Lifestyle Blogging

Cecily Needs Us All To Calm Down

Cecily Kellogg, activist from birth, “can’t go on like this”.

When she’s not single-handedly gentrifying Philadelphia because of her white skin, she spends time hand-wringing over the state of the entire world. How can she solve racism AND get angry about other things? Well, she can’t. She needs to “slow” her “roll”, guys.

I’ve got to step back, calm the f**k down, and practice some patience. And so do you — yes, YOU — the moderate democrat who knitted herself a pink beanie and went to her first protest. I’m super proud of you! Even though I chose to sit out the Women’s March for a few of the reasons outlined here, it’s awesome that you went.

And how can she solve the Cecily Activism Stress Crisis? Self-care, of course.

It’s also becoming more and more clear that I also need to practice extreme self care. This means not listening to news first thing in the morning, or while I’m working. This means not feeling guilty when I want to share a funny story on Facebook that’s trivial, or read a novel about vampires who solve crimes. And it especially means never, ever checking social media in bed.

But worry not – she will still be doing the “hard stuff” like “getting active in local organizations” and “explaining white privilege to white people”. Cecily would never let us down when there’s “SO much to do, and a constitution to defend”!

  1. Dame Helen Chichester

    I love that paragraph where she single-handedly condescends to protestors while appropriating a brown woman's reasons for not protesting when we all know the real reason she didn't protest is because she's the laziest piece of shit ever.

    Oh Cesspool, don't ever change.

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    • It came off like a b***hy southern woman. "Oh you went to that protest? I didn't go because my woke level is superior to yours, but bless your heart for getting out there!"

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      • Right on Top of That Rose

        why are Cecily and Dooce not best friends already?

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        • LaverneandHurling

          Because they both have to the most correct, wokest, most irreverent white lady.

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    • i love chili dogs

      It's probably the most condescending paragraph I've ever read, and that is saying A LOT.

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    • Another day another struggle

      I thought she wrote the article and then I realized she likely had no reasons of her own and just glomed on to that. WTF

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  2. Gives me the Shrivels

    wow. Only 3 instances of the word "f**k" in that article. She must be cleaning up her act (sarcasm.) Really though, I loathe this creature and her entire existence. Also, shes going to "get active in local organizations and show up to do the hard stuff." Like really? EVERYBODY knows you are going to be a couch crusader, just like you always have been.

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    • High Plains Grifter

      Couch. Crusader. dead.

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  3. Self Care Coach

    I'm just so relieved she is practicing "extreme" self-care because all that time she spends re-tweeting for causes as the white savior for the brown people has got to be so physically and emotionally draining.

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    • Atalanta

      Look, I'm not a mental health professional, so I'm willing to defer to those who are and who write about, advise, and advocate for the concept of self-care. But it's always the most reprehensible, neglectful, irresponsible dumdums who talk about it on the internet.

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  4. Amie Watchagonnadew

    another hack job, with 100% more Cesspool. I said this in the forum but doesn't anyone find it hilariously ironic that she had such a problem with a garbage bag in a tree but didn't with the one on her door?

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  5. cheerful Starbucks cups

    Oh god, the "reading about a vampire who solves crimes" part--I have a feeling I know the author she's referring to (who's also a Philadelphian). Unless there's another book series about crime-solving vampires.

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    • Jazz For Cats

      Sounds intriguing... would you mind sharing?

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      • Sweetie Darling

        I'm curious too about crime-solving vampire

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  6. Raging B***hSlap

    The biggest pearl clutched of all is telling ME to chill? This b***h has been white shaming everyone for months. Why does she get to step back? f**k you, Cecily. You can't spend the past three months whipping your sheep into a frenzy and attacking anyone who doesn't agree, only to say "y''all go protest and put in the big work. I gotta set a spell."

    b***h doesn't get that luxury when she's been instigating shit for months.

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    • boombalatty

      Please nobody post that photo of Cecily wearing pearls.

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  7. Final Penultimate Elegant Baby Turtle

    I can't believe that she can find the strength to condescend to 3-5 million women who marched.

    And I'm getting really tired of her pretending to be the wokest ally to ever ally. I'll pull a Cecily here and say, oh wow, you go to Pride. What else do you do? Because so far, all I've ever seen you do is appear at events and mine the experience of the queer community and the people around you for points and a story to sell. Do better, liberal elite.

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  8. crispenclean

    Cecily is surely the soul sister of Shauna (Gluten Free Gir!), both teaching us their oh-so-knowledgeable ABCs of Activism—get out there and do something more than just knit pink hats and show up at protests! Calm the hell down! We're in this for the long haul so YOU CAN'T BURN OUT! Self-care! Light and love! My children need me! Read more books! Do more things! Be patient! I was involved before you even knew you were supposed to be involved!

    The superiority is strong with these two. Eff off. I don't need either of these two wannabe righteous freedom fighters to tell me how to fight back OR how to take care of myself or my children or my level of involvement. We have bigger fish to fry. I don't need lazy, condescending bloggers imparting their enlightened wisdom about the resistance movement.

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  9. a world of no

    ~~~f**k off, Cecily~~~

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  10. Headpat Junquie

    All of Cesspool's copious free time is spent in self-care, as is that of her useless husband. They don't work, they grift, they lie around, they lie.

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  11. deadcacti

    b***h, learn to purl and then we can talk. signed, a moderate democrat who knits

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  12. Whiteknitter

    Big protests send a message to people inside the administration an bureacracy that they should resist. It is a very important part of resistance. Way more important than me calling Elizabeth Warren again to tell er to keep n with giving him hell.

    And, I was chatting to another mother at last weekends prtest. She brought her kids to see that there was such an outpouring of support for them.

    The importance of our marching is that we don't march every week. We are marching now because this is not normal.

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    • Struggling to understand traditions

      Love your name!

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  13. realhousewifeofnewengland

    As a white woman, I really appreciate other rich, white women explaining privilege to me. It makes the issues so crystal clear. Tell me again what name to put on my Starbucks cup to protest effectively.

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    • realhousewifeofnewengland

      Also, please don't offer me any more suggestions on protesting. I am in the midsts of extreme self care, so I can effectively help the less fortunate. Thanks anyway.

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    • Hamilbread

      Rich? Did Cecily suddenly get some money and I missed it?

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        Not everyone follows Cecily and lately it seems like rich white women are all coming out to tell everyone how to/not to protest so the assumption is that this is just another one.

        But rest assured, she is still the same old trash heap scraping by with her shitty online gigs. I don't think wolf-eyed, tiny hat has gotten a different job either so their income probably hasn't changed.

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