Mommy Blogging WTF

It’s Another Boring Post About Dooce Complaining About Why She Left Blogging

Dooce, still talking, is still talking. She was apparently a speaker at some “XOXO” conference. I guess she was there to yammer on yet again about why she left blogging. She is now claiming that despite her amazing sponsored content, she’s basically being forced to retire-except-not because brands now want approval on sponsored post content.

According to Heather, it all started when Banana Republic sponsored a trip for her, her boyfriend, her assistant and his boyfriend – basically like half a dozen people – and the resulting post had something about a “hairy vagina” in it. Well 48 hours later her ad rep called to let Heather know she had screwed the pooch.

Banana Republic was not happy. They were so upset. They demanded I take it down immediately and make it disappear…I said okay, I’ll take it down. But I’m going to tell my readers why. That sent them into complete panic mode.

This prompted Her Importantness to get a call directly from the ad company’s CEO who wanted to know exactly who the heck Heather thought she was – Banana Republic was going to pull their ad revenue and jobs were on the line. Heather’s response apparently was to react like a child who had never before been scolded.

I was stunned but my initial reaction was like, who didn’t tell Banana Republic that they were, would go with this woman? Who…didn’t say, do you know who Dooce is? Do you really want her working on this? Why did that disconnect happen?

That’s right – it’s not on Dooce to act professionally or compromise when her ad company stands to lose millions of dollars. Nope, everyone else should have just known what they were getting into!

Oh, and she didn’t want to exploit her kids. She says “the days leading up to the end of the contract…they wanted it to end”, she got another three part campaign that her kids didn’t want to do, and between uncooperative kids and having to submit posts for approval, Dooce says she was over it.

I realized my child had been written into my contract and that I was exploiting her…So I choose to walk away because I can no longer make a living as a mommy blogger writing a story about everything, every secret revealed…I can’t write about it and make you laugh because your kid does the same thing anymore to make a living.

Now let’s all misinterpret it! Or not. None of you really seem to care anymore but I thought the whole throwing the ad company under the bus thing was kind of lol and had to share.

  1. everyone should wear crop tops


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    • Soupy Scones

      This gif is mesmerising and terrifying all at the same time. Must.Look.Away.

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  2. sequential shift refresh

    It's everyone's fault but Heather's.

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    • Brenda Johnson


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    • ugh not this bint again

      vain, nasty, not that bright; she was lucky for a little while and now the rules have gotten stricter and she doesn't want to play

      this seems to be an issue for bloggers who don't understand that what they write when they write sponsored posts is not the true stories of their innermost feelings -- they are writing ad copy

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    • ouch

      classic narcissist, that Heather

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  3. Wonkeye

    She's annoying, but that's the ad company's f**kup. They should've specified in the contract that they needed approval before it was posted. Most of these bloggers (Shillshackle Sham, I'm talking to you) are so milquetoast that they'd never do anything so naughty and potentially alienating, but Dooce has seemed over it for a while.

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    • Dr Phil's Martini

      I've worked in publishing. Everything gets reviewed and approved before print if there is a paying client or sponsor. I guess it was a little different in the blogging world at first, but it's sad to think she thinks it's something new in the industry or that she could be excused from it just because of who she is.

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    • Redrah

      I really think BR failed in not doing some due diligence and spending 30 seconds reading Dooce's blog to see if it would be a good fit with their brand. If this was in 2013, she was already way past her peak, so it's not like this was their best option for maximizing readership numbers.

      However, Dooce's disconnect here is astounding: "I realized my child had been written into my contract and that I was exploiting her…So I choose to walk away because I can no longer make a living as a mommy blogger writing a story about everything, every secret revealed…I can’t write about it and make you laugh because your kid does the same thing anymore to make a living."

      How is the inclusion of the kid in the sponsored contract ANY DIFFERENT than the inclusion of the kid in the everyday mommy blogging? EITHER WAY YOU ARE EXPLOITING YOUR KIDS AND MAKING MONEY OFF OF THEM.

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      • Albie Quirky

        It's not cool if she can't use childish vulgarity while exploiting her kids' images for clicks and advertising, see.

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      • Katie Allison 's Racist Chicken

        She's manipulating the situation for sympathy. So predictable. zzzzzzzzz

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        • Katie Allison 's Racist Chicken

          I wonder if destroying her career is all a way not to have to pay Mr. Dooce? I have a super rich ex-boss and the checks she has to send her ex-husband must make her cray-cray.

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          • Boxed Cake Mix Theory

            YOUR USER NAME

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          • hamnesty international

            I have thought this for a while. If she destroys "Dooce" she can re- emerge like a phoenix from the flames as "Barnstrong" and rebuild her shattered reputation without having to pay any more cabbage to her freeloader ex husband. Or maybe she is just going down in flames in a spectacular fashion just for fun. Either way it is painful to watch.

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      • SilverOak

        The part where she said, she was exploiting her children honest to god left me gob-smacked for a good moment. She has been exploiting her children since day one, and she still is.

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        • Mockingbored

          Seriously, she tags posts about her kids with their FULL LEGAL NAMES. I have never, ever understood the thought process behind that practice. At least just tag their first names if you have to tag it at all.

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          • this bint again

            special sponsored cheesy skillets seaworld velveeta volvo pro tip for mommy bloggers - when the children grow up they will hate you and leave you for exploiting every minute of their childhoods

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    • this bint again

      shillshacklesham is as appropriate as she is boring
      curious what will happen when the kids get old enough to say, no, i don't want to get dressed up and do things for sponsored content today

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  4. herpderpsnarf

    Keep digging, Dooce. Keep digging.

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    • in soviet russia dog strangles you


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  5. JennasPeePants


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  6. erin

    Who is not sick of Heather and her white people problems?

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  7. Trapped on the Skoo-Kull

    ALSO: Fake cancer death wishes from supposed haters, that she flat out made up, and added to a GOMI comment from years ago that she dug up (which said nothing at all about cancer or wishing her dead). She's capitali$ed on that forgery in at lea$t two paid $peeche$ lately.

    Additionally: Within the last two days, you know, now that she's QUIT: kids still being exploited for a sponsored cybersecurity post, and a "PROVE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR MAMA FOR THE CAMERAAAAA" post/video. La plus Dooce change, folks.

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    • Born Via C-Section and Totally Fine(ish)

      I think it's a, "SEE?!?!? See how much my daughters LOOOOOOOOOVE me? Even though I left town again to give a speech about hairy vaginas, my kids think I'm the best." video.

      Also? Her lovely daughter (who cannot weigh more than a dime) can knock her over? That is just wrong.

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    • The Derpman Show

      That video is 100% staged. Marlo immediately whipped her head to the videographer, made eye contact, and then coyly lowered her eyes. Looking to see if the car was towed my ass. That Dooce can so blatantly exploit her guuuuurrrrlllls while declaring a love so deep we could never imagine the secrets she whispered to them after her grueling tour of duty tells you everything you need to know about Dooce: she's f**ked up. Seriously, she's not well. Im glad she travels so much bc surely the babysitter is a far superior and emotionally competent caregiver.

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      • Horkasaurus

        Dooce made eye contact with the camera as well while she whispered her sweet nothings. I found the whole thing disturbing. Also, I'm speculating that 'babysitter' is code for 'nanny.' Someone has to watch the gurls while mama is busy exploiting them for millions.

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        • Mumspringa Glen

          And Leta just sitting there. When I come home from a trip, my kids dog pile on me (and I have one older than Leta and just as bookish and quiet). Nobody just sits there, watching the videographer patiently knowing their cue is coming up. Really unnatural and weird, and Marlo's glance nails it. Total set up. Nice try, Dooce.

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      • Expecto Patronum

        The explanation for that head turn was so clunky and obvious. If she hadn't said anything about it at all it wouldn't have been as noticeable. Such a sure sign of a lie, when the person overcompensates like that.

        As it's been said on the forum 100 times, if Dooce and the girls miss each other so much, maybe she shouldn't spend 5 days of every week out of town for one 20 minute speech. Shrug.

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    • wut

      That video...if this isn't her kids in about 10 years, I'll eat my hat.


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      • smauge

        Is that Christina Crawford?

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  8. Whoring Desperation on Instagram

    The thing about Dooce, and really all bloggers, is they are replacing someone in media somewhere. Somewhere there is copywriter who worked on the Banana account. This person wrote ads for radio, TV, print, and weird advertorial magazine content. That person is out of a job b/c now bloggers are writing some twee post instead. And the client and the account managers at the advertising agency don't see the difference between a blogger and a copywriter. Why should they? If you are going out there to compete with big media, you damn well better have things spelled right, edited, reviewed, picked apart...because you are replacing people who worked hard at building a career. Yes, bloggers are struggling (finally) to keep up with the machine behind marketing and branding agencies. Agencies have editors, writers, photographers, graphics, type setting, traffic, production, all making sure everything is perfect. Galleys (drafts) circulate at least three times before mechanicals...ugh! You thought you could do it all yourself--plus bf, plus assistant, plus assistant's bf, plus whoring your kids out--ha!

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    • Lazy von Asshole

      What kind of unprofessional moron would use a phrase like "hairy vagina" in a sponsored post from Banana Republic? The stupidity and classlessness just utterly offends me.

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      • Mexican Scoop

        That's just who she is, y'all.

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      • Sarah Ate Two Tacos But I, Kath, Am Not Counting (winky guy)

        I've never read a Dooce post before, butni clciked, and went scrolling trying to find the offending expression. Omg, her post is so long and there are so many pointless pictures and so many references to the fact that her friends are gay.I was overjoyed to find photos of her posing sexily in a red dress but then I clicked out. Boring!

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        • topsecretusername

          If I recall correctly, most of the reader outrage at the time wasn't directed toward her using the term "hairy vagina" (or to Banana Republic asking for it to be removed), but toward the fact that she treated her assistant and his boyfriend as gay accessories.

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      • Albie Quirky

        If her actual vagina is hairy, she should probably talk with her GYN about that.

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        • Sloth Snuggling Sasquatch

          Yeah, that's one place that should definitely be totally hairless. That would be like having a hairy throat, or fuzzy eyeballs.

          I've creeped myself out now. Damn that Doocebag.

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      • Fancy Eleganza

        Next up, Dooce's remarks about Anthropologie's Sweaty Balls winter collection.

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    • Some reference to a blog with 10 active readers

      I don't think you get to be mad at the bloggers for "takin yer job". The responsibility for hiring lies solely with the employer. If you think companies that pay for bloggers instead of hiring professionals are acting unethically, then you avoid those companies and what they sell. You don't get to be all pissy and pearl-clutchy just because Unprofessional Moron is Unprofessional and also a Moron and that somehow takes something away from you. It doesn't. The people who took something away from you (general you) are the people who made the decision to offer her work in the first place. But somehow ad execs are totally blameless in your capitalist bootlick worldview "And the client and the account managers at the advertising agency don't see the difference between a blogger and a copywriter. Why should they?"

      It's a big win for management when we hate the incompetent employee rather than the hiring team who doesn't care enough to do anything to change the situation. But I guess you don't mind that.

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      • Some reference to a blog with 10 active readers

        Boo hoo someone questioned why you expend your energy on hating some idiot. Next up: why driving past a police station all slow while blasting "Cop Killer" isn't the most effective response to police brutality.


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        • Pin~ata of Farts

          Tell Dooce where it hurts, hon.

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  9. crispenclean

    There's a video on her blog now of some guy (could be her husband, have no idea, don't follow this chick) playing guitar and singing a song he wrote which has "Hairy Vagina" as the chorus. It's charming. Obviously she's getting a real thrill out of being such a rebel, y'all, with her badass self using in-your-face language. So there, Banana Republic.

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    • Brenda Johnson

      Yes! I'm sure the other board members of Every Mother Counts think this badassery is just bad ass all the way. Then again, they keep her around so I guess they secretly all like it.

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    • Lazy von Asshole

      That's the kind of crap I would have thought was funny when I was 20. Now I'm an adult and a professional who works hard to put food on the table. I'm glad these entitled juveniles don't have to worry about that.

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    • Uvabird

      I think the video is up to prove that her cool friends think she is funny, so there ::raspberries::

      I don't think advertisers are quite as amused.

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  10. TurkeyVulture

    Ugh. Her writing is so BAD. Two quoted paragraphs there I had to read multiple times in order to understand what she was actually trying to say, and I'm still lost on the last paragraph. and I didn't even try to read the original post--just what PP pulled to put here.

    I can't believe her shit writing is deemed worth throwing money behind, but I guess if you have the inexplicable, zombie-like platform, then... *shrug*

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    • Delusions of Adequacy

      To be fair, I believe those two quotes are from a written transcript of a speech she gave, not her actual writing.

      One of her favorite things to do - as many bloggers do - is talk about how misunderstood and misinterpreted she is. She is the f**king queen of mommy blogging and invented the internet but she never learned, in all her years, how to be articulate and clear in a post.

      Nothing is ever her fault. She is the Valedictorian of Self Victimization.

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    • here for the food

      yeah, the part PP quoted, I got the feeling Dooce must have been slightly drunk when she wrote it...cringe-worthy, not just in content but in wording/grammar.

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    • smauge

      +1. Even giving her the benefit of the doubt that the context of the speech is lost in the writing down part, I've ventured into her blog a few times now and it all seems to be over-wordy and difficult to understand.
      Or maybe I'm just some dumb Strayan that doesn't get the U.S. humour?

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  11. Amaryllis

    She "realized" that he daughter was written into the contract? Did she not read it before signing it?

    Why am I even asking? Of course she didn't. Why should Dooce ever be a grownup about anything ever?

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    • sequential shift refresh

      It makes me wonder what all those meetings with lawyers are about.

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      • Mockingbored

        I'm starting to think all of her "meetings" are with Federated so they can sit down face-to-face and explain the contracts to her like she's 5.

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    • Sparkly Crystal Chandler

      Furthermore, it took a threat of possibly losing sponsorship for her to realize she exploits her kids? Way to go, Heather, the internet realized this 10 years ago. Hashtag Valedictorian of Motherhood.

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    • Apeeling Attire

      But even if it WAS written into the contract before she signed it, and even if she failed to read and understand that bit prior to signing, it is still not heather's fault because nothing is ever.

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      • rat placenta

        you are a banana too, you don't get a say

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  12. TMCoffeeMan

    Ugh, the Internets must really be slow this week...

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    • TMCoffeeMan

      Hmmm...methinks my meaning was misinterpreted.

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  13. sequential shift refresh

    I think the kicker here is that she has Banana Republic listed in her portfolio on the heatherbarmstrong site.

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    • I Love Your Skirt

      I get that the first choice was probably taken, but is it possible to look at that at not think, "Heather Barmstrong?" It's like how will always be That Squirky.

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