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b***hes gotta eat
May 15, 2012
7:36 am
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redslurpee
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 385
Snarking Since:
November 3, 2011

Samantha is the greatest SOMI in my whole wide world web. She's not a navel-gazing skinny white girl who lives off green smoothies and hot yoga and congratulates herself on her hermes collection, baby, newly purchased house and cute husband.

She's funny, she's painfully honest, she's scarily intelligent. She's had more than her fair share of shit happen to her, she is a real person, and she rants in the most hilarious way about real crap, not oatmeal and DIY.

She only updates when she has something to say, and she doesn't post a million photos with pathetic commentary in order to get easy pageviews. Yes, it's run-on uncapitalised sentences with offensive pink and red highlights, which at first is heavy going but actually you start really hearing her voice. And when you take the time to read it, holy shit that woman is funny. She's depressed and ranty but she's always funny, and so true sometimes it hurts. And she is obscene and irreverent and amazing. I love her.

 

Great starter posts:

First of her fake Cosmopolitan posts (there are 10 so far)

http://b***hesgottaeat.blogspot.com/2011/06/f**k-it-b***h-stay-fat.html

Featuring the articles you really want to read like "F**k it b***h, Stay fat", "Handjobs 101", "Facebook stalking alert" and "Get drunk more".

 

Why she isn't jealous of your boyfriend

http://b***hesgottaeat.blogspot.com/2011/04/man-f**k-that-dude.html

"you have a boyfriend, i have a cat. we're even. helen keller does everything a dude does: eats my f**king food, does what the f**k she wants, leaves her shit everywhere, ruins all of my nice things, and never cleans up after her f**king self. she doesn't tell me what she's thinking, she rarely takes my feelings into account, she doesn't pay attention when i talk, and she only wants affection on her terms. SOUNDS LIKE I HAVE A GODDAMNED BOYFRIEND. or at least, it sounds like i have YOUR goddamned boyfriend."

 

Actually I was going to post more links, but 1 – I love pretty much everything she ever wrote, and 2 – if you need more convincing than the above two to read more, then you're probably not going to enjoy her shit.

May 15, 2012
7:38 am
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redslurpee
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 385
Snarking Since:
November 3, 2011

(edited cos I put the wrong link in, sorry catladies)

May 20, 2012
12:13 am
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That Dementor
Hamcat
Meows: 142
Snarking Since:
March 24, 2012

Holy hell.

 

I have never previously understood the wish to hang out with bloggers and just, like, be friends, but- I do now.

May 20, 2012
1:28 am
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SK
Hamcat
Meows: 133
Snarking Since:
September 23, 2011

Fantastic.

May 20, 2012
11:55 am
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Ta Da

So SOMI.  

Thank you @lollietook.

May 20, 2012
5:18 pm
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blarg
Hamcat
Meows: 168
Snarking Since:
September 23, 2011

Oh my god, I love her.

May 21, 2012
7:04 am
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redslurpee
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 385
Snarking Since:
November 3, 2011

phew! for the first 5 days I was like, wow, nobody else is totally in love with her but me? you're all very welcome!!

May 21, 2012
11:36 am
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anonmidwest
Hamcat
Meows: 51
Snarking Since:
March 22, 2012

THANK YOU for sharing. Love it, subscribed.

May 23, 2012
1:08 am
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Gluten-Free Cat Lady
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 248
Snarking Since:
November 6, 2011

Favorite new blog, thanks for sharing!

May 23, 2012
2:20 am
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Rowena T.

Oh my god, I clicked over there fully expecting to be underwhelmed–because I'm a contrarian and a pessimist–but you guys are totally right!  She's hilarious and brilliant and I want to be her friend. 

And there really is a smoky eye tutorial in literally every magazine every single month.

May 24, 2012
10:17 am
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HunkButt
Cat
Meows: 34
Snarking Since:
March 25, 2012

Oh my god she is amazing!

 

I followed her on tumblr and sent her a message saying I thought she was radsauce, and then she followed me back and it's the worst thing ever because now I have mad performance anxiety.

 

GACK

 

But yeah, she is a funny funny lady.

May 24, 2012
7:54 pm
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lucylime
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 714
Snarking Since:
January 18, 2012

She is brilliant and I love her writing style. Great find, lollie!

May 24, 2012
8:41 pm
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cupcakes
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 354
Snarking Since:
October 24, 2011

She's fabulous but her lack of capitalization/punctuation makes me a little twitchy.  Not hating though, I still subscribed



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