Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Gala Darling Will Teach You To Cure Yourself

Gala Darling, boob job feminist, has announced her latest woo filled moneymaking scheme. She will now charge you lucky people $145 for a class on “Emotional Freedom Technique”. Her sales pitch is pretty strong:

I discovered tapping in 2006 and the first thing I used it for was to clear myself of the daily asthma attacks I’d been experiencing since I was 10 years old…I tapped to dismantle the depression that had plagued me since the age of 13, and then — in one night — tapped to stop my eating disorder in its tracks.

Her system is a “combination of written and video content which shows you the basics of tapping”, and she says it will also have “a bundle of scripts” to help you “heal” specific issues.

If $145 sounds like a lot to cure your asthma and depression, you can pre-order it right now for $95 and then wait until it’s released in mid-April. I’m tempted to purchase it just to see what kind of 50 page not-promising-anything disclaimer she includes. I mean, people can’t possibly really expect to cure extremely serious medical and mental health issues by tapping their wrists…right?

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Internets Mommy Blogging

Dooce Wants You To Stop Stealing Her Dog

Dooce, formerly relevant, had a rare drama filled week. It all started when some instagramer reposted one of the grillion pics of Chuck to their account. She responded with her usual tact and good humor on facebook.

I OWN THIS PHOTO, ALL YOU LOW-LIFE PIECES OF SHIT-EATING CRETINS WHO ARE INCAPABLE OF PRODUCING CONTENT ON YOUR OWN.

Evidently not getting the obsequious apologetic response she was used to, she took to twitter to continue her rant.

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She then carpet bomb reported gram accounts for copyright infringement. This somehow escalated into Dooce being afraid for her safety when she discovered instagram passed on her sooper private sekrit email address in the takedown request.

Please. I seriously need your help with this, I am shaking. I have reported several accounts of copyright infringement to IG concerning stolen photos of Chuck, and apparently they have shared my personal information with the offenders. I just got an email from one of the offenders to a private email address…If he has this private email address, does he also have my phone number and address?

She continued to post messages she claims she is receiving, saying instagram and facebook need to do something about the person, presumably because she can’t find the ‘block’ button. Of course her fanpoodles jumped on, saying she should run them over with her car and saying they’ll “kick his ass” for her, and saying the offender “does not know who he’s dealing with!”. One poodle wondered “How in 2016, could any citizen of the internet not recognize a photo of the late Congressman Chuck …… and not know that the photo likely belonged the the all fabulous @Dooce???????” because obviously millennials should know everything about a middle aged former mommy blogger.

This flip out is a far cry from her reaction to the same type of thing three short years ago.

Yeah. Whatever. Is it copyrighted? Sure. Would I like attribution? Of course. Is that a reasonable expectation? Probably not. That photo has taken on a life of it’s own, and if it makes someone chuckle then, hell. My work here is done.

Dooce said she “tried calling police before and they essentially laughed at me”.

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Internets Mommy Blogging

French Parents Could Be Sued For Posting Pics Of Their Kids Online

French officials have started to remind parents that posting pictures of their children online could land them a lawsuit or jail time in the future. The Telegraph reports:

Under France’s stringent privacy laws, parents could face penalties as severe as a year in prison and a fine of €45,000 (£35,000) if convicted of publicising intimate details of the private lives of others — including their children – without their consent.

While according to the Daily Mail ”French children could sue their parents for posting pictures of them” online. Facebook vice-president Jay Parikh says the company is considering introducing a warning asking if parents really want to post a picture publicly.

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Internets Mommy Blogging WTF

Mommy Wants Vodka Wants Money

In a surprise twist of events that surprises absolutely nobody Becky Harks, mommy wants money, now has a GoFundMe. It was set up by a ‘friend’ who shared the harrowing tale of Becky’s past few months.

…Becky needs our help.  In December 2015 Becky fell and broke her hip and femur for the SECOND time. She was also thrust into a coma, during part of which she was “awake” but has no recollection of her daily life because she had fallen deep into the rabbit hole. Depression is a killer my friends – and  that and an infection after her break almost killed our Aunt Becky.  But …. she is BACK!!!  And she needs our help. She will NEVER ask for it, but she does…Becky has NOTHING to do with the GoFundMe.

Saying she is “living on a fixed budget and she can’t even pay her bills, which are mostly medical now” the GFM asks for $5,000 to help Becky…well it doesn’t really specifically say what the money will used for. But I’m sure it will be used for helping Becky get back to her healthy lifestyle.

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Internets

Fat Guy Across America Adds A New Hook

Eric Hites, fat guy going across America in an RV, has added a new member to his team.

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Yes the ‘power couple’ have added a puppy to their traveling failcircus for some reason. I guess he really showed Dr. Phil, eh?

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Healthy Living Blogging Internets

Eric Hites Claims Dr. Phil Show “flat out lied”

Eric Hites, the fat guy who is making his way across America on a bike at the speed of glacial displacement, will be able to see himself on the Dr. Phil show today. But it seems Eric is angry at the outcome of his big media appearance. He is claiming the Dr. Phil Show misrepresented what his episode would be about, and then manipulated him into making himself look bad.

They led me In to help me face my bullies, they flat out lied and then did edits and made me do things I normally wouldn’t do…Then made me buy my lunch at a gas station who had no health food.

It seems Dr. Phil confronted Eric and pals about why he’s spent an estimated $20k in donations to basically fiddle fart around the country accomplishing nothing real. Dr. Phil also apparently brought out some of Eric’s intarwebs critics so they could have some big confrontation scene, I guess. I don’t know the details of what went down, but if you listen to Eric tell it he was intentionally humiliated and #drphilisaliar etc.

Anyway, the episode airs today so get your popcorn gifs ready for when Dr. Phil viewers find Eric’s facebook page.

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Internets WTF

Roosh V Apparently A Super Successful Macho Man

Roosh V, the man who once claimed his “default opinion of any girl I meet is worthless dirty wh*re until proven otherwise”, has had to cancel his Return of Kings meetup after a women’s boxing team said they’d be showing up. Of course, the RoK website says it’s because the evil SJWs stirred up controversy making it unsafe for the sausage party to get together and talk about how much they love rape.

He also filed police reports out of fear for his own precious life because all those mentally ill ugly chicks were sending him death threats. When the police showed up to take a report about the threats, the international businessman who totally has piles of cash emerged from his mommy’s basement in a pit stained tee shirt. Because that is where he lives. In his mom’s basement.

So basically the man who thinks a woman’s only value lies in her looks and the status of her hymen is living in his mommy’s basement and squeaking by on ad revenue from a site about hating women. What an heroic icon of manhood.

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Internets WTF

Amanda Is Now Pissed About New Things

Amanda, the woman who claims her husband’s mistress forced him to cheat, is back with a new blog. Calling herself a “radically honest and brave woman” for publishing “about her husband and his five-year affair with a blackmailing sexual sociopath”, she shares the brutal hardship she is enduring since her marriage busted up.

It’s amazing what I’ve learned to live without for the last two months…my car payment is due today, that Ricky Bobby is legally responsible for, and it isn’t getting paid…Will I gracefully learn how to live without…my precious convertible BMW…

She also goes on about being “surprised by myself and what I’ve learned to live without and how to hold my head high when using my EBT (electronic benefit transfer-aka food stamps) card at the grocery store” while saying the second that deadbeat Ricky Bobby sends her some spousal support, she’s going back in for a Botox touch up.

She also moans that she can no longer get expensive haircuts while pitying the broke women who cannot afford the upkeep to which Amanda was accustomed.

Although my hair is untouched and thus needs no color upkeep, I can certainly spot a fake blonde in dire need of a touch up. Would I say to her, “Is your husband screwing you over, too? I can tell by your excessive wrinkles and horrible roots. I see you’re a natural brunette. Perhaps it’s time to embrace it”.

So if you want to follow the continuing saga of Amanda feel free to head on over to her new trainwreck. Happy Monday!

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Internets WTF

Author Allegedly Catfishing Book Bloggers Into Reviewing Her Book

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Jon at Bookish Antics has posted a bizarre tale of catfishing in the book blogger world. He says a “woman ‘named’ Corinne Rosanna Catlin has been contacting bloggers such as myself and masquerading as a publicity assistant” at Penguin Books. He claims she is sending out purchased Advance Reader Copies to send out along with her own book in an effort to trick bloggers into reviewing her work.

I got mail from Corinne in a box with a Penguin Random House label and a letter that was supposedly from Penguin Young Readers. I received one of the ARCs I requested, a random adult book from a Penguin imprint and a strange looking indie title. The YA book from my list had a “Thrift Books” sticker on it and I’m confident that Corinne bought the ARC I wanted online. This was all a ploy to make bloggers read her novel, Spectaccolo by Christine Catlin, which she claims that Penguin is now publishing in paperback.

The author, Christine Catlin, is being accused of astroturfing Goodreads with fake reviews about her book as well. Jon says he has “received emails from an official PenguinRandomHouse address from a Corinne despite confirmations from a source that she doesn’t work there” and says “Penguin Random House is now getting involved in this and their Legal department will be handling this”.

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Internets Mommy Blogging WTF

Mommy Wants Vodka Went Into A Coma

Aunt Becky, can break her femur just by standing up, has evidently spent “nearly the past month in the hospital”.

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Um, ok, sure. Her life is turning into a really bad story arc on Grey’s Anatomy or something. Are her fangirls still buying this crap?

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Internets The Golden Hammys

The 2016 GOMI Awards: Categories And Nominations Are Open

It’s that time once again, hams – pull out those notes you’ve been keeping all year and suggest this year’s categories and/or nominees for The Most Important Awards On The Internets: The GOMIBLOGs!

We’ll start off with these five categories.

Best Flounce

Biggest WTF

Best Shamecropping

Biggest Decline

Most Improved

And of course, the Lifetime Failchievement award. Now it’s up to you to suggest up to five additional categories which will be added to the GOMIBLOG Awards voting area. You can also nominate bloggers for the above categories, and for any suggested categories.

And if you’re wondering what happened last year, you can check out the results here. Happy nominating, hams!

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Internets

Presenting The 2015 GOMI Holiday Gift Guide

Don’t you just love gift guides? Every year every blogger alive craps out an affiliate link bonanza disguised as a helpful list of gift ideas. They’re always color coordinated, or themed, or sometimes just straight up sponsored. But each season they saturate the blogging landscape with their attempts to get you to give the greatest gift of all – a percentage of the sales in a blogger’s bank account.

Now it’s GOMIBLOG’s turn. Behold, a handy gift guide for the hamcat in your life.

On to the TL;DR…

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Gala Darling Gets Radical Boob Job

Gala Darling, the “international playgirl” trying to be a “self-love” guru, has some feminist news. Five months after finally announcing the end of her marriage Gala has revealed she went under the knife and got a new pair of juicers.

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In a rambling post she says she “never hated my B cups, and in fact, I never really thought about their size until this summer” (so, basically when she started dating a new guy? hm) and “started thinking about getting a boob job”. So she talked to a doctor and within hours was consulting an astrologist to determine the best date for the surgery. She claims post-surgery she “didn’t feel groggy at all…so I asked for my phone and started texting people”. She spent the day after surgery meditating and watching tv, and had “no bruising and practically zero pain”.

The next day, Thursday, I was back to normal life. I was on Periscope at 12.30pm, went for a walk, and was — for all intents and purposes — on track again. Every day, my chest became less tight and I had more range of motion. (Two weeks after surgery, I was able to do body weight exercise, and I returned to my normal exercise routine — using resistance — yesterday.)

After paragraphs of justification and dismissal of anyone judging her for basically tossing aside all her self-acceptance and self-love teachings, she tells us “In my opinion — which, let’s face it, is the only one that matters — it looks great.” She closed by saying a boob job has nothing to do with feminism, before instagramming a picture of her new boobs crammed into a sports bra with the word “feminist” on it.

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