cary Randolph Won’t Shut Up About the Hamptons

Cary Randolph-future Kennedy, current Jefferson and the ne plus ultra of high society-graciously answers questions from the unwashed masses. Today she got an anonymous question that was right in her wheelhouse:

Anonymous said: Which do you prefer: Hamptons or Newport?

Cary: I prefer them both to pretty much anywhere else, but if we’re splitting hairs I’d like to be tearing down Further Lane in a charcoal gray Mercedes-Benz SLK350 with the top down, hair loose, white linen shirt over a black string bikini, bloody Mary in a Solo cup, and Bob Seger on the radio, the right man at my right side.

Well thank God. I thought this seemed pretentious but the mention of a red Solo cup really brought this answer down to earth. I understand answering a question creatively, but this is a self-indulgent wank over the trust fund or bank account that Scary Mandolph just knows is out there, waiting for her to come and really turn its life around. Mandolph created this fiction of herself as a dyed-in-the-wool WASP at least a year ago, and nothing has come of it. It’s time to admit she really is just the bland Midwestern transplant we all know she is. If she would stop trying to be the second coming of Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy she might actually be interesting.

Thankfully, there is at least one person who isn’t impressed by Mandolph’s response:

Philistine. I’ll bet they never even heard of F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald.

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Lifestyle Blogging

That’s Quirky Is a Steaming Pile of No

The new That’s Quirky has gone live. Though I expected it to be underwhelming on every possible level, the knowledge-resistant Jessica and Adam Quirk have actually managed to cram a stunning amount of bullshit into such a bland website.

Let’s start with the food section, where Messi and Adam (Medam? Adssi?) share a recipe for Swedish meatballs:

 Playfully plop the pork into a large mixing bowl, and add shallot, garlic, egg, bread crumbs, wine, salt, and pepper. Wash your right hand (or left if you’re weird) and plunge it on in. Vigorously massage this stuff with your fingers until it’s all combined and seemingly uniform.

“Or left if you’re weird.” HAHAHAHAHAHA left-handed people are freaks, y’all! If Messi and Adam weren’t such awful people, I might excuse their fruitless attempts at humor; but they’re not, so here we are. Also those meatballs are grey and seem as appetizing as a hernia. Now this recipe is bad enough on its own, but at the very end the That’s Quirky Dream Team just had to include this:

Ok, now dump it all out into a beautiful serving dish or the floor depending on your eating style and culture.

OK, I know I shouldn’t be surprised, given the Park Slope fiasco and the videos/pictures on Wrecks & Salvage’s Flickr, but seriously? The floor? Are these people capable of making a joke that isn’t a.) painfully unfunny, b.) in very poor taste, or c.) both?

The disaster continues. In another post Messi waxes poetic on the thrills of Bub’s Burgers, apparently the only burger place she has ever been to:

The first bite of a Bub’s burger it reminds me of the Fourth of July – a perfectly cooked, straight off the grill taste that brings on a wave of nostalgia.  The fixings are simple but fresh (green lettuce! crisp pickles! red tomatos!) and the burger’s themselves couldn’t be better.  For sure the best burger (and banana shake) in town.

LETTUCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE GREEN. Why does this woman seem surprised that the lettuce hasn’t spoiled? Also since Messi slam noms those Scholar’s Inn burgers every couple of days or so I fail to see how she can get all nostalgic about just another burger. I love a chunk of dead cow as much as the next red-blooded American, but eating one doesn’t take me back to a younger, more innocent time. Plus if I’m describing a burger place to someone I would probably refrain from mentioning three of the most common things that are seen on hamburgers. Though I guess maybe tomatos[sic] are usually not red. I don’t live in Broomcloset so I have no idea.

Fortunately, it’s not all bad. Adam Quirk even takes some time to remind us of the simpler things in life:

I feel a powerful peace when I stand in the forest surrounded by trees and think of their massive, benevolent lives. The forest is full of trees that have been growing for longer than many of us have been alive. Some have been here for generations. Those trees have spent their lives growing towards the sun, exhaling oxygen, and providing shade and food for the creatures of the forest. No thanks required. Just enjoy.

So on that note, I’m going to take @Quirk’s advice and go hug some oaks. You should do the same, but after checking out That’s Quirky in all its “WTF” glory.

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Food Blogging

Mary Rambin Presents the Airport of the Future

In Mary Rambin's future we will all be women laughing with salad.
In Mary Rambin’s future we will all be women laughing with salad.

Mary Rambin clearly doesn’t care for bad standup comedians, as she wants to remove the one reliable joke they’ve ever had. Today on her More than Mary blog Rambin decided to take on airline food:

When we go to their airport, we walk down an aisle of fast food and are forced to choose between the lesser of many evils – processed snacks, frozen and then fried meals, food infused with preservatives, sterilized or canned veggies, over-sized desserts, and candy bars galore.

Or you can just bring food from home if you don’t like the options at the airport. You’re not forced to buy anything there. Plus “their” airport? Whose airport are you referring to?

Carrying my homemade salad, I pass by these “restaurants” feeling so bad for people who travel often.  They have no choice but to consume this crap.  Then I think about how uneducated people are surrounding what they eat.  Even if there were fresh options, would they chose them?  Finally I come to, it’s a shame this is all a money game.  Processed food lasts longer and is cheaper than fresh food so the margin is higher for the airport and businesses.  OR IS IT??!

Jesus Christ what? She’s going for the “oh the poor stupid masses” argument? Why is it so hard to believe that some people eat at these restaurants because they actually enjoy the food? Am I wrong in thinking it is possible to acknowledge something is unhealthy but still consume it because it tastes good? I guess I am, obviously the only reason anyone would eat at a fast food restaurant is because they’re too stupid to know better. Never fear however, Rambin has a solution!

Farmers produce TONS of crop they are dying to sell to sustain their business.  The airport has a high demand for food, turns it over quickly, and sells it at high profit margin.  What if the farmers created fresh meals everyday and came to sell them at booths in the airport?  Since they wouldn’t need a kitchen or much manpower, the airports would generate a bigger profit.  Travelers could then choose from a variety of fresh and healthy foods!

Put the current food vendors aside; they’ve had their hayday.  Imagine they’re gone.  All that is left are magazine stands and retailers.  Now, fill up the old McDonald’s and Taco Bell that used to be dishing out deep-fried fat with friendly faces handing over sliced meat sandwiches and tossed salads.  Baked potatoes, chilled veggie sides, and homemade pastries are other options for you.  Each booth has a different flavor:  Mexican, Italian, Greek, BBQ, etc.  Everything was locally grown  then washed and sliced that day before being made into a hand-crafted meal just for you.  Take your meal to a group of tables or a bar nearby and enjoy!

Now my mind is going wild with ideas of developing the area around airports to support this concept.  Farmers would plant their crops nearby; community kitchens open to prepare the meals; airlines join in and have their planes stocked with the local food.

Really now, how many airports are located near enough to fertile farmland to actually make this a remotely feasible idea? Plus I’m not sold on this Crunchy Granola Utopian ideal of “smiling faces serving out hand-crafted meals just for you.” Does Rambin have any idea how much manpower that would require? Community kitchens? Who’s going to staff them? More to the point, does she even know how much farmland would be needed to grow enough crops to serve Greek, Mexican, BBQ (you need land for livestock to graze on as well), and whatever the else she’s thinking of to stock an entire airport and the planes in it?

Here’s the thing: I have no problem with encouraging people to be more conscious of the food they consume. It’s a good goal and one that more people should focus on. However, casual condescension followed by a highly unrealistic idea about somehow growing enough fresh food near an airport to feed the people who use it really isn’t the way to go. However, I regularly eat greasy pizza, hamburgers, and french fries so I’m clearly too uneducated to even comment on this. What do the healthy people think?

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Lifestyle Blogging

Brit Moron Has Introduced a Wedding Section

This week, Internet freedom fighter Brit Moron debuted a new section of her site: weddings. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been dying for more riveting, intelligent crafting ideas from the Martha Stewart of the geeks. Currently Moron Weddings (sadly not the official title) is just a collection of old crafts she has already featured that would allegedly be great for weddings as well. I don’t know if you want to start a new section of your website with a bunch of old content, but the main reason for this post is that, to celebrate the opening of her new wedding vertical (ugh) Moron is auctioning off her wedding dress.

“I wore the Meriah dress by Monique Lhullier for my Pixel Cowboy wedding (yes, I said Pixel Cowboy (see the pics to better understand). It was the first dress I saw on the first wedding blog I ever visited and consequently the first dress I tried on. Just weeks after getting engaged, I knew it was “the one” immediately and bought it on the spot! It is from Monique’s 2009 line and I bought it in 2010, right as they were discontinuing it. You can be assured that no other brides will be wearing it this season. It’s truly a one of a kind. For best results, wear this dress if you want to: a) ensure you’re the center of attention, b) swoosh around like a princess as you dance, c) give off a fun, flirty bridal vibe.”

“Fun, flirty bridal vibe?” The only vibe I’m getting from that dress is “Oh hey! Don’t I look like a toilet paper cozy?” Second, since when does being discontinued make something “one of a kind?” Can I call all my old Guess jeans and FUBU sweatshirts collector’s items and sell them on eBay for thousands of dollars? They were discontinued in 1999, which means they must be vintage at this point.

The other great thing about the wedding section is that it gives us some insight into why Morin even started this website in the first place:

The idea for this site began last year as I was preparing for my wedding. As I was coming up with new DIY ideas for all of the event decor, I realized how much my analog self seemed to overlap with my digital self, and thought about how many men and women from my generation are probably in the same boat. These days, we love to get creative and make things with our hands, and yet we are also always making, browsing and “doing” online. At that time, there wasn’t a place on the web where technology, lifestyle and DIY coincided. I wanted to change that. Thus, in late November, you saw the launch of Brit.

As if that word salad wasn’t enough, she linked to photos from her own wedding, the theme of which was “Pixel Cowboy.” There’s enough WTF in that wedding gallery for a whole new post, but for now treat yourselves to this:

They “ask the favor of a creative reply.” Apparently telling them you would show up just wasn’t enough. Honestly I find it hard to believe no one, not even Dave Morin himself, would go through this whole pile of whimsical ery and not roll their eyes at least once. Even if I were drunk as hell I’d still side-eye the shit out of a Pixel Cowboy wedding. Maybe that’s why I’m alone and friendless.

Oh, and if you’re interested in buying Moron’s wedding dress (it’s a collector’s item), latest bid as of March 2nd was $3,500. OFF TO THE COINSTAR MACHINE.

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Internets

PandoDaily Is Winning The Internet

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to call up one of your very rich friends and ask for some startup money? Well not anymore! Silicon Valley visionaries Sarah Lacy and Paul Carr have magnanimously decided to show you what that experience is like, with a weekly segment called Why Isn’t This News? In it Lacy and Carr spend 30+ minutes (I have yet to sit through an entire episode) doing everything possible to assure you and most importantly themselves that yes, they are indeed clever and hilarious people.

I won’t even post the latest video here because I doubt anyone even wants to try and tolerate even 10 minutes of this stuff but I will paraphrase a few key moments:

Carr: *blah blah blah* *blah blah* damn shit *blah*
Lacy: That’s so true. By the way my baby just brought me a beer.

Carr: This product is great because it’s easy to find in your purse, you go “ah, it’s right here, next to the…”
Lacy: Diapers [by the way, Lacy had a kid a while back. Try to keep up.]
Carr: Right, diapers, and whatever else women carry around.

Lacy: It’s so terrible what happened to Path and Dave Morin. I’ve been the victim of witch hunts too. By the way have you seen my new baby? Here he is right now. BABY.

I have no idea how that video is supposed to be illuminating. Half of it is Lacy and Carr congratulating each other on being brilliant managers/writers/human beings and the other half is a mishmash of woefully flat jokes, mentions of Lacy’s son (she had a baby a while back. Try to keep up) and…well I have no idea what else went on because the sound quality on Lacy’s end is so poor. Yeah, nothing says “bleeding edge of technology” quite like crappy Skype video where the audio cuts off unexpectedly.

You know what else says “bleeding edge of technology?” A xenophobic, condescending article whose thesis is that no other country on the planet will ever have a Silicon Valley, so they should just leave all that complicated entrepreneurial stuff to the United States. Of course, the kid who wrote that – who isn’t even old enough to drink legally yet – is going to be sent around America to learn about startups outside the Silicon Valley echo chamber. Riiight.

You guys, it’s only Monday and PandoDaily has already used up all my “I can’t”‘s for the week. I should probably just crawl into bed and stay there until Sunday.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Cary Randolph Can’t Do Adulthood Well

Well, I’ve learned my lesson. I took a short break from GOMIBLOG and almost missed some more word vomit from our very own Scary Mandolph:

Recently: standing at the kitchen counter, attempting to peel a hardboiled egg. The white kept coming off with the shell until there was hardly any left, and I stood there, pissed off, late, a million things to do, thinking, “How am I going to do this when I’m a mom?” That’s the question I ask whenever these mundane tasks don’t come easy, like removing an egg shell in one deft maneuver, the flat side of the thumb, the way my dad does it over the sink. He makes it look simple, but it’s not so simple. It’s a craft. And I worry that in ten, fifteen years, when there’s a passel of children pulling on my skirt hem, rolling their sippy cups across the linoleum, screaming for their breakfast, how will I breeze through the mindless bullshit without losing my mind? Example: opening a can of soup over the sink without losing the grip of the can in the opener and dropping the can and spilling all the soup? Or laundry? Loads and loads of laundry? Or hauling groceries into a car and a child in a car seat at the same time in the rain, and the hubby’s on the phone, “What’s for dinner, darling?” How does anyone do that? (I can see my mother now, reading this, saying aloud to her iPad screen, “For God’s sake, Cary, stop THINKING so much.”)

Christ on sale, what the shit is that about? I’ve peeled hard boiled eggs and even used manual can openers for years and I’m not even a (omg) mother. Also, how do you even manage to “peel” an egg and end up taking off the white too? Is she whacking at the thing with a steak knife? All that aside, I don’t know why Mandolph even thinks she’ll have to do any of this stuff once she marries the Kennedy-Vanderbilt-Guinness-Mortimer-de’ Medici-bank account of her dreams. Rich people have servants to do this stuff. I’m no WASP, but I just assume daddy’s too busy banging younger women and mommy’s too busy drinking to care about actually using *gasp* kitchen appliances.

Honestly this looks like something Poundcake would write, and once you’ve hit that level there’s really not much hope. It’s normal for someone to be nervous about raising a child, but don’t eggs and can openers seem like really minor worries? I can’t wait until people stop treating every single aspect of their lives, no matter how insignificant or annoying, as The Link that Binds Us All Together as Humans or something like that.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Brit Moron Knows How to Fight the Power

On January 18, 2012 numerous websites engaged in blackouts as a protest to the hotly-debated SOPA and PIPA acts, which many believed would give big business way too much power over the internet. Brit Moron, ever the trailblazer, decided to eschew the blackout in favor of a much pithier form of dissent:

To show our solidarity with today’s SOPA & PIPA blackout, we cooked up a#BlackoutSOPA Blackberry Oreo Crumble. How are you taking action?

Yes, creative living juggernaut Brit Moron has BAKED A PIE to show solidarity with the SOPA and PIPA protests. Nothing expresses fear and anger over a substantial increase of big business’s control over our lives quite like blackberries and Oreos. It’s a shame every household doesn’t have a Brit Moron, because that whole Arab Spring kerfuffle would have gone a LOT easier if only more baked goods were involved.

Before I leave to go bake cupcakes with the Occupy Wall Street kids, let me add: Moron is an admitted fan of TechCrunch 2.0 PandoDaily. With this kind of pure intellectual power backing her Sarahcuda’s venture is bound to be a success. What do you think catmen and catladies? What’s your favorite Dessert of Dissent? Does Morin’s endorsement make PandoDaily a must-read for you?

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Internets

Sarah Lacy Starts a Business, Simultaneously Conquers Sexism

Just in case anyone thinks that we just don’t have heroes like MLK anymore, I have two words for you: Sarah Lacy. Lacy used to write for TechCrunch, but left last year to start her own project. That project, a news site titled PandoDaily, has launched today. Why should you care? Because with this site Lacy has single-handedly ended sexism for all women everywhere! In one of the first posts on the site, titled “Wait a Minute. I’m a Woman AND I Started a Company?” Lacy explains how she did that whole feminism thing better than any of us could ever hope to achieve:

Aside from all this, there’s a nice side-benefit about starting PandoDaily: I can officially now call bullshit on people (usually men) who insist women don’t start companies in the Valley, because men don’t let them.

For the record: I experienced zero sexism during the process of raising money for PandoDaily. And that’s remarkable, considering I actually took my newborn baby on most pitch meetings with me. He even had a blow-out in Andreessen Horowitz’s offices. (For those who aren’t parents, a “blow-out” isn’t a hair treatment. It involves an exploding diaper. Sorry for the visual. It wasn’t pretty for AH either.) I can’t think of many industries where a new mom could bring a baby to meetings and still get a job.

That’s right catladies! If Sarah Lacy can start a business, that means any woman can! She even brought her infant son to meetings and men did NOT run away screaming! Think what this means for mothers all around the country. Forget babysitters, just take your kids with you to work and let them run wild. You’ll get promoted before lunch hour. Children should start paying you back as soon as possible for the 18 years and 9 months of freeloading they all get, it’s only fair.

Then again, maybe I’m being a bit hard on Sarahcuda, she’s not actually saying that sexism is over, per se:

I’m not saying there’s no sexism in the Valley. Like many women, I’ve certainly experienced it here and there, mostly from sad people who aren’t happy with the point they’re at in their own careers. But as I’ve said before, it’s on the margins, it’s nothing a determined entrepreneur can’t overcome and it’s something that should make you stronger.

That’s right, the only sexists around are pathetic, sad losers who don’t have any power anyway! And since Lacy is a woman, remember, her own personal experience can be used to extrapolate to all women everywhere. The glass ceiling is imaginary, if you’re a woman and you don’t get that promotion, or can’t get funding to start your business you have no one to blame but yourself. I mean, if Sarah Lacy can leverage her network of rich and powerful men, all of whom have money to burn, to fund her project then any woman can just…

Wait…

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