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Freckled Fox
December 20, 2016
10:56 pm
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a teenage girl who drives through the neighborhood screaming ball sack! out an open window
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 611
Snarking Since:
May 26, 2015

cannotbelieveher meowed
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/the-widowhood-effect/article33344335/  is the article I posted above, sorry.

A high school acquaintance just succumbed to cancer at age 32 and left a wife and four kids under 8 years old.  This article is devastatingly beautiful and heartbreaking all at once.  Just heartbreaking. 

I normally just lurk on this thread, and am now realizing that I still have nothing of value to add to this conversation.  

Carry on.

December 20, 2016
11:13 pm
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stacy gordon
Hamcat
Meows: 133
Snarking Since:
October 5, 2015

Heather Chandler meowed

cannotbelieveher meowed
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/the-widowhood-effect/article33344335/  is the article I posted above, sorry.

I usually lurk on this thread too, but I have to say this article was so well written. This line: "You only know it’s the last breath when it’s too late to go back and tell them you love them one final time."

December 20, 2016
11:16 pm
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Sweetie Darling
Hamcat
Meows: 181
Snarking Since:
June 4, 2013

My mom had my father's closets mostly cleaned out by the funeral. However my father had a heart attack at the end of a 3-week European vacation and died after several days in a hospital there. It then took almost a week for his remains to be released to come home. Mom spent more than a week in a foreign country in mourning. At that point she had been overseas for over a month. When she arrived home on that Monday she had insomnia due to the time zone differences and needed to stay busy until the funeral that Saturday.

That was in August. My brother's wedding was at the beginning of this month and she finally broke down & cried when my brother and his bride had their first dance to Daddy's all-time favorite song.

Everyone grieves differently. However my brothers & I are f*cking adults and we don't want a new daddy anytime soon. I can't imagine how those 5 kids will feel when they are old enough to look back on this.

((Hugs)) to everyone who has lost someone

December 21, 2016
2:36 am
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Oprah has a turtle farm
Cat
Meows: 17
Snarking Since:
November 26, 2016

VenusFlyTrap meowed

Her behavior around Martin's illness and death are abhorrent. There was one photo she posted shortly before he died that just did me in. The entire family was sitting on their white couch, with Emily in the middle reading to the kids. Martin is at the end of the couch, his eyes are closed but he is propped up so that he can be in the photo. It sickened me then, and it sickens me now, that she posted that. Then the glamour shots of her with him on his death bed, her at the wedding in full hair and makeup and of course the whole "new daddy" thing.  

 

BUT she is so young. SO.YOUNG. I think about who I was at 25, and the things I said and did, and I thank the flying spaghetti monster that the internet didn't exist back then. I suspect/hope that 20 years from now she is going to be properly mortified at the things she did and posted during this horrifically painful and what should be PERSONAL time. I so wish she had the self-discipline to just shut her blog/Instagram down and live a private, authentic life in S. Idaho, spending every minute of every day nurturing her five deeply-wounded children. 

I know what you're talking about and went back to look and refresh my memory and it looks like it's gone? Do you think she deleted it? I feel like quite a few posts about him are now gone…

December 21, 2016
3:39 am
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pissed off hamcat
Cat
Meows: 17
Snarking Since:
November 24, 2016
December 21, 2016
4:02 am
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N1curr Hospice Paw that Tickles the Cradle
Hamcat
Meows: 91
Snarking Since:
October 18, 2016

pissed off hamcat meowed
I think VFT meant these:

http://www.freckled-fox.com/2016/05/happy-mothers-day-lifestyle-pics.html

 

OMG my heart just broke again. Seeing Martin propped up at the end of the couch and the pic where she's trying to hide his cane and he looks like he's about to fall over…. I just can't. RIP Martin. 

Totally agree with a previous poster; Martin is gorgeous. 

December 21, 2016
8:53 am
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Posing sexily with Stilton
Feline Porklord
Meows: 2960
Snarking Since:
June 27, 2014

People Pleaser! meowed

Mazel Tov Cocktail meowed

cannotbelieveher meowed
Just read this article this morning, and it struck me… this is how Emily should have responded to the death[...]

 

How she should have responded? I wasn't aware there was a Robert's Rules of Grief. Who the f**k are you or anyone to say how someone SHOULD have responded to a death? 

Agreed, amd nicely put. So much of this thread is ridiculous.

Tossing out MartIn's stuff, if thats what this s about, is the LEAST of an indicator of depth of grief.

Some people just hate clutter and feel better –less stressed–when it is gone.

And other people keep the dead person's crap exactly the same, for decades.

Within 48 hours after my dad died, my mother tossed out loads of his stuff. She loved him, not his stuff.I think the act of tossing was an attempt to relieve stress. I know that I feel better when I toss crap. it imagine that if DH died I would have a carload of junk that Ive always disliked gone soon after his death.

We dont know what she is keeping.

I think for some people removing their loved ones possessions from the house is incredibly stressful. I don't agree that it "is the LEAST of an indicator of depth of grief." My friend's 4 year old son drowned and seeing an item of his clothing could trigger days of being unable to get out of bed. Not just 'junk' to everyone.

Formerly Switch off your ad blocker, before that Eurogypsy. I get bored.
December 21, 2016
11:05 am
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ChickensDontLie
Cat
Meows: 30
Snarking Since:
October 16, 2016

Posing sexily with Stilton meowed

People Pleaser! meowed

Mazel Tov Cocktail meowed

cannotbelieveher meowed
Just read this article this morning, and it struck me… this is how Emily should have responded to the death[...]

 

How she should have responded? I wasn't aware there was a Robert's Rules of Grief. Who the f**k are you or anyone to say how someone SHOULD have responded to a death? 

Agreed, amd nicely put. So much of this thread is ridiculous.

Tossing out MartIn's stuff, if thats what this s about, is the LEAST of an indicator of depth of grief.

Some people just hate clutter and feel better –less stressed–when it is gone.

And other people keep the dead person's crap exactly the same, for decades.

Within 48 hours after my dad died, my mother tossed out loads of his stuff. She loved him, not his stuff.I think the act of tossing was an attempt to relieve stress. I know that I feel better when I toss crap. it imagine that if DH died I would have a carload of junk that Ive always disliked gone soon after his death.

We dont know what she is keeping.

I think for some people removing their loved ones possessions from the house is incredibly stressful. I don't agree that it "is the LEAST of an indicator of depth of grief." My friend's 4 year old son drowned and seeing an item of his clothing could trigger days of being unable to get out of bed. Not just 'junk' to everyone.

I dislike FF for SO many reasons but this isn't one of them. We have no idea how much of Martin's stuff she's kept and I agree it's not an indication of how deep her grief is.

December 21, 2016
11:32 am
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Dame Helen Chichester
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 778
Snarking Since:
February 11, 2013

She's shilling her grieving children on Instagram again. #Dovepartner

//
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December 21, 2016
11:50 am
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Severus Snark
Feline Porklord
Meows: 2724
Snarking Since:
December 31, 2014

Um, what?

She didn't even keep his FAMILY in the picture and made Martin supply a new, sterile home he barely lived in with his last months while she lined up a new husband.

I don't know what magical things you guys think she has hidden somewhere, but it couldn't possibly be enough to somehow redeem the deliberate rejection of sentimentality and empathy she's chosen at every turn. She's not going so far out of her way to purge him from their lives and her childrens' mouths while secretly harboring a heart of gold. And even if she was, she'd be an asshole for saving sentimentality for private and refusing to apply it to the way she treats their children and his memory. She's not even considerate of her own living children right now. It's absurd to think she's secretly honoring or cherishing the person she's pulling them away from and I don't know why you guys want so badly for her to be A Good Person. She's been giving public reminders that she hasn't been one since Martin got sick and shows no signs of stopping.

December 21, 2016
11:56 am
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N1curr Hospice Paw that Tickles the Cradle
Hamcat
Meows: 91
Snarking Since:
October 18, 2016

Poornima meowed
I have been trying very hard not to be judgmental about ff. I do think she has been through a lot and her latest post did make me feel for her to some extent. But she tries so hard to come across as some kind of saint and embellishes the truth so much in the process that it's impossible not to get irritated. For example:

1) She keeps stressing how she took care of Martin for 1.5 years while he slowly faded. But the fact is that Martin was more or less ok for a large part after his diagnosis. He was going to the gym, lifting weights and being a hands-on husband. She herself says in one of the videos that while she was not in denial, she was hopeful that it would all be ok because he was doing so well. I think his condition started deteriorating truly only 3-4 months before his death. So she was not his full-time carer for 18-20 months like she makes it to be. Yes, taking care of someone in that condition is very very hard even for 1 day but why stretch the truth?

2) She says she pushed him through airports on a wheelchair when she was 9 months pregnant. Yet, if you go back to her posts when she was 9 months pregnant, Martin was perfectly fine and capable of walking and even weight-lifting at that time. Anybody remember the "my warrior" post? And in any case, there are attendants in airports who would help you if you really needed it. 

3) She says she became the breadwinner. How exactly? By blogging? But hasn't she always been doing that? She did not increase the frequency of her posts or anything, she did not do anything new. Yes, it is very hard to write a post when someone in the house is terminally ill but most of her posts during that time involved Martin and were just status updates. Also, By all accounts, Martin's family is well-to-do and has been supporting them. I would also assume that with so many dependents, Martin had life insurance. Even if all this isn't true, she had the paypal fundraiser, gofundme, auctions, pop up shops and what not organised for her benefit. The gofundme itself fetched around 80-85k if I remember right, which should be enough to take care of her family for several months. Plus being in the US, I am sure her kids are eligible for some kind of social benefits. So she really isn't some kind of destitute single mother struggling to put food on the table and I wish she would stop trying to portray herself as such. Grief is grief, you don't have to exaggerate it to make yourself look great.

4) She took care of the kids on her own for maybe 2-3 months before she married Richard. Again, why is she acting as if she did it for years and years together and is completely exhausted? Many women take care of kids on their own for much longer even when their husbands are alive (posted outside, travelling work etc). And btw, why bring up the 5-kids angle so many times? While it is really sad that their dad died, having 5 kids was your decision so of course it is your responsibility to take care of them. 

5) The photoshoots really make me ragey. I felt so bad about Martin in that mother's day photoshoot. He could barely keep his eyes open. Why would anyone put him in a photoshoot when he was so tired and in pain? And don't even get me started on the death bed photo. I am sure Martin was in no position to consent to its publication by that point. And more importantly, what the heck was it with the styling? Who took the photo? Someone had to stand at a considerable distance, angle the camera correctly etc while she curled up to him looking sweet and pretty. WTF!!

6) Many people (including me) contributed to her gofundme thinking that she is a single mother and a widow with 5 kids. I had no intention of contributing to someone who was already planning their next honeymoon. Yet she kept the information hidden and the gofundme on for several weeks or even months after her remarriage. If she had any integrity she should have announced it and let people make their own decision about contributing or taken it down.

7) Accepting funds from people when you want it and then blocking them when they offer any kind of criticism is not done. Sure, block them if they are being rude or foul mouthed. But she has literally been acting like a comment nazi blocking anyone who voices even the slightest dissent.

8) Assuming that anyone who doesn't agree with your decisions is jealous of you is the heights of narcissism. 

9) And above all, forcing the kids to call Richard "daddy" while they probably havent even processed where their real daddy went is the pits, really.

Ok rant over, sorry everyone. Carry on.

EXACTLY. Martin posted these photos at the end of February. I think she puts so much emphasis on 18 months to better justify her quick marriage to others. 

December 21, 2016
12:17 pm
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Posing sexily with Stilton
Feline Porklord
Meows: 2960
Snarking Since:
June 27, 2014

ChickensDontLie meowed
I dislike FF for SO many reasons but this isn't one of them. We have no idea how much of Martin's stuff she's kept and I agree it's not an indication of how deep her grief is.

I'm not saying that how much stuff she keeps directly correlates with the grief she feels but I think the sorting through and disposing etc of Martin's possessions would be a part of the grieving process. Yeah to some people it's just fabric or whatever but for me personally the suit my husband wore at our wedding or his favourite sweater hold some sentimental value. Of course, I have no idea what she's kept.

On a side note, although I would never get married and move in with someone who had so recently lost their wife, I'd like to think that I'd feel like things were moving way to quickly if my clothes were in the wardrobe next to the those of the deceased spouse.

Formerly Switch off your ad blocker, before that Eurogypsy. I get bored.
December 21, 2016
12:37 pm
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Get the Most Outta Ya Womb While Ya Can!
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 651
Snarking Since:
November 11, 2014

I feel like she's the type of person who is either extremely narcissistic and verging on a personality disorder, or she is trying to manage her life/grief by making everything "normal" again and keep up her perfect persona.  New husband, pretty pictures, move on and kind of just try to pretend like nothing happened or that it didn't affect you.  I kind of get it; my parents were both very ill during my teen years (both had new chronic conditions that almost killed them a couple times), and we went forward basically as if nothing was wrong.  People would ask how they were and I'd respond "fine" and then they'd be confused; to my family, someone was "fine" unless they were in the ICU.  It was a coping mechanism, and it was usually a couple months after one of their incidents when the emotions would catch up with me and I'd be upset about it.  The trouble is that it's difficult for a bystander to really know what the motives are and why someone in a difficult situation is doing what they're doing. 

Previously everythingistaken


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