Internets Mommy Blogging WTF

Mommy Wants Vodka Went Into A Coma

Aunt Becky, can break her femur just by standing up, has evidently spent “nearly the past month in the hospital”.

mwv20

Um, ok, sure. Her life is turning into a really bad story arc on Grey’s Anatomy or something. Are her fangirls still buying this crap?

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Mommy Blogging WTF

Elena Wants You To Know Her Daughter Is A Flasher

Happy New Year’s Eve, hams! To guide us gently out of 2015 here’s a final ‘lol wut’.

Elena, art of making a flasher, posted what she called an “hilarious” photo of her daughter lifting up her shirt for the mailman.

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Ha. Well ok then. Thanks Elena, everyone needed to know this.

Everyone stay safe tonight and I’ll be posting the 2016 GOMIBLOG Awards voting page with the final categories when our hangovers go away on Monday.

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Mommy Blogging WTF

Tiffany Will Use Her Baby To Get On The Ellen Show

Tiffany Wilcox, famethirsty, is ready for her close-up, Ms. DeGeneres. She posted a picture of her “fluffy” naked baby two weeks ago and promptly began creaming herself when the image went viral. She’s now taking every opportunity to fame vampire even more attention from her roly poly offspring.

She’s obviously busy making a big show of telling off anyone who thinks her 99th percentile “mini-me” might want to sign up for Weight Watchers, because everyone knows manufacturing drama over a child will shoot you straight into seats next to Ellen and Joy Behar. Why simply delete and block comments about a picture you publicly posted when you can you make it a big ‘people are being mean to my baby’ campaign?

More predictably, Tiffany The Professional Photographer has begun squealing at brands hoping to make her daughter a spokesmodel, and is tagging people like Mario Lopez, Kim Kardashian, Ludacris, and the Ellen Show over and over and over.

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Congrats, Kinsley! You can now join the ranks of the Von Derp children as Mommy’s Little Meal Ticket! (Seriously though, can someone explain to me why all these bloggers and instagrammers are obsessed with getting on Ellen?)

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Internets Mommy Blogging

A Cup Of Jo Will Affiliate Link Empathy

Joanna Goddard, she’s a cool Brooklyn mom ok, has joined the hordes of bloggers rushing to hitch their names to the Paris tragedy hashwagon. She put up an eye-dabbing post about teaching children how to feel the feelings of all the feels.

After such heartbreaking events in the news this weekend, it makes you think even more about how teach empathy to children…

And what’s the best way, you ask? Affiliate linking books about kindness, of course. Hey, no reason you can’t be sad about a tragedy AND make some money off of it, right?

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Internets Mommy Blogging

Sparkling Adventures Husband Pleads Guilty To Manslaughter

Some of you may remember Sparkling Adventures, the provider of gaybys to foreign fathers. Three years ago her husband David took their infant son on a walk.

But when Fisher returned home, he was dripping wet, distressed and alone. The father had fallen into the Logan River cradling his son in his arms, and let go. The six-month-old’s body was found downstream the next morning.

Apparently the husband was high on a combination of substances and allegations swirled that he was having “delusions” at the time of the incident. He was charged with murder.

The case has now been settled in court as the father pleaded guilty to manslaughter and some drug charges. He was sentenced to 7 1/2 years, with parole eligibility after 3 1/2 years. Since he has already spent over three years in jail he could possibly be released by the end of 2015.

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Blogger Costumes Will Leave You Whelmed

It was Halloween this past Saturday, and your favorite bloggers really put in 50% this year. In case you missed it here are a few of the costumes put up by people who are supposedly super creative.

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Kelle of ETST went as Frieda Kahlo, prompting her fanpuppies to slobber about her super on fleek eyebrows.

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Miss James of Bleubird went as Carrie White. Eh. The costume was well done, I guess I’m just tired of seeing at least 3 Carrie costumes every year.

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Amber of Barefoot Blonde didn’t wear a formal gown for once. Evidently she was having contractions all day and didn’t feel like doing a costume, though that didn’t stop her from coordinating her outfit with her baby and dog.

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Ole Messica is still chugging along at What I Wore, and despite promising that this year’s costume would make her famous Marie Antoinette “look like child’s play”, she simply threw on her old wedding dress and slapped on some black lipstick.

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Natalie, still in Idaho, went as Wednesday Addams. There’s just…not much to say about that.

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Million dollar blogger Rach Parcell of Pink Peonies got over a thousand comments for her #lifegoals family costume.

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And finally, Jenna of That Wife. In case you didn’t know she is a super ladycoder woman in tech now, so obviously she went for a “pun” costume based on her Silicon Valley relevance. Of course that wasn’t enough for Jenna The Kardashian Of Tech – she later changed into a Marilyn Monroe getup for her night of “drinking and dancing”.

Other bloggers decided instead to celebrate Dia de los Muertos – sponsored by Veuve Cliquot, that is. Which is not at all offensive.

Hope you hams had a fun and safe Halloween weekend!

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Mommy Blogging Vlogging

Sam And Nia Repeat Announcement Gag

Today in “well it worked the first time” news, Sam and Nia apparently found a way to make everyone forget that whole Ashley Madison mess.

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That’s right, they’re pregnant. Again. And they decided to “surprise” their moms with the announcement by placing a literal bun in a literal oven and then forcing them to guess what it meant. The best part of the video is mom’s face when she figures out what they’re trying to tell her.

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She finally finds her words and with a continued expression of fear and surprise, manages to stammer “Another bun…gee whiz”. The other mom seemed equally thrilled.

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She made this face for a few seconds, then began to rub the back of her neck before sighing “Oh…oh she’s pregnant” and giving poor Nia a half-hearted hug. She evidently then remembered the camera and began performing the hand on heart, cheeks wet with tears “so so happy” routine expected of hard core Christians whenever fertilization is announced.

Anyway, she’s pregnant, so let’s all forget about that little cheating attempt and focus on how excited they are to try and go viral again.

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Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Love Taza Will Save Peru

Taza, of the Love Taza Family von Derps, has announced that the family is in Peru saving Peru and doing “service” in Peru.

josh and i decided last minute to book this trip. like, we bought our plane tickets on friday morning and left early sunday!

It’s so amazing they even invited her sister and father to come down because it’s her father’s birthday weekend. Don’t worry, they also brought a photo/videographer!

it’s a party too, because our friend jenner (who has helped us put together our NYC guide videos and also traveled with us to amsterdam) is here for a few days! we thought it’d be a long shot when we called him friday night at like eleven in the evening all like, hey…. wanna come to peru and help us create something fun!?

The pictures show intense service like serving soup and Papa Derp and Daughter Derp performing dances for their “new friends”, aka the captive audience just waiting for some food. Later, Derp Son One went around forcing everyone to shake his hand.

he did it all on his own and it touched my heart so much! such a sweetheart. this experience has definitely been a powerful one for our family so far.

The organization they are there for is called Cross-Cultural Solutions and apparently their goals are mostly things like fostering awareness and empowering non-first-world people. The site has stories of previous volunteers here, and honestly it sounds like poverty tourism for most of the volunteers. But hey, awareness! And blog content!

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Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Natalie Now Is Pregnant

Natalie Hill Jensen, the former Mormon In Manhattan turned Mormon In Utah, has finally announced she is carrying a future Broadway Famous Performer.

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She says “pregnancy has really flatlined me- (princess Kate & I have so much in common…)”. She also claims they are not learning the sex of the baby “which is infuriating EVERYONE”, as if the planet has been waiting for this event for years and is slobbering to get the details on this world famous baby. I guess we’ll just have to see how long she can resist the attention of “gender” reveal parties and showing off pink baby leotards for little Ginger Rogers Hill-Jensen.

Looks like her days of traipsing around NYC every month eating like a homeless person are over. How long until she becomes a mommy blogger, do you think?

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Mommy Blogging

CecilyK Has No Problem With Her Daughter Being Sexy

Cecily Kellogg, not a blogger but goes to blog conferences, is still ‘writing’. Since ‘leaving’ Babble, she has found a new venue where she can share her stories of exemplary parenting. She’s now over at Yahoo! Parenting talking about Halloween costumes for tweens.

Tweens are supposed to experiment with their sexuality. It’s normal.

She then dives into some long ramble about how, back in Shakespeare’s time, there were no tweens or teenagers. Unfortunately better nutrition and the fact that it’s no longer the 16th century have forced modern 9-18 year olds to ignore their body yearnings or something.

So basically, you’ve got sexually mature humans forced to live under a newly-constructed definition of “child” and behave accordingly. This conflicts with every signal they’re getting from their own bodies.

She goes on to qualify all of this by saying HER 9 year old “isn’t yet thinking about being sexy” but once she’s 10 or 11 that will change. And she’s cool with that.

In a year or two I might wince a bit if she decides to wear a “hoochie” short skirt as part of her costume and suggest she wears leggings to keep warm, but I’m not going to tell her she’s wrong for wanting to experiment with looking pretty and, yes, even sexy — because she’s just being being a normal kid.

I just…I don’t even know, guys.

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Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Mommy Wants Vodka Felt Her Femur Just Like, Shatter

wtfbecky

Aunt Becky, broke her hip or something, has now provided a timeline and explanation of sorts for her bizarre injuries.

Aunt Becky claims she “felt” her femur “fracture” while she was just “standing up, talking to a friend”. When someone asked how doctors didn’t see this injury, Becky replied:

They x-rayed it both times and saw nothing. I was sent home saying it was a bone bruise and a script for pain meds.

She then says she “went to inpatient rehab for PT and OT” on September 28, and by October 6 said “I am going home. I cannot wait.” Later that same day she said she’ll “be recovering from this a long…time”, though after another x-ray yesterday she reports “Turns out? My femur is working hard to get this b**** off her walker/wheelchair and back to kicking ass and takings [sic]“.

That’s not how any of this works gif here.

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Mommy Blogging

Sadie Jane Understands Important World Problems

Sadie Jane, some mom who lost weight, is doing a lot of thinking this weekend.

I feel like the entire world is under attack right now. Millions of sad and precious children in Syria sleep in streets alone, young college students are being executed for believing in Christ, and cyberbullying is ripping us mothers and women apart one comment after another on all media platforms.

Now read it again. She just ranked mean comments about mommies up there with being executed for your faith and the atrocities of the refugee crisis. Add to this that the message comes to you from her room at a mountain lodge during her weekend getaway and you’ve got a nice big pile of ‘perspective, wtf?’ to enjoy.

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Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Barefoot Blonde Found A Way To Deal With Shirtgate

Amber Fillerup, the barefoot and pregnant blonde, put up a sponsored laundry detergent post yesterday that caused quite the drama. It seems her baby was wearing a shirt that resembled the concentration camp uniform Jews were forced to wear during the Holocaust.

After being alerted to the issue Amber responded in a (now apparently deleted) comment that if the “photos are invoking horrific feelings upon you then I am sorry and I will not be offended if you do not come back to my website”. Meanwhile her fangirls defended her with remarks like “the real truth is the holocaust was entirely blown out of proportion” and “A stripey baby outfit with a star! Someone call the wahmbulance!”

Amber finally dealt with Shirtgate by pulling out the clone stamp tool.

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Amber clarified her comment by later tossing out the classic sorry-you-feel-that-way comeback.

I am really sorry if it offends you!…I am sorry though if it resembling a Star of David offends you, that is obviously not my intention.

She then went on to say she “will look into it” when a commenter brought up last week’s WGN-TV scandal.

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