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Freckled Fox
December 22, 2016
9:29 pm
avatar
lisztomania
Cat
Meows: 42
Snarking Since:
October 4, 2016

Baylee121 meowed

When you think of marrying, having kids, a career, juggling priorities, and weathering life's usual pitfalls, 25 isn't "too young".

But being a widow at 25, that's inarguably young. Coping skills aren't the same in your 20's versus 30's or 40's.

Years ago, there was a statistic that only 2% of the world's population is widowed before age 40.

Make that age 25, and that number shrinks considerably. FF is having to grapple with what most women won't have to for another 50 plus years.

She's exercised questionable judgement. But really, does anyone expect good decisions out of her right now?

That's a tall order.

It's too easy to say how you'd behave in her shoes when you might not wear them for decades.

I wasn't trying to suggest she wouldn't be grappling with some tough emotions & possibly be making some questionable choices, nor that I'd know exactly how I would respond to this kind of grief. But when you become a mother, you have a responsibility to your children & making such huge life changing decision that affects the whole family will get some side eye. She could have taken it slow, dated for awhile, slowly introduced him to the kids while they were still grieving. The way she seems to be going about this whole thing is troubling, and I just don't buy her age as being a great excuse. I get that it's younger than most who will be widowed, but there was forethought and intention in this marriage, despite the short timeframe. She obviously planned out a wedding of some sort. It's a lot of abrupt change for those kids.

In another post I realize I sounded perhaps more on the defense. I can kind of grasp the possible psychology behind it, & honestly sometimes I think I'm just trying really hard to understand. But, I'm not all that much older than her. So it's tough for me to think of it as a young age thing. I know grief is tricky. I've dealt with it while having children, just not with the specific loss of a spouse.

December 22, 2016
10:22 pm
avatar
farmhousemug
Hamcat
Meows: 118
Snarking Since:
September 2, 2016

She made money off of her children's confusion and grief on the day of their father's funeral but it's okay because she's a blogger and it's what she does   so no one should have an opinion about it. Um, no.  I honestly liked her and her hair and makeup posts and her family but, the end of life and funeral pictures really changed my mind about her.  She can post all the pretty pictures she wants of herself at the funeral, or before or after.  Posting her kids' grief was too much and an intrusion of them. If you don't understand gomi, then stay off of it.  I don't understand joining only  to WK.

December 22, 2016
11:32 pm
avatar
Baylee121
Hamcat
Meows: 79
Snarking Since:
October 7, 2016

If you are referring to me, I didn't join to WK. Mainly I joined in on this thread since the discussion is interesting, and I thought I might be able to offer some insight into widowhood, and not being the best custodian of our choices during it.

Losing a spouse–I'm a cancer widow, as well–is blindingly, stunningly painful. I attended two different types of therapy, and–in a moment of transparency–was placed in four medications to deal with my PTSD and depression.

When I was moderating the widow/ers' board, I saw many faces of grief. Some became alcoholics, a few turned to drugs, others, sleeping with anyone who would have them-even their spouse's family members! A quickie marriage–ended in divorce. Many of these had little ones underfoot. One lawyer lost everything she owned and still lives in the streets or in shelters to this day. Some say she lost her mind.

But I think it was more her heart she lost.

I never said FF's choices were pragmatic, nor did I allude that anyone on here needs to feel ashamed. I don't really want to judge or condone…

What I intended was to impart a widow's perspective, and maybe cast a little light of grace her way. As unsound as her choice is…I know it could be worse.

I feel like we are watching self-destruction, and I feel she needs help. I hope she gets it.

Anyway, there was really no sanctimonious undertone in what I posted.

Anyway, carry on, no offense was meant.

December 22, 2016
11:41 pm
avatar
JIF
Feline Porklord
Meows: 2169
Snarking Since:
February 10, 2012

Baylee121 meowed
If you are referring to me, I didn't join to WK. Mainly I joined in on this thread since the discussion is interesting, and I thought I might be able to offer some insight into widowhood, and not being the best custodian of our choices during it.

Losing a spouse–I'm a cancer widow, as well–is blindingly, stunningly painful. I attended two different types of therapy, and–in a moment of transparency–was placed in four medications to deal with my PTSD and depression.

When I was moderating the widow/ers' board, I saw many faces of grief. Some became alcoholics, a few turned to drugs, others, sleeping with anyone who would have them-even their spouse's family members! A quickie marriage–ended in divorce. Many of these had little ones underfoot. One lawyer lost everything she owned and still lives in the streets or in shelters to this day. Some say she lost her mind.

But I think it was more her heart she lost.

I never said FF's choices were pragmatic, nor did I allude that anyone on here needs to feel ashamed. I don't really want to judge or condone…

What I intended was to impart a widow's perspective, and maybe cast a little light of grace her way. As unsound as her choice is…I know it could be worse.

I feel like we are watching self-destruction, and I feel she needs help. I hope she gets it.

Anyway, there was really no sanctimonious undertone in what I posted.

Anyway, carry on, no offense was meant.

 

That's exactly why I lay more of the blame here on her new spouse. HE didn't just go through a difficult, mentally and emotionally turbulent time. That is why she isn't using good judgement, but he has no excuse. He should have been the one to put the brakes on and help her cope with all this before moving her 5 young kids and this 25 year old girl (she may be a mom, but 25 is still YOUNG) into this huge life change so soon.  So if he lacks wisdom and forethought OR if he's just an opportunistic a-hole that's double whammy for her – she's made a big decision way too soon and she didn't exactly win an accidental prize in this man. 

December 23, 2016
3:58 pm
avatar
Voodoo Pork
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 205
Snarking Since:
August 24, 2012

Baylee121 meowed
If you are referring to me, I didn't join to WK. Mainly I joined in on this thread since the discussion is interesting, and I thought I might be able to offer some insight into widowhood, and not being the best custodian of our choices during it.

Losing a spouse–I'm a cancer widow, as well–is blindingly, stunningly painful. I attended two different types of therapy, and–in a moment of transparency–was placed in four medications to deal with my PTSD and depression.

When I was moderating the widow/ers' board, I saw many faces of grief. Some became alcoholics, a few turned to drugs, others, sleeping with anyone who would have them-even their spouse's family members! A quickie marriage–ended in divorce. Many of these had little ones underfoot. One lawyer lost everything she owned and still lives in the streets or in shelters to this day. Some say she lost her mind.

But I think it was more her heart she lost.

I never said FF's choices were pragmatic, nor did I allude that anyone on here needs to feel ashamed. I don't really want to judge or condone…

What I intended was to impart a widow's perspective, and maybe cast a little light of grace her way. As unsound as her choice is…I know it could be worse.

I feel like we are watching self-destruction, and I feel she needs help. I hope she gets it.

Anyway, there was really no sanctimonious undertone in what I posted.

Anyway, carry on, no offense was meant.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was reading a spec script for a Lifetime movie.

December 23, 2016
4:19 pm
avatar
#PizzaGoals
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 220
Snarking Since:
May 2, 2014

I had no clue who this woman is, or what she's all about but out of sheer boredom visited her blog after this thread popped up and my first impressions were:

This is waaaaaaay TOO much information. This is A LOT of information. This is a lot of sharing with STRANGERS. Why on earth?!… and so many photos, LOTS of photos of your family. Omg, why is she posting so much detail on her life, her children… what about their privacy? This is sick!

People like this, with their lack of boundaries, might as well go that step further and sell their family's dental impressions and fingerprints, too. Why this desperate need for notoriety and celebrity?

Instagram be making these women go cray. Think of the motley crew of creeps sitting in dingy internet cafes who might be viewing her public social media and detailed blog posts. IMO people who love their children want to protect them and don't expose them like this. She's married with 5 kids, it scary to think she's this naive when she's responsible for 5 other lives apart from her own.

People like her (and taza, and bleubird) are the reason why there's increased Consumer Packaging and Labelling Regulations on everything conceivable like, for ex. shampoo bottles "For External use only!"

 

I feel sad for her, I understand journaling can be very therapeutic during the grieving process, but keep it anonymous for goodness sake.

December 23, 2016
4:22 pm
avatar
Baylee121
Hamcat
Meows: 79
Snarking Since:
October 7, 2016

Voodoo Pork meowed

Baylee121 meowed
If you are referring to me, I didn't join to WK. Mainly I joined in on this thread since the discussion is interesting, and I thought I might be able to offer some insight into widowhood, and not being the best custodian of our choices during it.

Losing a spouse–I'm a cancer widow, as well–is blindingly, stunningly painful. I attended two different types of therapy, and–in a moment of transparency–was placed in four medications to deal with my PTSD and depression.

When I was moderating the widow/ers' board, I saw many faces of grief. Some became alcoholics, a few turned to drugs, others, sleeping with anyone who would have them-even their spouse's family members! A quickie marriage–ended in divorce. Many of these had little ones underfoot. One lawyer lost everything she owned and still lives in the streets or in shelters to this day. Some say she lost her mind.

But I think it was more her heart she lost.

I never said FF's choices were pragmatic, nor did I allude that anyone on here needs to feel ashamed. I don't really want to judge or condone…

What I intended was to impart a widow's perspective, and maybe cast a little light of grace her way. As unsound as her choice is…I know it could be worse.

I feel like we are watching self-destruction, and I feel she needs help. I hope she gets it.

Anyway, there was really no sanctimonious undertone in what I posted.

Anyway, carry on, no offense was meant.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was reading a spec script for a Lifetime movie.

I was sharing my story along with another lady's. My writing wasn't meant to "impress", they are my thoughts as I feel them, and I didn't realize I was penning some sort of essay that was up for evaluation.

After my "Lifetime movie"experience being widowed-oh yes, it's just as romantic as you could imagine–it's *just* like in the movies;),—Its not a stretch to understand why I have a tender heart for widows, and for sufferings of all kinds, especially cancer.

Maybe ease off the vitriol a little bit. It's not necessary.

December 23, 2016
5:37 pm
avatar
Cat Benetar
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 890
Snarking Since:
April 23, 2013

Baylee- thank you for sharing your point of view. You're allowed to interpret and internalize FFs story in whatever way works for you. I appreciate your insight as someone who's been there.

December 23, 2016
5:51 pm
avatar
Baylee121
Hamcat
Meows: 79
Snarking Since:
October 7, 2016

^^Your'e awesome, and thank you.

December 23, 2016
5:59 pm
avatar
Cat Benetar
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 890
Snarking Since:
April 23, 2013

Baylee121 meowed

^^Your'e awesome, and thank you. Although I hate to hear you've been through it, also. I can only offer condolences and understanding.

Wouldn't wish membership to that club on anyone.

Oh no!! I meant you having been there. I'm a cancer survivor, but have not lost anyone to the disease.

GOMI can be tricky sometimes. There's certainly a ton to snark about with FF. I can't wrap my head around her decisions. But people here can go a bit crazy when you try to humanize Emily at all. I'm sure I could rationalize why that is, but I won't (not really willing to give it that much brain power tbh). I, however, like the varied and layered thoughts on Emily's situation.

December 23, 2016
6:10 pm
avatar
Baylee121
Hamcat
Meows: 79
Snarking Since:
October 7, 2016

Yep, realized my blunder and was dashing to correct it when I saw your post! Oops!

But thank you for revealing you're a survivor. It means a lot for me to hear a cancer victim is also a victor…so many sad stories. But hearing of a survivor makes my day.

December 23, 2016
8:00 pm
avatar
People Pleaser!
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 697
Snarking Since:
January 10, 2014

CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN !! CUBS WIN !!! meowed

Anybody want to WK the "look at my a$$" pic in front of poor Martin's casket? The buttocks-hugging dress and f-me shoes? Remember, she not only dressed and posed that way, but saw the picture and posted it.

Anybody?

There's just so much evidence of her narcissism and dishonesty that "everyone grieves differently" and "she's so young" don't cover it.

No, I wont WK that, that photo was too much for me.

Formerly "Managing My Suave" and "A Cad and a Bounder"
December 24, 2016
2:30 pm
avatar
MartyF
Hamcat
Meows: 99
Snarking Since:
October 24, 2014

You know, we're all assuming she's broken up with grief, and that's why she's making all of these terrible decisions, but what if she's not? Maybe she married Martin because she was young, had no skills, but was pretty and saw a meal ticket. She had the kids because that was part of the deal. Looked at that way, the whole thing (including the posing at the funeral) makes a lot more sense. It also makes her a sociopath, but there are a few of those around.

Edited to change psychopath to sociopath.



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