Lifestyle Blogging WTF

Hey Natalie Jean Has Animals Again

Hey Natalie Jean, totally lives on a farm now, has announced her acquisition of chickens.

oh my gosh i love them already. so much that the guy at the tack + feed store already knows me by name. I’ve been in there at least three times since i brought my girls home, asking the silliest questions.

The chickens apparently spent their first night running around in the yard because they tried to “wait for the chickens to figure out how to get back into their coop, because #chickennoobs”. She claims the “tack + feed” guy “told me i was a good chicken mom! that was cute”, even though she goes on to teehee:

newbie stupidity not cooping them from the get-go, and i know i’m making a mess of this, but having these ladies out back + worrying over them, bringing them bits of vegetables that the books say they should like + telling them how lovely i think they are… it feels nice.

There are no pics of these alleged chickens or their coop on her gram feed, though hams have reported she is posted them on her snapchat. Considering their record of pet ownership I wish these chickens luck.

  1. my micro Mike Rowe crow’s mic row

    I hope these chickens pull off a daring escape à la Chicken Run


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  2. Charlie Whiskey

    This is why the CDC had to issue warnings about kissing chickens.
    I'm pretty sure the chickens don't care if she tells them they're lovely.

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  3. Croosets in Trendy Colors

    A fox is going to enjoy killing the shit out of all of those chickens some day very soon

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    • in soviet russia dog strangles you

      Why all the nopes lol it's totally gonna happen.

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      • Amaryllis

        Foxes gonna fox, yo.

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        • Croosets in Trendy Colors

          Well and the whole not securing them in their coop thing, ha.

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          That was my first thought, too. We have six chickens, and most of our friends and family have/had them as well. You need to make their coop a freaking fortress because of how clever some of those animals are. My husband's grandpa saw a raccoon once climb on top of his coop, scurry down, figure out the latch, sneak in, grab a chicken and redo the latch on his way out. Not securing them at all is an almost guaranteed way to have dead chickens.

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      • trains fat

        That's not necessarily true. It could be a raccoon or a coyote that gets them.

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        • flea circus

          or any self respecting dog, because you know, prey drive.

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          • Zandra

            As if any dog is going to come poking around The Strangler's house.

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    • Trapped on the Skoo-Kull

      I'm having a flashback to the endless Katie Granju Chicken Slaughter saga of '13-'14! Hold me, please.

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      • in soviet russia dog strangles you

        I wonder if Krazy Katie still has chickens.

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      • Dreamscape of Femininity

        What happened?

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      • discothecat

        I have the same thoughts. The endless stream of chickens dying from her ignorance was revolting. Both Katie and HJN seem entranced by the hipness of urban farming and no idea on what it takes.

        With Katie, it was a complete lack of respect that chickens were living creatures that didn't deserve the weekly death toll due to her care. It was just gross. I doubt that HJN will be any better

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        • Pork-Covered Pork

          I trust PP had good reasons for keeping Katie's chicken massacre off the front page.

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  4. 20 minute eye contact with my new nudist friend Robert

    Um, what's wrong with having chickens? We have 5. They're great. They lay eggs. ;-)

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    • 20 minute eye contact with my new nudist friend Robert

      Why the nopes? I'm not really familiar with Hey Natalie Jean. Is there a story with her and chickens?

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      • in soviet russia dog strangles you

        There is a story with Hey Natalie Jean and animals. And there is a story with Hey Natalie Jean being the most irresponsible poseur evar.

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      • Mabel Syrup

        Pretty sure her husband attempted to strangle their dog rather than take it to be euthed. (I could be wrong, I don't read here often.)

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      • Read the article, dude

        The backstory here is conveniently linked within the text of the article, as Alice often does with these stories because she's thoughtful like that.

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        • 20 minute eye contact with my new nudist friend Robert

          The only backstory she linked was of Mr. Natalie strangling the dog, which I knew. I asked if there was a backstory with chickens.
          What is the matter with this site lately? I used to love it here, now everyone is b***hy towards other users. I ask a simple question and get a million nopes because it's BRATALIE who feeds her son MAC AND CHEESE and therefore shouldn't be allowed near chickens and how dare you question our collective hate towards her?
          Yeah. Okay.


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          • hoe made garlic rolls

            I'm with you (and am prepared for one million nopes). I follow the HNJ thread and still fail to understand the OMG SO HORRIBLE response to these chickens. :(

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    • Busted Coccyx Club

      Nothing wrong with having chickens, but you need to care for them properly. Not let them run around the yard until they "figure out how to get back into their coop." That's just asking for a fox to have them for dinner.

      And, given this family's history of pet (strangling) ownership, this can only end in chicken tears.

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      • Helen Van Patterson Patton

        My husband grew up raising chicken and we had some for awhile - you have to be pretty diligent at showing them where the coop is until they figure it out. For God's sake, they're chickens, not mind readers. She's welcome to sit back and wait until they "figure it out" but I can assure you that that they only thing they will "figure out" is a lot of really annoying and pesky habits that will be a pain in the ass undo or as you said, something bigger and hungrier will come along...

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        • ativan annie

          For some reason I hear that in Dr. McCoy's voice...
          "For God's sake, Jim, they're chickens, not mind readers!"

          Carry on.

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          • McDonalds Chicken Patty

            "Dammit, Jim, I'm a Chicken not a doctor!"

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          • Loves Dogs

            That made me snort.

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            • Pineapple McCrazy Eyes

              Oh come on, why Nope dancing on the bridge? Some of y'all are just no fun.

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    • New Generation Eye Massager with Mood Light and Airbags

      Nothing wrong with people in general having chickens. Everything in the world wrong with "Hey Natalie" having chickens. She doesn't have a great track record of not killing her pets.

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    • in soviet russia dog strangles you

      Nothing wrong with people having chickens, especially in a small Idaho town, but this is Bratalie we are talking about. She is irresponsible as f**k, she only has chickens because she thinks they are twee, she doesn't really live on a farm at all, and all of her pets have been given away or died by strangling. She feeds her son Mac & Cheese and she herself lives on a diet of marshmallows and Diet Coke. Even if her husband, who once strangled their pet DOG, strangles one of these chickens, it's not like Nat is gonna cook and eat it. I don't even know if she's going to cook the eggs.

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      • HashtagPopTartsAreForWinners

        She feeds her son MAC AND CHEESE?!?!?!


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        • hoe made garlic rolls

          LOL forever

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      • Basic Bitch Bingo

        What's wrong with mac & cheese?

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        • Yeeeeeah, sometimes you feed your kid what they'll eat. Often, that's Mac and Cheese. Although I think the mac and cheese as a joke came up because in a blog about how she was going to ~live off the land~ and needed a spot by the window ~for bread dough to rise and baked goods~, there was a photo of her son in her carefully curated twee rustic farmhouse decor while she waxed poetic about homemade food and... he's eating Kraft mac and cheese.

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          • Basic Bitch Bingo

            Ah, that makes sense, thanks. I'm not totally up to speed on her.

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            • No problem. It was a pretty funny post, once you realized her ~local farmer's market organic everything~ post contained her kiddo eating the most preservative-laden cheese-powder food there is.

              That said - I love mac and cheese from the box and do not judge. But I definitely laughed out loud when I juxtaposed what she was saying with what was actually happening.

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        • Edina Monsoon

          Someone is noping all the mac and cheese


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          • Pecker Pepper

            I want to marry this gif.

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      • Mazel Tov Cocktail MD

        Her husband seems more of a chicken choker than a strangler.

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        • boombalatty


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          • Douche Baguette

            I find this chicken manhandling video to be distasteful.

            Won't someone think of the chicken?!?!

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      • Fancy Eleganzaa

        I can't picture any authentic tack and feed store guy calling someone a "good chicken mom," even in jest.

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    • Dr Phil's Martini

      i think her husband strangled their dog after it fell out of their apartment window or balcony or something. And instead of taking the dog to a vet to be checked out and/or humanely euthanized, he just strangled him.

      So she doesn't have a great track record for caring for animals is what this post is in reference to.

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      • The reason that whole thing got the traction it did is because she did not -originally- tell it as a "we didn't have time to get to the vet, he was suffering, Brandon had to make a really terrible horrible choice".

        The ORIGINAL version of the story was essentially telling it as a super funny omg hilarious joke about how their dog, like, fell out of a window and her husband strangled him! Isn't that HILARIOUS?

        It only became something she acknowledged was anything less than a super awesome joke to tell at parties after hamcats fliiiiipped out about it.

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        • smauge

          I just read that post and OH MY GOD I'll never sleep well again. When I think of the pets I've had to have put down over the years when their life was just too much suffering, holy shit, I'd never EVER consider strangulation as an option.

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          • Yeah, you add that to the pre-dog-death posts where she waxed rhapsodic on how much she kind of hoped the dogs would just go away, one ate a sock and she talked about wishing he would just die already for a whole week...

            they do not have a track record of giving a crap about animals.

            Although she seemed to really LIKE her dogs until Huck showed up, then she rapidly spiralled into being completely over them and that's when her way of talking about her dogs got really awful.

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          • smauge

            I can't believe someone noped my comment here. Are there pro-dog strangulators here?

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    • RobinKane

      Yeah, chickens are "great" - they are the new it thing to have. Everybody's backyard farming with some chickens and getting some eggs.
      1. It costs more to keep chickens then you get in eggs.
      2. Everything likes to eat chicken.
      3. Chickens are gross.
      4. No, really, chickens are hella gross.

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  5. Pork-Covered Pork

    Whatever happens, it won't top the clusterf**k that was Katie Granju's Backyard Farmer 101.

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    • in soviet russia dog strangles you

      But will there be racist names?

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      • rat placenta

        chicken #1 name: Foxbreakfast

        chicken #2 name: Fendforyourselfbird

        chicken #3 name: Coyotesupper

        chicken #4 name: Trendydecorationbird

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    • Dreamscape of Femininity

      Someone please clue me in. What the hell happened?

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      • Albie Quirky

        She had a bunch of chickens (way more than her municipality allowed) and they kept dying from disease or getting eaten by critters. She housed them in a modified Rubbermaid tool shed. Her young daughters (at least one of whom has fairly serious asthma and allergies) took their favorite chickens to bed with them like teddy bears. They named a black chicken Laquisha.

        She documented all of this on a blog called BackyardFarmer101.

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        • Douche Baguette

          You don't want to be taking chickens to bed. We once left our front door open and our next-door neighbour's chicken wandered in and pooped on the cream carpet.


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          • Douche Baguette

            Pfft! Who noped my "don't take chickens to bed", "don't leave the front door open when your next-door neighbour has a chicken", "chicken poop stains are impossible to get out of a cream carpet" and other #prochickentips?

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            • The Immortal Love Child of Coconut Oil and Nut Butter

              I think that "Don't take chickens to bed" is very sound advice. I think that was in my fortune cookie once. ;-)

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          • MrsG

            Well, what the hell else is the dog going to eat if the chickens don't shit on the carpet?

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      • Pork-Covered Pork

        Here's a list of all the chickens who died on her watch. There was an updated version on the Wiki but someone (possibly Katie) erased it.

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      • rat placenta

        I forgot about chicken #5: Sha-dynasty!

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  6. k

    How is this front page shit? This site has turned into a massive heap of shit.

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    • wut

      Perhaps you should pull a stunt, give us something to witness.

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    • HashtagPopTartsAreForWinners

      Because HNJ? And everything HNJ is BEC to PP.

      And if you understood that sentence, put down the GOMI and walk away...

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      • in soviet russia dog strangles you

        Nat having chickens is not BEC ffs.

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        • smauge

          'Scuse my ignorance, but who/what is BEC?

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          • smauge

            Thanks for taking the time to nope me eight times, but can someone please answer the question? Is it something that needs to be answered in a private message? I seriously don't know what it is.

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            • Kaywaaaa

              b***h Eating Crackers. Someone you hate so much that something as simple as eating crackers makes you scoff at them.

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    • in soviet russia dog strangles you

      Shut the f**k up and don't read it then.

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    • Rich Loser with Teeth and Shoes

      Her husband strangled a dog and she publicly blogged that she hoped that same dog would die after eating baby socks. Sorry not sorry if you don't think Nvt being responsible for domestic animals is a recipe for disaster (and not a recipe for chicken in her Shaker kitchen). She only got these chickens because they are twee and fit her current co-opted aesthetic. The woman survives on cinnamon bears and anorexi-yeah! marshmallows. I'll eat my hat if she actually eats one of her ladies' eggs.

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      • bitchhhh

        Still not a big f**king deal.

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        • in soviet russia dog strangles you

          Be gone, loser.

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          • Take the blue pill, it's Prozac

            Well now you're definitely the loser.

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            • Take the blue pill, it's Prozac

              Oops my reply wasn't for soviet russia! Sorry. PP must have deleted the trash I replied to.

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    • The Immortal Love Child of Coconut Oil and Nut Butter

      I look at this site as the Talk Soup of blogs. I'm not expecting the world news, I'm expecting some snark and a good laugh. If you don't like it, you can GOMI.

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  7. A cad and a bounder

    Alice has been working overtime the past few days to sus out blogger WTFs. I'm glad that The Freckled Female or Fraulein Freckles or whatever her name is has moved off page 1.

    Someone who lived it should recap the Natalie Jean lore about household pets. It's not pretty, if I remember correctly, but I wasn't really around to read it as it unfolded back in the day.

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  8. A cad and a bounder

    trying again:

    Alice has been working overtime to bring us blogger WTFery, way to go girl! I'm glad The Freckled Female or Fraulein Freckles or whatever her name is has moved off page 1.

    Now I see that someone above recapped the sad saga of Natalie Jean's pets.

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  9. babbityrabbitycacklingstump

    I like eggs (and ham)

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    • boombalatty


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      • Halyn

        Wow, that guy has an enormous cock!
        Sorry, had to be done.

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        • hoe made garlic rolls


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        • Like Did Bacall

          My husband texted me from out of town once, and said, "Wanna see a big cock?"

          I texted back, "You know it!" (Thinking, here we go, let's get some sexting action, yesssss.)

          He texted me this picture, with lots of lols at how funny he is.


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  10. Amaryllis

    What's the over/under on how long it takes something- Mr. HNJ, foxes, neighbor's dog- to kill those poor chickens?

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  11. doritos are manna

    Even though there have been pics of "some" chickens on Snapchat, there have zero twee IG posts of the coop or the chickens. Those of us in the tinfoil hat club are skeptical about the existence of the chickens.

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    • better than you

      the coop is on IG, f**ktard

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      • doritos are manna

        Really? Thank you for such a polite and gracious response. Perhaps you could post the picture then, because my IG fails to reveal a picture of a coop or any chickens.

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      • EyePullOut

        The coop was there when they rented the house, f**ktard.

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        • doritos are manna

          What is this, 4th grade? Do you give yourself extra cred for using a derogatory term based on the mentally handicapped?

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          • EyePullOut

            Woah slow down dorito muncher. I repeated it because the user better than you whipped it out and it seemed unnecessary
            Guess it was lost. Oh well.

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            • California Greetingcards

              I got the joke. I lol'd.

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      • Wut

        Strange, Nat's fan girls are usually more passive aggressive religious "I'll pray for you" types. You're giving off "unwashed basement dweller, my mom's at the store buying my Cheetos so I can be edgy for 30 minutes" vibes. Nat's fans are way more fun than you, you're just run of the mill Internet asshole. How pedestrian.

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  12. potatohead

    Well, at least when Brandon kills these chickens by strangling them, it will be authentic #farmlife?

    Anyway, whatever, y'all know how I feel about Nat. I really do wish her well. I hope Huck gets into school soon. And makes lots of friends. Whose parents let him come hang out. A lot.

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    • Mockingbored

      At least he can see out of both eyes now. That's progress.

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      • potatohead

        RIP Huck's 80s emo synth wave neo pop boy band hair. RIP.

        He has to have depth of vision to more accurately focus the camera to snap his mother's farmhouse fashion shots.

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  13. Revenge of the Chickens


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    • boombalatty


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      • in soviet russia dog strangles you

        Run Strangles, run!

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