Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Julia Allison Will Finally Shutter NonSociety

Julia Allison, apparently has a show on Bravo!, posted an unpublished interview to her facebook page admitting that “the era of NonSociety has come to an end”. Claiming it “brought in almost half a million  throughout the duration of the site” (which begs the question of why she would shut it down, but ok) she says “my partners and I are finally ready to say goodbye to it”.

Though finally allowing the horizontal crapshow to die the merciful death it has long deserved, Julia refuses to let herself fade into oblivion. In her continuing effort to be famous and relevant, she is going to take her pony show back over to her original site:

I just did the initial redesign of JuliaAllison.com and plan to expand upon it later this year. I’m thinking it will PROBABLY be back to basics blogging, but we’ll see. I am in the midst of writing a book proposal now, so I will also be focusing on that for a while!

Considering everyone and their dog has a book deal these days there’s little doubt she will be handed a pot of money for her mediocre babblings. At least she says she isn’t moving back to New York City, so there’s that to be thankful for.

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

A Cup Of Jo Poaches Self For Content

Joanna Goddard, of “A Cup of Jo”, is following in the footsteps of Gala Darling and Dooce by recycling old pieces of writing for her site.

Her recent post “What sex feels like to guys” stirred up a commenting tizzy when a commenter asked:

Why didn’t you mention that you wrote this same story in 2009? I don’t think anyone would have cared but now this just seems lazy.

It seems Joanna wrote more or less the exact same piece for Glamour back in 2009. From the original piece:

Have you ever wondered what sex feels like from the guy’s point of view? Well, I was chatting with some guy friends recently, when the conversation turned to sex. And they came up with an awesome description of what sex really feels like to guys. I was SO surprised…

My male friends all agreed that sex from a guy’s point of view is a similar sensation to someone sucking on your big toe…except 1000x better.

“It’s warm, wet and incredibly soft,” explained one guy, when he saw I looked puzzled. “When someone sucks on your toe, it kind of similar, although obviously much less intense. But that’s a good way for women to get a sense of what sex is like for us–and why we love it so much.” All the guys nodded in agreement.

Wow. Weird!

Compare to her recent post:

Recently I heard the weirdest thing…
The other night, I was hanging out with some friends, when the conversation turned to sex.

My guy friends all agreed that sex to a man is a similar sensation to someone sucking on your big toe (x1000).

“It’s warm, wet and incredibly soft, so it’s kind of similar to if someone sucks on your toe…but obviously much more intense,” said my friend M.

Then the girls tried to describe what sex feels like, and the best description was…using a Q-tip (x1000). Right? Kind of?

While not exactly a cut-and-paste of the original, it’s hard to deny that it’s basically the same post, edited and reused. Why do bloggers do this and not acknowledge it’s an old idea they are re-addressing and updating? They have to know their die hard fans will catch it and ask about it. As I’ve said when previous bloggers have done this, “Reference it when you revisit the topic in a new post, don’t just change the date to make it appear new.” Certainly they are your words and you’re free to reuse them to your heart’s content. But why not at least mention that it’s not exactly a fresh new idea or experience?

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Lifestyle Blogging

Cary Randolph Won’t Shut Up About the Hamptons

Cary Randolph-future Kennedy, current Jefferson and the ne plus ultra of high society-graciously answers questions from the unwashed masses. Today she got an anonymous question that was right in her wheelhouse:

Anonymous said: Which do you prefer: Hamptons or Newport?

Cary: I prefer them both to pretty much anywhere else, but if we’re splitting hairs I’d like to be tearing down Further Lane in a charcoal gray Mercedes-Benz SLK350 with the top down, hair loose, white linen shirt over a black string bikini, bloody Mary in a Solo cup, and Bob Seger on the radio, the right man at my right side.

Well thank God. I thought this seemed pretentious but the mention of a red Solo cup really brought this answer down to earth. I understand answering a question creatively, but this is a self-indulgent wank over the trust fund or bank account that Scary Mandolph just knows is out there, waiting for her to come and really turn its life around. Mandolph created this fiction of herself as a dyed-in-the-wool WASP at least a year ago, and nothing has come of it. It’s time to admit she really is just the bland Midwestern transplant we all know she is. If she would stop trying to be the second coming of Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy she might actually be interesting.

Thankfully, there is at least one person who isn’t impressed by Mandolph’s response:

Philistine. I’ll bet they never even heard of F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald.

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Lifestyle Blogging

That’s Quirky Reveals Not Amazing Dining Room Makeover

Jessica and Adam Quirk, lifestyle wannabloggers, are finally sharing the visual ipecac which is their dining room makeover. The Quirks explain their design choices using language they no doubt picked up reading Apartment Therapy:

Selecting paint colors was my biggest challenge. The living and dining rooms are connected through a large arch and I wanted each room to look different, but also flow through smoothly. My vintage globe collection, black and white rugs and accents in the living room and the original wood trim were my main concerns. And I finally got that black wall I’ve been dreaming of! I love how it shows off our old house walls which are so full of character!

Pairing blue walls with a black accent wall and a dark wood dining set is certainly a matter of personal taste I suppose, but I can’t help thinking it must feel like they are eating their meals inside a giant bruise.

Whatever. They made kind of a big deal about this makeover so maybe my expectations were too high. We are talking about Messica, after all, so I’m not sure why I expected something with a little more style. It seems their attempt at lifestyle blogging is going to be as riveting as Messica’s attempt at style blogging. Meaning, not interesting at all. I think this marks the end of me giving a crap about the Quirks.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Sweetney Would Like Kenmore To Help Her Out

Sweetney, the inspiring full-time blogger, made a “sad technology death face” Thursday when her dishwasher apparently died. Since Sweetney is a blogger she did the obvious thing and went twitter begging.

Don’t judge her; having a dishwasher is the right of every woman in a first world country. Not having a dishwasher, to Sweetney, is “terrifying”. Really Kenmore owes her a dishwasher, because Sweetney shouldn’t have to wash dishes by hand in a sink like some savage in an Amazon village!

I look forward to hearing about the free new dishwasher some company sends her, because you know that’s what’s coming.

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Lifestyle Blogging

That’s Quirky Is a Steaming Pile of No

The new That’s Quirky has gone live. Though I expected it to be underwhelming on every possible level, the knowledge-resistant Jessica and Adam Quirk have actually managed to cram a stunning amount of bullshit into such a bland website.

Let’s start with the food section, where Messi and Adam (Medam? Adssi?) share a recipe for Swedish meatballs:

 Playfully plop the pork into a large mixing bowl, and add shallot, garlic, egg, bread crumbs, wine, salt, and pepper. Wash your right hand (or left if you’re weird) and plunge it on in. Vigorously massage this stuff with your fingers until it’s all combined and seemingly uniform.

“Or left if you’re weird.” HAHAHAHAHAHA left-handed people are freaks, y’all! If Messi and Adam weren’t such awful people, I might excuse their fruitless attempts at humor; but they’re not, so here we are. Also those meatballs are grey and seem as appetizing as a hernia. Now this recipe is bad enough on its own, but at the very end the That’s Quirky Dream Team just had to include this:

Ok, now dump it all out into a beautiful serving dish or the floor depending on your eating style and culture.

OK, I know I shouldn’t be surprised, given the Park Slope fiasco and the videos/pictures on Wrecks & Salvage’s Flickr, but seriously? The floor? Are these people capable of making a joke that isn’t a.) painfully unfunny, b.) in very poor taste, or c.) both?

The disaster continues. In another post Messi waxes poetic on the thrills of Bub’s Burgers, apparently the only burger place she has ever been to:

The first bite of a Bub’s burger it reminds me of the Fourth of July – a perfectly cooked, straight off the grill taste that brings on a wave of nostalgia.  The fixings are simple but fresh (green lettuce! crisp pickles! red tomatos!) and the burger’s themselves couldn’t be better.  For sure the best burger (and banana shake) in town.

LETTUCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE GREEN. Why does this woman seem surprised that the lettuce hasn’t spoiled? Also since Messi slam noms those Scholar’s Inn burgers every couple of days or so I fail to see how she can get all nostalgic about just another burger. I love a chunk of dead cow as much as the next red-blooded American, but eating one doesn’t take me back to a younger, more innocent time. Plus if I’m describing a burger place to someone I would probably refrain from mentioning three of the most common things that are seen on hamburgers. Though I guess maybe tomatos[sic] are usually not red. I don’t live in Broomcloset so I have no idea.

Fortunately, it’s not all bad. Adam Quirk even takes some time to remind us of the simpler things in life:

I feel a powerful peace when I stand in the forest surrounded by trees and think of their massive, benevolent lives. The forest is full of trees that have been growing for longer than many of us have been alive. Some have been here for generations. Those trees have spent their lives growing towards the sun, exhaling oxygen, and providing shade and food for the creatures of the forest. No thanks required. Just enjoy.

So on that note, I’m going to take @Quirk’s advice and go hug some oaks. You should do the same, but after checking out That’s Quirky in all its “WTF” glory.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Kayla And Checkers Will Raise Their Babies Homeless

Kayla, the 22 year old girlfriend of some guy named “Checkers”, blogs over at “It’s Always Sunny…”. Kayla and Checkers are “homeless by choice”. They are just free living, sweet hearted hippies, taking road trips and picking up hitchhikers and smoking and loving each other. Nothing wrong with that, if that’s how you want to live.

Unfortunately this lifestyle led in a roundabout way to Kayla’s 9 month old daughter being cruelly and for no reason ripped from the arms of her homeless parents after police found pot  in their housecar! And it totally wasn’t even their pot you guys!

The 2 hitch hikers have a MEDICAL MARIJUANA CARD.  They can legally have 19 pounds at them at any given time.  (There was 2 pounds in the car).

We were ALL charged with the marijuana even though they told the cop it was THEIRS and even though it was found in THEIR suitcase.

Kayla and Checkers have been “jumping through hoops” to get her back. Even if they “will have to take some kind of parenting/drug class or something dumb”, all that matters is getting her baby back and getting back on the road before blessing number two arrives.

Yes, “house-less” Kayla and Checkers are expecting another little miracle soon. Since their housecar is evidently still in a tow yard there’s no telling where they plan on stashing two babies if their first daughter is released to them May 31st. I’m going to assume child services did plenty of checks and that the couple is at least pretending to be living in an actual place zoned for residence for the time being.

I’m not trying to be a dick when I wonder again where exactly they plan on putting two babies when they have no jobs and no place to live. People WITH jobs and homes can barely make it with two kids. How long do these two think they can pull off couch surfing with two kids and no jobs? What happens when these kids need to learn how to read and write? And is this really a thing – raising your kids “house-less”???

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Lifestyle Blogging

NicoleandGwendolyn Now Shamelessly Pro-ED

Nicole Marie Story, thinks you’re fat, has long claimed her blog is about “living with” eating disorders. Till now she has confined her obvious sizeism and fat hatred to offhand remarks about the obesity problem in America or the random “you must be fat” comment to a dissenting commenter. She has stated many times that she is healthy and posts pictures of her meals (consisting of cold tofu with ketchup. Yeah.) Now it seems the mask is coming off; with this post she’s going full fat hating/thinspo/pro-ed blog…

I’m skinny, or else I would not fit into size zero jeans (patting myself on the back slightly even though they are j.crew and j.crew zeros are to me, the ‘Fat Girl Zeros’).  And I would NOT have posted Fat pictures to the article of subject either.

But regular slim is not good enough for me.

Ummm ok. That sounds totally healthy.

So how to resolve this Fat?

I could restrict.

I could get liposuction.

But I shan’t.

French Girl Leek Soups may pop their little, fashionable heads into the upcoming weeks, as might my old No-Dinner-Thursday-Rule which I canceled in November…

I’ll keep it healthy, yet EXTREME.

MY HEALTHY.  And MY EXTREME.

Off topic, I’ve now counted the word “fashionable” 4 times. Anyway, I don’t have an ED but the words “healthy” and “extreme” just don’t seem compatible when speaking about food restriction.

But that’s not good enough for me.  If I am a regular skinny girl, I am nothing.  I must be what is acceptable to me.  I must be Vogue.  I must concurrently be the best and healthiest.  And that means looking like an Orange County housewife, not a regular girl who isn’t envied for her body.

Yep, this is sounding more and more healthy. She then goes on to say she intends to look like a lollipop head within 45 days, and justifies it with some sort of weird “eff you” to mental health professionals:

And this, mademoiselle, is why there is no such thing as recovery from an eating disorder.  What I have just written is not ‘healthy’, yet it is ‘healthy’ to me.  If my body is not supreme Vogue stature, then I am nothing.  If I am nothing, then I am not healthy.  This is not ‘disordered’ to me, yet it is certainly ‘disordered’ to others.  Who sets the bar for ‘recovery’ and ‘healthy’ anyway?  We do as individuals.  The DSM is shit.

The sad part about this is the fact that there are young women who admire this person. To those girls I say I hope you read this and do not see something inspirational, unless it inspires you to get help from a professional. This woman, by equivocating and justifying her behavior and posting as if it is a reasonable plan, is (in my opinion) being irresponsible to her audience full of people who may be teetering on the verge of relapse.

This is terrible.I hope this girl gets over herself and gets some real help.

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Healthy Living Blogging Lifestyle Blogging

Cary Randolph Knows How To Eat

Cary Randolph Kennedy Jefferson Washington Fuller, American girl, is regularly asked by anonymous tumblr people for advice. Yesterday a curious reader wanted to know “…what is your diet like?” The American Ms. Fuller responded with her usual combination of wit and relatability:

Funny story: I was on a date recently, and the guy asked me what I like to do besides running. Paused for a moment, asked myself, What are my hobbies? Then looked him in the eye and said, “Well, I like to eat.”

So here’s a typical day in the appetite of moi: egg whites and a piece of cheese or a green juice for breakfast (plus green tea with Splenda), Cobb salad for lunch, Larabar and half-pint of blueberries in the afternoon, salad for dinner, half a PBJ for dessert.

But that’s a good day. Here’s a “bad” one: bacon-egg-and-cheese croissant for breakfast, crab cake salad with French fries for lunch, handful of M&M’s in the afternoon, martini-and-sushi binge fest and gelato at dinner.

Bottom line: eat what you want when you want it (within reason), and then kill yourself at the gym and on the trail. Feel fat? Eat less, and move more.

Did she seriously say “half a PBJ for dessert”? On a “good day”? And then instruct you pork out (within reason?) and then “kill yourself” at the gym??? Cary. CARY honey. I know you’re trying to seem “real” with your little all American PBJ anecdote but come the freck on.

And there is no universe imagined by Carl Sagan in which I would stuff myself with whatever I want and then spend hours in a gym to make up for it. That’s just swinging between extremes for no reason and smacks of a borderline eating disorder. You live in NYC where the average person walks 2 miles a day and you run marathons, Cary. I think you’re allowed french fries and binge drinking on occasion without the guilt laden aftermath of killing yourself at the gym.

WTF woman.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Gala Darling Proves That Blogging Is Hard

Gala Darling, happiness expert and GOMIBLOG Awards nominee in the Lifestyle Blogging category, has claimed she makes upwards of 100,000 dollars a year from her blog. She’s so famous and busy she even has a personal photographer/intern.

So if her blog is her business and income, why is she recycling posts? For instance, back in August, she posted a link for “The Ultimate Guide To Making Your Period Suck Less!” to her tumblr:

Then last week, it appears on her blog again, conveniently redated to appear new:

Is this what “professional blogging” is about now? Just recyclying your old content over and over? It’s crap like this that makes people give side eye to people who complain about how blogging is so hard, and how it’s so stressful to come up with content all the time.

Listen, bloggers: It’s great to have a post that you really loved. Reference it when you revisit the topic in a new post, don’t just change the date to make it appear new. That’s lazy and manipulative.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Bleubird Vintage Announces Sponsored Baby

About a frigging month after GOMIBLOGers knew about it, Miss James of Bleubird Vintage (and GOMIBLOG Award nominee in the Mommy Bloggers category) has announced she is indeed pregnant.

In celebration of little Revenue Stream, Miss James first alerted sponsors that she would soon be producing another source of blog content. Once a sponsor for her big announcement post was procured, she finally confirmed what we around here have been aware of since, oh around Valentine’s Day:

we decided it was time to spill the beans. we’re expecting baby number four this october and we couldn’t be more excited…in honor of our big news, petunia.com sent me and aubrey each a beautiful new diaper bag and they are giving one lucky bleubird reader a cake bag of their choice.

to enter simply visit petunia.com and comment below with which style and color of cake bag you would like to win. i will choose a winner next week. good luck! xo.

You read that correctly: Miss James announced her little Sponsored Baby with a Sponored Giveaway Post. You can’t really blame her. She’s a mommy blogger, and she has to start cashing in on her content as soon as possible. It’s not like she’s getting paid to homeschool, people. And Miss James gots ta get paid, y’all!

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Lifestyle Blogging

Nicole And Her Dog Start A Business

Nicole Story, the “ex-bulimic” who thinks tofu and ketchup is a meal, has “started an LLC.!”  She evidently has moved to New York City – she calls her “initial service region” Gotham, so I’m assuming she means NYC – and will be announcing what her mystery business venture is sometime Monday.

Her “pup” is “Director of Sales” and as such was sent to the office supply store for “administrative supplies”:

A “certain Sir” (lol wut) is her Director of IT – or as she says, “the person that I call when “I can’t figure something out” since I’m quite the medieval princess in distress as it relates to internetty “things.”  :)” Yep, she sounds like a real 3l33t internet female entrepreneur there – if your idea of “woman in tech” is Princess Peach.

I don’t know about you but I am queasy with excitement. I can’t wait to find out what this brain trust has come up with in order to call herself an “entrepreneur”.  Since it’s something that requires “sales strategies”, an eCommerce interface, and “dynamic mobile application integration” (lol wut) only her dog and the Lord could make a guess about what this “business” could possibly be.  I’m sure whatever it is will get her onstage at all the omgtechlady circle jerk conferences, because those cuddle puddle INSPIRE summits just love INSPIRATIONAL bulimic girls who make their boyfriends install a PayPress plugin.

Hey, maybe she and Brit Morin can get together and have an INSPIRING lady entrepreneur camp.

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Lifestyle Blogging

Gala Darling Says Your Mood Is Your Own Fault

Gala Darling, professional attention wh*re, just loves peddling her “love yourself! be positive!” treacle to a generation of women  who are evidently not finding “The Secret” quite pink and glam enough.

In keeping with her image as someone who tells women pretty much what they want to hear and believe, Gala Darling has another “girl power!” post up about owning your emotional state:

I have to admit that for the last few days, I’ve felt like I was walking around with a little dark storm cloud over my head…I would like to blame it all on hormones, on Mercury retrograde, or on the dark moon coming up this weekend… but ultimately, we have to take responsibility for our own moods. Your mood is a choice, & you own your attitude. Some people say, “She totally ruined my mood!” or “My day is totally wrecked now”, but no…We are in charge of our lives & our moods, even — especially — when we think we aren’t.

Maybe I’m taking that last sentence the wrong way – after all, we are talking about a woman who thinks you can talk yourself out of having an eating disorder with “feedback” therapy – but this just smacks of the kind of “turn that frown upside down!” crap that people dismiss mental illnesses with. I’m not a doctor, but I don’t think “it’s all in your head, just put on some lipstick and be more thankful” is really an option when there are hormonal or biochemical things at work.

At least now when people complain about how GOMIBLOG is nothing but cyberbullies who are upsetting REAL PEOPLE, I can direct them to her post and tell them their feelings are their own fault.

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