Book Club Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging WTF

‘Hey Natalie Jean’ – A Liveblogged Book Review

I received a lovely gift today – a copy of ‘Hey Natalie Jean’, the world tour worthy freshman book effort by the blogger formerly known as Nat the Fat Rat. Because I so enjoy drinking and falling on grenades for my GOMIBLOG hamily, I will now proceed to use my day off to read this with a bottle or five of prosecco and update this post in real time with my thoughts, including pictures. Just keep on hitting refresh – I’ll get the first part up and then continue updating as I read. Off we go!

On to the TL;DR…



Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Hey Natalie Jean Prepares For Worldwide Book Tour

Natalie Holbrook, who recently implied her family can’t afford “private” pre-k for their child unless she bombards her blog with affiliate links, is apparently taking her 176 page vanity book on a worldwide tour.

Saying she has “a gold saint christopher, patron saint of traveling, for good book tour planning juju”, she claims her “first stop come april” is “berlin!” and went on to tweet that she’ll be all over Europe afterwards – presumably promoting her ‘book’.


She also hinted she’ll be jetting around the U.S. saying she was “having a hard time picturing which states came in what order when i began the planning for my stateside book tour”.

I guess her publishers are expecting Bratalie to be the next J.K. Rowling or something if they are sending her on a promotional trip of this magnitude. And yes, I am assuming someone is footing the bill for this globe trotting since poor little Natty was claiming this side of two weeks ago that they needed the “help in the income department” from her shopping posts full of affiliate crap.



Mommy Blogging

Mumspringas Are Apparently The New Ladyblogger Trend

An odd trend has been rising over the past two years. Mommy/Lifestyle bloggers around their early 30s are sticking the toddlers in daycare and heading out for piercings and tats and all day ‘me time’ and all night ‘party time’. It seems young ladybloggers with young kids just become bored with themselves and begin flailing about for some kind of new personality angle.



Enter the ‘Mumspringa’. Ladybloggers between 28-32, usually with children under 5, suddenly start expressing a desire for tattoos or piercings; their personal style takes a turn into obvious try hard; they begin randomly talking about sex and sexuality (and making sure you know they own sex toys).



Suddenly they want to drink and wear see through clothes and go braless and get septum rings, and most importantly they want YOU to know they do these things. The only thing missing from the almost adolescent self-expression is pony tails, rollerskates, and ‘Hot Child In The City’ on full blast while they try to eat popsicles seductively in front of omgsocute boys.

So what is this all about? Why are mommy bloggers who haven’t even hit 35 suddenly behaving like a bunch of bored middle aged women whose kids just left for college? Or am I the only one seeing a pattern because I’m bored on a Sunday night? Do questions at the end of posts actually foster discussion when the blogger tells you to take it to their Facebook page?



Mommy Blogging

Love Taza Wants You To Stop Making Assumptions About Her Fertility

Naomi, mother of 3, is once again subwhining about her silent struggles to conceive. In a post about how she has spent the past 4 years breastfeeding 3 successive babies, Naomi attempts to salve the feelings of any women suffering from infertility by implying she knows their pain.

for example, i’m not one of those lucky ladies who blinks and suddenly is pregnant…when someone starts talking about how “…and then i was pregnant with twins and we weren’t even trying!”…i try to make myself feel better by telling myself, “well naomi, you’re basically a milk maid, so at least you have that!”

When a commenter pointed out that she has, in fact, had 3 children in the past 4 years, so maybe dry crying about infertility is a bit tone deaf, Taza shut her right the buck down.

it seems you are making a lot of assumptions about how long it took us to get pregnant for each of our children and that you are assuming you have all the details about each process for our pregnancies. i’m not trying to insult anyone else who is trying to have a baby (i know firsthand how hurtful women can be to each other). on the contrary, i recognize that women all have their own difficulties and burdens to deal with. your comment is hurtful and insensitive to my own experiences and i wonder about its purpose. i’m very grateful to have been able to have these three babes close together.

This is rather baffling, since the timeline of her births and pregnancies is public record on her blog. Nobody needs to make assumptions – anyone can count out “how long it took” on one hand. But hey, infertility solidarity, sister. I’m sure all those readers who have watched you pop out three while still having none themselves are lining up to rub your back in sympathy for your reproductive struggles.



Mommy Blogging

Pharm Chemicals Are Bad Unless They Pay You To Like Them

Denise, has six kids and invites you to ‘count ‘em’, wants you to stop hating anti-vaxxers because their logic is sound. She vaccinated her first two kids, but they had issues – and she just couldn’t bring herself to shove awful things into the rest of her kids.

Things started to shift once I gave birth to my third child. As I snuggled my brand new little boy in my arms, the thought of subjecting his healthy body to an onslaught of foreign antibodies and questionable chemicals brought tears to my eyes.

Of course those questionable chemicals are more than welcome when Denise is offered a sponsored post. Trying to ride the fence between maintaining her status as earth mama and getting those dolla dolla billz, Denise says:

I’m the type of mama who likes to avoid the doctor’s office at much as possible, and we treat most of our colds and flu symptoms with home remedies — eucalyptus rubs, herbs, homeopathic meds, a vaporizer, essential oils and chicken soup. If my children are really uncomfortable, I know I can trust Tylenol® to help make them feel better.

Oh, ok. Unvaccinated children don’t get sick because Mama doesn’t put evil pharmaceutical chemicals in their bodies. But if they get sick, Mama is happy to put evil pharmaceutical chemicals in their bodies. Especially if they are compensated for doing so.




Fashion Blogging Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Cupcakes And Cashmere Births Her Cakepop And Other News

Sources are saying Cupcakes And Cashmere has pushed out her little pageview generator. She has allegedly bestowed the Totally Right Now name of ‘Sloan’ upon Baby Cuppers.

Katie Bower, crack house saver, has announced she is pregnant with her fourth. She claims she didn’t realize it until she was a good 18+ weeks along. Yeah.

Mr. What I Wore is opening his distillery and Messica is parading around Bloomtucky like the Midwestern Lady Coolbirth.

Miss James posted a ‘look how thin I am’ bathroom selfie but otherwise continues to be a snorep**o.

And be sure to check out the 2015 Predictions thread!

Tomorrow I’ll be posting a roundup of the GOMIBLOG Awards and announcing when and where the Failchievement Party will be. Hint: a bar in Brooklyn, on the 12th, and I’m paying, so make your plans now. Happy Sunday, hams!



Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging WTF

Hey Natalie Jean Wants You To Buy Her Book In Order To Win Her Book

Natalie Holbrook, hip and dreamy, has a book coming out March 17th. In an attempt to drum up excitement she has been doing giveaways all week, culminating in today’s big bonanza – a chance to win her ‘uniform’ of boots and Madewell jeans, and a copy of her book. Just follow her simple entry rules!

To enter, head over to one of these retailers…and preorder that sucker! Then go here and fill out the entry form. If you’ve already preordered, bless you! Lemme kiss your face! Go find that email and enter your confirmation number ASAP, you’re already in!

Yes, you read that right: Natalie wants you to prove you have purchased her book in order to enter to win a copy of her book. I’m not a lolyer…but isn’t that sort of thing frowned upon by the law?



Mommy Blogging

That Wife Will Become A Software Engineer

Jenna Cole, the ‘photographer’ who just three months ago was bragging about how successful she was, has announced she is going to pursue a different career – as a software engineer.

Jenna claims she and her husband ‘sat down as a married couple’ and ‘were able to tweak some things in a way that full-time employment outside the home feels like the right path to pursue’. She then basically blames her failure to get a real job until now on her peripatetic husband.

The biggest thing holding me back from this was that I didn’t want to start working full-time and then relocate to another state soon afterward. How can I be successful in my given career if I’m following my husband all over the planet while he does his thing?

Apparently her husband is now ‘happy where he’s at’, so Jenna feels confident she can ‘set ambitious career goals and work toward them’. First, she hopes to attend Hackbright – a ‘fellowship’ that promises to take women ‘from beginner to software engineer’ in 10 weeks – and says when she finishes the course she will ‘apply for full-time work in the Bay Area as a software engineer’.

As IT hiring managers along the west coast ready their ‘dis gon b gud‘ gifs, Jenna concluded by letting the industry  know ‘There are dozens and dozens of Bay Area companies that I would be thrilled to work for.’



Internets Mommy Blogging

Catherine Connors Will Announce A New Project Soon

Catherine Connors, the bad haircut formerly behind such awesome wtf piles as Babble, is evidently “launching a new venture and announcing a new partnership” soon. She’s even sending out recruitment calls.

Hey, friends in publishing and media – I’m looking for talent recommendations. I have a couple of editorial positions (junior and senior) to fill, ideally in Chicago or DC area but will consider very talented candidates located elsewhere. Need experience in magazine publishing for more senior position (ideally, children’s/family publications), but also ability to bring digital strategy to the table.

She added “Oh, and: it’s not Disney. Remind me to provide some sort of update on my professional life at some point”. Cat Who Needs A Hat then vaguegrammed about some amazing leap into the ether of the stars which are aligning as they do when destiny happens in your heart and your soul begins to ascend with believing in Crystal Light and then me…or something.

Last year I made some decisions that put me on a highwire – or a tightrope, or a trapeze, or a cliff face, or in any case somewhere really high up and really scary but also really exhilarating. Somewhere I could touch the clouds. A place from which I could make great leaps and – maybe – take flight. And it was terrifying and thrilling but usually mostly terrifying, and today – TODAY – I put my feet on the platform / grabbed the bar / reached the ledge and was able to take a deep breath and go AHA! I MADE IT. And feel the wind whistle in my ears, and look down and feel a little bit (a lot) of vertigo, and have that moment of HOLY SHIT WHAT DID I DO. And, of course, shout for joy. Because I decided to fly, and discovered that I have wings…

She also tagged Jenna Elfman, lest anyone forget she’s bffs with a former famous person, and ended with the “Sorry to be vague. More of the story to come” crap bloggers love so much.

So basically she’s no longer at Disney and probably starting some new thing with Jenna Elfman? Or what? And why is she still in the US? Did she get a new job? I can’t figure out why anyone would hire her after her WOMP WOMP Disney Interactive tenure, but I guess anything is possible when you can purple prose your way out of any corner. At least this means ole Cecily Kellogg might get writing work again, amirite?



Mommy Blogging

Kate Tietje Wants You To Stop Blaming Anti-Vaxxers For Diseases

Kate Tietje, mother, is tired of everyone blaming parents who refuse to vaccinate for the return of previously eradicated diseases. In a screed titled “Enough is Enough with Blaming “Anti-Vaxxers””, Kate pulls out the usual argument that not that many people die from these diseases, so what does it matter?

The measles is just not a serious illness for most people.  We also know far, far more about it now than we did 60 years ago, and medical science has advanced quite a lot as well.  We know how to prevent the most serious complications now in most cases.  If we stopped vaccinating, more kids would get measles, and the vast majority with no issues.  We would not see rampant blindness (since vitamin A supplementation is easy to get and inexpensive).

Kate goes on to explain the world “would not see rampant death or encephalitis” and says “If the death rate was really 1 in 5000…and everyone got measles — we could assume about 4 million cases per year — that would be 800 deaths annually.” After telling readers to speak up because anti-vaxxers have a right to be heard, she then puts out a call for people to “report hate pages” that comment on the things anti-vaxxers say, calling it “hate speech” and “bullying”.

She concluded with an Edited to Add, responding to people who called her out for blithely dismissing the 800 possible people who might die.

Plenty of people are upset that I noted that we could see up to 800 measles deaths annually if no one vaccinated.  First, that will never happen — because unlike some people, I believe everyone should have a *choice* in their medical care, and many will choose to vaccinate.

Meaning, I assume, that it’s ok for people to stop vaccinating because they can just rely on the herd immunity of those who DO. Seriously, this sounds like something The Onion would write. Oh wait, they did.



Internets Mommy Blogging

A Mommy Blogger Reality Show Is The Obvious Next Step


Now that their niche is being killed off by the rise of softly filtered ‘lifestyle blogging’, mommy bloggers are seeking new ways to stay relevant. Well now they can cling to a last shred of possible fame by applying to join the cast of a mommy blogger reality show.

A major cable television network and an award-winning television production company are on a nationwide search for Mom bloggers to feature on a new docuseries.

The call claims the “ideal candidate should be an active blogger with a big personality and a family who feels comfortable sharing its journey and experiences”, and hopes to cast “a variety of women and capture their everyday lives in a thoughtful and genuine manner”.

I can’t help but think this will be nothing more than “American Blogger: The Series”. I mean, would anyone REALLY watch this besides other mommy bloggers? I guess I just don’t get what would be television worthy about a bunch of middle class sahms posting to instagram all day. But I don’t get Honey Boo Boo either, so sure, why not.



Fashion Blogging Mommy Blogging

What I Wore Wants You To Focus On What Mom Needs

Jessica Quirk, had a baby, continues the grand tradition of bloggers who want to remind you of all the things you should do for a new mom. In a post titled “10 Ways To Help A New Mom”, Messica lists her expectations of those around her.

Saying “Gifts for baby are great, but gifts for mom (and dad!) are even better” she goes on to tell potential well-wishers that fresh fruits and veggies are preferable to heat and eat dishes, and basically says thank you notes should never be expected.

She also tells visitors that instead of holding the baby or having a chat, they should perform some chores.

Mom doesn’t need you to hold the baby so she can vacuum or do a load of laundry. She needs you to vacuum and do the laundry so she can hold her baby. Period…Other chores might be to take the trash to the curb, take out the kitty litter, take the dog on a walk, shovel the walk (in the winter), rake leaves (in the fall) or water the plants (in the spring/summer).

Messica’s recommended to-do list for visitors is not limited to those close to the family, either.

If you’re a neighbor you could also help by bringing the newspaper or mail up closer to the front door!

And she includes another reminder to stop hogging the baby when he’s happy, because that’s HER time.

I also remember feeling like Felix would get held during all of his “good” moments and then feeding/changing time would creep up and I’d have to jump in again when I really just wanted to cuddle and spend time with my baby when he wasn’t crying.

Ya know, I get being a new mom is hard, and triply so after a c-section. But Messica has an able bodied husband. It’s not like it’s all going to go to hell unless the entire neighborhood drops what they’re doing and mows the lawn. And bring the mail up to the door??? Does she live out on Rural Route BFE where the mailbox is a mile walk each way or something? Why can’t her husband bring the mail in?

And seriously, demanding people only bring you food items that help you adhere to your Whole 30 Paleo Whatever is kind of entitled. Maybe Old Widow Soandso brings new moms c/o noodle caboodle because that’s what people did in her day. Is it so hard to smile, say thank you, let someone hold the new life for a few minutes, toss the offending casserole when they leave, and just say later that it was delicious whether you ate a bite or not?

It’s like bloggers expect to be excused of all basic manners and courtesy for others because they reproduced. Cmon son. Get a grip.



Mommy Blogging

Mommy Esq. Will Wax Her Kindergartner

Mommy, Esq., recently had a “Girls Day” with her 5 year old daughter. They did all the normal things you do on a mommy-and-me day.


Now you hams know I’m not the judging type, but who on earth takes a 5 year old in for a brow wax? Is that what happened here? I am so confused. Is this normal?