Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Glennon Doyle Melton And Abby Are ‘Forever’

The Glennon Doyle Melton Tsunami Of Life Changes thunders on. She just announced her “private” relationship with Abby Wambach now involves rings.

On to the TL;DR…

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Instagram Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Barefoot Blonde Says The Reporter Didn’t Like Her

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Amber Clark, super relatable, took a moment out of her busy bikini filled day to comment on a profile piece about her in The Atlantic. The profile wasn’t really all that flattering, and Amber knows why – apparently the reporter wasn’t a fangirl.

On to the TL;DR…

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Lifestyle Blogging

Cecily Needs Us All To Calm Down

Cecily Kellogg, activist from birth, “can’t go on like this”.

On to the TL;DR…

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Gala Darling Will Charge You Money For A Phone Call

Gala Darling, self-proclaimed “girl boss” but actually just a woo peddler, has found yet another way to make you pay for her woo.

On to the TL;DR…

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Fashion Blogging Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Barefoot Blonde Is Super Stressed Out

Barefoot Blonde, still waiting for her “custom home” to be built, is posting “From The Heart” about “Managing Stress”. In a post filled with professionally photographed thigh gaps and hair plugs Amber hand wrings about the struggles of the upper class.

On to the TL;DR…

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Instagram Lifestyle Blogging Where Are They Now

Was Hey Natalie Jean “Dumped” By Husband?

Over the New Year Hey Natalie Jean, former blogger, posted a strange update to instagram stories. Just a year and a half after being dragged to Idaho by Mr. Natalie Jean she posted a burning list with what looked like a claim that she was “dumped by my husband”.

On to the TL;DR…

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Lifestyle Blogging

Barefoot Blonde Moves To Hawaii

Amber, moved to New York City for ‘exciting projects‘, has announced their ‘time in NYC is over’. They are ‘building a home in Arizona near family’ but since they are ‘doing a custom home we have a while til it’s done’. They have ‘decided to come to Hawaii for 6 or so months’ until Castle Numbskull is completed.

On to the TL;DR…

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Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

This Christmas, Glennon Wants You To Give The Gift Of Glennon

Glennon, busy being in love, has a way for your holiday to be “low in stress and high in meaning”. Just follow her amazing holiday gift guide!

On to the TL;DR…

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Freckled Fox’s Huswolf Can Totally Fix Her Kids You Guys

Richard, replacement huswolf of untouchable internet saint Emily, has posted another emotional belching. On our second episode of As The Stomach Churns, Dickie shares a scene in which his two year old stepchild tells him “Daddy, I miss Daddy-Martin.”

She told me she would like a hug. This made me smile. When I smiled, she smiled some too. I made a happier face at her, and she gave me her big classic Lydia smile…Then I looked back to see Lydia crying again. When our eyes met, she gave a big smile again. This time as I looked back to the others, my attention stayed on her, and I watched out of the corner of my eye as her face fell again, and tears started to flow as if she hadn’t smiled at all. When my eyes returned to hers with my full attention, it brought another smile, but then her face again fell as I looked away. She seemed in limbo, stuck between happy and sad…Having had a few hours now to think about this, things are ok. Little Lydia returned to her happy place, and is now sound asleep.

It’s ok, Huswolf Dickie has sort of got this because he has done the whole “move in with a cancer stricken family and play daddy” thing before.

‘Dad’ wasn’t doing well, and I moved in eventually to help more consistently. For a year I lived and breathed family life in many aspects, and learned a lot. Cancer is hard. But it also means a lot of opportunities for growing.  And the kids all handled things in different ways. It was a very special time for me…

Icky savior-complex vibes, anyone? He concludes with a weird list of goals including eating more chocolate chips, and says “while today wasn’t perfect, and *I* couldn’t stem Lydia’s tears completely, tomorrow, I want to make sure she smiles more”. Yeah, Lids, get over your dead Daddy-Martin already! Daddywolf needs “more smiling faces”!

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Freckled Fox Will Share Her Family Holiday Cards

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Emily, untouchable internet saint, has been hard at work getting her family/lifestyle blogging back on track. Since installing Replacement Huswolf she has made many attempts to show she has moved on from the loss of her first husband. Now she defies all laws of good taste by presenting her 2016 “family holiday cards” – in a sponsored post, no less.

I was looking forward to the traditional family card of course, but then because we’ve had many friends ask for photos of Richard and I, we decided it was the perfect opportunity to order some newlywed/marriage announcement cards as well. I’m beyond happy with how they turned out, and I love having something to help our favorite people share in our exciting new chapter.

WAT.

She then raves about how awesome her sponsor is and what great quality the cards are before concluding with a thank your to the photographer and asking “Can I get a high-five? haha” for getting her holiday cards out in mid-November.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Glennon Doyle Has Fallen In Love For Realsies

The Momastery show rolls on, and in her continuing efforts to copy Elizabeth Gilbert, Glennon has now announced she is in love with a woman.

After I told Craig, the first thing he said was: Holy shit. Is this what all the Indigo Girls has been about? I said, WHOA. I DON’T KNOW…MAYBE?

Indigo Girls? Seriously?

Of course Glennon, being the famehound she is, couldn’t just fall in love with a brutiful teacher or accountant or lap disciple. She had to  find someone famous.

Her name is Abby. You might recognize her from soccer. She was one of the best players of all time…

Since Ellen is no longer available, Glennon decided to suddenly “get” what love is all about by attaching herself to soccer star Abby Wambach. Now don’t worry about the kids – Glennon says the kids, parents, and their girlfriends “have family dinners together – all six of us — and Abby cooks.” Then she tells her monkeys in semi-vague terms that she no longer gives any fingercuffs what they want or what they think.

It has been my job for so long as a leader in this community to care deeply about what you think and feel about me and the way I live my life…And now it is my job as a leader not to concern myself too deeply about what you think and feel about me- about the way I live my life.

She concludes by saying they have “decided that we’re going to keep a whole lot of us private” and assuring everyone she is “deeply, finally, FINE…JOY! I’m so happy.”

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Fashion Blogging Instagram Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Bloggers React To Election About How You’d Expect

In case you hadn’t heard, America had an election Tuesday and despite bloggers’ instagram and snapchat campaigns, Trump made it to the Oval. Now most bloggers are coping the only way they know how – publicly.

Jordan Reid at Ramshackle Glam, known for her intellectual think pieces, can’t seem to get back on track.

As a writer, I have no idea how to return to my regular schedule of cute shoes and funny parenting stories, or how to sit down today and start moving through to a to-do list that includes such imperatives as “start compiling holiday gift guide,” and “post flat-lay to IG.”

She has apparently rallied with a new post about an “action plan” that is basically her informing us how super involved she is in her community and btw did you know she has battled anxiety for decades. She then suggests you go sign a change.org petition “calling upon the Electoral College to fix this” and tells you to go donate to a bunch of things. Because if having a tantrum doesn’t work, throw money at the problem. That’s the rich American white girl way!

Jessica Quirk got straight to the point.

I can’t bring myself to say much today, I’m still in a state of shock, so I’m just going to post my outfit.

The instagram prairie mamas are either silent or pushing an agenda of quiet acceptance and hugs – the typical resigned-smile, everything-will-be-fine position that hetero suburban sahms of comfortable means can easily afford to embrace. Mama Watters doesn’t want to talk about politics, instead posting about a poem which is basically an excuse to inform you she doesn’t read her inspirational stuff from some kindle like you fast living monsters.

I have on my bedside table a few books of blessings, prayers, and poetry for times such as this. They are small and linen-bound, full of comfort and wisdom. The light-filled words inside them give me perspective in times of worry, growth, longing, exhaustion, new beginnings, thanksgiving and despair…

Jenna Cole, voting absolutely, posted some bizarre attempt to sound deep.

All things that die have the potential to feed new life. If we’ll just plant and tend to the seeds, they will grow. I’m thinking about those seeds a lot today. What will be my part in transforming this follow-feeling space into something beautiful in the days ahead?

I assume she meant “fallow” which would still be a questionable use of the word, but whatever. Very profound, much feminist.

And then there’s Cupcakes and Cashmere who (probably wisely) kept politics off her glitter and cake pop filled Home For Glossier Intern Program Rejects. She posted something about “Unexpected Holiday Glam” and then that Alina chick posted about “loving disco fever”.

So, happy post-election Friday! Welcome to the New (Same As Before Just With Different Rich White Men In Charge) America!

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Lifestyle Blogging Vlogging

Barefoot Blonde Has Like, A Lump, But Like, She’s Getting It Checked, And Like

Amber Clark, the blogger famous for her ratty blonde hair and towering intellect, like, found a lump in her breast. She made the announcement via snapchat through the licking dog filter. She explained that it’s like, a huge lump in like, her breast, but it’s like, been there for months so like, she just now went and had it checked out but like, they think it’s benign. At this point her husband David pops in to let snapchat know he told Amber they could just cut it out there at home because like, their copay is like, way high.

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The hilarious husband.

Amber rambled on through a few more snaps about how she thought it was just a nursing duct issue even though the lump like, changed the shape of her breast. But like, they said it’s probably nothing so like, sorry for getting you all upset!

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LOL SORRY NBD GUYZ

Let’s thank Amber for reminding her followers that it’s National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and that no matter how young you are you should always bring up changes to your body with your GP as soon as possible. Oh wait, she didn’t do any of that? Well what the f*** was the point then???

 

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