Mommy Blogging

Cecily Kellogg Wants You To Know Her 10 Year Old Daughter Came Out

CecilyK, the “former” blogger who has been inexplicably overlooked for Parent Of The Year awards, has announced that her 10 year old daughter “came out at Pride“.

…my role as an ally changed in a big way at this year’s Pride parade, when my daughter said, “Mom,” and then took a deep breath, looked me deep in the eyes and said, “I know what I am now. I’m pansexual.”

Cecily says she asked her 10 year old “queer daughter” why she “thinks it’s important to be public about it, and she said, “Kids need to know it’s OK. Also, I give no f**ks.”” The article continues with paragraphs of hard to believe conversations Cecily evidently had with her daughter’s friends about their sexuality, and concludes with Cecily practically salivating at the thought of all the victimjacking she can now do over LGBTQ issues.

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Mommy Blogging WTF

Courtney Wants You To Know When Her Child Is Alone

Courtney Snowden, some instamommy in Utah, recently informed her 10k+ followers that her youngest child would be flying alone to another state. Just to make sure the whole internet had the details, she posted a picture of his itinerary to her public instagram.

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Sure. This seems like a safe idea.

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Mommy Blogging

Living Absolutely Will Take A Flask To The Playground

Jenna, that person, does not celebrate Father’s Day. Instead she and the family spent Sunday together doing things as a family. They started off with a nice family Sunday walk, and like most totally hip cool moms, Jenna spent the walk taking nips from her inspirational message flask.

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Once they reached the playground ol’ Sippysides really got in the spirit of family.

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The day ended with a snap apparently taken from bed before sundown, which is generally how day drinking ends. What a Happy Uncelebrated Father’s Day!

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Mommy Blogging

Tiffany Would Like You To Take A Moment Of Silence

Tiffany Raina, still pimping out her plump baby, is also pimping out a “friends shop”. Despite tragedy upon tragedy the past seven days, Tiffy would like you take a moment of silence…for baby clothes.

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Obviously followers informed her that her wording was pretty tone deaf considering the past week’s events. Tiffany responded that “it’s a figure of speech, and you took it way too literal. I’m advertising my friends shop. This has nothing to do with world events. Get over yourself.”

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Mommy Blogging

Zsuzsanna Thinks You ‘Sodomites’ Deserved To Die

Zsuzsanna, of Are They All Yours, doesn’t understand why people are upset about the Pulse Massacre.

If the news had been that a ring of p**ophiles was shot and killed, no sane person would be mourning. Those who believe the Bible ought to know that sodomites are reprobate, and thus capable of any perversion, having the mind of animals. This includes p**ophilia. Of course, the average brainwashed American will protest this notion, but facts are stubborn things.

Her facts include a deranged email, because obviously one email represents all gay people. And that email proves that the evil gays are evil because they are gay!

If you think sodomites are just like the rest of us, you are sadly mistaken. They are violent, and capable of any perversion…What the media and society wants us to learn from this gay bar shooting is that homosexuals are nice people, and guns should be banned. Reality tells us homosexuals are violent predators that will stop at nothing, and that everyone ought to keep a gun within easy reach to protect themselves and their families from the attacks of these perverts.

She then comes to the this Jesus-like conclusion.

According to both the Old and New Testament, sodomy should be punishable by the death penalty. As always, God knows best…

Spreading love, forgiveness, absolution – Zoozoo and her pastor husband seem like lovely Christian folk.

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Mommy Blogging

Tiffany’s Bid For Baby Fame Is Going Well

Tiffany Raina, the ultimate instagram stage mom, didn’t manage to get on the Ellen Show. But her baby pimping gram feed certainly is getting attention.

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Her instagram is full of such hypercreepy comments. Just another reason to think twice about creating instagram accounts of your child.

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Mommy Blogging

Art Of Making A Baby Finally Announces Divorce

Elena, expert in the art of not making homosexual babies, has finally acknowledged that she and her robotic looking husband are no longer joined in a mutually beneficial financial arrangement.

In her announcement post she says she is coming clean because divorce is “not a subject widely discussed or talked about” and “it should be”.

I can’t discuss the whys here. It wouldn’t be fair to Lexi’s dad…I don’t hold anything against him, and hope to stay friends and parents and hope that with time he will not hold anything against me.

Evidently they’ve been over for 2 years, which “some of you have noticed”, and Elena says she will finally be moving into her own house or condo. She tells other women who may be thinking about divorce that “It’s never an easy decision, but I think taking your time to make it, without emotions, using logic, can help make the right one.” She then vagueblogs that “it’s not good to be with someone who doesn’t love you” and says she would rather be alone.

She concluded by saying this would be the “only post about this matter” and she also “will not answer questions, comment on the matter”, because while she’d like to “pour my heart out on the blog about every detail of the separation” she realizes it’s a public blog and “I don’t want anyone’s feelings hurt”.

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Mommy Blogging

Josi Denise Thinks Your Reaction Is Sexist

Josi Denise, apparently a former mommy blogger, posted some screed the other day basically telling everyone their mommy blog “sucks”.  She informed her former peers “nobody is reading your sh*t” and that they are “wasting” their money chasing blog fame. And it went on. And on.

She ranted at women for pretending to be happy…

Love my hubby, love my life, love my kiddos, love jesus, love cupcakes, love it all! No. You are not that happy in your every day life. Nobody buys it. And if they do, you’re just making them feel bad about themselves.

…and told mommy bloggers their reasons for blogging are “confused”…

I’m guessing you’re a bored housewife or working mom who has heard that blogging can earn you some extra cash. You like getting free products and feeling like you are a special snowflake. No. Just no.

…and called mommy bloggers sellouts with no soul who aren’t honest about product reviews…

You have no spine. If you are so scared about telling it like it is, and you rely that much on putting up a sunshine and daisy front for potential sponsorships, then what is the point? Go work for a company instead of yourself.

…and finally telling all of them to STAHP.

What hole are you trying to fill by calling yourself a blogger? Just quit. Quit now before you get burnt out and feel guilty. Quit before you realize you wasted years of your life writing bullshit about your kids’ childhood and your relationships instead of being actually involved.

Obviously this all went over like a bag of cheap conference swag with her former blog pals. The reactions ranged from blaming her outburst on hormones to blaming it on the jealousy of a blogger who only started in 2013 and thus has no idea wtf she is talking about. Josi turned this blowback into some kind of sexism issue instead of a ‘told a bunch of people stuff they don’t want to hear’ issue.

None of these things would have been said about a man, his personal life, his emotional stability, or his ability to parent. Not a single one…If women perpetuate this type of sexism amongst themselves, how do they not deserve it everywhere else it may inconvenience them?

So…yeah. Momma Bloggah Drama continues even though that genre has been pretty dead since about 2012. Shrug emoji here.

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Internets Mommy Blogging

Matt Logelin Thinks He Could Be “Fast Friends” With Channing Tatum

Matt Logelin, the dad who has been cashing in on his appeal to the casserol-bringer set for the past 8 years, might have his life story made into a movie – possibly starring Channing Tatum. He seems very excited about the prospect of a celebrity buddy.

We haven’t met yet, but if this moves forward, I’m hoping that we’ll be hanging out a lot, and if we do, I’m sure we’ll become fast friends.

He then switched to pimping his new book, which is evidently supposed to be “a funny reminder to all children that their dad could be way worse than he actually is”.

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Mommy Blogging

Sara Jenks Will Bravely Start The Conversation

Sara Jenks, expert at life, says “very few people talk about the truth of the struggle of motherhood”, and since no one is sharing how hard life is, it’s “[c]ue high rates of postpartum depression, isolation, eating disorders and divorce”. But Sara and her superbeef are brave and real.

Just a few days ago I texted her, “What do you do when your nanny cancels, you have 3 blog posts to write and the baby won’t stop crying?” …During almost every conversation about how hard it is to be a mom and the ridiculous things that happened to us the past week, one of us screams, “WHY ISN’T ANYONE TALKING ABOUT THIS!?”

Thankfully Sara will gladly help start the conversation by pointing you to her bff’s podcast about how hard parenting is, because there are no other podcasts about how much parenting can suck and no one on the internets talking about how parenting can suck. There aren’t any movies about how hard it is to be a mom, no playgroups where moms complain to each other about The Endless Journey To The Volcano Of Potty Training. Sara and Amy alone are bringing you this comfort of inclusivity. You’re welcome, moms!

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Fashion Blogging Internets Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

The Instagram Thirsty Begin Freaking Out Over Platform Changes

Instagram, the social media platform where boring people can make their lives look amazing, is changing their display algorithm to prioritize posts they think you’ll like the most instead of displaying your feed in chronological order. Naturally this means the intarwebs needs to freak out.

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Even Kendall Jenner is complaining about the algorithm armageddon despite instagram saying they “assure you nothing is changing with your feed right now”. Unfortunately all the notification begging is having the opposite effect, turning some followers off a feed completely. No matter – the instagram famous will probably all quit the platform in protest, sort of like how they all quit pinterest when that platform started forbidding affiliate linking. Oh wait.

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Mommy Blogging

Mommy Wants Vodka May As Well Move Into The Hospital

Aunt Becky, recently released after a “coma”, is back in the hospital for the 453235th time.

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That’s right – she’s claiming to have broken her titanium hardware for the second time in three months. It seems she knew something bad was coming, because she was vague posting weirdness last night.

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This latest health crisis may put a damper on Becky getting that “dream job” she claimed she would be interviewing for tomorrow. Poor thing. Maybe another one of her friends can start yet another GoFundMe!

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Mommy Blogging

That Wife Will Tell You About Selfhood

Jenna Cole, dedicated full time mom and wife, was deeply inspired by #internationalwomensday. She took to instagram to explain why she’s an amazing feminist.

…this image caught my attention and seems the most relevant to what I’m working through right now as a woman…I completely skipped the decade of life normally dedicated to self-exploration and -definition, and it is crucial for me to make up lost time…I am Jenna, first. And once my needs and dreams are defined and addressed I can start working to assist those around me with theirs.

You go, girl! Lord knows Jenna could use more ‘me time‘ what with the 24/7 work at home mothering she does. When someone pointed out that finding herself need not be exclusive to being a wife, mother, daughter, or sister, she responded that if anyone feels “frustrated or shocked or confused” by her position on the matter, she is “not the one who can help you understand”. She then told people to “not to be so literal about statements regarding the definition of Self and Personhood”.

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