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New to That Wife? Questions? Start Here!
October 11, 2015
10:00 pm
avatar
Alice
Hi Im Alice And Ill Be Your GOMI Admin Today
Meows: 14845
Snarking Since:
September 3, 2008

From the GOMI Wiki:

That Wife, aka Jenna Cole (“professional” name). That Wife is married to That Husband (also known on GOMI as TA, or That Asshole), and the “mother” of T1 (boy) and T2 (girl). As on Jenna’s site, the children’s real names aren’t used on GOMI.

She is internet famous for:

- creating a PowerPoint presentation to convince TA why he should get married someday, with the purpose of getting him to agree to date her. He ignored her for three weeks while deliberating over his answer. A copy of the PowerPoint can be found here.

-feeling very proud of being married to a real-life Pole from Poland, which is in Europe.

- spending countless hours researching childbirth and pregnancy, particularly preventing tearing during birth, but giving very little preparation or attention to parenting and acting seemingly baffled and frustrated at her children’s normal, infant/toddler behavior.

- giving birth to both children at home, which she described in very specific, graphic terms.  In particular, she noted that she spread chux pads all over the floor of her apartment so she could urinate at will without running to the bathroom.

- keeping T1 in a pack-n-play in a bathroom so the computers could have their own room and then giving him a pack-n-play mattress on the floor when they moved to a house.  Because of his early sleeping arrangement, T1 was known sympathetically as “Bathroom Baby.”

- buying T1 only a very thin foam mattress that she laid on the floor (the “dog bed”); erroneously claiming it was part of the Montessori method.

- putting T1′s toys out of reach because he wasn’t “playing with them correctly,” and because he didn’t clean up after himself (he was an infant/toddler at the time).

- refusing to put together a nursery for T1, claiming that it served no purpose.  She did put together a nursery for T2, making no mention of her earlier claims.

- publicly discussing getting an old rag and a box for her son as his only Christmas presents, claiming that he wouldn’t know the difference anyway (he was an infant at the time) and because she didn’t want to “spoil” him.  She still claims that he will not be having birthday parties for this reason. Neither child will celebrate their birthdays at McDonald’s as Jenna did; however, eating a Happy Meal is an acceptable birthday activity. (This is an example of Jenna logic. See also “nursery decorating” and “attitude toward college”)

- emphatically refusing to finish college on several occasions insisting her life plan had no need for a degree.  She also claimed that most people only go to college for the social aspect.  She begrudgingly took online classes for several years on the advice (and possible monetary rewards) from family members before finally graduating from college during an abbreviated summer term in 2012.

- triple-diapering T1 so that she wouldn’t have to change him.

- propping infant bottles with pillows and blankets so she doesn’t have to interact at all with T1 when feeding him.

- photographing TA shaving T1′s head with an electric razor while the baby was sitting in a sink full of water.

- publicly stating that T1 is “creepy” and abandoning him for the summer to “finish” her degree via crowd-sourcing.

- having her husband lock up the cheese (literally, in a plastic bag with a lock so that she would not be tempted by it when he was not home).

-photographing/Instagramming T1 wearing pink or other “girl” clothing items and then writing indignantly about gender norms in order to receive Internet praise for her own progressiveness.

-being a work at home mom without a career and nearly full-time childcare.  She self-reported that even her therapist refers to how she fills her day as her “work.”

-taking up the feminist cause, via Twitter.

- being a formerly devout Mormon who publicly chastised those who drank alcohol/smoked/dressed immodestly by her standards.  She left Mormonism in 2012 and now drinks alcohol and coffee openly, and blames most of her crappy life choices on growing up Mormon.

-not only drinking alcohol openly but drinking real! live! wine! It makes her feel relaxed and groovy, like a Xanax, and she loves that feeling!

- writing a letter to T1 stating that while he napped as a baby she often wondered if he was dead.  She goes on to say that if he died, she’d get her “me time” back, but she would miss him.

- refusing to pick up her parents from the airport when they visit because it is too hard for Jenna to get T1 and T2 rounded up and drive to the airport.  Her parents must find and pay for their own way to and from the airport.

-Giving T2 her last name, while T1 takes TH’s last name. Apparently, this is sticking it to the patriarchy.

- believing that the phrase “empty calories” means calorie-free.  She also claims that sugar is both a carbohydrate and a fat.

- her dubious “thrifted” items.  Jenna seems to purchase most of the family’s clothing and household goods secondhand.  GOMI readers recognize most of her purchases as items still in stores, leading to the belief that Jenna is either buying them on sale or at full price while claiming “thrift” so her husband will not question the purchase.

- her desperate attempts to avoid any professional responsibility and contribute income to her household by refusing to get a job and working for the man.  Instead, Jenna has created several half-assed blogs and websites that she refers to as her “work.”  Said websites are updated only periodically and often with little to no original content.  Jenna’s “work” includes her blog (That Wife), Hardly Sweetened (the website that proves she’s no longer Mormon because she is an expert at creating disgusting cocktails), and Pinterest Fail (comprised solely of reader-submitted posts compiled by a mysterious “editor.”)

- her belief that most mothers secretly despise parenthood and their children and are desperate to escape and spend their time as they wish.  Because Jenna openly speaks of her hatred of motherhood and limited patience with her children, she is “brave” for acknowledging this feeling that all mothers secretly have.  Jenna’s bravery is bolstered by a group of ever-diminishing fan girls who claim she’s a wonderful mother making it work as best she can.

- her ample descriptions of “solo parenting.”  TH had a job that took him away from the family all but a few hours each week.  This made Jenna a “solo parent” because she was parenting alone while still married.  But because Jenna needed her “me time” and time to “work” on several websites that generate no income, she arranged and paid for an intricate web of outside childcare to cover nearly all of that time.  Said web of childcare included a 40 hour per week daycare (“pre-school” in Jenna’s terms) for T1, 18-20 hours of childcare for T2 by a neighbor with six children, teenagers to come to the house every morning and night to dress the children, childcare at Jenna’s gym, and a nanny turned cleaning lady.  Jenna also coped with “solo parenting” by feeding her children most of their meals (peanut butter sandwiches) in the car on the way to and from various childcare venues.  More descriptions of Jenna making it work at “solo parenting” can be found on this post.  TH got a new job that gave him more time at home in September 2014.

- seemingly deciding on a whim to pursue a career in “software engineering.”  Jenna applied for acceptance multiple times to Hackbright, a selective coding bootcamp for women, but was not accepted.  She was accepted into DevCamp, an alternate program available to pretty much anyone with a pulse and a fat wallet.

- continuing her Mormon rumspringa with adventures in nudism.  These antics included visiting a topless beach in Hawaii, removing her shirt to be photographed in her bra in the middle of a farmer’s market, and finally going completely nude at a beach Santa Cruz.  She has also made friends with middle aged nudists who totally didn’t look at her breasts during a discussion.  Jenna is embracing public nudity to throw off the chains of her sad, restricted, internet-less childhood.

- ditching her kids for most of the summer of 2015.  The kids spent two weeks with their Polish grandparents (Poland is in Europe, BTW) while Jenna traipsed around Italy, photographing herself and her sister a nauseating number of times.  Jenna was especially enamored of the Amalfi Coast, the name of which she never quite spelled right.  Almost immediately after returning home, T1 and T2 were shooed off to Washington to spent 1+ months with Jenna’s parents so their mother could day drink, do plenty of nuding, and take a night coding class.

- originally planning a trip to Greece instead of Italy during the 2015 trip to Poland.  T1′s passport was set to expire, which Jenna didn’t seem to realize until she was in line at the airport.  Jenna then spent several days and probably a staggering amount of money waiting in line to somehow get T1′s passport renewed.  Jenna, the Ts, and her sister were finally able to go to Europe the following week, but the side trip to Greece was cancelled.

Jenna, highly-educated in Pinterest and Candy Crush, is self-employed, citing very important work tasks making up her OMGsobusy day: pioneering for women’s rights and other various social causes via social media, thrifting from the Nordstrom’s sales racks, and trying to figure out the best pose for selfies to make herself look thin.

(Citations available on thread. And her blog.)

 

 

 

 
~*~ garbage person ~*~
October 12, 2015
3:33 am
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onatrek
Feline Porklord
Meows: 1730
Snarking Since:
May 30, 2014

There's always the T2 not growing her hair properly bit…

We cut your hair last week, again. It’s blonde and downy and lagging on the sides while sprouting furiously on the top and back. I joke to your dad that having long hair is a privilege in this family, and I’ll stop keeping yours short when you have shown that you can grow an even mane. I have lots of funny ideas like that. You’ll be rolling your eyes about them soon enough.

http://thatwifeblog.com/2014/02/06/t2-is-1/

October 12, 2015
7:11 am
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Purple21
Feline Porklord
Meows: 3913
Snarking Since:
July 28, 2014

Also she claims to be a photographer (check out her Instagram, Jenna Cole Photography).  Her photos are blurry and poorly framed, yet she is extremely proud of her work.  Her great photography achievements include bestowing a trademark grey-white sky on every landscape she has ever seen, including Hawaii, Italy, Nevada and California. 

Her only photography qualifications are a few workshops (she loves workshops!) and she is dazzled by the Film Is Not Dead (FIND) guy, whose workshop she did, and she still tags him in most of her photos. She loves explaining why film is better than digital, although she doesn't actually develop the photos herself – she sends them to the FIND Lab who make a healthy profit from her obsession. 

She claimed to make a huge profit from her photography business in 2014, but when questioned, she admitted that she wasn't clear on the meaning of words like profit, gross income and net income – so we're guessing she also didn't subtract her business expenses before calculating her "profit" (which include countless cameras and cross-country flights to photograph her friends)

The photography business currently consists of being second shooter for friends who are photographers, and occasionally advertising free sessions to build up her portfolio. 

Her magnum opus is the selfie, posed with knee pop and tongue behind her teeth. Her professional page also features a photo of her taken by her 3yo (?) son, which is perhaps one of the better photos in the collection. 

October 12, 2015
12:31 pm
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FatJenna
Hamcat
Meows: 146
Snarking Since:
July 9, 2014

Being new to the chaos, my most burning question is that she is so infamous here, but is her blog even……popular?  Or remotely successful?  A lot of the bigger bloggers on GOMI seem to have at least built some sort of brand/following/what have you, but she just seems to…..exist.

October 12, 2015
4:19 pm
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Pickle

FatJenna meowed
Being new to the chaos, my most burning question is that she is so infamous here, but is her blog even……popular?  Or remotely successful?  A lot of the bigger bloggers on GOMI seem to have at least built some sort of brand/following/what have you, but she just seems to…..exist.

Her blog used to be a lot more popular than it is now.  She wrote for Weddingbee, which gave her a big, built-in audience.  She also used to post literally every day, which kept her blog going much better than now, when she basically never posts.  As infuriating as she could be, she would actually write posts that sparked a lot of conversation (upwards of 50-100 comments), and there was a fairly active community of commenters who would discuss all kinds of social and religious issues.  While she has always been an insufferable dolt, she has had legitimately thoughtful and intelligent commenters over the years.  

 

I think after a while, most of her readers finally had enough of her idiocy and jumped ship.  That, combined with her having her "awakening", becoming even more insufferable than ever, turning off comments for a while, and then practically never posting anymore has made it so that her main following is almost solely hate-readers.

October 12, 2015
9:54 pm
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Purple21
Feline Porklord
Meows: 3913
Snarking Since:
July 28, 2014

Her Instagram accounts are very entertaining and both set to public so you don't have to officially follow.  They are like mini-blog posts and updated almost daily to include faithful records of her day-drinking, child neglect and we've even caught her furiously responding/ deleting critical comments when she was supposed to be in her coding class. 

October 13, 2015
12:48 am
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onatrek
Feline Porklord
Meows: 1730
Snarking Since:
May 30, 2014

high-five Thanks to Artist/Sprinkler/Absolute Liver for finding these Women Evolving podcasts Jenna was doing with some friends and for putting them all together – and of course big thanks to A Feminist Who Likes Food (formerly pizza is the answer) for doing the transcription of Jenna's gems of insight (or, well…uh)

I tried to add a summary in case you want to pick and choose what to read – the first four are probably the most interesting as far as Jenna material)

 

http://justpaste.it/womanevolving_04262015 (personal evolution - ALL Jenna telling her story and the host asking questions)

 http://justpaste.it/jo8n (failure vs feedback – again nearly all Jenna and the host)

http://justpaste.it/womanevolving_1202015 (sex and marriage – a gem of Jenna stuff and mostly Jenna)

http://justpaste.it/womanevolving_03092015 (mourning/overcoming 'coulda, shoulda, woulda' – a lot of Jenna)

https://justpaste.it/2015_01_womanevolving (no longer believing/talking about tough subjects with family)

http://justpaste.it/womanevolving_04142015 (willfull blindness – minimal Jenna but talks about T1's speech thing a bit)

http://justpaste.it/womanevolving_03162015 (personal 'evolution' – the hosts, including Jenna, just telling their stories)

https://justpaste.it/womanevolving_03172015 (sorta random)

October 13, 2015
2:02 am
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onatrek
Feline Porklord
Meows: 1730
Snarking Since:
May 30, 2014

Jenna's words on another blog regarding how she's "made it work" while "solo parenting" http://julia-transition.blogspot.com/2014/08/moms-make-it-work-jenna-part-time.html

October 13, 2015
6:44 pm
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ANNOUNCE YOU ARE LEAVING
Senior Hamcat
Meows: 577
Snarking Since:
March 12, 2013

Santa is a fakey fake faker and presents cost money, real money, from their parents, only their parents. Santa is fake and doesn't care about them. Fake. Money. uh

fka Obnoxiously Giddy / Beyonce Seated on Benedict Cumberbatch's Lap / Breakfast Bowl of WTF / Mrs White
October 13, 2015
7:05 pm
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so materialistic and unnecessary
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 333
Snarking Since:
June 8, 2015

To elaborate on Beyonce Seated on Benedict Cumberbatch's Lap (that is my favorite version of your name and I will use it as often as possible so there) – she decided when T1 was little to tell him Santa didn't exist, and was but sore when T1 decided he preferred to be a little kid and sustain hope that there was a Santa. Jenna memorably reflected that it was the year T1 chose santa over her.  

October 14, 2015
4:34 pm
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#acompletelackofeffort
Hamcat
Meows: 197
Snarking Since:
March 20, 2015

so materialistic and unnecessary meowed
To elaborate on Beyonce Seated on Benedict Cumberbatch's Lap (that is my favorite version of your name and I will use it as often as possible so there) – she decided when T1 was little to tell him Santa didn't exist, and was but sore when T1 decided he preferred to be a little kid and sustain hope that there was a Santa. Jenna memorably reflected that it was the year T1 chose santa over her.  

Well of course she turned it to something about HER and not about her SON wanting to actually be a CHILD! angryangryangryangryangry 

*formally something similar to fake diamonds*
October 14, 2015
6:22 pm
avatar
Purple21
Feline Porklord
Meows: 3913
Snarking Since:
July 28, 2014

#acompletelackofeffort meowed

so materialistic and unnecessary meowed
To elaborate on Beyonce Seated on Benedict Cumberbatch's Lap (that is my favorite version of your name and I will use it as often as possible so there) – she decided when T1 was little to tell him Santa didn't exist, and was but sore when T1 decided he preferred to be a little kid and sustain hope that there was a Santa. Jenna memorably reflected that it was the year T1 chose santa over her.  

Well of course she turned it to something about HER and not about her SON wanting to actually be a CHILD! angryangryangryangryangry 

She even bought him a Christmas decoration of a smiling boy embracing Santa, as a kind of mocking gift so he can always remember what he did. 

October 15, 2015
1:55 pm
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AbsoluT phoTgrapher
Hamcat
Meows: 62
Snarking Since:
February 16, 2015

My heart hurts for him

Aka never ending baby fountain


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