Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Freckled Fox Will Share Her Family Holiday Cards

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Emily, untouchable internet saint, has been hard at work getting her family/lifestyle blogging back on track. Since installing Replacement Huswolf she has made many attempts to show she has moved on from the loss of her first husband. Now she defies all laws of good taste by presenting her 2016 “family holiday cards” – in a sponsored post, no less.

I was looking forward to the traditional family card of course, but then because we’ve had many friends ask for photos of Richard and I, we decided it was the perfect opportunity to order some newlywed/marriage announcement cards as well. I’m beyond happy with how they turned out, and I love having something to help our favorite people share in our exciting new chapter.

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She then raves about how awesome her sponsor is and what great quality the cards are before concluding with a thank your to the photographer and asking “Can I get a high-five? haha” for getting her holiday cards out in mid-November.

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Internets

Bloggers Voted And You Need To Know About It

It’s the day we’ve all been waiting for: the first Vaginal American presidential nominee who might have a shot at winning. And bloggers couldn’t wait to show their support, because social media.

Jessica Quirk continues to beat that “future is female” tee into the ground while reminding us she is pregnant.

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Emily over at Cupcakes and Cashmere put up a post bursting with personal vitality and interest. Or she posted this.

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Run Eat Repeat‘s Monica never misses a chance to mention her Latina heritage, choosing to make a joke out of an historic election.

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And Erin decided now was the time to admit she only cares about really “big” elections.

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Other bloggers were underwhelming; We Wore What‘s Danielle regrammed a shapely behind and hashtagged #vote, while the Taza crew presumably did a mail-in ballot so they could vote at home as a family (edit: instagram stories has a post of a “vote here” sign, but no real confirmation that she actually voted, maybe she’s votesmugging on snapchat). Amberlamps over at Barefoot  Blonde hasn’t smugged her I Voted sticker either (edit: apparently she’s confining her votesmugging to snapchat), and Pink Peonies did a sponsored post, so let’s assume the best and hope they also did a mail-in. And some fat catlady in Brooklyn is being pretty vague about who she voted for.

Now it’s time to sit back, chug Franzia, and refresh the Politics Forum as results roll in. America!

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Internets Snapchat

Dani Mathers Charged With Invasion Of Privacy

Dani Mathers, that Playboy Playmate who apparently takes pictures of women in locker rooms, has been “charged with one count of invasion of privacy” for her weird, entitled snapchat behavior back in July.

Mathers posted a series of snapchat videos of a woman, reportedly aged in her 70s, fully nude and taking a shower in the locker room while Mathers snickered and said “If I can’t unsee this then you can’t either”.

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After massive backlash Mathers posted some apology snaps and later tweeted:

…I love empowering women and have dedicated my life to that.. I made a horrible mistake and am sorry

Mathers could face up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine.

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Fashion Blogging Internets no1curr

What I Wore Has Important Political Opinions

Jessica Quirk, had potential, has posted some exciting information that is incredibly relevant to the coming election.

In high school, I was the only girl in my senior class on the short list to win “Most Likely to be a Politician” which I took as a wonderful compliment (see also: most likely to be on the cover of a magazine and most talkative). I didn’t “win” any of them, but I’m 99.9% sure I’m the only one who’s made a career out of being a blogger.

Um…k. Not sure why a woman in her mid-30s is still gushing about how she was somebody in high school, but sure. She goes on to impress upon us how vurry vurry political she is, saying “I do my homework, I read the transcripts, I weigh my options, but most importantly, I vote!” I guess this is supposed to set us up to take her next paragraph urging us all to “rock” our votes super seriously.

…at the end of the day, your vote is yours and you don’t need to share who you’ve voted for or why with anyone else…You can split your ticket or vote in total opposition with your husband or parents or friends. Your vote is yours. Rock it.

Finally she concludes her post with the announcement the world has been waiting for.

…nothing I’m wearing today is maternity! I didn’t expect these jeans to fit this far into my pregnancy, but shimmied down (and later unbuttoned) and they work fine.

Oh thank Hashtag Hillary, for a moment I was worried she might be forced into the elastic panel nightmares only worn by the fat cows unlucky enough to have normal legs! Thanks for inspiring us all to rock the bloat!

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Internets Mommy Blogging

CecilyK Wants Trump To Notice Her

Cecily Kellogg, “social media manager”, posted one of her classic omg everyone please notice me shock-jock rants the other day over on that site where washed up/wannabe bloggers go to try and feel relevant.

Her fertility struggles worked out in the end because now she has her free-to-be-sexy pansexual tween daughter, but she trots out the 12 year old tale of her twins with a different spin at least once a year. Now she has repackaged her Did You Know I Lost Twin Babies Fifty Thousand Years Ago story to be SEO-friendly during this time of Cheeto Jesus. You can read her latest version here and I hope you like profanity because in typical ‘edgy’ Cecily style every other word is four letters long.

Anyhasbeens, Swamp Walrus got her wish – it seems Philly.com picked up her post and decided to run some ‘Area Woman’ style filler interview with our favorite pink beast. After spewing in her post that Trump would not “listen to me…because I’m extremely low on your personal pussy grabbing scale being both old AND fat” she goes on to tell Philly.com:

“If [Trump] were to communicate with me, I would screen-shot the hell out of it” and share it on social media.

So…basically she’s just bitter that she’s too “old AND fat” for Trump to take any notice of her, but omg she really wants him to “communicate” with her so she can attention vampire some more? Ok then.

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

The Freckled Fox Has Already Remarried

Emily Meyers, of Freckled Fox fame, has finally announced her weeks old remarriage. Roughly 90 days after putting her “sweetheart” in the ground, she has decided she is “ready to move forward”.

…I’m ready to share some news that I’ve been keeping to myself for the last little while. I’m ready to introduce you to Richard…When I became engaged to Martin, Richard and I parted ways as friends. We didn’t reconnect until very recently, and things started moving fast between us. We had grown so close all those years ago, and were very much able pick up where we’d left off.

Her late husband’s family seems less than thrilled about the whole thing, with family members who attempt to comment on her instagram allegedly being deleted and blocked. One finally took to facebook to make their side heard in a now deleted post.

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Opponents of the rapid remarriage are calling it “gross”, “shady af”, “disrespectful”, and “Just. Nuts.”

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Moldovans Lose Appeal, Andrea Polito Might Be Writing A Book

Neely Moldovan, of Polito v. Moldovan fame, might want to hurry up and decorate that nursery while she still has money left. She and her husband, who last year went viral with their tales of drama concerning wedding photographer Andrea Polito, lost their appeal last month and things seem to be sliding straight into Craptown for the couple. A post by Brian Mullins states:

…Andrea and APP are waiting for a new court date to be set as the Appellate court decision to throw out the motion to dismiss has cleared the way for the lawsuit to proceed. The original cap of $1 million dollars no longer applies and the court can choose to award any monetary amount for punitive damages.

The author says this case should leave people “absolutely gutted that over a misunderstanding of $125, the clients and media felt it was okay to absolutely torch a business” simply to ““settle the score” through the ever elusive “viral” story”.

Andrea Polito is evidently moving on professionally – the post claims she is “finalizing a book which not only talks about what happened and how she dealt with the social shaming, but how she not only kept her head above water during a very difficult time”, and says she has “a few speaking engagements lined up to discuss how social shaming has affected her and how to move forward.”

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