Fashion Blogging

J’s Everyday Will Explain Why God Approves Of Fashion Blogging

J, fashion blogger and God lover, wants to share how she has reconciled her faith with her shopping habits. She recounts an astounding moment of clarity while shopping for jeans one day, a tale that will warm your heart and prove that the Lord wants you to always have whatever you want.

As I stood in line to pay for them, I did a happy dance and prayed “God, thank you so much for this blessing. You knew how much I wanted those jeans and you provided a way for me to have them on my budget. Thank you Lord!!”…That’s when I looked down and saw the tag…The tag said “God Loves You.” It sucked the wind right out of me, and hot tears rolled down my cheeks. It mattered to Him. It really, truly mattered…

Yes, like some sort of Jeans of Turin the Father used denim to tell J it matters to God that she has the clothes she wants. This moment inspired her to realize she “could make an impact on fashion journalism” with things like “celebrating joyful aging” and “setting a responsible clothing budget”. And now J wants everyone to know that they, too, can be fashion bloggers “without any faith-based guilt” because “God loves your creative heart”. So go forth and shop, little children!


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Mommy Blogging WTF

Mommy Wants Vodka Was Terminal

Aunt Becky, the human equivalent of a telenovela, has posted the dramatic tale of her latest trip to the hospital for her broken femur.

…I realize they have stabilized my neck. Frighteningly, I have absolutely zero memory of the incident leading up to this ambulance – I only know that my femur and hip are broken. For the second time in two months…Then it all goes black.

She recounts what was going on around her…while she was in a coma. Apparently the doctor said she “snapped the titanium rod in two pieces” and it was “by far one of the worst breaks” the doctor had ever seen.

She has an infection, this may be contributing to why she hasn’t yet woken up after surgery, I could hear the doctor. The cultures from her femur are a nasty group alpha streptococcus. She’s going to both need a central line and indefinite antibiotics.

She hears the doctor say “she has brain waves indicative of excellent brain function” but Aunt Becky just wasn’t waking up. Then Aunt Becky hears the doctor say she’s dying.

She is terminal. We are very sorry. We’ve done all we can, I can hear them say. Her children should say their goodbyes.

At this point Becky claims she woke up the next day, which is when I assume she jumped on twitter. Because even when you’ve just come back from the brink of death, your priority should be the intarwebs.


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Mommy Blogging WTF

NieNie Will Laugh When You Fall Through The Ice

NieNie, best mom ever, enjoyed a fun-filled ice walking frolic with her children recently. Normally they shuffle out onto Utah Lake and behold God’s majesty in a “mystical and calm” manner. Not this time!

This trip however, was a little less calm since Oliver slipped through the ice into water about 100 feet from the shoreline. We all freaked out for about 20 seconds, and then began laughing hysterically. It certainly cut our playtime short since he was frozen to his waist.
Not that I can complain.  I was freezing.

She says they were all in their pajamas and “so not really prepared for a winter adventure”, but it was “wonderful” anyway.


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Lifestyle Blogging

Love Taza Went To Australia And A Tech Conference And It Was All Very Thrilling

Naomi and Josh Davis, of the Von Derp Family Traveling Circus, took their omglittles to Australia. They have now posted a vlog of their journey and it’s a wonderful video featuring their kids being obnoxious for a day and a half.

Highlights include their kids tearing around the airport screeching while Derp sits on the ground on his phone sorting out their visas, their kids spending hours on the plane screeching and reaching through the seats at each other, their baby opening a cup and flinging water, their kids climbing all over the plane, and one of their precious heavenly gifts rattling a Hungry Hungry Hippos toy.

Unfortunately poor Mamajaw had to tolerate some people who apparently didn’t know how lucky they were to be in the presence of the famous Davis family.

we did encounter our first not-so-nice person on one of our flights in australia who maybe made me cry which was super fun

But she goes on to say “we were also fortunate on several of our flights to have empty seats around us, which was crazy amazing as we were able to spread out a little bit more and sleep” which, from the video it doesn’t look like a lot of sleep was happening but ok.

About five minutes after they returned from Australia they went to speak at some RootsTech conference and did some interview where they “shared” why it’s “important to tell your story”. As usual they blather out a lot of words but don’t really SAY anything. Blah blah the usual Mormon thing of loving journaling, we are inspiring people with our everyday lives, what we do is super important, millions of people just can’t seem to stop being fascinated with us and watch all our videos. Which, ok, great; but what does all of this REALLY MEAN for their family as a whole in the long run? They are obviously a branded family now. Broadcasting their life is a business for them. Why not talk about the long term implications of selling their family’s lives to the highest bidder like the Kardashians? Like, where do they honestly see this going in 5 years? In 10? Enough with the lil ole us and our lil ole sharing the little joys sales spiel – we’ve all heard it a thousand times. Maybe they got into all that deeper stuff in their actual talk, but this interview just seemed like they were there to yet again recite their public relations ‘about us’ crap so it was kind of pointless imo.

Anyway, there’s your update on what the increasingly boring never-ending vacationing Derps have been up to, for the 9 of you who care.


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Healthy Living Blogging Internets

Eric Hites Claims Dr. Phil Show “flat out lied”

Eric Hites, the fat guy who is making his way across America on a bike at the speed of glacial displacement, will be able to see himself on the Dr. Phil show today. But it seems Eric is angry at the outcome of his big media appearance. He is claiming the Dr. Phil Show misrepresented what his episode would be about, and then manipulated him into making himself look bad.

They led me In to help me face my bullies, they flat out lied and then did edits and made me do things I normally wouldn’t do…Then made me buy my lunch at a gas station who had no health food.

It seems Dr. Phil confronted Eric and pals about why he’s spent an estimated $20k in donations to basically fiddle fart around the country accomplishing nothing real. Dr. Phil also apparently brought out some of Eric’s intarwebs critics so they could have some big confrontation scene, I guess. I don’t know the details of what went down, but if you listen to Eric tell it he was intentionally humiliated and #drphilisaliar etc.

Anyway, the episode airs today so get your popcorn gifs ready for when Dr. Phil viewers find Eric’s facebook page.


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Internets WTF

Roosh V Apparently A Super Successful Macho Man

Roosh V, the man who once claimed his “default opinion of any girl I meet is worthless dirty wh*re until proven otherwise”, has had to cancel his Return of Kings meetup after a women’s boxing team said they’d be showing up. Of course, the RoK website says it’s because the evil SJWs stirred up controversy making it unsafe for the sausage party to get together and talk about how much they love rape.

He also filed police reports out of fear for his own precious life because all those mentally ill ugly chicks were sending him death threats. When the police showed up to take a report about the threats, the international businessman who totally has piles of cash emerged from his mommy’s basement in a pit stained tee shirt. Because that is where he lives. In his mom’s basement.

So basically the man who thinks a woman’s only value lies in her looks and the status of her hymen is living in his mommy’s basement and squeaking by on ad revenue from a site about hating women. What an heroic icon of manhood.


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Internets WTF

Amanda Is Now Pissed About New Things

Amanda, the woman who claims her husband’s mistress forced him to cheat, is back with a new blog. Calling herself a “radically honest and brave woman” for publishing “about her husband and his five-year affair with a blackmailing sexual sociopath”, she shares the brutal hardship she is enduring since her marriage busted up.

It’s amazing what I’ve learned to live without for the last two months…my car payment is due today, that Ricky Bobby is legally responsible for, and it isn’t getting paid…Will I gracefully learn how to live without…my precious convertible BMW…

She also goes on about being “surprised by myself and what I’ve learned to live without and how to hold my head high when using my EBT (electronic benefit transfer-aka food stamps) card at the grocery store” while saying the second that deadbeat Ricky Bobby sends her some spousal support, she’s going back in for a Botox touch up.

She also moans that she can no longer get expensive haircuts while pitying the broke women who cannot afford the upkeep to which Amanda was accustomed.

Although my hair is untouched and thus needs no color upkeep, I can certainly spot a fake blonde in dire need of a touch up. Would I say to her, “Is your husband screwing you over, too? I can tell by your excessive wrinkles and horrible roots. I see you’re a natural brunette. Perhaps it’s time to embrace it”.

So if you want to follow the continuing saga of Amanda feel free to head on over to her new trainwreck. Happy Monday!


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Mommy Blogging

Laci Will Instagram Her Son Getting His Drank On

Laci Urcioli, self-anointed mother of the year, apparently spent her Saturday night instagramming her young son enjoying a glass of wine.

wineboy

Afterwards, she posted a video of him apparently slurring and glassy eyed while a delighted follower lol’d about her son being “wasted”.


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Internets WTF

Author Allegedly Catfishing Book Bloggers Into Reviewing Her Book

bookweirds

Jon at Bookish Antics has posted a bizarre tale of catfishing in the book blogger world. He says a “woman ‘named’ Corinne Rosanna Catlin has been contacting bloggers such as myself and masquerading as a publicity assistant” at Penguin Books. He claims she is sending out purchased Advance Reader Copies to send out along with her own book in an effort to trick bloggers into reviewing her work.

I got mail from Corinne in a box with a Penguin Random House label and a letter that was supposedly from Penguin Young Readers. I received one of the ARCs I requested, a random adult book from a Penguin imprint and a strange looking indie title. The YA book from my list had a “Thrift Books” sticker on it and I’m confident that Corinne bought the ARC I wanted online. This was all a ploy to make bloggers read her novel, Spectaccolo by Christine Catlin, which she claims that Penguin is now publishing in paperback.

The author, Christine Catlin, is being accused of astroturfing Goodreads with fake reviews about her book as well. Jon says he has “received emails from an official PenguinRandomHouse address from a Corinne despite confirmations from a source that she doesn’t work there” and says “Penguin Random House is now getting involved in this and their Legal department will be handling this”.


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Lifestyle Blogging

Essena O’Neill Will Work In A Bar Now

Essena O’Neill, the teenager who made a big deal about getting off social media, has taken to emailing her ‘fans’ to keep them updated. In her latest email update she repeats the story of her amazing fame and beauty, in case you forgot she was famous and beautiful.

I grew up being a teen idle…I became signed with one of Australia’s biggest modelling agencies in a matter of weeks…meeting with lots of different agencies and having proposals for major modelling and YouTube deals…I told my family, ‘I can’t do this. I don’t want to model. I don’t want to even be on social media, it’s just not for me anymore.’…Of course they thought I was going crazy. Why give up a preposed [sic] $50,000 Youtube deal? Five or six shoots already waiting for me in Sydney?

And on and on…and on and on. She blathers on about how her “truth” captions made her even more famous, in case you forgot she was famous. So famous. She was “idolised”, a word she uses repeatedly.

The point of her neverending ramble seems to be her announcement that she is “getting a job at a local bar and pursuing writing full time.” She has now shut down Let’s Be Game Changers, even though she claims “this site had 5 million unique visitors”; the site now simply says she is “currently writing first book” which is apparently going to be about how to get social media famous. She is also claiming she wants to write sci-fi novels, which has “been my dream since I was 12″.

She evidently gave all the donation money to cyberbullying charities, and closes by telling everyone “please if I could say one last thing don’t idolise me”.


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Internets Mommy Blogging WTF

Mommy Wants Vodka Went Into A Coma

Aunt Becky, can break her femur just by standing up, has evidently spent “nearly the past month in the hospital”.

mwv20

Um, ok, sure. Her life is turning into a really bad story arc on Grey’s Anatomy or something. Are her fangirls still buying this crap?


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Mommy Blogging WTF

Elena Wants You To Know Her Daughter Is A Flasher

Happy New Year’s Eve, hams! To guide us gently out of 2015 here’s a final ‘lol wut’.

Elena, art of making a flasher, posted what she called an “hilarious” photo of her daughter lifting up her shirt for the mailman.

flashdance

Ha. Well ok then. Thanks Elena, everyone needed to know this.

Everyone stay safe tonight and I’ll be posting the 2016 GOMIBLOG Awards voting page with the final categories when our hangovers go away on Monday.


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Internets The Golden Hammys

The 2016 GOMI Awards: Categories And Nominations Are Open

It’s that time once again, hams – pull out those notes you’ve been keeping all year and suggest this year’s categories and/or nominees for The Most Important Awards On The Internets: The GOMIBLOGs!

We’ll start off with these five categories.

Best Flounce

Biggest WTF

Best Shamecropping

Biggest Decline

Most Improved

And of course, the Lifetime Failchievement award. Now it’s up to you to suggest up to five additional categories which will be added to the GOMIBLOG Awards voting area. You can also nominate bloggers for the above categories, and for any suggested categories.

And if you’re wondering what happened last year, you can check out the results here. Happy nominating, hams!


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