Mommy Blogging

Mr. “Hey Natalie Jean” Did Not Let An Animal Suffer

I JUST f**kING CAN NOT EVEN

Hey Natalie Jean, the advertiser friendly rebrand of Nat the Fat Rat, continues to attract new readers with her new persona. Unfortunately new readers tend to read your archives, and evidently an old entry has come to light on Nattypoo’s site that has completely freaked out new fans.

It seems a few years ago her father-in-law sent the happy couple an odd little schnauzer statue. They took this little dog statue on an adventure which they photographed, and lols were had by all. Oh wait, except right in the middle of this cute little anecdote, Ratalie casually recalls a story about a real live dog:

The Holbrooks have this thing with Schnauzers, it’s like their thing. There was once one named Schnapps, there was one named Spritzer. The one named Spritzer came into the family on The Holbs’s eleventh birthday and then I accidently inherited him when we got married and then one day Spritzer jumped off our third story balcony and then The Holbs strangled him to death out of mercy.

Yep. In 2009 awesome positive life lover Ratalie was flippantly sharing tales of her husband strangling a dog to death. And not in a horrified, this-memory-haunts-me way. In an ‘anyway the dog was hurt so the father of my child crushed the windpipe of a helpless animal, teehee here are pics of where I peed on a road trip’ kind of way.

I’m confused as to why this post is still up on her site. You’d think something like this would have been edited out during her rebranding. Or before. Or maybe just never posted at all. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be over here throwing up until forever.




  1. cat bat

    Unbelievably glad that I'm not her pet, her child, her plant, her neighbor, her anything. And this is a woman who is moved by so much and whose passions have passions.

    There is zero defending this. As others have said, manual strangulation is in no way merciful. She is a sick individual - and so is her husband.

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  2. J.

    Not to excuse her, but this ... has to be a joke, right? Not that I personally think making jokes about strangling family pets is funny, but I'm just having such a hard time accepting that her husband did this and that it's such a minor incident to her that she'd write about it online. I was hoping to find comments saying it's a joke ... now I'm really, really disturbed.

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    • Even if it is made up, what kind of sick f**k would make up a story like that for the world to read? MAde up does not make this better.

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      • J.

        Well it would make it better in that a dog wasn't strangled to death.

        Like I said, I wouldn't make casual ha-ha jokes about animal cruelty on my blog. I admit I would be relieved it was a weird joke. It would still be incredibly twisted and bizarre, but at least an actual dog wouldn't have died.

        Still, I think it probably wasn't, which is heartbreaking.

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      • J.

        Also, just to be clear, I don't think this is OK. I don't think it's OK to joke and kid about it and the thought of it being a true story is absolutely horrifying. I didn't mean to diminish its importance, it was just so shocking that I had one of those "this CAN'T be real" moments.

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        • I get you.

          Even if, and I wish it were true, no actual dog was strangled, stories like these normalize treating animals poorly. A huge portion of the US (including Mormons in general, for some reason) sees nothing wrong with treating animals this way. My current dog was kicked (supposedly accidentally), resulting in a hip broken into three pieces. His owners put him in a crate and left him there to heal, no vet care, no pain killers, nothing.

          I have told this to people whose reactions were, "Well, waddya gonna do? It's a dog."

          No, it's a thinking, feeling creature that suffering unimaginable agony that could have been prevented. GAH!

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          • J.

            Yeah, you're right, normalizing animal abuse is really not OK. I hadn't considered that angle, but you're right. That just makes it even sadder and more depressing. Especially if her little Schnauzer actually did die, that means joking about his death is just leading to an attitude that might encourage more people to hurt their dogs. Really upsetting.

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    • Ratting out the rat

      I don't think it's a joke, but I think she'll pass it off as one. The comments on that blog post are... disturbing. "You're so funny! I love your stories!" Really? Missed that part about dog murder, did you?

      Anyway, even if it IS a joke, she's made plenty of really upsetting comments about not taking care of her dogs, giving them away, making fun of them (in a mean way), or resenting their existence. There is a well-documented history there.

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  3. Shrug Bitch

    How this post made me feel:
    KBNcZ.gif

    Would the Holbs strangle me as well?

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    • Profanity Jane

      I hope their neighbors wear good shoes. Wouldn't want to slip and fall while The Holbs is around!

      As an aside, I have my fair share of nicknames for my husband, but I have to say I would find it a bit odd to use any of them while describing a scene of death and despair. Cutesy nicknames are for when you're feeling cutesy, right?

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      • hamlette

        Profanity Jane, I feel so guilty for laughing at all but this was just priceless!
        "I hope their neighbors wear good shoes. Wouldn’t want to slip and fall while The Holbs is around!"
        You, hamcats, never fail to make any subject bearable.

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  4. Wildcard, Bitches! (aka Jinxy)

    I can't even begin to imagine the confusion that poor dog must have felt in his last moments. This story makes me sick.

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    • Wildcard, Bitches! (aka Jinxy)

      I would also like to add that I sincerely hope that her future sponsors know what they're signing up for. I understand that this happened a while ago but seriously. Anyone that acts as though this is a cute anecdote for a wild road trip adventure is completely out of touch.

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    • Fart in a Mitten

      Ugh. See... that's what gets me too. That poor dog being betrayed by his owner who is supposed to care for him.

      I still cry about having to put my 15 year old puggy wuggy to sleep at the vet... and it was necessary and very humanely done.

      I hate these people.

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  5. Diana Barry's Raspberry Cordial

    Earlier this week I was feeling like the worst pet owner in the world because we ran out of my cats' super special fancy food and Petsmart was closed. I have no car (I share one with my boyfriend and he was working late that day) so I had to give them a dinner of cat treats and a can of tuna. I felt HORRIBLE, which is nonsense considering they were probably like hell yeah human mom, special treat night!

    Cats, I promise not to yell at you when you inevitably wake me up at 5am! Those little furballs are going to think I've gone soft because of this post.

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    • gingko

      Haha, I totally did the exact same thing this morning - ran out of cat food, kid was sleeping, fed the cat tuna and cat treats! I also felt horrible about it....my cat was all "fuuuuck yessss." :)

      As for Natalie, I will not be reading her again. That shit is completely horrifying and unacceptable. That poor, sweet dog...I can't imagine what his final moments must have been like. Sending out good thoughts to him. (And the opposite of good thoughts to Natalie and her psychotic husband.)

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      • Wait...What???

        You both know that your cats are currently plotting to hide all the cat food so they can have tuna again. Go look, they are behind the sofa singing best breakfast EVER!

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        • spacedcowgirl

          My brother was watching my mom's cat once, and she forgot to take the bag of cat food home with her when she picked the cat up after they got back into town. My brother's cats knocked teh cat food bag down behind the laundry sink where it was being stored and secretly gorged themselves on this food in addition to their regular food rations for a period of about a week before they were found out. Those were some happy cats, LOL!

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          • Late Night Bacon

            When I was a kid we had a rescue cat with some food issues. She'd bolt down any food in sight so we had to feed her many small meals. One day she was missing for a few hours and we were distraught searching for her everywhere. When we finally found her she was in the closet, inside the HUGE bag of dog food, crunching her way down to the bottom. It was hilarious.

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      • Respect privacy and lies OH MY

        My cat would never allow me to run out of food. My cat gets a couple or three cans of food a day and when the shelf starts to get low (where she can see the back of it) she starts standing on the shelf meowing several times a day. It's like she's saying "there is only a week's worth of food left" go buy some.

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        • v

          This is hilarious and cute as all hell.

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    • Secret Internet Fatty, formerly Polecat

      The only thing my elderly cat would eat in her last days was tuna. Since her little body was already riddled with cancer, I figured a little unhealthy food was better than nothing at all, and I let her have at it.

      Making the decision to euthanize it was one of the hardest I've ever made, but I at least know she was able to go peacefully without pain and while in the arms of a person who loved her.

      Unlike this poor little dog who was hurt, frightened and ultimately killed by the person who loved him.

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      • Madbadrad

        Correction, if I may be so bold, "by the person who he loved", no way was that poor dog loved or they wouldn't have been such assholes.

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  6. My beloved soulmate, Muggsy, died 2 years ago of liver cancer. He went from bouncy, funny, velcro dog to unable to stand and seizing every 5 minutes literally overnight. I spent the week's food money to get him humanely euthanized and laid on the exam table with him, cradling him in my arms and telling him it would all be okay soon and then my husband and I dug him a grave because we couldn't bear to leave him at the vet's. (He hated the vet.) We made him a headstone and I plant flowers on his grave every spring.

    f**k this c**t and f**k her husband and f**k anyone who thinks this is even vaguely okay.

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    • This is him:

      muggsypup.jpg.html?sort=3&o=90

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      • Fail. Try again.

        muggsypup.jpg

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        • Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

          This lil guy makes me wanna speak Kelle Hampton style baby talk.

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          • Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

            I'm sorry. I didn't realized he had passed. Big Hugs.

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        • gingko

          Oh, Amaryllis. I am so sorry. He was a beautiful boy and I'm sure he knew how very much you loved and cared for him.

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          • Thank you. It's coming up on the anniversary of his death, and the thought . . . we ate crackers I stole from work and some expired canned soup leftover in the pantry for a week. (Sudden health issues resulting in poverty, yay!) Not once did we complain or even think for a second that mercifully ending our baby's suffering wasn't worth every penny.

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            • gingko

              Oh, the thought of those sad, mournful dinners is making me seriously tear up! You did the right thing, without question. What a terrible and humane decision it is to make, to put a loved one down. I'm sorry for your loss.

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        • beautiful unicorn nurse

          What a beautiful guy. I'm sitting here at work, crying thinking about your story and mine.

          Yesterday would have been five years with our cat, who was the light of my life, but we lost him exactly four months earlier to cancer. I spent the whole day in a funk. Anniversaries are hard. Hugs to you.

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        • Jalepinos & Beef Pork

          What a sweet, fluffy boy. I'm so sorry for your loss and admire the sacrifices you made to make his last days comfortable.

          Making the decision to euthanize a pet is complete agony. My dad and I made that decision when one of our elderly cats developed a blood clot that left her rear legs paralyzed. She was so scared and confused, but there was little we could do for her. We both held her as she went to kitty heaven -- we both completely lost it, even though we'd been through losing pets before. It just never gets easier. Just thinking about it now is making me cry. My dad and I both sobbed all the way home after letting her go. We've buried all our pets in my parents' backyard and have had cat funerals for all of them.

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          • Diana Barry's Raspberry Cordial

            My first cat that was mine (I got to pick him out at the shelter, I spent my Christmas money on him) had to be put down when he was relatively young for a cat due to a sudden, severe illness. That was the first time I ever saw my father cry. I'll never forget it. These people are f**king psychopaths.

            My dad is the world's biggest softy when it comes to cats. I swear, when he and my mom come to visit, he looks for my cats before greeting me sometimes.

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            • Jalepinos & Beef Pork

              Yep, my dad is the ultimate cat man too. He spoils all of our cats more than he ever spoiled us, his human children.

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        • my muffin top is all that

          What a beautiful sweet baby. So sorry for your loss

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  7. LibLaur

    That is seriously a f**ked up thing to do. Why would you publicly recall such a horrifying story like it's NBD? I hate her.

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  8. shippy

    I can't wait until 11AM rolls around and Fat wakes up to this...

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  9. WHERE'S MY DONUT

    Disclaimer: I'm too grumpy to read the comments. My apologies if this has already been discussed.

    Aside from the obvious creepiness of that tangent, isn't it weird that she said "*I* accidentally inherited him on *OUR* wedding day"...She mentions that Brandon's family got the dog on his 11th birthday, which would likely mean he was a birthday present for Brandon, which in a sense would make him Brandon's dog. So I don't see how there was an accidental inheritance of the dog. I also don't get why it's "I inherited" the dog instead of "WE inherited the dog". Also, inherited implies that someone died and passed down the dog.

    Also, this passage is cold cruel. Take the poor dog to the emergency vet. Or at least make a reference like "We panicked because we knew he couldn't make it after a fall like that and there was no emergency vet nearby, so we had to do the unthinkable and end his suffering." It's the same ending, but much less cruel. Someone in the forums yesterday said this happened when they were living in the city, so I find it hard to imagine that a city wouldn't have an emergency vet.

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    • Secret Internet Fatty, formerly Polecat

      Even regular vets are usually willing to come in on off-days in emergencies -- at least, mine is. I'm pretty sure that no vet wants a dog to be strangled to death.

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      • WHERE'S MY DONUT

        I know that my vet would do that for me. But my family has been using the same vet for over 25 years and 9 dogs...so, we're kind of well known over there. I don't know what I'll do if my vet ever retires.

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    • Ratting out the rat

      Not to be all "love me, love my dog" but uh... if you love me, you have to love my dog. I would expect someone I marry to feel the same way about HIS dog. She loves everything about her magnificent Holbs, yet didn't even try to love his childhood dog? Asshat.

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      • Wait...What???

        Animal lover is number three on my must have list.

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      • WHERE'S MY DONUT

        I'm totally an "If you love me, you have to love my dog" type of girl and I see nothing wrong with being that way. :) I even told my boyfriend that if my dog didn't like him we'd have some serious issues. Thankfully my dog warmed up to him quickly. He's a rescue and typically takes 2-3 meetings before he trusts a male, but he eagerly ran up to my boyfriend. :) (Sorry for the ramble, but that made me soooo happy.)

        I think this old post shows how self centered she truly is, I was thinking that it was a recent development with her rebranding efforts, but reading back on this I think Huck obscured my ability to see how self centered she was.

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        • WHERE'S MY DONUT

          She is. Not was.

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  10. TwoByTwo

    This is super funny! I can't get enough! This post made me laugh out loud! You make me smile!

    The comments on her post. O_o

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    • I suddenly appreciate how crazypants rescues can be about background checking potential adopters.

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    • hereforthefreefood

      Mark Wahlberg confused face is the perfect reaction to those comments. Holy shit.

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  11. Liza

    Ratalie has a few screws lose and is socially awkward. The husband is just as creepy as the wife and that is why he married her. Only sociopaths, emotionally disturbed and cruel individuals and serial killers are the only monsters that would have the cold blood to strangle a pet. And when she said she "accidentally inherited the dog when she got married" WTF? accidentally? This woman is beyond nuts. I can't stand the way she talks/writes. It doesn't make sense. What about the sponsors? Do they thoroughly check a person/blogger out before they let them represent/advertise their product or service? Or they just don't care? If I was one of her sponsors I would just pull the plug on her immediately. I don't patronize any of the advertisers but if I did I would not continue to. I would boycott them. Author Gillian Flynn could get some inspiration off of this creepy couple/family for her next disturbing novel.

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    • Wait...What???

      I'm pretty sure that she has no screws left, if she even had any to begin with.

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    • Ratting out the rat

      This. I hate that her online persona sucks anyone in and that she makes money off of it.

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  12. Vivian Snarkbloom

    She's an asshole.

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  13. Vivian Snarkbloom

    Is it LEGAL to strangle your dog to death??

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    • InsecureSportsBraWoman

      im pretty sure it is. ugh this is so disgusting to think about.

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    • Smug Dog Face

      Isn't cruelty to animals illegal. *consults google*

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    • Wait...What???

      Two words.....Michael Vick.

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