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Jordan Reid, wants to sell you a “mom bod” sweatshirt, has taken a break from peddling “mom bod” sweatshirts in order to post a limping justification of why her new boob job is totes about loving your “mom bod” and also feminism or something.
Claiming she wrote about her “journey” because she wants to remove the stigma of cosmetic surgery, she tells us that it “shouldn’t involve feelings of shame and guilt and embarrassment” to have a procedure that basically nobody shrinks away from discussing publicly anymore.
Her #sobrave boob job confessional comes just months after admitting she was getting botox, an admission that finally freed the women of the world to go out and try the top secret, never discussed injectible that no one gets because of the shame or something.
Instagram, the social media platform where boring people can make their lives look amazing, is changing their display algorithm to prioritize posts they think you’ll like the most instead of displaying your feed in chronological order. Naturally this means the intarwebs needs to freak out.
Even Kendall Jenner is complaining about the algorithm armageddon despite instagram saying they “assure you nothing is changing with your feed right now”. Unfortunately all the notification begging is having the opposite effect, turning some followers off a feed completely. No matter – the instagram famous will probably all quit the platform in protest, sort of like how they all quit pinterest when that platform started forbidding affiliate linking. Oh wait.
This post came on the heels of Natty surrounded by a pile of collaboration clothes and telling us “the more denim the better”.
So I guess the idea of Kon-Mari is to throw out everything and get all new stuff every 3 months? Or no? Because that’s what all the bloggers pushing it seem to be doing.
Natalie Now, the former Mormon In Manhattan who is now a Mormon in Utah, continues to be the most pregnant woman who ever pregnanted. She has lots of tips for you other pregnant ladies, including how to pose for your bump pics.
See, Natalie believes that “preg or not, my hand doesn’t need to touch my pubic bone!” Of course, she doesn’t really care that much. When someone commented “it’s not really about posting what other people want to see or not see right?” Natalie responded “you do you! Who cares?!”
Gala Darling, boob job feminist, has announced her latest woo filled moneymaking scheme. She will now charge you lucky people $145 for a class on “Emotional Freedom Technique”. Her sales pitch is pretty strong:
I discovered tapping in 2006 and the first thing I used it for was to clear myself of the daily asthma attacks I’d been experiencing since I was 10 years old…I tapped to dismantle the depression that had plagued me since the age of 13, and then — in one night — tapped to stop my eating disorder in its tracks.
Her system is a “combination of written and video content which shows you the basics of tapping”, and she says it will also have “a bundle of scripts” to help you “heal” specific issues.
If $145 sounds like a lot to cure your asthma and depression, you can pre-order it right now for $95 and then wait until it’s released in mid-April. I’m tempted to purchase it just to see what kind of 50 page not-promising-anything disclaimer she includes. I mean, people can’t possibly really expect to cure extremely serious medical and mental health issues by tapping their wrists…right?
Naomi and Josh Davis, of the Von Derp Family Traveling Circus, took their omglittles to Australia. They have now posted a vlog of their journey and it’s a wonderful video featuring their kids being obnoxious for a day and a half.
Highlights include their kids tearing around the airport screeching while Derp sits on the ground on his phone sorting out their visas, their kids spending hours on the plane screeching and reaching through the seats at each other, their baby opening a cup and flinging water, their kids climbing all over the plane, and one of their precious heavenly gifts rattling a Hungry Hungry Hippos toy.
Unfortunately poor Mamajaw had to tolerate some people who apparently didn’t know how lucky they were to be in the presence of the famous Davis family.
we did encounter our first not-so-nice person on one of our flights in australia who maybe made me cry which was super fun
But she goes on to say “we were also fortunate on several of our flights to have empty seats around us, which was crazy amazing as we were able to spread out a little bit more and sleep” which, from the video it doesn’t look like a lot of sleep was happening but ok.
About five minutes after they returned from Australia they went to speak at some RootsTech conference and did some interview where they “shared” why it’s “important to tell your story”. As usual they blather out a lot of words but don’t really SAY anything. Blah blah the usual Mormon thing of loving journaling, we are inspiring people with our everyday lives, what we do is super important, millions of people just can’t seem to stop being fascinated with us and watch all our videos. Which, ok, great; but what does all of this REALLY MEAN for their family as a whole in the long run? They are obviously a branded family now. Broadcasting their life is a business for them. Why not talk about the long term implications of selling their family’s lives to the highest bidder like the Kardashians? Like, where do they honestly see this going in 5 years? In 10? Enough with the lil ole us and our lil ole sharing the little joys sales spiel – we’ve all heard it a thousand times. Maybe they got into all that deeper stuff in their actual talk, but this interview just seemed like they were there to yet again recite their public relations ‘about us’ crap so it was kind of pointless imo.
Anyway, there’s your update on what the increasingly boring never-ending vacationing Derps have been up to, for the 9 of you who care.
Essena O’Neill, the teenager who made a big deal about getting off social media, has taken to emailing her ‘fans’ to keep them updated. In her latest email update she repeats the story of her amazing fame and beauty, in case you forgot she was famous and beautiful.
I grew up being a teen idle…I became signed with one of Australia’s biggest modelling agencies in a matter of weeks…meeting with lots of different agencies and having proposals for major modelling and YouTube deals…I told my family, ‘I can’t do this. I don’t want to model. I don’t want to even be on social media, it’s just not for me anymore.’…Of course they thought I was going crazy. Why give up a preposed [sic] $50,000 Youtube deal? Five or six shoots already waiting for me in Sydney?
And on and on…and on and on. She blathers on about how her “truth” captions made her even more famous, in case you forgot she was famous. So famous. She was “idolised”, a word she uses repeatedly.
The point of her neverending ramble seems to be her announcement that she is “getting a job at a local bar and pursuing writing full time.” She has now shut down Let’s Be Game Changers, even though she claims “this site had 5 million unique visitors”; the site now simply says she is “currently writing first book” which is apparently going to be about how to get social media famous. She is also claiming she wants to write sci-fi novels, which has “been my dream since I was 12″.
She evidently gave all the donation money to cyberbullying charities, and closes by telling everyone “please if I could say one last thing don’t idolise me”.
Gala Darling, the “international playgirl” trying to be a “self-love” guru, has some feminist news. Five months after finally announcing the end of her marriage Gala has revealed she went under the knife and got a new pair of juicers.
In a rambling post she says she “never hated my B cups, and in fact, I never really thought about their size until this summer” (so, basically when she started dating a new guy? hm) and “started thinking about getting a boob job”. So she talked to a doctor and within hours was consulting an astrologist to determine the best date for the surgery. She claims post-surgery she “didn’t feel groggy at all…so I asked for my phone and started texting people”. She spent the day after surgery meditating and watching tv, and had “no bruising and practically zero pain”.
The next day, Thursday, I was back to normal life. I was on Periscope at 12.30pm, went for a walk, and was — for all intents and purposes — on track again. Every day, my chest became less tight and I had more range of motion. (Two weeks after surgery, I was able to do body weight exercise, and I returned to my normal exercise routine — using resistance — yesterday.)
After paragraphs of justification and dismissal of anyone judging her for basically tossing aside all her self-acceptance and self-love teachings, she tells us “In my opinion — which, let’s face it, is the only one that matters — it looks great.” She closed by saying a boob job has nothing to do with feminism, before instagramming a picture of her new boobs crammed into a sports bra with the word “feminist” on it.
Jess Lively, peddler of “living with intention” internet classes, has announced via podcast that she and her husband have chosen to consciously “complete” their marriage. Mr. Lively sounds absolutely thrilled about it.
I want people to know that I’m happy, that I’m not depressed, that I still love Jess, I look forward to still being close friends, I’m excited about our future lives, I cherish the past five years, and everything is okay. Really, everything is okay.
Jess made the announcement while interviewing fellow woo shoveler Katherine Woodward Thomas, the woman who gifted the world with the term “conscious uncoupling”.
Happy Friday, hams! It’s been a while since we did a book reading. I have a few lined up again, so let’s do a few over the next few weeks. Now, I was going to go to this today but I decided instead to bring you Ramshackle Glam‘s second book. So. Yeah. Sigh. Share my suffering as I slog through the painful prose of ’Carrying On: Style, Beauty, Décor (and More) for the Nervous New Mom’.
Saying the project has been in the works for two years, James describes it as “a menswear, womenswear, and housewares store in Nashville”. It appears the store will basically be yet another small stock shop with light wood and white walls and Schoolhouse lighting. So far it all looks like a generic factory of waning gram trends; as one ham put it, the store’s instagram wins “the award for the world’s most beige-est instagram feed”.
According to James the store will have “amazing pieces from our favorite brands: Lauren Manoogian, Norse Projects, Caron Callahan, Ace&Jig, Tellason, Le Labo, Helm, B Sides, Maryam Nassir Zadeh, Freenote Cloth, Ryan Roche, Clyde, our in-house label TwoSon”, so basically mostly stuff you can buy at 200 places online already.
So, hooray. Just what the world needs – yet another minimalist, hipster luxury, vanity project store pushing items none of her fangirls can afford.
Summer Bellessa, wannabe youtube star, took her potty training son out Black Friday shopping at Target. I know…already the momhams out there are thinking what a fantastic idea this was. What could go wrong?
Well if something does go exactly the way all reason and mother nature would predict, make sure you take a pic of it in the middle of the aisle while your son cries. Instamommies – they’ll make their kid stand around in pee soaked jeans if it means they can post a bon mot on the gram. Happy holidays!
The seemingly endless pregnancy of Amber Fillerup, of the ‘shirtgate’ episode, is finally coming to an end. The human Barbie entered the hospital last night and quickly provided a sexy gram photo to alert her fans of the coming event. The photo already has nearly 70,000 likes.
Predictions on the name selection have already begun with choices swinging between “some hipster/old timey name” or something omgFrawnchy sounding.