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A Darling Kind of Life - Caleb and Kathleen Darling
May 25, 2014
6:31 pm
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Mary Anne Spier
Feline Porklord
Meows: 1476
Snarking Since:
June 19, 2013

thepinkleprechaun said
I totally agree with you, to bring a child into a situation like that is just majorly effed up. I knew a woman on another board I used to frequent who had a husband with TBI, and he was WAY higher functioning than either of those guys. I believe they had kids *before* he was injured, not sure. But anyways his main symptoms were the angry outbursts and stuff like that, I don't think he was really mentally incapacitated like either of the above mentioned guys. And it wreaked havoc on their family and they ended up getting divorced. It's not fair for children to have a father with a TBI, and it's really sad when it happens and the kids are already in the picture, but I feel that to bring a child into the picture ON PURPOSE after the fact, is really just despicable and wrong. I understand the desire to have a child but FFS, you either need to woman up and realize that it's not a good idea, or woman up and divorce the guy and start your life over again.

I'm glad that Larissa at least seems to have more sense than that.

bandwagon

May 25, 2014
8:05 pm
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Annoying Catholic

This blog has been haunting me since I heard about it. It just keeps popping into my head and makes me feel so sad. I can't snark on it because it's tragic on so many levels. I don't think they're bad people at all–just young and misguided. As someone who would probably be classified as a "fundie," I do know the feeling of having God speak to me. It's not my place to question what she experienced, but when I "hear" messages from God, I usually a) run them by my spiritual advisor/mentor and b) ask myself if they're logical and rational choices that would reasonably let me carry out God's purpose for my life.

I'll emphasize that second part reasonably let me carry out God's purpose for my life.

Because if I have a message/spiritual impulse and it doesn't fit that criteria, then I would serious question whether that would really be what God wanted me to do. I know I can't do God's work if I'm dead tired all the time and taking on too many roles at once, which I think will be the case with this blogger sooner rather than later.

It has to be so difficult for her; I can't even imagine. Like someone else said earlier in the thread, the post sound cherry, but it's such a sad blog. I'm praying for them because this woman is going to have a hard road ahead.

November 27, 2014
10:57 pm
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Mary Anne Spier
Feline Porklord
Meows: 1476
Snarking Since:
June 19, 2013

I wondered how they were doing after their baby was born, and this part of a post stuck out to me. 


After everything was ready to go and Nora was all taken care of, I walked into our bedroom to get Cale for breakfast. I was met with an angry man. He didn't want to have anything to do with me or anything I could say. I tried to talk with him and calm his ranting. 
Wait. Wasn't this supposed to be a happy morning? Everything is planned and ready! 
That doesn't matter when you have a brain injury and you lose all ability to reason. Nothing matters except for the emotion you experience in that very moment. 
Mama had to leave real quick so I was left with Cale and Nora. 
All of a sudden Cale burst out of the room and decided he was taking off. Directing to the man cave wasn't going to help this time. Unfortunately. 
We have the police department on board for times like this. For times when he bolts and I'm here with a baby unable to chase after him. For a split second I questioned what I should do. Call the police? It didn't really seem like a fit for this situation. Quickly get Nora into her carseat and follow after? Possibly but I'm limited in what I can do when she's with me. I wouldn't be able to jump out of the car and walk with him at all.
I called our neighbor that lives down our street. Tiffany has saved us more than once in different normal life stuff and as always she was to the rescue. All I had to say was that Cale was upset and walking down the street.  She ended up walking for a long time with him (barefoot!) until our youth pastor at church came and talked Cale into going for a drive. 

 

I just really feel sad for their daughter.  

November 28, 2014
7:44 am
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Religious Nut Butters
Feline Porklord
Meows: 2097
Snarking Since:
October 18, 2012

I do too, Mary Anne Spier. Not only do I feel sad for her, and how it is going to be for her growing up in that household, but I fear for her. His outbursts clearly aren't controlled and what happens one day when he turns his anger on Nora? I also actually cringed when Kathleen said she debated putting Nora in the car seat and going after him….because yeah, it is a great idea to be driving while you are distracted by trying to chase someone down the street. I mean, you're only wielding a 4,000 lb vehicle (with your child inside).

November 28, 2014
3:38 pm
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Mary Anne Spier
Feline Porklord
Meows: 1476
Snarking Since:
June 19, 2013

Exactly, Religious Nut Butters. I wonder how she'll feel…always walking on eggshells, hoping never to set her father off. Kathleen has also alluded to more children (Cale talking about what if they have a son…) and I worry that Nora will have to pick up a lot of slack taking care of her father and any future potential siblings.

This post was hard too:

I've been "feeling" the effects of what our home dynamics are more lately. Taking care of a home and a baby is a lot when your husband isn't able to help out…and your taking care of him as well. It's nothing dramatic just reality. Things that need done around the house that I have no clue how to do or times when Nora is super fussy and I have to try to get dinner cooked…
 
Cale isn't able to help out in most of these situations. He does help with his muscles when it's something safe for him to do and sometimes he'll take Nora when she's fussing but sometimes he just can't handle it-and we become even more thankful for the man cave!

 I can't imagine taking care of a severely disabled husband and a baby. But I keep reminding myself that Kathleen chose to have this child knowing her husband would still need a lot of her attention; her child did not choose this situation.

Anyway, it just feels sad.

December 1, 2014
1:46 pm
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Painkiller Ruxin
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 821
Snarking Since:
June 28, 2012

I hope this isn't crossing the line and if it is, I'm sorry in advance but…

Did they conceive naturally? I would hope it was some IVF situation…

Formerly KookaAllstar, EVEN REGULAR MILK and T&ULMP
December 2, 2014
8:15 am
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Daisy
Feline Porklord
Meows: 1924
Snarking Since:
May 6, 2012

Painkiller Ruxin said

I hope this isn't crossing the line and if it is, I'm sorry in advance but…

Did they conceive naturally? I would hope it was some IVF situation…

Haven't looked at the blog in a long time, but I'm pretty sure they did conceive naturally

February 16, 2015
4:12 pm
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Religious Nut Butters
Feline Porklord
Meows: 2097
Snarking Since:
October 18, 2012

http://www.adarlingkindoflife.com/2015/01/i-am-human.html?m=1

I believe I know what her intent was, but all I came away with was "oh, honey, you aren't going to convince me this is normal; because I already know, from experience, it isn't". She sounds miserable, and lonely, but desperate to convince herself otherwise (and that it's totally normal to not like your life partner (????))….because Jesus. Fake it until you make it….or it breaks you.

February 16, 2015
5:14 pm
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notablogger
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 319
Snarking Since:
November 28, 2011

omg. "fake it till you make it" indeed. Poor girl has painted herself into such a corner that she can't admit the reality that her marriage isn't working anymore. 

February 17, 2015
12:37 am
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Mary Anne Spier
Feline Porklord
Meows: 1476
Snarking Since:
June 19, 2013

Religious Nut Butters meowed
http://www.adarlingkindoflife.com/2015/01/i-am-human.html?m=1

I believe I know what her intent was, but all I came away with was "oh, honey, you aren't going to convince me this is normal; because I already know, from experience, it isn't". She sounds miserable, and lonely, but desperate to convince herself otherwise (and that it's totally normal to not like your life partner (????))….because Jesus. Fake it until you make it….or it breaks you.

Yeah, she needs help.

 

I wonder what happens the first time his behavior puts Nora in danger.

February 17, 2015
9:25 am
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Religious Nut Butters
Feline Porklord
Meows: 2097
Snarking Since:
October 18, 2012

Mary Anne Spier meowed

Religious Nut Butters meowed
http://www.adarlingkindoflife.com/2015/01/i-am-human.html?m=1

I believe I know what her intent was, but all I came away with was "oh, honey, you aren't going to convince me this is normal; because I already know, from experience, it isn't". She sounds miserable, and lonely, but desperate to convince herself otherwise (and that it's totally normal to not like your life partner (????))….because Jesus. Fake it until you make it….or it breaks you.

Yeah, she needs help.

 

I wonder what happens the first time his behavior puts Nora in danger.

The sad part to me is the comments to that post just reinforce her mindset. I just can't with the whole "marriage as martyrdom" thing.

February 22, 2015
6:53 pm
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Baby Cakes
Feline Porklord
Meows: 1101
Snarking Since:
April 30, 2012

So I was backreading this blog and found this:

Q. What age is he functioning at?
A. Hmm…so very difficult to answer this question. I typically try to give an honest picture so I'll respond to that with saying between 13 and 18. Everyone is so different and it's so hard to paint a clear picture of this. In some of his thought processes and the way he responds or acts, its very much like a young teen. In other things its an older teen behavior. This is just the age group that he seems to connect better with and fit in more with.
I have a lot of sympathy for what they've gone through and the grief that must have followed Cale's brain injury and subsequent change in personality. But I feel like she's setting herself up for misery trying to create an effective marriage with someone who no longer functions at an adult level.
March 14, 2015
3:24 am
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soulpsychodelicide
Kitten
Meows: 4
Snarking Since:
March 7, 2015

Oh lord this blog is disturbing.

He has a traumatic brain injury. Considering this, she has little to no scientific knowledge (certainly no language) of this topic. She just talks about his cognitive functioning at the age of….

This is not a descriptive or prescriptive way to explain his injury. From his symptoms I can probably guess and know better than her how he naught react to…well…everything. He has no impulse control AT ALL. And this is what scares me the most about them having a baby in the house.

Since when do chiropractors fix brain injuries????? Wow this is SO strange. Such denial.
I really hate religion- for all the reasons in this blog.angry



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