Vlogging WTF

Brandy Wooten Will Tag You On Facebook Unless You Have Her Fresh Cookies

Brandy Wooten, apparently an influential blogger, posted a weird, expletive laden video of herself verbally abusing a McDonald’s employee. It seems they didn’t have Brandy’s fresh baked cookies ready for her on her arrival, even though she calls ahead “every time”. (I would recommend you not watch this video if you don’t like loud curse words.)




Telling the poor drive through woman she is “a real blogger” and intends to “tag” her, she then invites people to follow her on facebook before calling the employee a “raggedy a**”. The employee then tells her to have a nice day, to which the classy Brandy responds “I will, b*tch”.

Welcome to the entitled world of a “real blogger”.

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Internets WTF

MckMama Will Safely Instagram Her Nails

MckMama, thin and successful, would like to show you her holiday manicure.

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Obviously the best time to take a picture of your manicure is while you careen down the road at 70 mph. Why do people keep doing this?

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Lifestyle Blogging Vlogging WTF

You Need A Change Of Pants, But First Summer Will Post It To Instagram

Summer Bellessa, wannabe youtube star, took her potty training son out Black Friday shopping at Target. I know…already the momhams out there are thinking what a fantastic idea this was. What could go wrong?

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Well if something does go exactly the way all reason and mother nature would predict, make sure you take a pic of it in the middle of the aisle while your son cries. Instamommies – they’ll make their kid stand around in pee soaked jeans if it means they can post a bon mot on the gram. Happy holidays!

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Passenger Jumps Overboard During Travel Blogger Cruise

Travel bloggers recently boarded the cruise ship Oasis of the Seas for the TBEX at Sea event. The cruise left Ft. Lauderdale on October 31st and has been making its way through the Bahamas, but tragedy apparently struck this morning.

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Evidently a man jumped from Deck 7 and attempted to cling to a lifeboat but was unable to hold on.

Officials said crew members witnessed the 35-year-old intentionally leap from the Oasis of the Seas ship early Friday morning in the Bahamas. A rescue ship from Clearwater has joined search efforts.

Lou Mongello, a passenger on the TBEX cruise, claims there is “a very disturbing video of the passenger hanging onto the lifeboat, where you can hear another passenger saying “You murdered him!… Because of you this happened!”" being passed around the group. A video of the event was recently removed from youtube.

Rumors state the incident involved alcohol and some sort of domestic argument. The Captain was apparently given notice that there was a “domestic situation” happening which allowed the Captain to slow the ship before the incident. Royal Caribbean has now passed on search and rescue duties to the Coast Guard and the ship is heading back to Florida.

UPDATE: Video of the incident is now available here. Warning: Graphic.

UPDATE: Link removed from post because I’d like my phone and inbox to stop blowing up.

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Jordan Reid Would Like To Sell You Feminism

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Jordan Reid, entrepreneuristy lady, has a fabulous product in her new store that will lift women up. It is a sweatshirt that allows you to proclaim you are kind of feminist, but not the scary kind.

Because even though you’re a Feminist, you don’t want to “offend” anybody or seem too “aggressive.” By turning the word “feminist” into an adjective, we’re softening its harsh connotations that you “hate men” and “are a lesbian.” We believe you should be able to express yourself mostly, but retain the ability to apologize a lot in the boardroom, if you ever get hired, you hussy.

The omg-I’m-not-a-lesbian sweatshirt features “hand cut felt letters, sewn over the chest area to increase modesty and propriety (lady in the streets, freak in the sheets, etc.)” so it is both empowering and handmadeish. Countdown to Hillary Clinton sporting this girl power (but not too much girl power because you don’t want to be offensive) top at her victory party in 2016.

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Neely Will Teach You How To Succeed At Blogging

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Neely Moldovan, of the wedding photographer bashing Moldovans, has now rebranded. Her “A Complete Waste Of Makeup” blog is now dead, being replaced with her new venture called “It Starts With Coffee”. The site is apparently intended to be a launchpad for her amazing new how-to-blog classes.

About this time last year I knew I wanted to offer something to bloggers I wasn’t seeing out there. A class for bloggers, taught by someone who had been doing it for five years and who was making a living off of it.

For $115 you get a class of “4 hours held via Google Hangout”. She specifies that the class is “non-refundable and non-transferable” so even if you can’t attend after you pay for it, you’re SOL.

We have to wonder why someone who made such a mess of her own online presence feels herself qualified to teach others how to succeed at social media and blogging. Or why she thinks how-to-blog classes aren’t “out there”, because it seems like everyone with a domain name is “out there” offering the same kinds of classes. But sure, ok.

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Internets WTF

Momastery Will Heal You With Her Lap

Saint Glennon, of the mystical lap healer tribe of Bloglandia, attended a conference Friday, during which her special powers were called upon.

I spoke at the Momentous Institute conference today–to a room full of mental health professionals…Afterward, this precious reader came over to my table and laid her head in my lap. She was just having a hard time and needed some comfort. We sat like this for the rest of the morning…

This story was accompanied by a picture of Glennon showing that silly Pope Francis how healing is really done.

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The moment is being hailed as “beautiful”, “brave”, “kind”, and various other words that do not sound like “did anyone maybe ask this lady if she would like to speak with one of the mental health professionals in attendance”.

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Mommy Wants Vodka Apparently Still Getting Injured

Aunt Becky, of Mommy Wants Vodka and Band Back Together fame, is back with a new personal tragedy. After her claims of being attacked by phantom stalkers resulted in her being charged with filing false reports she continued to say she was in danger. Then she went sort of quiet for a while.

Now she’s back with new physical injuries.

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A friend then updated all of Aunt Becky’s “pranksters” on The Facebook.

Becky is out of surgery, hasn’t spoken to the doctor yet but is doing ok other than being in agonizing pain. Keep her in your thoughts–she’s got a long road to recovery!

As of now there is no explanation as to how or why this happened.

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Hey Natalie Jean Has Animals Again

Hey Natalie Jean, totally lives on a farm now, has announced her acquisition of chickens.

oh my gosh i love them already. so much that the guy at the tack + feed store already knows me by name. I’ve been in there at least three times since i brought my girls home, asking the silliest questions.

The chickens apparently spent their first night running around in the yard because they tried to “wait for the chickens to figure out how to get back into their coop, because #chickennoobs”. She claims the “tack + feed” guy “told me i was a good chicken mom! that was cute”, even though she goes on to teehee:

newbie stupidity not cooping them from the get-go, and i know i’m making a mess of this, but having these ladies out back + worrying over them, bringing them bits of vegetables that the books say they should like + telling them how lovely i think they are… it feels nice.

There are no pics of these alleged chickens or their coop on her gram feed, though hams have reported she is posted them on her snapchat. Considering their record of pet ownership I wish these chickens luck.

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Mommy Blogging WTF

It’s Another Boring Post About Dooce Complaining About Why She Left Blogging

Dooce, still talking, is still talking. She was apparently a speaker at some “XOXO” conference. I guess she was there to yammer on yet again about why she left blogging. She is now claiming that despite her amazing sponsored content, she’s basically being forced to retire-except-not because brands now want approval on sponsored post content.

According to Heather, it all started when Banana Republic sponsored a trip for her, her boyfriend, her assistant and his boyfriend – basically like half a dozen people – and the resulting post had something about a “hairy vagina” in it. Well 48 hours later her ad rep called to let Heather know she had screwed the pooch.

Banana Republic was not happy. They were so upset. They demanded I take it down immediately and make it disappear…I said okay, I’ll take it down. But I’m going to tell my readers why. That sent them into complete panic mode.

This prompted Her Importantness to get a call directly from the ad company’s CEO who wanted to know exactly who the heck Heather thought she was – Banana Republic was going to pull their ad revenue and jobs were on the line. Heather’s response apparently was to react like a child who had never before been scolded.

I was stunned but my initial reaction was like, who didn’t tell Banana Republic that they were, would go with this woman? Who…didn’t say, do you know who Dooce is? Do you really want her working on this? Why did that disconnect happen?

That’s right – it’s not on Dooce to act professionally or compromise when her ad company stands to lose millions of dollars. Nope, everyone else should have just known what they were getting into!

Oh, and she didn’t want to exploit her kids. She says “the days leading up to the end of the contract…they wanted it to end”, she got another three part campaign that her kids didn’t want to do, and between uncooperative kids and having to submit posts for approval, Dooce says she was over it.

I realized my child had been written into my contract and that I was exploiting her…So I choose to walk away because I can no longer make a living as a mommy blogger writing a story about everything, every secret revealed…I can’t write about it and make you laugh because your kid does the same thing anymore to make a living.

Now let’s all misinterpret it! Or not. None of you really seem to care anymore but I thought the whole throwing the ad company under the bus thing was kind of lol and had to share.

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Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Hey Natalie Jean Is Excited To Flirt With College Kids

Natalie Holbrook, is what, celebrated her wedding anniversary yesterday by posting a moving love letter to the man who makes her lifestyle possible. Oh wait, no she didn’t – she posted a weird seal clapping statement about how much fun she’s going to have with the college boys.

The good news is that Brandon, Professor The Holbs at WSU, officially a cougar again (go cougs!), will training the brightest young minds this fall in the ways of the Excel spreadsheets, making me the official MILF of the accounting department. (Yes it does.) This means I get to practice my flirting skills on the youth of America again.

Which makes me a cougar, too! (Get it?)

Saying she’s “done been married twelve years” she goes on to tell the world that being a cougar and flirting with “the youth” is “[s]uch a bright spot on my horizon”. She concludes by wishing her husband a “Happy ambliversary!”

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Mommy Blogging WTF

Sam And Nia Are Thrilled To Go Viral With Alleged 48 Hour Pregnancy

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Vloggers Sam & Nia, finally famous, have at last unlocked achievement level Viral Video. They reached this dream of every vlogger with a youtube announcement in which husband Sam, saying his wife texted him earlier to say her period was two weeks late,  proceeds to secretly take Nia’s overnight urine out of the toilet and performs a pregnancy test. He then informs his wife she is pregnant.

But then just three days later they posted a tearful video claiming Nia just had a miscarriage.

We’re so hurt but we’re so thankful that God used us like this…I just hope this video continues to be a way for God to shine his light through us…

They are defending themselves against claims that the videos are a publicity stunt by speaking to huge media outlets. This is after they posted a video about what an “awesome day” they were having because they went viral.

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Mommy Blogging WTF

The Feminist Breeder Will Store Placenta In Your Office Fridge

The Feminist Breeder, her new job is more awesome than yours, recently started an awesome new job. She even claims she’s been given a huge raise after less than 3 months at this awesome new job. Which obviously means it’s ok for her to do things like this.

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Um…is this a thing that’s done? Serious question. My boss flips if someone leaves food in the fridge over the weekend. I can’t imagine him chuckling “all day long” if someone put a human organ on the top shelf of the company fridge.

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