Lifestyle Blogging

That’s Quirky Is a Steaming Pile of No

The new That’s Quirky has gone live. Though I expected it to be underwhelming on every possible level, the knowledge-resistant Jessica and Adam Quirk have actually managed to cram a stunning amount of bullshit into such a bland website.

Let’s start with the food section, where Messi and Adam (Medam? Adssi?) share a recipe for Swedish meatballs:

 Playfully plop the pork into a large mixing bowl, and add shallot, garlic, egg, bread crumbs, wine, salt, and pepper. Wash your right hand (or left if you’re weird) and plunge it on in. Vigorously massage this stuff with your fingers until it’s all combined and seemingly uniform.

“Or left if you’re weird.” HAHAHAHAHAHA left-handed people are freaks, y’all! If Messi and Adam weren’t such awful people, I might excuse their fruitless attempts at humor; but they’re not, so here we are. Also those meatballs are grey and seem as appetizing as a hernia. Now this recipe is bad enough on its own, but at the very end the That’s Quirky Dream Team just had to include this:

Ok, now dump it all out into a beautiful serving dish or the floor depending on your eating style and culture.

OK, I know I shouldn’t be surprised, given the Park Slope fiasco and the videos/pictures on Wrecks & Salvage’s Flickr, but seriously? The floor? Are these people capable of making a joke that isn’t a.) painfully unfunny, b.) in very poor taste, or c.) both?

The disaster continues. In another post Messi waxes poetic on the thrills of Bub’s Burgers, apparently the only burger place she has ever been to:

The first bite of a Bub’s burger it reminds me of the Fourth of July – a perfectly cooked, straight off the grill taste that brings on a wave of nostalgia.  The fixings are simple but fresh (green lettuce! crisp pickles! red tomatos!) and the burger’s themselves couldn’t be better.  For sure the best burger (and banana shake) in town.

LETTUCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE GREEN. Why does this woman seem surprised that the lettuce hasn’t spoiled? Also since Messi slam noms those Scholar’s Inn burgers every couple of days or so I fail to see how she can get all nostalgic about just another burger. I love a chunk of dead cow as much as the next red-blooded American, but eating one doesn’t take me back to a younger, more innocent time. Plus if I’m describing a burger place to someone I would probably refrain from mentioning three of the most common things that are seen on hamburgers. Though I guess maybe tomatos[sic] are usually not red. I don’t live in Broomcloset so I have no idea.

Fortunately, it’s not all bad. Adam Quirk even takes some time to remind us of the simpler things in life:

I feel a powerful peace when I stand in the forest surrounded by trees and think of their massive, benevolent lives. The forest is full of trees that have been growing for longer than many of us have been alive. Some have been here for generations. Those trees have spent their lives growing towards the sun, exhaling oxygen, and providing shade and food for the creatures of the forest. No thanks required. Just enjoy.

So on that note, I’m going to take @Quirk’s advice and go hug some oaks. You should do the same, but after checking out That’s Quirky in all its “WTF” glory.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

277

Lifestyle Blogging

Jessica Quirk Posts Sneak Peek of That’s Quirky House

Jessica Quirk’s attempt at yet another reinvention, That’s Quirky, is set to launch in June. To help boost future traffic to the as-yet shuttered site, she graced the public with a sneak peek of the 92-year-old hizzouse on the That’s Quirky Facebook page. Can she go from fashion has-been to lifestyle blogger extraordinaire?

Yawny yawn. I’m smelling a ripped-off combination of Rockstar Diaries (minus the spawnlets) & Young House Love on our way. From the lack of effort happening over on What I Wore, one can’t help but think that she’s going to merge the two blogs. AND, if that doesn’t work out, there’s always her witty live tweetfests of The Bachelorette to bring in the big bucks.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

108

Lifestyle Blogging

Kayla And Checkers Will Raise Their Babies Homeless

Kayla, the 22 year old girlfriend of some guy named “Checkers”, blogs over at “It’s Always Sunny…”. Kayla and Checkers are “homeless by choice”. They are just free living, sweet hearted hippies, taking road trips and picking up hitchhikers and smoking and loving each other. Nothing wrong with that, if that’s how you want to live.

Unfortunately this lifestyle led in a roundabout way to Kayla’s 9 month old daughter being cruelly and for no reason ripped from the arms of her homeless parents after police found pot  in their housecar! And it totally wasn’t even their pot you guys!

The 2 hitch hikers have a MEDICAL MARIJUANA CARD.  They can legally have 19 pounds at them at any given time.  (There was 2 pounds in the car).

We were ALL charged with the marijuana even though they told the cop it was THEIRS and even though it was found in THEIR suitcase.

Kayla and Checkers have been “jumping through hoops” to get her back. Even if they “will have to take some kind of parenting/drug class or something dumb”, all that matters is getting her baby back and getting back on the road before blessing number two arrives.

Yes, “house-less” Kayla and Checkers are expecting another little miracle soon. Since their housecar is evidently still in a tow yard there’s no telling where they plan on stashing two babies if their first daughter is released to them May 31st. I’m going to assume child services did plenty of checks and that the couple is at least pretending to be living in an actual place zoned for residence for the time being.

I’m not trying to be a dick when I wonder again where exactly they plan on putting two babies when they have no jobs and no place to live. People WITH jobs and homes can barely make it with two kids. How long do these two think they can pull off couch surfing with two kids and no jobs? What happens when these kids need to learn how to read and write? And is this really a thing – raising your kids “house-less”???

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

620

Lifestyle Blogging

NicoleandGwendolyn Now Shamelessly Pro-ED

Nicole Marie Story, thinks you’re fat, has long claimed her blog is about “living with” eating disorders. Till now she has confined her obvious sizeism and fat hatred to offhand remarks about the obesity problem in America or the random “you must be fat” comment to a dissenting commenter. She has stated many times that she is healthy and posts pictures of her meals (consisting of cold tofu with ketchup. Yeah.) Now it seems the mask is coming off; with this post she’s going full fat hating/thinspo/pro-ed blog…

I’m skinny, or else I would not fit into size zero jeans (patting myself on the back slightly even though they are j.crew and j.crew zeros are to me, the ‘Fat Girl Zeros’).  And I would NOT have posted Fat pictures to the article of subject either.

But regular slim is not good enough for me.

Ummm ok. That sounds totally healthy.

So how to resolve this Fat?

I could restrict.

I could get liposuction.

But I shan’t.

French Girl Leek Soups may pop their little, fashionable heads into the upcoming weeks, as might my old No-Dinner-Thursday-Rule which I canceled in November…

I’ll keep it healthy, yet EXTREME.

MY HEALTHY.  And MY EXTREME.

Off topic, I’ve now counted the word “fashionable” 4 times. Anyway, I don’t have an ED but the words “healthy” and “extreme” just don’t seem compatible when speaking about food restriction.

But that’s not good enough for me.  If I am a regular skinny girl, I am nothing.  I must be what is acceptable to me.  I must be Vogue.  I must concurrently be the best and healthiest.  And that means looking like an Orange County housewife, not a regular girl who isn’t envied for her body.

Yep, this is sounding more and more healthy. She then goes on to say she intends to look like a lollipop head within 45 days, and justifies it with some sort of weird “eff you” to mental health professionals:

And this, mademoiselle, is why there is no such thing as recovery from an eating disorder.  What I have just written is not ‘healthy’, yet it is ‘healthy’ to me.  If my body is not supreme Vogue stature, then I am nothing.  If I am nothing, then I am not healthy.  This is not ‘disordered’ to me, yet it is certainly ‘disordered’ to others.  Who sets the bar for ‘recovery’ and ‘healthy’ anyway?  We do as individuals.  The DSM is shit.

The sad part about this is the fact that there are young women who admire this person. To those girls I say I hope you read this and do not see something inspirational, unless it inspires you to get help from a professional. This woman, by equivocating and justifying her behavior and posting as if it is a reasonable plan, is (in my opinion) being irresponsible to her audience full of people who may be teetering on the verge of relapse.

This is terrible.I hope this girl gets over herself and gets some real help.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

586

Healthy Living Blogging Lifestyle Blogging

Cary Randolph Knows How To Eat

Cary Randolph Kennedy Jefferson Washington Fuller, American girl, is regularly asked by anonymous tumblr people for advice. Yesterday a curious reader wanted to know “…what is your diet like?” The American Ms. Fuller responded with her usual combination of wit and relatability:

Funny story: I was on a date recently, and the guy asked me what I like to do besides running. Paused for a moment, asked myself, What are my hobbies? Then looked him in the eye and said, “Well, I like to eat.”

So here’s a typical day in the appetite of moi: egg whites and a piece of cheese or a green juice for breakfast (plus green tea with Splenda), Cobb salad for lunch, Larabar and half-pint of blueberries in the afternoon, salad for dinner, half a PBJ for dessert.

But that’s a good day. Here’s a “bad” one: bacon-egg-and-cheese croissant for breakfast, crab cake salad with French fries for lunch, handful of M&M’s in the afternoon, martini-and-sushi binge fest and gelato at dinner.

Bottom line: eat what you want when you want it (within reason), and then kill yourself at the gym and on the trail. Feel fat? Eat less, and move more.

Did she seriously say “half a PBJ for dessert”? On a “good day”? And then instruct you pork out (within reason?) and then “kill yourself” at the gym??? Cary. CARY honey. I know you’re trying to seem “real” with your little all American PBJ anecdote but come the freck on.

And there is no universe imagined by Carl Sagan in which I would stuff myself with whatever I want and then spend hours in a gym to make up for it. That’s just swinging between extremes for no reason and smacks of a borderline eating disorder. You live in NYC where the average person walks 2 miles a day and you run marathons, Cary. I think you’re allowed french fries and binge drinking on occasion without the guilt laden aftermath of killing yourself at the gym.

WTF woman.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

168

Lifestyle Blogging

Jessica Quirk To Relaunch That’s Quirky

It’s been quiet boring on the Messy front lately, but all that’s about to change with the upcoming relaunch of the year! She posted this today:

I haven’t made a big to do about this yet, but Adam and I are moving into a new house and my mind has moved from clothes to paint colors and fabric swatches. I have nearly zero interest in what I’m wearing these days and I’ll probably take a couple of days off to focus on cleaning and painting at the new place instead of my daily outfit.  If you’re interested in that sort of thing, Adam and I are relaunching That’s Quirky to document the whole process. The site is set to go live in early June and in the meantime, follow along with us on facebook.

Well, Messy, you’re definitely not the only one with zero interest in what you’re wearing these days. I can’t really be bothered to get my snark up for Messica the past few months since there’s only so many ways you can say FAIL, but I’ll be watching this relaunch with semi-drunken interest since That’s Quirky was such a downer before. (I think she thought they’d get into a house the instant they moved from NYC and now 10 years later or whatever, she finally is.)

Unofficial poll time! What do you think the chances are that she’ll merge What I Wore into That’s Quirky and call it a day? After all, more and more fashion/style bloggers are being forced to create lifestyle content to keep up with the Cupcakes & Cashmeres of the world. Does she have the ability to keep content up on two blogs? I doubt it. After all, this is the girl who spends five hours answering emails.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

66

Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

The Daybook Litters Her Cares Away

Sydney of The Daybook has done some weird things before, but this confetti throwing photo-op really raised my well-manicured French eyebrows.

My sweet sister Jillyan sent us a care package yesterday filled with our favorite candy, books for Everett and a giant bag of confetti. Attached to the confetti was a little note:

Because sometimes the best cure for anything is grabbing a handful of this stuff, throwing it in the air and yelling.

The girl knows what’s up.
And I’ll love her forever for it.

There’s something about Sydney that rubs me the wrong way and while I can’t quite put my finger on it, I do know that throwing confetti outside just to get the perfect shot for your bloggy blog is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. (And obviously we’ve seen some dumb shit around here.) I think it’s hilarious how these girls (especially the lifestyle bloggers) think the entire world is their Special Photo Studio. “Littering a shit ton of confetti outside so I can get a post up on my blog? WHY NOT?!”

Oh, and there’s been some talk about how she’s wearing more expensive c/o’d clothing since her Washingtonian column came out and that had her readers all in a tizzy. Don’t know much else about that, but thought I’d throw it out in case anyone wants to comment.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

117

Lifestyle Blogging

Gala Darling Proves That Blogging Is Hard

Gala Darling, happiness expert and GOMI Awards nominee in the Lifestyle Blogging category, has claimed she makes upwards of 100,000 dollars a year from her blog. She’s so famous and busy she even has a personal photographer/intern.

So if her blog is her business and income, why is she recycling posts? For instance, back in August, she posted a link for “The Ultimate Guide To Making Your Period Suck Less!” to her tumblr:

Then last week, it appears on her blog again, conveniently redated to appear new:

Is this what “professional blogging” is about now? Just recyclying your old content over and over? It’s crap like this that makes people give side eye to people who complain about how blogging is so hard, and how it’s so stressful to come up with content all the time.

Listen, bloggers: It’s great to have a post that you really loved. Reference it when you revisit the topic in a new post, don’t just change the date to make it appear new. That’s lazy and manipulative.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

67

Lifestyle Blogging

Bleubird Vintage Announces Sponsored Baby

About a frigging month after GOMIers knew about it, Miss James of Bleubird Vintage (and GOMI Award nominee in the Mommy Bloggers category) has announced she is indeed pregnant.

In celebration of little Revenue Stream, Miss James first alerted sponsors that she would soon be producing another source of blog content. Once a sponsor for her big announcement post was procured, she finally confirmed what we around here have been aware of since, oh around Valentine’s Day:

we decided it was time to spill the beans. we’re expecting baby number four this october and we couldn’t be more excited…in honor of our big news, petunia.com sent me and aubrey each a beautiful new diaper bag and they are giving one lucky bleubird reader a cake bag of their choice.

to enter simply visit petunia.com and comment below with which style and color of cake bag you would like to win. i will choose a winner next week. good luck! xo.

You read that correctly: Miss James announced her little Sponsored Baby with a Sponored Giveaway Post. You can’t really blame her. She’s a mommy blogger, and she has to start cashing in on her content as soon as possible. It’s not like she’s getting paid to homeschool, people. And Miss James gots ta get paid, y’all!

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

198

Lifestyle Blogging

Nicole And Her Dog Start A Business

Nicole Story, the “ex-bulimic” who thinks tofu and ketchup is a meal, has “started an LLC.!”  She evidently has moved to New York City – she calls her “initial service region” Gotham, so I’m assuming she means NYC – and will be announcing what her mystery business venture is sometime Monday.

Her “pup” is “Director of Sales” and as such was sent to the office supply store for “administrative supplies”:

A “certain Sir” (lol wut) is her Director of IT – or as she says, “the person that I call when “I can’t figure something out” since I’m quite the medieval princess in distress as it relates to internetty “things.”  :)” Yep, she sounds like a real 3l33t internet female entrepreneur there – if your idea of “woman in tech” is Princess Peach.

I don’t know about you but I am queasy with excitement. I can’t wait to find out what this brain trust has come up with in order to call herself an “entrepreneur”.  Since it’s something that requires “sales strategies”, an eCommerce interface, and “dynamic mobile application integration” (lol wut) only her dog and the Lord could make a guess about what this “business” could possibly be.  I’m sure whatever it is will get her onstage at all the omgtechlady circle jerk conferences, because those cuddle puddle INSPIRE summits just love INSPIRATIONAL bulimic girls who make their boyfriends install a PayPress plugin.

Hey, maybe she and Brit Morin can get together and have an INSPIRING lady entrepreneur camp.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

294

Lifestyle Blogging

Gala Darling Says Your Mood Is Your Own Fault

Gala Darling, professional attention wh*re, just loves peddling her “love yourself! be positive!” treacle to a generation of women  who are evidently not finding “The Secret” quite pink and glam enough.

In keeping with her image as someone who tells women pretty much what they want to hear and believe, Gala Darling has another “girl power!” post up about owning your emotional state:

I have to admit that for the last few days, I’ve felt like I was walking around with a little dark storm cloud over my head…I would like to blame it all on hormones, on Mercury retrograde, or on the dark moon coming up this weekend… but ultimately, we have to take responsibility for our own moods. Your mood is a choice, & you own your attitude. Some people say, “She totally ruined my mood!” or “My day is totally wrecked now”, but no…We are in charge of our lives & our moods, even — especially — when we think we aren’t.

Maybe I’m taking that last sentence the wrong way – after all, we are talking about a woman who thinks you can talk yourself out of having an eating disorder with “feedback” therapy – but this just smacks of the kind of “turn that frown upside down!” crap that people dismiss mental illnesses with. I’m not a doctor, but I don’t think “it’s all in your head, just put on some lipstick and be more thankful” is really an option when there are hormonal or biochemical things at work.

At least now when people complain about how GOMI is nothing but cyberbullies who are upsetting REAL PEOPLE, I can direct them to her post and tell them their feelings are their own fault.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

141

Lifestyle Blogging

HelloBrit Wants You To Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day With Car Bombs

HelloBrit.com, the “creative living” website created by Brit Morin, has posted yet another “wait…what?” inducing suggestion. Just in case advising people to use old yoga mats as wine stoppers failed to get the site enough side eye, there is now a post up with a great snack idea to serve your friends of Irish descent on the most famous Irish holiday known to man:

 Everyone loves Irish Car Bombs, especially come St. Patrick’s day. With a shot of Jameson and Bailey’s dropped into a half a Guinness, what’s not to like? Well, one thing’s not to like. The way the Bailey’s curdles in your Guinness if you can’t quite drink quickly enough. That’s where cupcakes come in. Anyone can eat a cupcake fast enough! And we promise it won’t curdle no matter how long it takes you to eat.

Now here at GOMI we make a lot of “WTF?” faces at some things that are probably not offensive to most people, so maybe I’m just being a little hypersensitive to something that isn’t really a big deal at all. But maybe saying that people love “car bombs” on an Irish holiday could have been phrased differently? Or not said at all?

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

377

Lifestyle Blogging

Brit Moron Has Introduced a Wedding Section

This week, Internet freedom fighter Brit Moron debuted a new section of her site: weddings. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been dying for more riveting, intelligent crafting ideas from the Martha Stewart of the geeks. Currently Moron Weddings (sadly not the official title) is just a collection of old crafts she has already featured that would allegedly be great for weddings as well. I don’t know if you want to start a new section of your website with a bunch of old content, but the main reason for this post is that, to celebrate the opening of her new wedding vertical (ugh) Moron is auctioning off her wedding dress.

“I wore the Meriah dress by Monique Lhullier for my Pixel Cowboy wedding (yes, I said Pixel Cowboy (see the pics to better understand). It was the first dress I saw on the first wedding blog I ever visited and consequently the first dress I tried on. Just weeks after getting engaged, I knew it was “the one” immediately and bought it on the spot! It is from Monique’s 2009 line and I bought it in 2010, right as they were discontinuing it. You can be assured that no other brides will be wearing it this season. It’s truly a one of a kind. For best results, wear this dress if you want to: a) ensure you’re the center of attention, b) swoosh around like a princess as you dance, c) give off a fun, flirty bridal vibe.”

“Fun, flirty bridal vibe?” The only vibe I’m getting from that dress is “Oh hey! Don’t I look like a toilet paper cozy?” Second, since when does being discontinued make something “one of a kind?” Can I call all my old Guess jeans and FUBU sweatshirts collector’s items and sell them on eBay for thousands of dollars? They were discontinued in 1999, which means they must be vintage at this point.

The other great thing about the wedding section is that it gives us some insight into why Morin even started this website in the first place:

The idea for this site began last year as I was preparing for my wedding. As I was coming up with new DIY ideas for all of the event decor, I realized how much my analog self seemed to overlap with my digital self, and thought about how many men and women from my generation are probably in the same boat. These days, we love to get creative and make things with our hands, and yet we are also always making, browsing and “doing” online. At that time, there wasn’t a place on the web where technology, lifestyle and DIY coincided. I wanted to change that. Thus, in late November, you saw the launch of Brit.

As if that word salad wasn’t enough, she linked to photos from her own wedding, the theme of which was “Pixel Cowboy.” There’s enough WTF in that wedding gallery for a whole new post, but for now treat yourselves to this:

They “ask the favor of a creative reply.” Apparently telling them you would show up just wasn’t enough. Honestly I find it hard to believe no one, not even Dave Morin himself, would go through this whole pile of whimsical ery and not roll their eyes at least once. Even if I were drunk as hell I’d still side-eye the shit out of a Pixel Cowboy wedding. Maybe that’s why I’m alone and friendless.

Oh, and if you’re interested in buying Moron’s wedding dress (it’s a collector’s item), latest bid as of March 2nd was $3,500. OFF TO THE COINSTAR MACHINE.

THIS!(0)NOPE!(0)

240