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Freckled Fox
December 22, 2016
2:48 pm
avatar
leggingsarenotpants
Hamcat
Meows: 146
Snarking Since:
December 6, 2016

I have a close friend who lost her mother last year (she's in her 30s) to a long, painful illness. For most of her life her mom was sick and slowing dying. There's really no "right" time in your life to lose a parent. 

After it happened for a few days the family kept busy: arranging the funeral, tending relatives, cleaning the house, tossing out mom's coffee shakes, drinking mom's beers (her dad doesn't drink),  dividing up the jewelry, etc. Being emotionally vulnerable to each other is not the family's strong suit, so they just tried their best to be "normal". It was so painful to watch, and even worse to live in. The tiniest things (you took out the trash when it was only half full; you parked in the wrong spot; etc.) could trigger a screaming contest between her and her dad. It was out of grief, and sure didn't help. 

No tossing out stuff alone doesn't make you heartless. It's just part of the process for some people. The family was bouncing between denial and anger.  

Two years later she's still emotionally kind of messed up and depressed. Her father recently started dating again. And I can tell she resents him, and resents his new girlfriend even more. I get it though. He dedicated over a decade of his life to taking care of his sick wife. He was there every single day and he started grieving years before her eventual passing. 

Sorry I digressed. My main point is, I think FF is still in denial. And I sympathize with her. When your emotions are so strong and you don't know what to do with it, you cope by pretending everything is normal and just fine. Yes her quick remarry was shocking. And her trying to rationalize/justify it to the internet just came across as…clumsy. 

Friends and family are surprisingly less useful than I'd previously thought. At least I haven't been the most useful friend… Anytime I mention "maybe talk to a therapist"; "maybe what you are doing isn't the smartest decision" I'd get yelled at and pushed away. Not only did it not help; it actually hurt my relationship with her, since I was perceived as being the "controlling b***h".

Sometimes you just gotta give them space, and let them make their bad decisions I guess….

December 22, 2016
4:33 pm
avatar
Princess Consuela Banana Hammock
Cat
Meows: 41
Snarking Since:
March 11, 2013

Baylee121 meowed
When you think of marrying, having kids, a career, juggling priorities, and weathering life's usual pitfalls, 25 isn't "too young".

But being a widow at 25, that's inarguably young. Coping skills aren't the same in your 20's versus 30's or 40's.

Years ago, there was a statistic that only 2% of the world's population is widowed before age 40.

Make that age 25, and that number shrinks considerably. FF is having to grapple with what most women won't have to for another 50 plus years.

She's exercised questionable judgement. But really, does anyone expect good decisions out of her right now?

That's a tall order.

It's too easy to say how you'd behave in her shoes when you might not wear them for decades.

I guess I would agree with most of this, but I think my issue is that she has 5 kids and therefore doesn't really have the right to exercise questionable judgement.  When my husband died in the spring, I was pregnant and just wanted a nap so I left my one year old twins in front of the TV surrounded by baby gates. For an hour.  That was questionable judgement and I regret that but it was an hour on the worst day of my life and nothing bad happened (although it probably could have).  She made a questionable choice to make herself feel better that will probably impact her 5 kids for the rest of their lives.  I just feel really strongly that it's a different kind of questionable judgement than just being too sad and exhausted to do xyz (make dinner, give baths, etc) today. 

December 22, 2016
6:20 pm
avatar

I don't know why everyone is judging her for having professional photos taken of the funeral. First, this is a woman who makes a living by posting photos of her life on the internet. It'd be pretty weird for her to skip the funeral and go straight back to hairstyles. If you're goi g to snark on her for that, then you shouldn't be reading her lifestyle blog in the first place – it's a five and take of exhibitionism and voyerism by design.

Second, I doubt any of her children but the oldest will remember much about their father. If I were her, I'd want photos to show them their daddy, how he got sick, and yep look there you are as a baby at the funeral. It might be really helpful for placing themselves in that narrative later.

wk

December 22, 2016
6:33 pm
avatar
iliketurtles
Feline Porklord
Meows: 1758
Snarking Since:
February 3, 2014

I have literally never had the desire to see pictures of myself at my father's funeral.

December 22, 2016
6:57 pm
avatar
snarksquatch

Clementine321 meowed
I don't know why everyone is judging her for having professional photos taken of the funeral. First, this is a woman who makes a living by posting photos of her life on the internet. It'd be pretty weird for her to skip the funeral and go straight back to hairstyles. If you're goi g to snark on her for that, then you shouldn't be reading her lifestyle blog in the first place – it's a five and take of exhibitionism and voyerism by design.

Second, I doubt any of her children but the oldest will remember much about their father. If I were her, I'd want photos to show them their daddy, how he got sick, and yep look there you are as a baby at the funeral. It might be really helpful for placing themselves in that narrative later.

wk

The reasons you WK her for sharing the pictures are the reasons it is disturbing to others. 

First, she makes money off them.

Second they should be sacred pictures she can share with her children for memories/ to document. Now the kids are just one of thousands to share those moments. 

It's not that she TOOK them, it's what she did with them. 

She could/can share a glimpse into their lives without putting it ALL out there. I, and a lot of us here I'm sure, would have a lot more respect for that. 

December 22, 2016
7:21 pm
avatar
AngiePearl
Hamcat
Meows: 84
Snarking Since:
October 5, 2016

iliketurtles meowed
I have literally never had the desire to see pictures of myself at my father's funeral.

A few years ago I found some pictures of my grandfather's funeral. He died of a heart attack at 50 I believe and grandma was left alone with 13, yes 13, kids. Some of them were already grown up but it was an awful situation.
I don't know who took the pictures, they were certainly not professional, but I know that none of the 13 kids looked at them again (the pictures were in the attick). 
One of them shows my grandma with a look of such desperation, reaching for the coffin, crying, while her youngest son who was 8 at the time is clinging to her, looking confused and scared.

I don't know, maybe some people would like to have the pictures being that they will probably not remember the funeral, but I don't know who would want the rest of the world to see it as well and what would be the reason behind that.

December 22, 2016
7:56 pm
avatar

snarksquatch meowed

Clementine321 meowed
I don't know why everyone is judging her for having professional photos taken of the funeral. First, this is a woman who makes a living by posting photos of her life on the internet. It'd be pretty weird for her to skip the funeral and go straight back to hairstyles. If you're goi g to snark on her for that, then you shouldn't be reading her lifestyle blog in the first place – it's a five and take of exhibitionism and voyerism by design.

Second, I doubt any of her children but the oldest will remember much about their father. If I were her, I'd want photos to show them their daddy, how he got sick, and yep look there you are as a baby at the funeral. It might be really helpful for placing themselves in that narrative later.

wk

The reasons you WK her for sharing the pictures are the reasons it is disturbing to others. 

First, she makes money off them.

Second they should be sacred pictures she can share with her children for memories/ to document. Now the kids are just one of thousands to share those moments. 

It's not that she TOOK them, it's what she did with them. 

She could/can share a glimpse into their lives without putting it ALL out there. I, and a lot of us here I'm sure, would have a lot more respect for that. 

Well, she posts them on the internet because people like us want to see them and generate her ad revenue by looking. I never understand people on GOMI snarking bloggers for over posting. Clearly it works because we are here. Can't fault her for it.

December 22, 2016
8:13 pm
avatar
AddieB
Cat
Meows: 18
Snarking Since:
July 16, 2013

Baylee121 meowed
When you think of marrying, having kids, a career, juggling priorities, and weathering life's usual pitfalls, 25 isn't "too young".

But being a widow at 25, that's inarguably young. Coping skills aren't the same in your 20's versus 30's or 40's.

Years ago, there was a statistic that only 2% of the world's population is widowed before age 40.

Make that age 25, and that number shrinks considerably. FF is having to grapple with what most women won't have to for another 50 plus years.

She's exercised questionable judgement. But really, does anyone expect good decisions out of her right now?

That's a tall order.

It's too easy to say how you'd behave in her shoes when you might not wear them for decades.

It doesn't at all matter what we'd do in her situation, but it sure as hell matters that her "questionable judgment" is, at BEST, forcing her children to mask their grief to play nice with a stranger to them, and at worst placing them in direct danger from a person who has displayed a lack of sufficient boundaries. But sure, shame on us.

December 22, 2016
8:19 pm
avatar
snarksquatch

Clementine321 meowed

snarksquatch meowed

Clementine321 meowed
I don't know why everyone is judging her for having professional photos taken of the funeral. First, this is a woman who makes a living by posting photos of her life on the internet. It'd be pretty weird for her to skip the funeral and go straight back to hairstyles. If you're goi g to snark on her for that, then you shouldn't be reading her lifestyle blog in the first place – it's a five and take of exhibitionism and voyerism by design.

Second, I doubt any of her children but the oldest will remember much about their father. If I were her, I'd want photos to show them their daddy, how he got sick, and yep look there you are as a baby at the funeral. It might be really helpful for placing themselves in that narrative later.

wk

The reasons you WK her for sharing the pictures are the reasons it is disturbing to others. 

First, she makes money off them.

Second they should be sacred pictures she can share with her children for memories/ to document. Now the kids are just one of thousands to share those moments. 

It's not that she TOOK them, it's what she did with them. 

She could/can share a glimpse into their lives without putting it ALL out there. I, and a lot of us here I'm sure, would have a lot more respect for that. 

Well, she posts them on the internet because people like us want to see them and generate her ad revenue by looking. I never understand people on GOMI snarking bloggers for over posting. Clearly it works because we are here. Can't fault her for it.

 

 

No, I don't want to see them. They made me uncomfortable, like I was intruding on something very personal. I probably wouldn't have clicked on it had I known the content because I don't like the idea of "generating add revenue" by exploiting her and her children's grief. I don't understand how you can refer to her making money on the funeral pics like its some savvy business choice? It's her choice to share them with the entire internet and at that point neither she or anyone else can dictate or control how others will feel about that choice.

December 22, 2016
8:26 pm
avatar
AddieB
Cat
Meows: 18
Snarking Since:
July 16, 2013

snarksquatch meowed

Clementine321 meowed

snarksquatch meowed

Clementine321 meowed
I don't know why everyone is judging her for having professional photos taken of the funeral. First, this is a woman who makes a living by posting photos of her life on the internet. It'd be pretty weird for her to skip the funeral and go straight back to hairstyles. If you're goi g to snark on her for that, then you shouldn't be reading her lifestyle blog in the first place – it's a five and take of exhibitionism and voyerism by design.

Second, I doubt any of her children but the oldest will remember much about their father. If I were her, I'd want photos to show them their daddy, how he got sick, and yep look there you are as a baby at the funeral. It might be really helpful for placing themselves in that narrative later.

wk

The reasons you WK her for sharing the pictures are the reasons it is disturbing to others. 

First, she makes money off them.

Second they should be sacred pictures she can share with her children for memories/ to document. Now the kids are just one of thousands to share those moments. 

It's not that she TOOK them, it's what she did with them. 

She could/can share a glimpse into their lives without putting it ALL out there. I, and a lot of us here I'm sure, would have a lot more respect for that. 

Well, she posts them on the internet because people like us want to see them and generate her ad revenue by looking. I never understand people on GOMI snarking bloggers for over posting. Clearly it works because we are here. Can't fault her for it.

 

No, I don't want to see them. They made me uncomfortable, like I was intruding on something very personal. I probably wouldn't have clicked on it had I known the content because I don't like the idea of "generating add revenue" by exploiting her and her children's grief. I don't understand how you can refer to her making money on the funeral pics like its some savvy business choice? It's her choice to share them with the entire internet and at that point neither she or anyone else can dictate or control how others will feel about that choice.

This. I'm not sure where this "it makes money, so it's automatically okay!" stance comes from. Can't fault her for it? Can, and will.

December 22, 2016
8:38 pm
avatar
BIG water OCEAN water
Baroness of Ham
Meows: 241
Snarking Since:
November 8, 2015

Anybody want to WK the "look at my a$$" pic in front of poor Martin's casket? The buttocks-hugging dress and f-me shoes? Remember, she not only dressed and posed that way, but saw the picture and posted it.

Anybody?

There's just so much evidence of her narcissism and dishonesty that "everyone grieves differently" and "she's so young" don't cover it.

December 22, 2016
9:29 pm
avatar
lisztomania
Hamcat
Meows: 92
Snarking Since:
October 4, 2016

Baylee121 meowed

When you think of marrying, having kids, a career, juggling priorities, and weathering life's usual pitfalls, 25 isn't "too young".

But being a widow at 25, that's inarguably young. Coping skills aren't the same in your 20's versus 30's or 40's.

Years ago, there was a statistic that only 2% of the world's population is widowed before age 40.

Make that age 25, and that number shrinks considerably. FF is having to grapple with what most women won't have to for another 50 plus years.

She's exercised questionable judgement. But really, does anyone expect good decisions out of her right now?

That's a tall order.

It's too easy to say how you'd behave in her shoes when you might not wear them for decades.

I wasn't trying to suggest she wouldn't be grappling with some tough emotions & possibly be making some questionable choices, nor that I'd know exactly how I would respond to this kind of grief. But when you become a mother, you have a responsibility to your children & making such huge life changing decision that affects the whole family will get some side eye. She could have taken it slow, dated for awhile, slowly introduced him to the kids while they were still grieving. The way she seems to be going about this whole thing is troubling, and I just don't buy her age as being a great excuse. I get that it's younger than most who will be widowed, but there was forethought and intention in this marriage, despite the short timeframe. She obviously planned out a wedding of some sort. It's a lot of abrupt change for those kids.

In another post I realize I sounded perhaps more on the defense. I can kind of grasp the possible psychology behind it, & honestly sometimes I think I'm just trying really hard to understand. But, I'm not all that much older than her. So it's tough for me to think of it as a young age thing. I know grief is tricky. I've dealt with it while having children, just not with the specific loss of a spouse.

December 22, 2016
10:22 pm
avatar
farmhousemug
Baroness of Ham
Meows: 201
Snarking Since:
September 2, 2016

She made money off of her children's confusion and grief on the day of their father's funeral but it's okay because she's a blogger and it's what she does   so no one should have an opinion about it. Um, no.  I honestly liked her and her hair and makeup posts and her family but, the end of life and funeral pictures really changed my mind about her.  She can post all the pretty pictures she wants of herself at the funeral, or before or after.  Posting her kids' grief was too much and an intrusion of them. If you don't understand gomi, then stay off of it.  I don't understand joining only  to WK.





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