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Have you ever wanted your favorite blogger’s Instagram photos blown up and printed on things like an iphone case or a framed print, so that you may enjoy pics of their dog or over filtered trees whenever you like? Bloggers such as Love Maegan and Jon Armstrong are now graciously offering you that opportunity! Even Dooce’s Noselord is getting in on the “20% of the sale” action.
Evidently with sponsored tweets becoming less and less popular (and with more and more Instagram filters becoming available) folks are looking into yet another way to profit off the fact that they use social media. Congrats, internets! You can now I can have the sadcoffee wall gallery you’ve yearned for.
Seriously though, this is going to be great. I can’t wait to see what photos bloggers try to pass off as ‘art’ worthy of being blown up on an $80 canvas.
I had only just started telling people about my separation, a few close friends, my parents. Instead, I just held up my throbbing left hand. He saw what wasn’t on it. “Oh, shit, mate. Yeah?” I nodded. “Yeah.”
Penelope Trunk, marriage expert, is once again telling women how to be married. Trunk is instructing women to choose a husband based on whether they want to work or not. Telling women that they must choose between being a mother or being a breadwinner, Trunk then explains our various options. These options are, in a nutshell: be the breadwinner, marry a breadwinner, or hire a couple of nannies.
If you pick the ‘both people work and hire a nanny’ route, Trunk says “you will need to find a husband who earns more than you” because if you don’t, you will just breed and flee:
Statistically your marriage is high risk if you and your husband are both in the workforce and you earn more than him because surveys show that you will resent him. This is not logical, or social, it is primal. Statistically, you will marry a guy who does not make as much as you and then you will have kids and get a divorce. Because women hate the feeling of out-earning their husbands.
Your other primary option, “Don’t bother with earning money”, still focuses on a husband making a lot of money – because women hate having to do all the domestic work if they attempt a part-time job (“The problem with this scenario is that part-time jobs don’t offer advancement or a lot of money, so you need to be with a guy who will work full-time.”):
You will have to work hard to not get resentful about this. And really, who could blame you? The best antidote for this resentment is money. If the guy makes a lot of money you can hire people to help you and then you don’t have to be upset that the guy is not helping you.
The other solution? Yep, pick a guy with money and just stay home!
…[P]ick a guy who will earn enough so that you don’t have to work. Because statistically speaking, you will not want a full-time job, and you definitely won’t want a job where you have to earn six figures, because that’s way more than full-time.
She includes helpful tips on how to choose a husband based on what you want to do with your life, a decision which Trunk seems to think needs to be made by the time you are 25. Telling women, “There will be people who say you can’t choose who you fall in love with. This is a lie, of course. There are a million people you could fall in love with. If one is impractical, just go find another,” she focuses her ’how to choose a husband’ strategy on the Myers-Briggs type indicators, which is probably about as reliable an indicator of long-term compatibility as astrological signs.
Trunk does remark that “there is no scenario where you have a big job but do not work long hours…And that is fair: why should you get a big important job and be home all evening for your kids when everyone else has to work twelve hour days to have big important jobs?” which is something I do agree with. But the rest of her advice seems so venal and calculating that I have to wonder exactly how she chose HER husband?
Well it’s back to work for those of us with jobs that involve more than taking a picture of our breakfast for the internets. Before I attempt to be productive I thought I’d throw out some predictions for the next year, rather than do some retrospective of the year’s past posts.
Lifestyle blogging will become the new ‘big thing’. The past three years have seen thousands of girls hoping to be the next Man Repeller or Glamourai start up their own “personal style” blog. As the market saturated and advertisers started becoming more selective, audiences also grew bored with the increasingly mediocre content. Enter the “lifestyle blog”. Allowing bloggers to appeal to practically every niche (and more importantly, almost every possible sponsor) I predict lifestyle blogging will replace personal style blogging as the default blog niche for 2013. Many outfit/fashion/style bloggers are already attempting to transition to include cooking, home decor, and diy projects.
Dooce will introduce “single mom dating” schtick to her repertoire. A source who wishes to remain anonymous (saying “I fear her and the possible backlash I might receive”) claims to know “for a fact” that Heather Armstrong has been seeing someone for while now already. Whether Dooce is already dating someone or not, she’s a soon to be divorced woman so it’s bound to happen eventually. I think 2013 will be a year of her overdramatic struggles as a single mom – and that includes getting back on the romance horse. I also will venture to predict a book deal about divorce and single motherhood blah blah blah.
Watermarks will become standard. ”Copyright infringement” is becoming the new “negative comments are cyberbullying”. Even screenshots of a blogger’s website can cause an email screaming about DMCA to arrive in your inbox. I predict bloggers watermarking all their photos will soon become a blogging standard practice as bloggers try to exert ever more control over the internet.
Management and branding will become commonplace. Seeking agency management will be as much a part of setting up a blog in 2013 as buying a domain and setting up social network accounts. I predict more bloggers will acquire representation and re-brand/re-design, at least if they hope to join the big leagues.
KERF will attempt to start video blogging. I predict 2013 will include many more vlogs of her preparing food or talking about fitness and health in the hopes of beginning to spin her blog fame into more.
Babble will be destroyed when the Empire mistakes it for a rebel base. Shut up, I’m entitled to some post-holiday daydreaming.
Overall I think 2013 will see standard blogging practices become more set, and we will see more bloggers try to join the ranks of the biggies by getting management and professional branding help. I think more bloggers will start seeing that a blog is no longer going to be sustainable as a sole career and they will use their blogs instead as launchpads to other opportunities.
That’s all I have for now. Feel free to add your predictions as well.
Happy post-Christmas, jealous haters. Hope you’re all safe and well, and got some awesome gifts. Of course, nothing beats the gift of bloggers posting about their boring holiday, so let’s take a look around and see what our favorite smuglebrities did to celebrate.
Dooce bought her daughters a Barbie jeep which she said “now seems like a really bad idea since Marlo already has a broken arm and we spent Sunday morning at the ER assessing whether or not Leta had broken her foot after slipping on melted snow in the kitchen”. Bleubird’s James spent the day taking pictures of her kids surrounded by the scandi-hipster toys that will fit in so well with her home decor.
Calivintage kept it simple, visiting family in an outfit I have to assume they bought her, because something like this should only be worn out of guilt:
Cary Randolph Kennedy Wittenbach Fuller Jefferson, Esq., survived the hardships of Hurricane Sandy, managed to spend time with her family. Peanut Butter Fingers started having post-holiday blues first thing this morning apparently, so she decided to recap her Christmas Eve – notable only because it is a boring recap of pretty much everything 90% of regular middle class nuclear families do, but sure, worth a post, why not. Messica and Neckbeard put on matching plaid and tweeted about snow, which is probably the most exciting event of her month. And Jordan Reid finally won a high five from me for giving her husband a no doubt much deserved skull full of vodka.
I’m already bored with looking at blogger Christmas posts, so feel free to add more in the comments while I go get and stay drunk until New Year’s Day.
Why didn’t you mention that you wrote this same story in 2009? I don’t think anyone would have cared but now this just seems lazy.
It seems Joanna wrote more or less the exact same piece for Glamour back in 2009. From the original piece:
Have you ever wondered what sex feels like from the guy’s point of view? Well, I was chatting with some guy friends recently, when the conversation turned to sex. And they came up with an awesome description of what sex really feels like to guys. I was SO surprised…
My male friends all agreed that sex from a guy’s point of view is a similar sensation to someone sucking on your big toe…except 1000x better.
“It’s warm, wet and incredibly soft,” explained one guy, when he saw I looked puzzled. “When someone sucks on your toe, it kind of similar, although obviously much less intense. But that’s a good way for women to get a sense of what sex is like for us–and why we love it so much.” All the guys nodded in agreement.
Compare to her recent post:
Recently I heard the weirdest thing…
The other night, I was hanging out with some friends, when the conversation turned to sex.
My guy friends all agreed that sex to a man is a similar sensation to someone sucking on your big toe (x1000).
“It’s warm, wet and incredibly soft, so it’s kind of similar to if someone sucks on your toe…but obviously much more intense,” said my friend M.
Then the girls tried to describe what sex feels like, and the best description was…using a Q-tip (x1000). Right? Kind of?
While not exactly a cut-and-paste of the original, it’s hard to deny that it’s basically the same post, edited and reused. Why do bloggers do this and not acknowledge it’s an old idea they are re-addressing and updating? They have to know their die hard fans will catch it and ask about it. As I’ve said when previous bloggers have done this, “Reference it when you revisit the topic in a new post, don’t just change the date to make it appear new.” Certainly they are your words and you’re free to reuse them to your heart’s content. But why not at least mention that it’s not exactly a fresh new idea or experience?
Camilla Combs, aka “Cami”, is apparently more than just the person who follows dooce around doing…whatever it is she does (we assume her job is making sure The Imperial March plays whenever dooce enters a room). She is a “stylist”, “designer”, and “photographer”, and she has quite the eye for detail. From the cliche Essie polish to the meh handbag to the “lost all my money at the casinos and have to work the board walk for bus fare back to New York” shoes…
Hm, actually those shoes are growing on me. I like how the gold tips mirror the shine of all the golden leg hair. This is so brave, right? Is keeping it real is the new personal grooming, because I haven’t really heard about this trend. Not that I really keep up with trends, but if going fallow is the new sexy I’d like to know – I like any excuse not to hoist myself into my special obesity tub and shave.
Before anyone asks where the Post Of A Million Outrages went, it has been removed. As she promised, Dooce has had a lawyer send a letter to me and my hosting company threatening litigation over the rumors of her filming a YouTube show in LA.
I was made to feel threatened by the next to last paragraph, which in my opinion implied that I could just make this all go away if I would reveal my source:
Since I refuse to do this without the permission of my tipster or a court order, I have removed the disputed post. The communication stated I am also “liable for all damages and injury flowing from such a publication”; I’m going to assume this means anything from hurt feelings to falling pageviews.
I have now stated multiple times that reporting on Dooce has no malicious intent. My opinions are just that – my opinions. As far as some pattern of attack or whatever, that’s ridiculous; Dooce is a celebrity, and my previous posts about her are commentary and reporting on information publicly posted by her and her husband and are reported as news, not a planned attack. Since roughly 9 posts out of over 1,400 on GOMI are about Dooce, I’m not sure how that constitutes some malicious repeated long term attempt to disparage her, but that’s neither here nor there. I’m not revealing my source. They are free to come forward themselves and ask me for her lawyers information if they choose to show they exist. The rest of you are free to assume whatever you want in regards to their existence.
For the record this whole thing could have been avoided by a simple email to me saying my sources were incorrect and could I please remove the post, and I would have, and quickly put up a post with her denial and a statement that I only posted what my source sent me and they could have been wrong. I would have even apologised. Instead she chose to go this very aggressive, public route.
Anyway, that’s that. The post is no longer public, Heather’s lawyer says she wasn’t doing anything with YouTube so presumably my source was incorrect, and as far I’m concerned this is over. Can we please all move on now and get back to making fun of Brit’s yoga mats and speculating on the state of Messicas uterus?
As you all know by now, Internet blogging sensation Cupcakes & Cashmere tied the knot over the weekend with her Man Cat, Photographer, White Knight Defender and All-Around Best Friend BFF.
This little image was tweeted by her, no doubt to tease her adoring public into pressing refresh psychotically on her blog in order to be the first commenter on her wedding post. So, what we know is:
- Emily got married
- She married Geoffrey (probably)
- They are very short, perhaps fairies
- She wore a white dress
Here are a few weddings/marriages/divorces featured on GOMI in the past to pass the time until Emily returns from her Italian honeymoon.
On the heels of Mr. and Mrs. Dooce Blog announcing their separation comes news of other bloggers who are potentially ending their marriages.
Anissa Mayhew, who evidently came to fame by documenting her health issues, announced yesterday on her blog that she was calling it quits.
The kids know. I wouldn’t think about telling any of you before telling them. They’re hurting, but they also knew that something was wrong. I feel so sorry to them to not be able to provide the home they deserve. I HATE THAT. Especially after what they’ve already been through. But having been through what I have, overcoming the obstacles in my way, embracing my inner happiness….I owe it to myself.
Though the blogger known as MckMama hasn’t specifically said so, readers are assuming the worst based on some odd tweets and blog posts. On January 29th, she posted a vague sentence to her twitter saying “Definitely never thought we’d be researching new places to live right now. Life throws you curveballs, that’s for sure.” On her blog she says she has no internet or computer, and doesn’t “know how or when or if I’m going to blog about this next phase in our lives”. Still not clarifying what’s going on, she tweeted yesterday that “If I had something to say, I’d say it. But I just don’t.”
Other bloggers have long been blogging about the ends of their marriages. Melissa Summers, author of the “Suburban Bliss” blog, has been documenting her divorce since August. Kate Inglis of “Sweet/Salty” has also blogged about her recent separation.
On an internet where weddings and babies make for popular content – and in some cases, big pageviews – it’s clear that life changes are the fastest way to get readers coming around. Whether for personal catharsis or as a way to keep connected as one builds a new life there is no denying that such posts generate plenty of buzz. Is airing divorce or separation just the next logical step for those who habitually share their entire lives online? And what will the next generation think when they can find the inner thoughts and the details of their parents’ disintegrating marriages somewhere in a cache years from now?
And most importantly of all – who will win the race to the book deal finish line?
Ah, babies. The internets just loves babies. Bloggers, both by accident and design, are discovering that baby centered content equals a whole new target audience and can even resuscitate flagging pageviews.
The popular Dooce blogger has allegedly made millions posting about her life, including stories and pictures of her children. Now even Dooce’s daughter “actually runs out of the room when I break out a camera”. But other bloggers continue to document the development and activities of their offspring from pee stick to puberty, and 2012 is shaping up to be The Year Of The Blog Baby.
Caitlin of Healthy Tipping Point has been posting about her pregnancy since the day her dog tested negative. Emily Malone of Daily Garnish is posting regular updates on her baby’s life. Jen Lula has been posting at least monthly updates about her child for over a year. Emily of Emphasis Added and Jordan Reid of Ramshackle Glam are surely noticing that posts featuring pictures of their babies get more notes and comments than any other content. And the oddly uncomfortable-to-watch Art Of Making A Baby has built its entire existence around one thing: getting pregnant, being pregnant, and having a baby.
Most of the mommy bloggers who make negligible monetary rewards will claim they do it to share their lives or find community with other mothers. That’s all fine and dandy, but if the motivation is purely support and sharing, wouldn’t joining one of the many mommy boards be enough? Yes, says one mommy blogger, who wishes to remain anonymous.
“If I just wanted to share pics of my kid I’d just email them,” says the blogger. “[I]f I just wanted chat with other moms there are places for that…I want to make money like Dooce and PW [Pioneer Woman] and stop working my crap job. I do this hoping to make money and my baby is too young to know they are on the internet anyway.” Which basically makes it clear that at least some bloggers probably consider their kids to be more than just a vessel for their genetic code – they can be a commodity.
Comments like those above are starting to leak out and for many readers the perceived motivations of mommy bloggers are becoming tarnished. While many will say it’s the business of the parents to decide what level of privacy their as yet unaware spawn should enjoy many are becoming distressed about what the future will be like for an entire generation of Truman Burbanks.
And now – with increased concerns about dwindling privacy and examples of pic poaching by p**os coming to light – will the days of posting about one’s offspring start to lose its appeal, even become frowned upon? Or is the innocent personal family blog a thing of the past, to be replaced by a new bumper crop of babies-as-revenue websites? And must every life of the next generation be a reality show?