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Elliequent
February 21, 2013
8:22 pm
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I Feel Like Margaret Mead
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 656
Snarking Since:
February 11, 2012

I kept meaning to start a SOMI thread for Ellie, but she wrote a great piece about GOMI today and that reminded me! I found her blog this time last year because she was a GOMI commenter, and have been following her ever since (I think Megling/Mermaid Marshmallow Pie read her too at some point). I think she's a talented and insightful writer and I enjoy the majority of what she writes, which is rare for me. SOMI, Ellie!

http://www.elliequent.com/

February 21, 2013
8:30 pm
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New Year New You
Kitten
Meows: 4
Snarking Since:
February 18, 2012

Yes, love Elliequent. A lot of what she writes about resonates with me.

High tens gurl.

 

Also, obviously you read here Ellie; open comments up.

February 21, 2013
11:09 pm
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Brainpan Whimsical
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 565
Snarking Since:
September 19, 2011

YES. I loves me some Ellie. Her pieces are always compelling and she's got a lovely voice.

Also she's dynamite on the Instagrams (she's got a great eye, she takes a lot of great pictures of LA and her marvelous dog Chaucer), and is always responding to people which I feel is unusual but incredibly sweet.

I can't be more effusive about her!

Also: SECONDED on the comments thing. (Though she responds quite promptly to email!)(See now I feel creepy and obsessive. I'm not! I swear! I just like her blog! Oh God…)embarassed

February 21, 2013
11:25 pm
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WOW GREAT JOB
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 537
Snarking Since:
November 19, 2012

I started reading her because someone here suggested her as a SOMI. She writes in descriptive language that is beautiful and apt without being flowery. I've felt her heartbreak in her struggles with depression. Also, I like that she doesn't take comments.

P.S. It blows my mind that she's in her late 30s. She has taken great care of herself!

February 24, 2013
10:48 am
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lanadelrey
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 230
Snarking Since:
August 31, 2012

Disagree. I'll probably get shouted down about this by straight/white posters, but I had to stop reading her blog because the way she writes about minorities and gay men is disgusting.  

I think the final straw for me was the post she wrote about the black people she bumped into while shopping for fabric for the QUINCEANERA themed party she and her friends were having.

 

* …& LOL (except it's really not funny becauseimsotiredofthisshit). Decided to peek in and give her blog another try and bumped right into the 'fruit fly' post. She's an asshole.

February 24, 2013
2:33 pm
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WOW GREAT JOB
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 537
Snarking Since:
November 19, 2012

lanadelrey said
Disagree. I'll probably get shouted down about this by straight/white posters, but I had to stop reading her blog because the way she writes about minorities and gay men is disgusting.  

I think the final straw for me was the post she wrote about the black people she bumped into while shopping for fabric for the QUINCEANERA themed party she and her friends were having.

 

* …& LOL (except it's really not funny becauseimsotiredofthisshit). Decided to peek in and give her blog another try and bumped right into the 'fruit fly' post. She's an asshole.

No lanadelrey, you're right about some of the content. It is problematic. When I commented, I was thinking more about the introspective, sort of navel-gazing posts. I haven't been reading her very long, but I like reading certain tagged posts. Often I scroll past the other stuff. Until she recently posted about GOMI, I looked at it as more of a diary of someone's development as a person, a public journal I guess. She's more self-aware than I thought.

February 25, 2013
9:39 am
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Vitamin Poisoning
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 743
Snarking Since:
April 30, 2012

Hers was the first blog I'd ever read. I didn't even know what a blog was, I'd found it accidentally while reverse-googling an image of a sofa. 

I was hooked- it was right after she'd gotten married, and was linking all the weddingbee (gag) stuff to her blog and what-not. Sucked me right in, because she IS in fact a good writer, and does, for lack of better metaphor, march to the beat of her own drum.

I stopped reading because I just find her to be a stuck up b***h. A little humility goes a long way with me, and this girl has none.

February 25, 2013
2:07 pm
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carriout
Hamcat
Meows: 174
Snarking Since:
January 10, 2012

I agree with the navel-gazing posts; I think she can be a great introspective writer.  But I looked at her about me page and this statement went beyond slightly judgmental to straight up hatred and disrespect for people with any religious beliefs:

Not only am I an atheist, but I judge people for their religious beliefs. I fully admit it! If you believe that your saliva turns a cracker into the literal body of Jesus ChristI will have serious doubts about your intellectual prowess and probably not invite you out for a Pimm's Cup at Varnish. Extrapolate that out to correspond to whatever weird supernatural things you believe about the universe (talking snakes, global floods, peep stones, Thetans, etc), and know that it's pretty much all the same to me: a poor reflection on your ability to reason like an enlightened adult.

As a religious person, that's incredibly close-minded and really saddened me to read.

February 25, 2013
3:58 pm
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New Year New You
Kitten
Meows: 4
Snarking Since:
February 18, 2012

I can't quote as this f**king forum is f**king broken again. Oh wait, use of the word f**king probably offends all the hayseeds. Oh well, tough tits.

 


"Sal's Copious Nether Locks Cat
 



 

As a religious person, that's incredibly close-minded and really saddened me to read.

 

I honestly find it hilarious that GOMi has become full of "religious people" I can't think of anything more hypocritical. Love thy neighbor indeed.

 

 

February 25, 2013
4:29 pm
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Vitamin Poisoning
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 743
Snarking Since:
April 30, 2012

While I myself don't carry much religious belief or know if there is any higher power, I don't look down upon, judge, or question the intelligence of those who do. It is just a mean, hateful way to live. Just as much as Elliquent believes they are wrong, she could be wrong as well. 

That little quote of hers from her "about" really solidifies what I stated about her before, that she is a self-indulgent, stuck up b***h. 

 

And New Year New You, you aren't even making any sense. All Sal did was state she was disappointed in Elliquent's harsh, generalized statement. 

February 25, 2013
5:25 pm
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carriout
Hamcat
Meows: 174
Snarking Since:
January 10, 2012

New Year New You said
I can't quote as this f**king forum is f**king broken again. Oh wait, use of the word f**king probably offends all the hayseeds. Oh well, tough tits.

"Sal's Copious Nether Locks Cat

As a religious person, that's incredibly close-minded and really saddened me to read.

I honestly find it hilarious that GOMi has become full of "religious people" I can't think of anything more hypocritical. Love thy neighbor indeed.

Hi New Year New You,

Regardless of whether or not I had mentioned that I was a religious person, I feel my point stands on its own, as thankfully pointed out by noidea.  

I'm not sure where the vitriol for religious people is coming from on your end, and I don't understand how me or other Gomi-ers being religious has affronted you.  I actually really appreciate some of the perspective regarding Mormon bloggers from some of the Mormon hamcats around here, as Mormonism is a religion I know very little about.  

I don't want to start any kind of internet rumbles, so let's just agree we have different beliefs and move on. 

 

February 26, 2013
8:02 am
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Gamine
Hamcat
Meows: 57
Snarking Since:
May 16, 2012

Hey peeps, Ellie here. I'm really not sure what the etiquette is here, but I think it's ok for me to address criticism directly here. Apologies in advance for the Olympian wall o' text this will be, but I want to be thorough in my reply (I'm the one that wrote in my GOMI blog post about there being no limit to the amount of words bloggers can use to fix their f**k ups, after all). I considered linking to the forum thread and just responding in full on my blog, but that wouldn't give anyone a chance to reply back easily. 

Ok, so. Wow. Ouch. But you know what? Not entirely unexpected. 

Lanadelrey, I'd like to respond to you first. Over dinner on Valentine's day, my very good (gay) friend called me out on a couple things on my blog that didn't sit well with him. He is probably one of my biggest supporters, always a great cheerleader – but he doesn't hesitate to smack me down when I need it. He's the person who has taught me to be aware of how I write about gays, because as much as I may think I'm writing from a place of respect and love, sometimes I get it wrong. Way wrong. Even in conversation, if I make a statement that comes across as marginalizing of gays, he points it out, immediately. 

After he told me about the things he didn't like, I explained to him that when I blog, I have a sort of radio wave running in my head, that starts to hum and vibrate when I'm writing about sensitive topics like gays or minorities. And I try to listen to it, to be self-aware and careful in what I'm saying, but clearly, I'm failing. :( And like I say, the criticism doesn't surprise me, because even after I hit publish, I sometimes have a lingering suspicion that I've mangled what I was trying to express, and sounded like an ignorant asshole. So the truth is I'm grateful for the feedback, because I don't want to be an ignorant asshole. I love the hell out of my friends, and it would KILL me to think I'd hurt them or disrespected them due to my not knowing better. Hell, it kills me to hear I've done that to any human being. I really feel like shit right now. :(

And while it's certainly not your job to educate my ignorant ass on how exactly I AM getting it wrong, if you do want to, I'd appreciate you explaining to me what it is I've said that's problematical, in the "fruit fly" post or any other. I want to understand, so I can not be an asshole. Or if you just want to point me in the direction of other writings/blogs that would enlighten me, that'd be cool, too. I know at this point you may have made up your mind for good that you don't like me, so I understand if you just tell me to eff off instead. 

Next – the racism charge. I wasn't even sure whether I wanted to write about the Quinceneara party, for exactly this reason. For the record, I didn't actually plan, organize, or throw it – I was a guest. But that doesn't mean much, because if I'm going to make the decision to go to it, I'm de facto saying, "I'm cool with this." And whether or not you believe this (and it's not your job to, so it's cool if you don't), I – and a few of my other friends – weren't 100% cool with it. My girlfriend who threw the Quinceneara party has themed parties like this every so often, and if you want to know the truth, some of us f**king cringe when these invitation come in. We've joked around about it, like, Jesus, what horribly offensive stereotypes do we have to enact next month? And you know what? If I or any of my other friends said to this girlfriend, she'd own it – I think, anyway. I think she'd admit to it being questionable at the very least, and she'd either say, Yeah, you're probably right, but I don't think it's doing any harm, or she might say, Yeah, you're right, let's brainstorm creative party ideas that don't marginalize minorities – I honestly don't know her well enough to hypothesize. (My point is, I'm not saying anything here that I wouldn't say to my friend's face.)

So, yes: I've gone to some enthnically-themed parties that a friend has thrown. And it has definitely made me feel squicky. But I went. And I wore the costumes. So yep, I've been part of the problem. And I don't like the way it feels, to have to admit that, but it's true. I'm glad I got called out on this, because I don't want to feel weird about it any more, and I really like the idea of approaching my girlfriend to say Hey, let's do a purple party, or be-your-favorite-animal party, or something fun but innoffensive like that. So thank you for that. 

But I don't think you were even really talking about the parties themselves. You mentioned the "yardage" post I wrote, about the black couple at the fabric store (shopping for fabric for my Halloween costume). And I just re-read it (kind of shaky and scared, to be honest, because I was terrified I was going to be mortified at how bad it was), and here's the thing that's probably going to make you hate me more, but… I don't get it. :( What am I doing wrong? Is it because of the language I used, in the dialogue? Because that's how I remember them speaking, and that was my attempt to just recreate the scene. Is it racist to do that? Seriously, I'm embarrassed to say it, but maybe I'm just that ignorant, so I don't know. :( 

If you want to expand on what I'm missing in that post, any other post, or in what other ways I've been disgusting in my writing about minorities, I'm all ears. I don't want to be disgusting in my writing about anyone.

Ok, so now that the embarrassing part where I admit that I'm too ignorant to know what I'm doing wrong is over, I'll move on to the next ouch part.

noidea: You said I'm a stuck up b***h with no humility. The first part of that caught me a bit off guard. I try very hard to NOT seem stuck up, especially in the way that I use social media. I know not having comments enabled definitely removes me from my readership – but what is it about how I write that gives you the impression that I'm stuck up? I promise you, in real life, I'm one of the most approachable and down-to-earth people you could meet. Seriously. I'm almost crying, in fact, to think I've given the OPPOSITE impression online. Clue me in, if you want, or don't, that's cool. Either way, I'm sorry I've seemed that way. I really, really am. :( Not how I want to seem, at ALL. 

But the lacking in humility, that I can see. I've had some squicky moments in writing about myself. By means of explanation (not excuse), I got beat down very, very hard a couple of years ago by an abusive man I was dating. He told me in no uncertain terms that I was a worthless piece of shit. It took me ages to get my self-esteem back up. And sometimes when I blog, I can feel myself toeing the line between expressing a very hard-won sense of self-love and confidence, and just sounding egotistical. Clearly I need more practice at that, too.

As to the charge that I'm self-indulgent – f**k yes I am. I know that, for sure. I wouldn't even try to deny that. But I do try to temper that self-indulgence by occasionally writing things that aren't so focused on ME ME ME. I make an effort to share funny things (my last post on Instagram, the story of my friend needing the passport, the Dickinson poem about the dog toy), or creative things (like some of the graphics I've done), or things that people could relate to (esoteric little stories about relationships). I try to make my writing something of a gift. But yes, I know I'm self-indulgent. I am the first to admit it. Point taken that it's coming across too much. 

And finally, the religion thing. Not surprised at that one. Sal's Copious Nether Locks (LOL, I don't even get your name but I love it), this bit is for you as well as noidea. I could sit here and apologize to you both, for offending you with my harsh, generalized statement. But honestly, that would be disingenuous. That would be me trying to placate you, because I'm human and don't like anyone hating me or my blog. But it would be disingenuous, because what I wrote in my About me, and what I wrote in my statement atheism, is what I honestly feel. I (obviously) have incredibly strong feelings about religion, and I don't try to hide it. I mean hell, I put it right there in my About, as a warning to any new readers: this is who I am and what I believe. I know full well that those words will alienate some people, who'll think I'm being judgmental or dismissive, or closed-minded. Believe me, I get it. But to me, at this point in my life anyway, this is a case of not being able to please all the people all the time, and choosing – instead of trying to toe some phony line where I hide my real feelings – to let my atheist freak flag fly and be upfront about something I feel passionately. I respect your right to believe anything you want. But I don't necessarily respect the beliefs themselves. And if that part of my personality is enough to make you click away, or snark on me in a forum, I totally get it. For now, I'm going to choose to stay the course re: my writing about religion. That may change, and I may regret it, but that's where I stand right now.

Ok, I think that's it. I'm really sorry if replying to this here and in such depth was inappropriate or just plain annoying to look at (I hate walls o' text, too).  

Final thing I want to say: All of this? This massive essay I just wrote, asking for even more feedback? It's not to win more readers to my blog. It's to be a better person. I don't want to be an asshole, online or off. I'd hope you'd only have to see how I put approximately zero effort into growing my blog (don't announce my posts on Twitter/IG, don't even link to my blog on IG, don't solicit link exchanges/sponsors) to believe I'm sincere in this. Blogging is fun, and maybe at some point it'll grow into something bigger – but I'd rather can the whole f**king thing forever and for good than have people think I'm a horrible person. I want to be a good person and a cool blogger, but there's no question that the good person part comes first.

p.s. Thanks, huge thanks, to those of you who've given me good reviews, too. I suck so bad at responding to compliments without sounding smarmy, but I really am just so f**king grateful.  

February 26, 2013
9:45 am
avatar
carriout
Hamcat
Meows: 174
Snarking Since:
January 10, 2012

Hi Ellie,

I won't quote the wall of text for obvious reasons, but I wanted to reach out to you and say that I really appreciate your response.  I'm sure it was difficult to read some of those things and try to turn them around into some kind of constructive criticism.  

Let's start here:

I should point out that I have been reading your blog for about a year and I really meant what I said above about your ability to write great introspective posts.  I think you're a fantastic writer and I appreciate your frankness in talking about your bouts with depression.  I get a real sense that you use your blog as a means of self-refinement over time, which is why I enjoy it.  Your blog and its entries never have a sense of finality; they have this regularly unfinished quality, in which I mean I feel like you always have a lot more to say and is reason for me to come back.

Regarding religion, I am personally very much so to each his own.  But on that same note, I respect others for whatever they believe.  After reading your response, I think we might be of the same opinion, and perhaps I didn't clarify what upset me about the paragraph in your "about me".  You say that you respect my right to believe anything I want, even if you don't respect those beliefs.  What I took away from your about me section was that I was in some way an inferior person to you for having those beliefs.  I'm hoping that's really not what you meant; that you believe I can still be an intelligent, caring, worthwhile person even if we have a difference of opinions on religion.  Just for the record, I enjoy reading about your religious beliefs and experiences A LOT.  Please keep writing about them.

I'm sorry you've experienced some extreme reactions in this thread, and I apologize if I came across as one of those.  Obviously, each of these cathams is entitled to those opinions and I mean to belittle them in no way.  Please, keep chin up, take the criticism as potential for reform as much as possible, and most of all, keep writing, if only so I can keep reading the valuable things you have to say.

 

ETA: re: my username: I'm referring to a recent post Sal from Already Pretty published regarding lady area grooming.  The lure of a username referencing Sal's mountainous pube fro was too great.



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