Instagram WTF

Erika Will Let Her Grandmother Meet Jesus, But First, Instagram

Erika, the new old joy, is celebrating her family this Thanksgiving.

soeffedup

Just kidding, she is posing stoically next to her grandma as she takes her last breaths because even as we die our dignity is unimportant in the face of Instagram likes. Erika provides this overwrought caption to accompany her overwrought picture.

grandma is preparing to meet the Jesus she loves, and I must free her to go. no matter how one goes about preparing for the process of dying, finality catches me wholly unprepared, shaken. stir my heart towards joy, oh God, for her faith is soon to be sight, the darkened glass of mortality unveiled into the brilliancy of knowing even as also we are known.

How about letting grandma meet Jesus in peace and privacy? How about letting grandma’s death be grandma’s thing, instead of making it about you and your instagram content?


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Healthy Living Blogging Instagram

Ben Will Rebrand After Sort Of Doing Life

Ben Davis, kind of did life and then did internet begging, is apparently in the midst of a rebrand. After completing that webfunded cross-continent instagram party, he proceeded to produce a book.

If you want to buy the book you can click the link in my profile or go to benwalksamerica.com. Every book will be signed by me, and hand delivered to the post office. Thanks so much for the patience these last couple weeks. It’s been a little stressful putting it all together and waiting on shipping.

What is it with bloggers and their shipping issues?

Anyway, in the interest of selling himself as ‘that fat guy who walked around’ he has now moved to a new tumblr.

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And if you want to be the new Ben who is doing life you can spend $2k and buy his old domain!

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At least one good thing might come out of this boring post nobody cares about.

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More book club, anyone?


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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

Freckled Fox Will Share Her Family Holiday Cards

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Emily, untouchable internet saint, has been hard at work getting her family/lifestyle blogging back on track. Since installing Replacement Huswolf she has made many attempts to show she has moved on from the loss of her first husband. Now she defies all laws of good taste by presenting her 2016 “family holiday cards” – in a sponsored post, no less.

I was looking forward to the traditional family card of course, but then because we’ve had many friends ask for photos of Richard and I, we decided it was the perfect opportunity to order some newlywed/marriage announcement cards as well. I’m beyond happy with how they turned out, and I love having something to help our favorite people share in our exciting new chapter.

WAT.

She then raves about how awesome her sponsor is and what great quality the cards are before concluding with a thank your to the photographer and asking “Can I get a high-five? haha” for getting her holiday cards out in mid-November.


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Healthy Living Blogging Instagram

Stasia Is Getting Her Surgery

You may remember Stasia, fat gal who never got on a bike. She had her second GoFundMe ostensibly for weight loss surgery, but it seems the majority of the funds raised actually went to pay her rent and bills and finance her nights out with “friends”.

Well, good news – despite claiming she was being evicted this side of 6 weeks ago she is somehow magically now able to afford this surgery.

ugh

She makes it sound likes she’s been busting fupa for years and this is her only option.

I have given it a go for 2 years now, and though I have lost quite a bit, I haven’t lost enough and I know I need this extra tool.

She then launches into what looks suspiciously like a partnership/sponsor spiel.

I will be using Dr. [redacted], in Tijuana MX. I was contacted by [redacted] and will be sharing my experience with you guys about going through them with the whole process. I’m looking forward to sharing all of the ups and downs and hopefully giving some insight about the experience of medical tourism, and take away a lot of the fear. People are really scared of the unknown. But I have heard, first hand, and read, nothing but great things about [redacted] and their entire process. I can’t wait to start this new chapter. 2017 is going to be a year to remember!! If you’d like more information, contact [redacted] of [redacted]

When some of her followers naturally assumed this meant she would be getting a free surgery, and wanting to know wtf happened to the GFM that is still earmarked as ‘medical’, Stasia did her usual defensive rhino charge.

why would I give any money back? When the money was raised and used for the surgery??…read my above comment. And it’s not for free.

And of course her fangirls were quick to add helpful comments like “Even if the surgery was free, there is still travel and recovery time! People just jealous!”

If she is not getting a comped surgery she might want to break down precisely how she is suddenly financing this  operation. Because anyone with simple math skills can figure out, based on her own words of how she spent the fundraiser money on rent and bills and makeup, that the GFM money is long gone and probably not going towards this surgery. At the very least she could stop yelling at people and just delete and block if she doesn’t want to deal with it. Whining about haters and having social media slapfights isn’t a good look for a “celebrity”, Stasia!


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Food Blogging

Shauna Ahern Thinks The Election Was Worse Than 9/11

Shauna Ahern, the poster girl for gluten-free health, has a long history of making things about her. She is the ultimate topper – no matter what you’ve experienced or felt, she experienced or felt something much more dramatic and deep and “story” worthy. Now she’s trying to top the folks who went through 9/11 by declaring this election “worse” than that event.

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Sorry thousands of people who died, sorry families of those who died, sorry those who survived and continue to deal with the aftermath – Shauna’s preferred presidential candidate didn’t win, so she gets to feel worse than you. If that upsets you maybe you can make some lemon muffins.


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Lifestyle Blogging

Glennon Doyle Has Fallen In Love For Realsies

The Momastery show rolls on, and in her continuing efforts to copy Elizabeth Gilbert, Glennon has now announced she is in love with a woman.

After I told Craig, the first thing he said was: Holy shit. Is this what all the Indigo Girls has been about? I said, WHOA. I DON’T KNOW…MAYBE?

Indigo Girls? Seriously?

Of course Glennon, being the famehound she is, couldn’t just fall in love with a brutiful teacher or accountant or lap disciple. She had to  find someone famous.

Her name is Abby. You might recognize her from soccer. She was one of the best players of all time…

Since Ellen is no longer available, Glennon decided to suddenly “get” what love is all about by attaching herself to soccer star Abby Wambach. Now don’t worry about the kids – Glennon says the kids, parents, and their girlfriends “have family dinners together – all six of us — and Abby cooks.” Then she tells her monkeys in semi-vague terms that she no longer gives any fingercuffs what they want or what they think.

It has been my job for so long as a leader in this community to care deeply about what you think and feel about me and the way I live my life…And now it is my job as a leader not to concern myself too deeply about what you think and feel about me- about the way I live my life.

She concludes by saying they have “decided that we’re going to keep a whole lot of us private” and assuring everyone she is “deeply, finally, FINE…JOY! I’m so happy.”


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Instagram

Old Joy’s Old Home Has A New Mamagram Occupant

If you’ve been missing Old Joy‘s Kinfolk castle, don’t despair – it’s now the home of another instaprarie mama.

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Yes just head on over to Erika’s gram and see the circle of instalife for an on-trend house. Later we can talk about whether it’s weird to uproot your life and drop six figures on a house in the pursuit of instagram popularity.


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