Mommy Blogging

Mr. “Hey Natalie Jean” Did Not Let An Animal Suffer

I JUST f**kING CAN NOT EVEN

Hey Natalie Jean, the advertiser friendly rebrand of Nat the Fat Rat, continues to attract new readers with her new persona. Unfortunately new readers tend to read your archives, and evidently an old entry has come to light on Nattypoo’s site that has completely freaked out new fans.

It seems a few years ago her father-in-law sent the happy couple an odd little schnauzer statue. They took this little dog statue on an adventure which they photographed, and lols were had by all. Oh wait, except right in the middle of this cute little anecdote, Ratalie casually recalls a story about a real live dog:

The Holbrooks have this thing with Schnauzers, it’s like their thing. There was once one named Schnapps, there was one named Spritzer. The one named Spritzer came into the family on The Holbs’s eleventh birthday and then I accidently inherited him when we got married and then one day Spritzer jumped off our third story balcony and then The Holbs strangled him to death out of mercy.

Yep. In 2009 awesome positive life lover Ratalie was flippantly sharing tales of her husband strangling a dog to death. And not in a horrified, this-memory-haunts-me way. In an ‘anyway the dog was hurt so the father of my child crushed the windpipe of a helpless animal, teehee here are pics of where I peed on a road trip’ kind of way.

I’m confused as to why this post is still up on her site. You’d think something like this would have been edited out during her rebranding. Or before. Or maybe just never posted at all. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be over here throwing up until forever.




  1. theoretically

    I am so disgusted. I have HATED a dog before (my husband's) and never thought of doing it harm. Would never be amused or light-hearted about it being harmed.

    Seriously wtf.

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  2. Sister Friend

    This is horrifying. Here is the cute-antidote, for those of us who can't even go there:
    tumblr_inline_muobj16Qfj1ro2d43.gif

    tumblr_inline_mlv0lhEOLJ1qz4rgp.gif

    anigif_enhanced-buzz-29811-1373644639-4.gif

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    • hamlette

      Such a good idea, Sister Friend! This made me smile. I'll go pick some fresh dandelions for my bunny.

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    • The Old Bailey

      Also, this post. I showed it to my dog, who was NOT amused:
      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/13/jerk-cats-love-stealing-dog-beds_n_4093467.html

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      • hamlette

        This is so welcome. I've been kind of avoiding this FP today and revisiting some of the previous ones. Thank you for this, TOB. Saved and e-mailed for tough days.

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      • chikat

        Gah I love that!!! Just forwarded it to my family. :)

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      • Great Thundering Kittens

        Saw that the other day and my son and I about died. My son said, hey look at that, when it comes right down to it it's the little dog that get the most assertive about getting their beds back again. I loved the ending though, where they decided to just all get along. :)

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    • Jalepinos & Beef Pork

      Thank you, Sister Friend.

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  3. StephanieSays

    001.jpg.html?sort=3&o=7

    That's my rescued dog. :)

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    • StephanieSays

      Sorry, I don't know what I am doing wrong.

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    • Sister Friend

      Right click on the image in photobucket, and pick 'copy image location', and it will give you a page that has nothing but the image on it, and ends in .gif or .jpg. Use that URL in the 'insert image' option here, and your image will pop up.
      Such a cute dog!

      001.jpg

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      • StephanieSays

        Thanks Sister Friend! That's my beautiful Lexi!

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        • StephanieSays

          Here she is on the bed. 015.jpg

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          • hamlette

            Beautiful Stephanie, both of you! How nice that you found each other :)

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      • FrizzyFryFro

        BEAUTIFUL puppy! I love when dogs get white on their faces. SO cute.

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        • The Old Bailey

          Yes, so distinguished!

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    • DanceChickenDance

      Good on you for getting a rescue! We have two rescue dogs and they are wonderful. Although to call them dogs is not exactly right; they are family.

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  4. Maze

    A good writer can write about terrible things beautifully. She's not a good writer. "The Holbrooks have a thing for Schnausers, it's like their thing." Redundency is redundent. My parents were dog show people. Shepherds and Shelties. We always had a lot of dogs. One year we went on vacation and our dog sitter left our back gate open with one of the Shepherds outside. He'd had utility training, so he could track. He tried to follow us. He got hit getting on the expressway. He had to be euthanized. By a vet. Who the f**k self euthanizes their dogs? I don't mean f**king farmers. City people. It's bizarre. And with their bare hands? It's psychotic. Home girl better think twice her husband ever suggests they try auto eroticism out. He might get carried away.

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    • Bored Now

      For real.

      If you're out in the country and have a shotgun or something along those lines handy, it's probably easier and preferable to put a dying animal out of its misery in that way.

      If you're in the city or suburbs, you take the poor animal to a vet. You don't strangle it; that's just f**king bizarre.

      The entire tone in that post is "off". It's not funny or heart-warming or edgy or "Oh, look how clueless we were" or "look how we can improvise in the face of tragedy". It's just OFF.

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    • hamlette

      PTSD when I read your post! Totally feel for you, Maze. What a traumatic experience! We had German Shepherds throughout much of my life. One of them was a puppy when we went on a trip. We stopped on the side of the highway so she could relieve herself and somehow she got away from me and bolted into traffic. Luckily, she did not suffer the fate of your poor dog but 40 years later I still feel that scene, right in the gut, whenever I remember.
      Redundancy! OMG, I do that all the time because I change a sentence and never go back to edit before clicking "send" (email) or when I post. I could kick myself.
      who am I again? (poster) addressed this yesterday, in one of her comments. She described the process perfectly and I thought "ugh, I do that quite often". Good writers are *such* a delight!

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    • FrizzyFryFro

      Aww! Your poor pupper!
      Count me among those that wants to c**tpunch this b***h. I took my freaking $17 hamster to the vet when he was struggling to breath. It cost $75 to have a bolus done and an exam. The small animals vet came in on her DAY OFF to look at him. I adopted him, so it was my responsibility to take care of him, and taking him to the vet was part of that. If you're getting a pet, and you don't / can't think of it as FAMILY then don't get it! OY!

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      • Maze

        Responsibility. Thank you. Paying for a vet is a responsibility of pet ownership. In the sticks when an animal is fatally injured it would take so long to get it to the vet that it would be subjected to needless suffering it can be merciful self euthanize by humane means. In the f**king city it is NOT merciful to self euthanize. It is a rejection of personal responsibility. I live in a pretty damn podunk town and WE have a 24 hr. animal hospital. f**k these people.

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      • Gypsy Mama

        I've taken a $5 rescued rat to the emergency vet before. Never mind the money I spent on his brother for an upper respiratory infection (pet store rats are notorious for them). WTF is wrong with someone who can write so glibly about "damn, the dog survived eating socks" and "teehee my husband strangled our dog"?!

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        • FrizzyFryFro

          Exactly! I'm not going to get a pet that I can't / won't care for. That's why we don't have a dog (it's a can't care for - not a won't!). My husband & I are out of the house at work almost 12 hours a day - no doggie should be subjected to that. (I realize that some dogs can go that long without potty breaks & there is doggy day care, but I'd rather be home more with my doggie - not judging those who do it differently!)
          It sounds like this b***h never even liked the dogs, and is probably glad to be rid of them. Don't want your dog to eat baby socks? Don't leave them where the dog can get to them! EASY PEASY!

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          • hamlette

            FrizzyFryFro, I SO appreciate your responsible, caring attitude!
            surprise-hug.jpg

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    • I'm so sorry! My biggest fear is my dog getting out, cuz he has no sense at all, likes to run for the sake of running and has no fear of cars at all. Seriously, during walks, he will cheerfully attempt to walk right out into traffic for no apparent reason.

      I don't just anyone whose pet is the victim of an accident like that. All it takes is half a second and we've all been inattentive for half a second.

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  5. Willy Onecat

    I've defended her writing on her thread before. I'm never reading her again.

    Signed, Willy Onecat and the animal shelter dog she adopted yesterday.

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  6. my muffin top is all that

    But she's such a being of light and love:

    "what moves me is love. my heart is big and it is raw, and when it has something to love and care for is when all of the rest of me makes sense, and when i am at my best. my big stupid heart can be a pain in the butt sometimes, but as i've gotten older i've become more convinced that it was planted inside this chest of mine with pretty good reason. i'd rather be moved by love. that much i know for sure."

    But only love for her sick, hateful husband and her photoprop kid. I hate you Natalie, you stupid scumface eyebrow psychopath. And your dumb in teh face psychopath "Holbs" too.

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    • DanceChickenDance

      Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. What the hell is this "I am all love and light! Except when I laugh at strangling injured pets! LOL!" business?

      I am judging her so very, very hard right now. Take it away, Joan:

      tumblr_lmfo592nsx1qii6tmo1_250.gif

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      • cdillard

        Love judgy joan!

        But for real I would be terrified if my husband had the ability to strangle one of our dogs. What does that say about him? Really?

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        • DanceChickenDance

          No one judges quite like Joan. She's a master, the rest of us are just punters. Except for maybe Lucille Bluth - she's a Queen Judger, too ;)

          tumblr_mnhcejowZ71qzquluo1_500.gif

          If my husband did something like that, I would never see him in the same light again. Ever. There would always be the suspicion lurking that he could hurt our child or me. Even if the poor dog was hurt beyond saving, there is NO excuse for strangling it.

          Anyway, around here that wouldn't be an option. Mr. Chicken and I would both be frantic to get the dog to the emergency vet and see if there was any possible way to save him.

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        • FrizzyFryFro

          Exactly! That says more than I think they want to admit.

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      • musket of wine

        tumblr_mibtb8Tedp1s5lf2ro1_500.gif

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        • DanceChickenDance

          Game. Set. Match. :)

          Long live the Dowager Duchess!

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  7. pleasestoptalking

    Dafuq? "Oh yeah, my husband strangled our dog to death, hahahaha" Couldn't you take it to the vet so at least it would have a more painless death?

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  8. Colorblocked Moonshiner

    there is absolutely no reason she needed to share this information with the public. i guess her book with be filled with "edgy" tidbits like this to make up for her complete lack of writing ability.

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    • #notpaleo

      It doesn't even read as edgy, it reads as deranged. Not her husband so much, I'll give him a partial benefit-of-the-doubt pass because maybe it didn't happen the way Natalie described it. But the way Natalie put it as a ha-ha aside to her light-hearted post was wacked. She is messed up. Her writing has been weird lately and not in a cute or edgy way.

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      • Colorblocked Moonshiner

        oh, i totally agree. by "edgy" i mean psychotic/deranged. i do wonder how her husband feels about his portrayal.

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        • #notpaleo

          If he did this and if he is okay with her writing this, then he is just as bad as she is. You don't have to be an animal lover to treat them humanely. I'm not a big animal lover myself and was raised without pets, but I have compassion for them and I'm horrified at the way this poor dog was treated and subsequently written about.

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      • Aggressively Stupid

        How many ways could it have happened? He either strangled their family pet rather than take the effort it to have it seen by a vet or he didn't. There's not much room for confusion here.

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  9. Whale Milk Latte

    Disturbing. Disturbing that such an accident happened in the first place. Disturbing that, even if the poor dog was suffering, they could not relieve him more humanely. Disturbing that she felt this was an appropriate thing to share as a flippant anecdote with a bunch of strangers who probably love their own pets.

    I'm a sucker for Mormom mommy blogs (hey, we all have our vices). Knowing this is one of the more popular ones I checked it out once a year ago. Honest first impression? "This is a crazy person." Not in a twee, eccentric, fun, zany, whimsical manic Mormon pixie sort of way. In a certifiable sort of way. Don't know whether it was the weird, disjointed ramblings or something in the woman's eyes, but I was immediately put off and never visited again. Glad of it.

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  10. HipsterCupcake

    Angry-Leslie-Knope-Parks-and-Recreation.gif

    I'm going to go ragepuke and then hug and kiss the crap outta my rescue doggeh.

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    • FrizzyFryFro

      The face Leslie is making is PERFECT for this post.
      Hug your puppy for me, please! I'd love to get a doggie but I just don't have the time to give a doggie the time they need. :( I love that GOMIers are so pet friendly!

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      • HipsterCupcake

        I had to post it because I caught myself making that face as I read the story. Shorty after reading this I had some faith restored in humanity. My mom stopped in to drop off some food for me (I am housebound after foot surgery and she likes to spoil) and proceeded to give my pup three treats and paid more attention to her than to me. Which is how I like it. They have a cute grandma/granddog relationship. I needed to see them together after this horror of a story.

        I hope you eventually get the time to get a puppers! But, thanks for being responsible and not getting one when you know you don't have the time to properly care for it. And, like so many GOMIers, I came for the snark, and stayed for the cute animal gifs.

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        • The Old Bailey

          Hound has my mom trained. As soon as he walks in her house he runs to her "dog treat cabinet" (it's all for him. She has no pets) and barks at her to open it and feed him. So bratty!

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        • FrizzyFryFro

          I've made the "Knope Scowl" more often about this shitshow than in any other.
          I love that GOMI-ers are posting pictures of their dogs. I love PUPPIES!

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  11. Zandra

    Here's my theory - her husband was in grad school when this happened so they didn't think they could "afford" a vet to euthanize the poor dog so he did it himself.

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    • Ratting out the rat

      Yeah, okay, but no. Pets cost so much money. They're worse than babies for that. But I know from personal experience (and from living in NYC like Natalie, where vet prices are so jacked up because everyone has dogs) that you just resign yourself to that and DO NOT QUESTION IT. I have held off on going to the hospital when I was physically injured because of money problems, yet I run to the vet immediately when my dog is sick. My dog has had some disgustingly outrageous vet bills. It's $100 to bring him in for a check up and I hate that, but I have no control over that so I take him. When he got neutered (a $500 procedure), I got hit with a $1000 bill because he required "extra anesthesia" and extra post-op medication. I have no idea if that was truly necessary, but why would I dare say no if a vet recommended it? I did not have $1000 at that time, needless to say, so I put it straight onto my credit card, no questions asked. What kind of human being would I be if I let a creature in my charge suffer? I think you're right that they would rather spend money on themselves, but that is so not an excuse for cruelty. I had grad school debt when my dog was a puppy and I went without to afford whatever he needed. There are a lot of unattractive photos of me during that time period with bad clothes and hair that needed to be cut because I spent my savings on my dog's vet bills. I wouldn't deserve a wonderful dog like him if that wasn't the case.

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  12. Loves Dogs

    OK, take into account my username before judging the rant. First of all, this story should be forwarded to every dog pound, shelter, rescue, vet, pet store, breeder etc within 10 states of these crazy f**ks. They shouldn't ever have another pet. Yes, I am that crazy animal person, Yes, all my dogs are rescues. Yes I have the corny "Who rescued who" sticker on my car.
    Now imagine your significant other taking your dog and STRANGLING it. I could never even look at that person again. It would scare the shit out of me. I would probably never want to be alone with that person again, and I would never trust them around kids. Maybe that's over the top for some of you, but like I said, Crazy animal person.
    Why you would write something like this as part of a blog is beyond me.
    Thank you all for letting me have my rant, I will go give my dogs peanut butter kongs for breakfast now.

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    • hamlette

      No rant, completely normal reaction. I just squeezed the stuffing out of my bunny when I read this story and gave him some extra treats. I also gave my feral kitty turkey sausage instead of the cat food we buy for her. Boy, I'll bet there are going to be some confused pets among our little furry loves today!
      PP, my bunny and all the animals on the property will have no idea why the super special treatment "today", but they are grateful for your choice.

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      • FrizzyFryFro

        I agree, hamlette - that's not a rant that's the God's honest truth.

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    • LeslieTheParksLady

      Yes, this is what I was thinking too! How could you ever look at your SO in the same way again after they've done something like that? To even know that they'd be capable of strangling a living creature to death would be enough for me to run away screaming. We don't have a dog - although we both love them - because we do have 3 little kids, and we know our limitations, and don't feel that we could give a dog the attention it needs and deserves right now. But we do have a fat ginger cat, which we adopted from a shelter. He isn't very bright, and leaves mouse "presents" on the deck for us every morning, and keeps us up half the night with his obsessive grooming - but we love him. He's part of the family, and if something happened to him I would be so distraught. How can this woman write so flippantly about this? Surely she must know that it makes her sound like a cold, heartless b***h, right?

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    • spacedcowgirl

      That's not over the top. I can't imagine any circumstance where it would occur to a normal person to wrap their bare hands around a dog's throat and strangle it. Even moreso, the dog was his pet! It trusted him! And he looked it right in the eye and strangled it. Beyond sickening.

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    • Wait...What???

      Yes! Immediately divorce! Provided I kept control enough to not make myself a widow.

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      • DanceChickenDance

        Right? I'd either become a widow, or suddenly married to a eunuch due to failed attempt to achieve widowhood.

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    • my muffin top is all that

      I love that sticker. OWN IT.

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    • ham goggles

      Don't worry, she gave up her two dogs after the baby came! That alone inspired outrage. Like, seriously, you don't just do that—but now after this, I'm thinking it's maybe for best. Jesus H. Christ.

      I just spent $700 in vet bills to find out my dog had swallowed a piece of a chicken bone and had a stomachache. I would do anything for him, at almost any cost. I think most normal, non -sociopaths would.

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  13. Snarkastic

    Dog-killing aside (HOW is it normal to kill an animal even out of 'mercy" in such a violent way? And what does that say about this man?), what kind of idiot posts that kind of information for the world to read?!

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    • Ratting out the rat

      My husband is a "manly man," and I know exactly how he would react to our dog having any kind of accident or issue because it's happened.

      He stands there wide-eyed yelling at me, "Do something! What do we do?! OMG! Is the vet open?! Is he okay? OMG! What should I do?! ANSWER ME AHHHHHH!" Our dog is his baby. He has taken sick days off from work for him (as have I!).

      He would never (and COULD never), ever take it upon himself to hurt the dog more -- even under the misguided idea of mercy. I couldn't look at someone who thought the way "Holbs" apparently does.

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      • DanceChickenDance

        My husband, too. Most people think he's a tough SOB. However ...

        This spring we were trimming our long-haired dog. Just as my husband snipped the dog twitched, and he wound up cutting off the very, very millimeter tip of her ear. OMG. Husband was absolutely stricken, doing his best Nancy Kerrigan impersonation of "WHY?!" (I've dated myself with that reference, haven't I?). She yelped and was bleeding and Mr. Chicken kept saying he was sorry and teared up. He insisted we rush her to the vet to make sure everything was fine. So we did. She was absolutely fine and healed like a champ. The vet said it wasn't bad at all, swabbed her ear off, and that was it.
        But my God, he's pampered both the dogs since then like he's trying to atone for war crimes or something.

        That's why I love him.

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