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Christian Blogger Parents who Adopt from foreign countries.
August 31, 2013
5:49 pm
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SmelleKelle

I don't quite know how to put this, so I'm just going to say it. They seem to be doing something lovely, taking a child who would otherwise live in poverty and deprivation and giving them a lovely life. 

 

But, there is just something icky about every Christian adoption blog I've read. It's almost like they're adopting these kids to add to the ranks of Christiandom and spread the word, even if they have to adopt to do it?

 

This blog is a prime example. Everything is lovely and perfect. The oldest girl has no issues from being in an orphanage for most of her life because she is in a stable Christian home now and loves God http://www.tinygreenelephants.com/ 

August 31, 2013
6:01 pm
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KAS
Hamprince of Meowtonia
Meows: 7917
Snarking Since:
June 6, 2011

I tried to browse through her site but it has autoplay music and I cannot abide it!

August 31, 2013
6:21 pm
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SmelleKelle

KAS said
I tried to browse through her site but it has autoplay music and I cannot abide it!

Sorry, I should have warned you. Inspirational music incoming! 

August 31, 2013
7:52 pm
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great but does it spark joy
Feline Porklord
Meows: 3908
Snarking Since:
March 12, 2012

This Mother Jones article is the only thing I think of when I read those blogs. They set my teeth on edge immediately, because there's such an emphasis of smoothing over the rough reality of international adoptions to try to 'inspire' more people to adopt for Jesus.

tired of my old avatar // also super lazy
August 31, 2013
8:08 pm
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Croosets in Trendy Colors
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 871
Snarking Since:
August 29, 2013

It tends to either skeeve me out, or outright disgust me.

 

I've always felt that adoption is a calling, not a consolation (especially with regards to the f**kwits who tell infertile people to "just adopt"). That being said I don't think it should be a calling from God, and it certainly should not be a calling that involves the parents having a huge savior complex.

 

Going into a relationship with children who will be yours from the viewpoint that you're doing all this great stuff for them and you're SAVING them and making their life so much better and how lucky are these poor kids to have YOU is just gross. One thing that I think all parents need to get through their heads and fully grasp and appreciate is that your children don't really owe you anything, and you owe them everything, regardless of if you gave birth to them or not. They didn't ask to be born, they didn't really have much of an option or choice if you'd be their parent, but one way or another, you chose them either by conceiving them or adopting them and thus, you owe it to them to give them your all.

I've seen so many religious adoptive parents act like total shitbirds and not get why their kids they adopted from messed up situations, with a whole history and memories and life before they came into their lives, have issues or aren't just totally falling over themselves with thankfulness. The other thing that bothers the shit out of me are uber-religious adoptive parents who are so intent on cramming Jesus down their kids throats that they don't care a single wit about helping their child stay connected with their culture and their roots, especially if there are aspects that make them uncomfortable such as the spiritual practices and culture they were adopted out of. And then they wonder why their kid is emotionally distant or full on tells them to suck it once they grow up.

 

Religious parents aren't the only ones who do it but international adoption can pretty quickly turn into rather blatant white savior behavior. I think any time an adoptive parent(s) combines "doing God's work" with "adoption" they should be slapped and shouldn't be allowed to adopt.

Formerly known as Lean In Right Over a Cliff
August 31, 2013
8:46 pm
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SmelleKelle

glittermonster said
It tends to either skeeve me out, or outright disgust me.

 

I've always felt that adoption is a calling, not a consolation (especially with regards to the f**kwits who tell infertile people to "just adopt"). That being said I don't think it should be a calling from God, and it certainly should not be a calling that involves the parents having a huge savior complex.

 

Going into a relationship with children who will be yours from the viewpoint that you're doing all this great stuff for them and you're SAVING them and making their life so much better and how lucky are these poor kids to have YOU is just gross. One thing that I think all parents need to get through their heads and fully grasp and appreciate is that your children don't really owe you anything, and you owe them everything, regardless of if you gave birth to them or not. They didn't ask to be born, they didn't really have much of an option or choice if you'd be their parent, but one way or another, you chose them either by conceiving them or adopting them and thus, you owe it to them to give them your all.

I've seen so many religious adoptive parents act like total shitbirds and not get why their kids they adopted from messed up situations, with a whole history and memories and life before they came into their lives, have issues or aren't just totally falling over themselves with thankfulness. The other thing that bothers the shit out of me are uber-religious adoptive parents who are so intent on cramming Jesus down their kids throats that they don't care a single wit about helping their child stay connected with their culture and their roots, especially if there are aspects that make them uncomfortable such as the spiritual practices and culture they were adopted out of. And then they wonder why their kid is emotionally distant or full on tells them to suck it once they grow up.

 

Religious parents aren't the only ones who do it but international adoption can pretty quickly turn into rather blatant white savior behavior. I think any time an adoptive parent(s) combines "doing God's work" with "adoption" they should be slapped and shouldn't be allowed to adopt.

I love everything you've just said. Thank you! An example of doing this shit right is http://fosterwee.wordpress.com/ Rage against the minivan also seems to have a handle on the situation.

August 31, 2013
8:51 pm
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Lindsay Weir
Hamprince of Meowtonia
Meows: 6364
Snarking Since:
December 5, 2011

There's a verse, a quote from Jesus, about taking care of the orphans and the widows, so while it may sleeve you out, it isn't coming from their precious little heads.

August 31, 2013
8:59 pm
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YayHookers
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 911
Snarking Since:
May 19, 2013

Under The Sycamore Tree also does it right IMO. 

August 31, 2013
9:11 pm
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TheFanciestPants
Hamcat
Meows: 54
Snarking Since:
March 12, 2013

The Mouro Family Blog is one- they adopted two children from Liberia, a boy and a girl. Both adoptions were disrupted after barely a year. The eldest, the boy, had to have been about 7/8 years old. When the mother, Laura, asked him if he had been abused in Liberia he denied it. Later, it was revealed that the boy had been physically and sexually abused. Laura's blogpost centered around how upset she was that he had lied to her. Honestly, she came across as one of "those" who wanted to rescue the poor orphans and when they didn't fit into her brand of Christianity or the mold of her other perfect children, then goodbye to them.

August 31, 2013
9:12 pm
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SmelleKelle

pdx said
There's a verse, a quote from Jesus, about taking care of the orphans and the widows, so while it may sleeve you out, it isn't coming from their precious little heads.

Sleeve you out?

August 31, 2013
9:24 pm
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Croosets in Trendy Colors
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 871
Snarking Since:
August 29, 2013

TheFanciestPants said
The Mouro Family Blog is one- they adopted two children from Liberia, a boy and a girl. Both adoptions were disrupted after barely a year. The eldest, the boy, had to have been about 7/8 years old. When the mother, Laura, asked him if he had been abused in Liberia he denied it. Later, it was revealed that the boy had been physically and sexually abused. Laura's blogpost centered around how upset she was that he had lied to her. Honestly, she came across as one of "those" who wanted to rescue the poor orphans and when they didn't fit into her brand of Christianity or the mold of her other perfect children, then goodbye to them.

 

What. the. f**k. There's so much wrong with this.

 

First of all, why would anyone just straight up ask a kid or someone you suspect is a survivor of abuse, something like that? If you (general you from here on out) suspect something, why wouldn't you take them to a licensed professional (child therapist) to help you as a parent support your child and more importantly, to support and empower the child to feel safe enough to talk to their parent about it. Many BIOLOGICAL children don't even tell their parents about rape or abuse they suffer, or lie about it to them. Why the f**k would a little boy, who's likely only experience with strange adults is that they'll hurt and use him and don't actually care about him, tell this strange adult the truth about what's most likely a pretty messed up situation for him?

 

And what kind of self-righteous f**kwit gets angry and upset at him lying rather than, I dunno, being angry and upset at the adults and people who abused their kid to the point that he feels he can't trust anyone?

 

Beyond that.. who the hell is like "oh yeah my kid was sexually abused? Better take this extremely personal, painful, raw experience of torture and abuse my kid suffered and make it about me and post about it on my blog for everyone to read about and comment on as if it's my own story and experience to share!"

I get child abuse and sexual abuse are things that need to be talked about, especially with regards to adoptive parents handling shit like RAD and stuff in their children, but to go about it in such a completely self-centered, shitty way just leaves me breathless.

What you described is basically everything I despise about most uber-religious adoptive parents, especially the ones who blog about it.

Formerly known as Lean In Right Over a Cliff
August 31, 2013
9:29 pm
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Katogo
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 210
Snarking Since:
June 11, 2013

I came in here prepared to get defensive but I actually agree with everything said. 

 

Huscat and I are Christians. We've adopted twice domestically and twice internationally and we're currently foster parents. Our kids have all come from the kind of shitty situations that I can't even begin to try to put in to words. They're also all remarkably resilient BUT they have scars (even little ones) from their past. So while we don't excuse stuff with the adoption card we also don't label them with it and expect them to be messed up. Does that make sense? I'm a couple glasses in to a bottle of wine. 

 

My big b***h with Christian adoption blogs is that they paint this sunshine and roses, follow God's calling and sell a bunch of tee shirts to fund your adoption, and everything will be happily ever after. It's ridiculous and it's all lies. No matter how young your child, no matter how lovely their first family was, no matter how "nice" the circumstances are that they're coming from – you don't get torn from your family and home and stuck in with a bunch of new people that you're supposed to call Mommy and Daddy and not have some damage from it. My kid who was a baby when she came home and came from a really good situation is the one who has struggled the most whereas my sons who came from poverty and starvation and neglect have slowly adjusted beautifully. 

 

And my biggest b***h? YOU ARE NOT RANSOMING A KID! Stop it! Stop with your damn savior complex! Yes, they might be coming from shitty circumstances. My boys were months away from being sent to a children's prison because at the ages of 3 and 4 they were too hard to place according to the orphanage. So could I tell them for the rest of their lives that we saved them? Sure. My daughters were headed for foster care and being bounced through the system when we stepped up to take them. I could tell them we saved them too. But we didn't! We created a family! We took two adults who wanted a family and four kids who needed parents and we all came together (through lots of paperwork and even more money) to become a family. 

 

My kids are f**king awesome. I am amazed every day at their strength and love considering their past. They blow me away. I am the luckiest woman in the world to get to watch them be transformed by the power of safety, security, love, extended family, and education. They saved me and I am so thankful to be their mom. 

August 31, 2013
9:48 pm
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TheFanciestPants
Hamcat
Meows: 54
Snarking Since:
March 12, 2013

"But we didn't! We created a family!"

clapThose words say it all.



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