Internets WTF

Momastery Will Heal You With Her Lap

Saint Glennon, of the mystical lap healer tribe of Bloglandia, attended a conference Friday, during which her special powers were called upon.

I spoke at the Momentous Institute conference today–to a room full of mental health professionals…Afterward, this precious reader came over to my table and laid her head in my lap. She was just having a hard time and needed some comfort. We sat like this for the rest of the morning…

This story was accompanied by a picture of Glennon showing that silly Pope Francis how healing is really done.

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The moment is being hailed as “beautiful”, “brave”, “kind”, and various other words that do not sound like “did anyone maybe ask this lady if she would like to speak with one of the mental health professionals in attendance”.




  1. Notarize!

    I wouldn't let anyone lay their head in my lap besides one of my children. If I was wearing a white dress, I would probably say heck no to my children as well. And I would not want to be that close to a stranger for an extended period of time. But I guess I am not the magical healer Glennon is.

    Creepiness aside, all I would think about is their hair and face oils soaking into my clothes. Baaaaaarf.

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    • Fart in a Mitten

      I like to imagine the weeping stranger blew her nose into that dress.

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      • snarklife

        Fairly important someone commandeers The Weeping Stranger as their new name.

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    • TurkeyVulture

      Your name is the best.

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  2. Curl of the Burl

    awkward.gif

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  3. Fart in a Mitten

    Letting a stranger snuggle in your lap?

    giphy.gif

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  4. Sarah de los dos tacos

    Look, sometimes you just want to lie a few inches away from someone's crotch while they are wearing a miniskirt and sitting crosslegged on the floor. All the mental health counseling in the world can't replicate that.

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  5. nastykat

    I think I'M gonna need a mental health professional after reading this one.

    GIF-WTF-DAFUQ-Tha-f**k-disgust-what-the-f**k-GIF.gif

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    • Helen Van Patterson Patton

      RIGHT. I'm off to go Googe image some puppies and kitties to try and rid myself of how unbelievably uncomfortable that picture is making me.

      Keep your eyes focused on this image if the thought of random strangers in your lap makes your skin feel like it's crawling straight off of you:

      url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAcQjRxqFQoTCOvvq47Wq8gCFQyPDQodAyED2w&url=http%3A%2F%2Fjustcuteanimals.com%2Fpost%2F1229&psig=AFQjCNFjB4-pDdsZiiBJ8IA9F43bFKQ68g&ust=1444146238340633

      Edit: image insert fail. Womp, womp

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      • Helen Van Patterson Patton

        images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQFApcK7H6BfpmCntLnd3W5uBYDak7uQzSDgB-ogxzj46u7oYpaTw

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        • Cats%2Bfunny%2Bpictures%2B%252816%2529.jpg

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        • disappointingselfie

          Thanks for the brain cleanser! I am not a touchy person, so this story just filled me with the magic of NOPES instead of love or whatever bullshit this chick is selling.

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          • smauge

            I am a very tactile person, but EWW. This is a creepy as f**k.

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  6. Coding in C Hashtag

    ryan-stiles-01-o.gif

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  7. The Derpman Show

    Oh FFS, what a ridiculous try-hard

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  8. Helena Hambasket

    For me the bigger question is, what kind of grown woman crawls over to a human being who, for all intents and purposes, is a stranger (despite your being all in luuuurve with her blog) AND LAYS HER HEAD IN SAID STRANGER'S LAP? I guess Glennon is definitely more saintly than I because I would have jumped up and half-screamed **what the everlovin' f**k are you trying to do?!?** Boundaries, people - it's okay to have them!

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    • The Derpman Show

      Exactly. This is an intimate interaction between two people who, presumably, do not have that level of intimacy between them prior to this encounter. Therefore this is an example of completely inappropriate and unhealthy boundaries. There is no level of urgency/emotional need to reflect this level of intimacy. They're both idiots using an inappropriate level of contact to boost their own egos and pretend they're better than everyone else. Selfishness, not selflessness, is being modelled here.

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    • markallasread2.0

      I agree. Maybe Glennon felt as if she had no choice but to "love on" this person, but the woman should have respected NORMAL HUMAN BOUNDARIES and kept her dang head upright on her own shoulders. This is so beyond weird, I feel like "help me" is screaming from Glennon's body language in that photo...even though now it's obviously been spun for social networking consumption.

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      • Fancy Eleganza

        Her body language says EWWWWW stoically tolerating this mad woman nestled in my lap.

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  9. low no

    This is not normal. I know this woman has a messiah complex, but this is just f'ing strange and uncomfortable. I had to stop reading her blog because it was just too much "brave" and "warrior mamas" in one paragraph for me. And only the "monkees" with the biggest problems are allowed to be in the club.

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    • Verb Myself Back to Canada

      She's eating up the "you look like the virgin Mary cradling Jesus" comments like there is no tomorrow. I used to like Glennon. When did she go nuts?

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  10. Grimace-Twin Liar

    Takeaways -

    Glennon: "I'm a healer!"

    Precious Reader: "I got to rub Glennon's crotch!"

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  11. hot mom babe fka Becky Leeman

    Never has this gif been more appropriate.
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    • I love this gif so much I want to take it out behind the middle school and lay in its lap.

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  12. justwhelmed

    A Facebook friend who I really respect shares Momastary posts every so often and it makes me sad. This is just too weird.

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    • Dame Helen Chichester

      SAME FOR ME. Except I don't really respect this fb friend. I always get a good chuckle when I see some GOMI shit in the wild, though.

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      • Obviously Staged Fuckery

        This. It took me a little bit to connect the dots, but I just realized that this blogger is one that my group is looking to book for a speaking engagement.

        I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to watch her presentation without thinking about her magical healing crotch. So thanks for that.

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        • smauge

          This comment combined with your name is pure gold

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        • Slutty Summer Vegetable

          Read her thread here on GOMI, and then urge your group to reconsider.

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    • someofthissomeofthat

      Me too. I can't "unfriend" this person for completely selfish, advantageous to me reasons, but it surprised me when she talked about being so excited that she was going to meet Glennon (don't know if she lapped her or not). This person is very smart so I wonder why she gets taken in by Glennon's woo woo but then I remember that this person is also sort of woo woo too (attempted to start a personal coaching business) and is offering to counseling sessions for serious bank even though she has no counseling credentials. So I guess she actually is a good fit for Glennon worship.

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      • LittleRedHiHeels

        "Gleannons Woo Woo" needs to be someone's new user name RIGHT.NOW!

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    • YayHookers

      I always wince when family members share one of Glennon's posts on FB. She is not the Messiah!

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    • Coding in C Hashtag

      One of my future in-laws just posted something from her. I am very disappoint.

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  13. Gloop

    The thing I like most about Glennon is that she would never exploit a fragile moment for her own gain.

    Also rubber bands aren't bracelets.

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