Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Natalie Now Is Pregnant

Natalie Hill Jensen, the former Mormon In Manhattan turned Mormon In Utah, has finally announced she is carrying a future Broadway Famous Performer.

natnowbaby

She says “pregnancy has really flatlined me- (princess Kate & I have so much in common…)”. She also claims they are not learning the sex of the baby “which is infuriating EVERYONE”, as if the planet has been waiting for this event for years and is slobbering to get the details on this world famous baby. I guess we’ll just have to see how long she can resist the attention of “gender” reveal parties and showing off pink baby leotards for little Ginger Rogers Hill-Jensen.

Looks like her days of traipsing around NYC every month eating like a homeless person are over. How long until she becomes a mommy blogger, do you think?




  1. We Ate Just Cake Like Peasants

    She's going to be hearing how adorbs her grandchild is for years to come.

    The GOMI Early Pregnancy Warning System for Lady Bloggers is correct again.

    THIS! (48)  NOPE! (9)


    • pfft

      Was just going to say the GOMI Warning System is amazing.

      THIS! (9)  NOPE! (3)


    • Sarah de los dos tacos

      The GOMI pregnancy test is never wrong.

      THIS! (17)  NOPE! (4)


      • Fancy Eleganza

        The Princess Kate comment angered me.
        No, you idiot. You and Kate have nothing in common, other than being female humans who live on planet Earth.

        THIS! (55)  NOPE! (3)


        • New Generation Eye Massager with Mood Light and Airbags

          omg, I'm just like Kate!!!!

          THIS! (8)  NOPE! (0)


        • Carefully Curated Collards

          Anyone now who experiences morning sickness has to compare themselves to Kate.
          Dear Pregnant Bloggers,
          When you get pregnant more than likely you will feel sick, not just in the morning, but pretty much ALL f**king day. You of course are not a special snowflake, you are like every other pregnant lady in the world. Until they cart your ass to the hospital because you have puked multiple time each day for over a week and suffer from dehydration you are NOT in anyway shape or form LIKE Princess Kate.

          THIS! (9)  NOPE! (0)


          • Mumspringa Glen

            I had Hyperemesis with my pregnancies - the PICC lines, the IVs, the hospital stays. It was kind of exciting when Kate got it b/c we, in the HG community, hoped it would bring to light the differences between regular morning sickness and the more severe types. Sadly, all it has done has made every mommy blogger with the pukes scream about what twinners they are with a princess.

            Shut up, Natalie. Talk to me when you've lost 15 pounds in your first trimester and have a feeding tube.

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  2. Nope

    She just had to make sure everyone knew that they were getting it on in OMG ~*Europe*~

    No one cares where you conceived, Natalie.

    THIS! (61)  NOPE! (2)


    • Nope

      Why is my personal photo here? I have no idea where that came from. Sent you an email, but PP can you take it off?

      THIS! (1)  NOPE! (24)


    • Helen Van Patterson Patton

      Haaaaaaate when people refer to their kids as "souvenirs" from some trip. I don't care where, when, or how you're having sex. It always comes across as "we have so little sex we had to get away to some new place to finally get it on" to me.
      Or maybe I'm just jealous that my kid was just a too much wine after a Christmas party souvenir :insert eye rolls:

      THIS! (57)  NOPE! (5)


      • clitasaurus hex

        I will refer to the future babysaurus hex as a souvenir from our trip to the fertility clinic.

        THIS! (91)  NOPE! (3)


      • gofundmycat

        My kid was a life sucks and I'm sorry you lost your great paying job husband but lets celebrate that you found another job before things got tight souvenir. I don't think I can fit that on a onesie though

        THIS! (51)  NOPE! (4)


      • GingerGetthePopcorn

        How about 'Really happy to see you after being gone on a work trip for 2 weeks?'

        May or may not be GGtP kid2 life story.

        THIS! (4)  NOPE! (0)


      • Poopa's Orange Knee

        Hmmm. I'm thinking the onesie marketing opportunities are few for "My Dad hates condoms".

        THIS! (16)  NOPE! (0)


        • Poopa's Orange Knee

          "My Dad hates condoms"....sorry....hard to English with the vodka.

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    • Fancy Eleganza

      Why is her husband's face covered over? Why can't her face have been covered instead?

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    • Jen

      My MIL kept trying to push the idea that my daughter was conceived on our trip to Costa Rica. Then she was asking if the second pregnancy (which ended in a very early miscarriage) was a "vacation baby' -- which would have had to have been conceived with my MIL and FIL sleeping down the hall from us, all of us in rooms that have complete walls and our 2-year old daughter sleeping in a crib in the room with us.

      Fortunately she wised up? when I got pregnant with our son and didn't ask where or what position he was conceived in. Some people are just nosy and weird.

      THIS! (10)  NOPE! (1)


      • NOPE BUTTON

        my daughter was conceived on an awful river cruise. not bragging. just how it happened. no we weren't on the walls that face the window
        no one cared

        THIS! (5)  NOPE! (3)


    • bitch in residence

      There's not much in the world that squigs me out more than people sharing where their kid was conceived. Ugh. You're pregnant. Super. I don't need the GPS location of where your mancat shot his load.

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  3. I Love the 90s

    The only thing she has in common with Princess Kate is horrible bangs.

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    • Cin

      I seriously want to slap her. NO, you effing moron. NO.
      Kate had hyperemesis gravidarum. It's a serious pregnancy disease. It kills fetuses fairly frequently and every once and a while kills the pregnant mother too. Before IV fluids, it often killed the mother.
      I've had HG twice. It is not being super tired and having to eat crackers as soon as you get up. It's not having an embarrassing public pregnancy puke. It's not being like an effing princess.
      It's severe dehydration and malnutrition. It's being covered in IV scars (ask yourself why you never saw Kate in anything but long sleeves in the first trimester -- she was hiding IV marks, duh.)
      It's losing 20 or more pounds while pregnant. It's keeping down almost nothing. It's vomiting bile and blood and the contents of your upper intestines sometimes. It's esophageal tears.
      It's taking the type of anti-nausea and vomiting pills they give chemo patients -- only three to four times more than a chemo patient takes.
      It's spending days or weeks in the hospital or on home health care.
      If you're really bad off, it's being fed by a tube down your nose and into your intestines, or through a semi-permanent IV line that ends above your heart.
      And it's putting up with idiots like this one, who declare, "oh, I had that TOOOO! I threw up once a day!"
      I know the blogger is most likely reading this -- honey, educate yourself before you claim a possibly fatal disease like some kind of new purse: http://www.helpher.org

      THIS! (116)  NOPE! (5)


      • Thank you. I lost 35 lbs the first 17 weeks (they couldn't find a med that would stabalize me), and even after they found a decent anti-emetic I was still vomiting 1-2 a day into my 40th week. It was scary as hell for me and for my kid, and I still have small scars on the corners of my mouth from the acid burns.

        If I believed in curses, I'd wish that every woman who threw around HG to make themselves feel put upon actually contracted it, and learned what hell on earth is truly like.

        THIS! (39)  NOPE! (7)


      • A Touch of the Boleyns

        I don't believe for a second Catherine Middleton had HG either time. She has that in common with Natalie.

        THIS! (30)  NOPE! (109)


        • Anon

          What an odd thing to say.

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        • selfie abuse

          Because you are a nutcase? Do you also believe Beyonce didn't really give birth, lol? Christ.

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        • Fucking Crazydoodles

          It's very well-known she (duchess of do-nothing) didn't have HG.

          Ordinary, regular, common-or-garden morning sickness is bad enough. Only speshul snowflakes need to exaggerate :( ughhhhh :(.

          THIS! (11)  NOPE! (28)


          • Mumspringa Glen

            @ A Touch of the Boleyns & @Crazydoodles Shut your respective holes. Seriously. HG is debilitating and depressing and unbelievably difficult to obtain a diagnosis for. I saw a dozen medical professionals who kept telling me to eat crackers before getting out of bed in the morning. One told me I must not *really* want the baby I had hoped for, wanted, and planned for, that it was all in my head.

            I was puking all day, every day for 9 months. I couldn't even keep down my own saliva. I was severely dehydrated and the only place I could get IV fluids was the ER. When I finally found a doctor who didn't have his head up his ass, I tried to cry but I couldn't because I didn't have enough fluid in my body to make tears.

            To accuse someone -- I don't care who -- of just seeking attention for severe morning sickness hurts the entire community of people suffering / survivors of HG. Keep your Daily Mail type gossip observations about this devastating disease to yourself.

            THIS! (17)  NOPE! (5)


            • Mumspringa Glen

              (To be clear: I get ragey when people accuse Kate, who was diagnosed by a medical professional. I think Natalie was being tee-hee tongue in cheek though, which is just as offensive.)

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        • Cin

          Bullshit. She was diagnosed by a medical professional. Do you know how damn hard it is to even get a diagnosis?
          Moderate HGers can often hide the worst, and try desperately to lead a normal life.
          I hid it and worked in radio news. No one knew until I passed out live on air.

          THIS! (19)  NOPE! (5)


  4. LaverneandHurling

    OK, so if she really did have infertility issues I'm happy for her and it must feel like a miracle. BUT: I doubt they were trying before the wedding, which means it was less than a year of trying and that's...pretty normal? So, why all the "longed-for" and "miracle baby!" pronouncements? Or is she just being like all the mommybloggers who proclaim everything from children to lattes to be a blessing or miracle? I know she's also an attention wh*re and feels a little behind since her sisters are already cranking out kids so maybe she needs to set herself apart or get more headpats. These chicks need to quit it with the crying wolf over their OMGstruggles when in reality sometimes life means you don't get what you want thisverysecond.

    THIS! (65)  NOPE! (1)


    • Get the Most Outta Ya Womb While Ya Can!

      Seriously. My friends/family members who have tried for years to get pregnant, those are fertility issues. 6 months or so may feel like forever when you're trying, but it's normal. (I've had two kids, first one took 4 months and second took about 6 months, each one had an early miscarriage somewhere in there - all completely "normal"!)

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      • LaverneandHurling

        And maybe she means "longed for" in general, like she's always wanted to be a mom. But dude, pump the brakes on the draaaammmaaaa. You got pregnant within a year of being married (and you know that even if they were having sex before the wedding there's no way she'd start trying and have anyone trace the conception date back) so you're fine.

        THIS! (20)  NOPE! (1)


  5. Notarize!

    I like how you put the caption right over her husband's head!

    I don't know why this chick bothers me so much. Maybe I am just annoyed with people who are overly earnest and jazz-handsy. Maybe she just came across as too desperate before she was married. Or maybe I think it's in the worst taste to talk about/brag about where your child is conceived.

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    • potatohead

      Well she was on Broadway. Jazz hands are in her nature. Fosse! Fosse! Fosse!

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  6. MsPeach

    How many more Mormon bloggers named Natalie has New York spit out?

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  7. Little Orphan Jheri Curl

    I call bullshit on her HG claims. Having friends who suffered from it, Nat's IG pictures alone disprove it. She's just got to be sooooo sooper dooper speshul. Eyeroll.

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    • Busted Coccyx Club

      tumblr_lkykp5CMXV1qbskw8.gif

      Somebody with HG doesn't have the appetite to eat or the energy to do all the stuff she did in Europe. You just had morning sickness like the rest of us grocery store people, Nat.

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    • mousecop

      Exactly. She has been on constant vacation, (all over Europe, California, and Hawaii) since she has been pregnant. If she had true hyperemesis she wouldn't be able to leave the house let alone take intercontinental flights. Not that I doubt she hasn't been slightly sick and exhausted, all NORMAL pregnancy symptoms, but trust Shat to be just like Princess Kate.

      THIS! (33)  NOPE! (2)


    • chinchillaburrito

      Seriously. I had pretty mild morning sickness and I don't think I could have been out and about as much as she appeared to be during her first tri. She is such a drama queen.

      THIS! (20)  NOPE! (2)


    • eskimotoby

      she has to be exaggerating - i had this with two of my three kids and it lasted till about the fifth month. it was HORRIBLE and even several years later when i think back on how i felt, flying across the ocean and traveling around europe would have been impossible.

      THIS! (20)  NOPE! (2)


    • Saucydragonfly

      I had it. In tandem with placenta previa which resulted in infant loss in the last trimester.

      I was on bed rest in hospital from just before Halloween until just after Valntine's Day. I had IV's and ultrasounds twice weekly to check the development of the baby due to my malnutrition and losing fluid from the amniotic sac - a result of dehydration. I had it during my first pregnancy as well but didn't spend nearly as much time in hospital, but full bed rest at home with a daily visit from a home care nurse. I threw up the day my son was born. I left the hospital in my pre-maternity clothes and they hung off me like rags. The way my eyes sunk into the sockets made me look ghost-like... so yes, very glam. Very Kate.

      And BTW I made a promise to myself to edit most of those details out of my sons version of his birth story because, guilt trip.

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      • Little Orphan Jheri Curl

        Oh God, I'm so sorry you went through that.

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      • Cin

        Those are called HG eyes. They are pretty common.

        I am so so sorry for your loss. HG is a f**king monster.

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      • Amaryllis

        It's so sweet that you won't tell your son about that. Everyone else I know seems to get sick satisfaction out of telling their kid(s) how horrible their pregnancy was.

        My mom loved doing that. Finally, after the one millionth time she told me all about how crippling the sciatica during her pregnancy with me was, I asked her why she had a third kid if the first two were so awful. What was she expecting?

        That did not go over well, but she stopped complaining about it. To me, anyway.

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  8. attachment gardening

    To answer that last question: 9 months.

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    • Get the Most Outta Ya Womb While Ya Can!

      Less than. The kid will be out in April.

      THIS! (3)  NOPE! (3)


      • attachment gardening

        Well, it was a joke so I wasn't real worried about the math.

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  9. babbityrabbitycacklingstump

    I thought Natalie moved to Idaho to raise chickens?

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    • Little Orphan Jheri Curl

      Different Natalie. You're thinking of Hey Natalie Jean.

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  10. Aubzamzam

    Getting pregnant is awesome, especially when a baby is so wanted already. SO congrats to them.

    However, her HG claim infuriates me. A friend of mine had it so bad she was bed ridden her first 4 months of pregnancy and hospitalized throughout portions of it too. It got to the point where she could only accept nutrition through an IV. She looked like death in any picture she allowed taken of herself. Ugh...

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    • Evil Willow

      Exactly. I had a friend who had it so bad that her CATHOLIC husband was asking if she wanted to terminate the pregnancy. (She didn't, but they didn't have any more.)

      THIS! (29)  NOPE! (3)


  11. Suffocated By a Wrap Dress

    Why does her hair look like that? Is she a star on Melrose Place?

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    • got all swole

      HER MOTHER DOES IT FOR HER.
      If you feel like laughing even more, go on her Instagram and look for all the pictures of her hair curly with CURLY BANGS!!!!

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      • FrizzyFryFro

        I did what you suggested and I am *DEAD* from the LOLz. Why would ANYONE think that is a good look? She looks ABSURD!

        THIS! (25)  NOPE! (1)


      • Suffocated By a Wrap Dress

        OH EM GEE. THEY ARE SO BAD.

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    • Beret Full of Fail

      Imagine how much better she'd look if she flat ironed that poofy, roll-brushed dome, and stopped side-sweeping her bangs.

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  12. Cindy Mackenzie

    Does she actually say anywhere that it's HG? I just see that she's "flatlined" like Princess Kate, which I took to be a dumb joke, not a medical claim.

    I definitely agree about the DRAMA of it all.

    THIS! (8)  NOPE! (3)


    • Little Orphan Jheri Curl

      She said she and Princess Kate have so much in common, and Kate's HG related hospital trips were ALL over the media. So yes, obviously she is claiming to have HG.

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      • Mumspringa Glen

        I think she was making a tee-hee "I'm just like a princess" joke. It's in terrible taste. I'm an HG survivor, my pregnancy nearly killed us both. It's sort of like making a joke that your tension headache is like having terminal brain cancer... If someone with brain cancer was also a princess or a Broadway star that Natalie wanted to be Twinsies! with.

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  13. I have no idea who this woman is, but I will say that she is pretty in a way that is vaguely unreal. Like, my brain refuses to believe this is a real photo and not, like, CGI.

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    • Elegant Baby Turtle

      She totally gives me uncanny valley vibes in the majority of her pictures.

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    • clitasaurus hex

      I don't know if it's the older haircut or the fact that her hairline seems receded (probably from years of tight dancer buns), but if I saw her with no context, I would think, "wow, that woman looks great for being in her mid-50's."

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      • Lothar of the Hill People

        That is exactly what I was thinking. She looks just like one of those women who looks great for being in her mid-50s.

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