Internets Mommy Blogging

In Case You Forgot, Pictures Of Your Kids Aren’t Safe On The Intarwebs

In news that shocked pretty much nobody with a brain, Australia’s new Children’s eSafety Commissioner has warned parents that their innocent social media photos of their kids have been found on deep web photo sharing sites.

Tens of millions of photos of children doing everyday activities and posted on popular sites such as Facebook, Kik, and Instagram have been found by investigators looking into complaints about child abuse material online.

The stolen material is organized into groups named things like ”My daughter’s Instagram friends” and ”nice boys play in river”. Commissioner Alastair MacGibbon says ”photos of children originally posted on social media and family blogs account for up to half the material found on some paedophile image-sharing sites”. Susan McLean of Cybersafety Solutions added a final thought.

“If you are a voracious user of social media…If you live your life vicariously through your kids online and you use photo-sharing sites and hashtags, you have to got to understand that that photo is worth something to someone else and it may not be for a purpose you like.”

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Mommy Blogging WTF

It’s Another Boring Post About Dooce Complaining About Why She Left Blogging

Dooce, still talking, is still talking. She was apparently a speaker at some “XOXO” conference. I guess she was there to yammer on yet again about why she left blogging. She is now claiming that despite her amazing sponsored content, she’s basically being forced to retire-except-not because brands now want approval on sponsored post content.

According to Heather, it all started when Banana Republic sponsored a trip for her, her boyfriend, her assistant and his boyfriend – basically like half a dozen people – and the resulting post had something about a “hairy vagina” in it. Well 48 hours later her ad rep called to let Heather know she had screwed the pooch.

Banana Republic was not happy. They were so upset. They demanded I take it down immediately and make it disappear…I said okay, I’ll take it down. But I’m going to tell my readers why. That sent them into complete panic mode.

This prompted Her Importantness to get a call directly from the ad company’s CEO who wanted to know exactly who the heck Heather thought she was – Banana Republic was going to pull their ad revenue and jobs were on the line. Heather’s response apparently was to react like a child who had never before been scolded.

I was stunned but my initial reaction was like, who didn’t tell Banana Republic that they were, would go with this woman? Who…didn’t say, do you know who Dooce is? Do you really want her working on this? Why did that disconnect happen?

That’s right – it’s not on Dooce to act professionally or compromise when her ad company stands to lose millions of dollars. Nope, everyone else should have just known what they were getting into!

Oh, and she didn’t want to exploit her kids. She says “the days leading up to the end of the contract…they wanted it to end”, she got another three part campaign that her kids didn’t want to do, and between uncooperative kids and having to submit posts for approval, Dooce says she was over it.

I realized my child had been written into my contract and that I was exploiting her…So I choose to walk away because I can no longer make a living as a mommy blogger writing a story about everything, every secret revealed…I can’t write about it and make you laugh because your kid does the same thing anymore to make a living.

Now let’s all misinterpret it! Or not. None of you really seem to care anymore but I thought the whole throwing the ad company under the bus thing was kind of lol and had to share.

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Internets Mommy Blogging

Dooce Will Bravely Post Soul Sucking Sponsored Content

Dooce, irrelevant, evidently went to the Problogger event and “told the audience how soul destroying it was to do sponsored posts”. She told people who had paid to come and wanted to hear the “Queen of Mommyblogging” talk about how to monetize a blog that the “only way that you can make money in the States is through sponsored content”. She then proceeded to call writing sponsored posts ”a gruelling experience” and declared personal blogging dead.

While at Problogger, where she complained about doing sponsored posts, she bravely confronted the soul sucking task of posting what appears to be a sponsored Target instagram. She then went home where she faced the gruelling experience of writing a sponsored Target post for her dead personal blog.

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Fashion Blogging Mommy Blogging

Pink Peonies Knows About Jet Ski Safety

Pink Peonies, the Million Dollar Blogger, posted a super fun vacay pic to instagram yesterday.

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Yes, that is indeed her newborn baby in the arms of her husband, who is driving the jet ski with one hand. The post was online for hours while Rachel allowed her fangirls to defend her good parenting decisions. In the end, despite taking to snapchat herself and getting all sassy to her “haters” about what a safety obsessed mom she is, and omg you guys they were going really slow and her husband has driven jet skis for 25 years and she knows how to raise her own child, she  removed the pic. She has replaced it with some baby-and-dog criticism shield pic.

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Mommy Blogging

That Wife Knows Bike Safety

Jenna Cole, Jewish nudist, joins the blogger trend of questionable bicycle safety. This weekend she threw her two small children in a bike trailer thing and took off to attempt adult friendshipping again. But first she had to take photos showcasing her brave decision to wear a crop top.

When readers asked her about the bike trailer she admitted “the listing from side-to-side is scary”, and stated the seats “have buckles/straps to hold them in, but I installed the seat covers backwards and haven’t flipped them around yet”.

Of course the obvious happened – Jenna “forgot the advice I received when I first started biking in the city and went over some trolley tracks at a non-perpendicular angle while pulling the kids” and everyone went tail over teakettle onto the street. Despite what appear to be pretty painful scrapes and bruises, she brushed off the incident by saying she “was really happy when T1 retold the story and said that the experience taught him the importance of wearing a helmet”.

Jenna then took her scraped and bruised children to the beach so they could splash around in saltwater.

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Mommy Blogging WTF

Sam And Nia Are Thrilled To Go Viral With Alleged 48 Hour Pregnancy

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Vloggers Sam & Nia, finally famous, have at last unlocked achievement level Viral Video. They reached this dream of every vlogger with a youtube announcement in which husband Sam, saying his wife texted him earlier to say her period was two weeks late,  proceeds to secretly take Nia’s overnight urine out of the toilet and performs a pregnancy test. He then informs his wife she is pregnant.

But then just three days later they posted a tearful video claiming Nia just had a miscarriage.

We’re so hurt but we’re so thankful that God used us like this…I just hope this video continues to be a way for God to shine his light through us…

They are defending themselves against claims that the videos are a publicity stunt by speaking to huge media outlets. This is after they posted a video about what an “awesome day” they were having because they went viral.

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Mommy Blogging

Dooce Wants You To Know Her Struggle

Dooce, still talking about how she “retired” from blogging, is still talking about how she “retired” from blogging. In an interview with ProBlogger she yet again bemoans the current state of blogland, saying there’s “been a huge shift in the industry since 2011″. She then goes into why her job is harder than your job.

There has been dissatisfaction for about three years, but only since my ex-husband moved to New York has my publishing schedule changed. Once it was just me at home with the children, I no longer could keep up with the schedule I had in place before he left….I often had to stop blogging when my kids were sick or needed me…I had kids to take care of. It’s very difficult to be a single parent and a business owner.

She says she doesn’t know “a single blogger who even enjoys it any more” and explains further to all of you childless chumps with regular jobs why blogging is harder than what you do.

It’s not like just walking into a job every day, it’s so different. I was talking to someone recently, and they asked if there was a segment of the population that are ridiculous in terms of their criticism of what you do – and there is. It’s people with no kids who go to an office job.

She concludes by saying her retirement “probably has increased my workload about 40%” and that “the most feminist thing I can do for myself, and I can ask myself this as a white woman in America – is ask: “am I happy doing what I’m doing?””

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Mommy Blogging WTF

The Feminist Breeder Will Store Placenta In Your Office Fridge

The Feminist Breeder, her new job is more awesome than yours, recently started an awesome new job. She even claims she’s been given a huge raise after less than 3 months at this awesome new job. Which obviously means it’s ok for her to do things like this.

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Um…is this a thing that’s done? Serious question. My boss flips if someone leaves food in the fridge over the weekend. I can’t imagine him chuckling “all day long” if someone put a human organ on the top shelf of the company fridge.

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Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

That Wife Is Now A Nudist

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Jenna Cole, 1/16 Jewish, is now 15/16th nudist. This weekend the uber feminist code warrior WAHM went out to a beach and ripped off her clothes and sobbed into the sand.

I felt my skin warming and the waves spraying and the wind kissing in a way I had never felt before, and it wasn’t long before I turned my back up to the sun so I could bury my face in my towel and cry…And then my new nudist friend Robert (who is somewhere around sixty years old and has an incredible ability to have a twenty minute conversation with a naked woman and not let his eyes wander once) photographed me using my iPhone…

Jenna ended her weekend of nudity by slamming drinks and writing code.

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Mommy Blogging

Love Taza Is Not An Expert On Bicycle Laws

Love Taza, mama to littles, just loves doing everything as a family. This week the Love Taza show went out for a bike ride, as a family.

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The ride included strapping their 7 month old into a bike seat and slapping on a helmet that is clearly the correct size in order to wheel around an island metropolis with some of the most insane traffic in North America.

But apparently Taza isn’t familiar with the bicycle laws in this little city of hers. The New York State Department of Transportation says:

Children under 1 are prohibited from being transported on a bicycle (Sec. 1238(1)(2)).

Of course silly things like laws can’t be acknowledged when there’s content to generate. When a few fangirls asked wtf she was thinking, Taza claimed (in a now apparently deleted comment) that her son’s pediatrician said it was totally okay. She then waved away further criticism on the matter by providing a disclaimer on her post.

…i know the age varies a lot online about when little ones can or should begin to bike with you, so it’s always just best to consult with your pediatricians as they know your child best and if he or she is strong enough, able enough to ride along with you. i’m not an expert on anything around this topic…

I know mommies are exempt from any judging ever but…don’t you think a mom who loves being a mom to her littles in this little city of theirs would know and follow the laws about this sort of thing? And obviously bloggers are special snowflakes and above the rules that apply to those of us who must drudge through this mortal coil without internet headpats; but at some point – maybe when you’re pushing 30 and are a mother of 3 – it stops being cute to giggle and do a kewpie doll pose and do some “golly garsh I just didn’t know! just sharing my life! here’s an affiliate link to our clothes!”

Seriously, I’d like to know when “his pediatrician says it’s ok” started superseding state traffic laws. Maybe I should become a popular lifestyle blogger! Then the next time I don’t feel like curbing my dog I can just smile and say his vet says it’s ok to let him crap on your foot.

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Internets Mommy Blogging WTF

‘Stiletto Me Up’ Charged With Extortion

Egreis Gjergjani, the blogger behind Stiletto Me Up, has apparently been charged with extortion and witness tampering in Orange County, FL.

The crux of the charges seems to be that her stepmother noticed “suspicious activity” on her credit report and “suspected” “Shoe Queen” Egreis was responsible. The stepmother filed two reports with the police about her suspicions. The stepmother alleges that at this point, Eggy called her stepmother and said her father had sent her a sex tape of himself and the stepmother, and if the stepmother didn’t drop all the charges, Eggy would release the tape on the internet.

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After repeated questions on her instagram, she finally made a statement about the matter.

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She also apparently made other statements on instagram claiming this was “nothing but retaliation” for her father filing for divorce from her stepmother.

Egreis was arrested and shortly after posted bail. She then apparently went out to shop and post gramworthy pics of herself at a mall or something.

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Mommy Blogging

That Wife Having THE Most Awful Two Days Ever

Jenna Cole, wannabe coder, just couldn’t catch a break this week. After being unable to get on the plane to Poland because her son’s passport status wasn’t up to par, she spent the last few days trying desperately to get everyone’s passports in order. She finally had to give up and spent yesterday “day drinking” while on the phone with the airline trying to “recoup costs”. Because, alas, it seems the entire passport computer system is down or something and Jenna will not be taking Gollum smile selfies in Greece.

The state department issued a notice last week about technical issues they’re having and this morning a very nice man at the passport agency patiently spoke around my sobs as he delivered the news that they had no idea when the passport would be printed…if we hadn’t struggled with getting the notarized form faxed over and confirmed we might have been able to get it printed in time (like the woman right behind me in line this morning).

She then thanked the random mom who hugged her as she ran “out of the building red-faced and tear-stricken”, and says she is now “reconfiguring” their “summer plans”.

Some very nice people have made this awful 48 hour period bearable. And I guess that’s the end of the very short-lived #euroand15 hashtag. Antio Greece dreams.

I can’t think of a more awful 48 hour period. When I think of all the missed sexy bathing suit poses and selfies of Jenna drinking jug wine with Athina Onassis I just tear up inside. But hey, more SF summer day drinking for Jenna! All is not lost!

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Internets Mommy Blogging

Matt Walsh Thinks Caitlyn Jenner Pic Is A “Monstrosity”

Matt Walsh, still talking for some reason, has pronounced Bruce Jenner’s transformation into Caitlyn an “insult to women”. First, he calls Caitlyn’s Vanity Fair cover a “horrifying” “fiction”.

Indeed, everyone is treating a disturbing Photoshopped picture of a mentally disordered grandfather dressed up as a college girl like it’s mankind’s greatest achievement since spaceflight. Once again, there is a virtually unanimous public agreement that “transgender” people like Bruce Jenner are heroes and saints and and messiahs, and should be worshiped…The truth is, I get so sickened and infuriated by this kind of madness…

He then gadded over to another blog to post another 45 million words about how women should be personally offended by the whole thing. Saying “Bruce Jenner is not a woman in any sense or to any extent”, Matt called the sight “tragic” and thinks “It’s just wrong. Disgusting, frankly.” He then tries to tell feminists that ““transgenderism” is a direct assault on their entire worldview” and claims transgenderism and feminism “cannot coexist”.

You know what else cannot coexist? “Matt Walsh” and “Not Being a Clickbait Douchelord”.

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