Mommy Blogging

Mommy Wants Vodka Wants Better Friends

Aunt Becky, medical marvel, evidently didn’t raise enough from her GoFundMe to get another apartment. She’s now on twitter railing against the friends who ghosted on her when she wound up homeless.

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Surely she can just arrange another medical problem and get another few months’ stay at a hospital?


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Lifestyle Blogging

Momastery Wants To Protect Her New Friend

Glennon Doyle Melton, bruti-full-of-it, posted this weekend about a new special friend.

And here is the interesting thing about how I feel introducing her to you here, about bringing my new beloved friend to this space. I feel nervous. I feel so protective of her. Because sometimes it feels like we have guidelines for how we respect each other but we throw them right out the window when it comes to celebrities…I want my friend to be safe here with us just like you are safe here with us.

To honor that protective feeling Glennon wrote a long detailed essay about her “new friend”. Her “new friend’s name is Oprah”, and they didn’t just record a segment for Oprah’s television channel. They have been “corresponding a bit” via email. They “make each other laugh” and call each other “God’s Girl”. She has a celebrity friend, and she will be protective of that celebrity friend by telling you about the decor of her celebrity friend’s home and tell you about their family dinner, about how they “prayed together”.

Let us all praise Saint Lap for her discretion and class in protecting her celebrity friend. You see, “Names are so important.” Especially when they’re worthy of being dropped to increase your own brand’s profile.


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Healthy Living Blogging

Skinny Meg Will Snapchat Proper Car Safety

Megan, ‘skinny’, loves to document her every breath via Periscope and snapchat. This includes snapchatting her children dancing around unbuckled in what seems to be a moving vehicle.

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She is SkinnyMeg31 on snapchat and as of now the snap is still viewable in her story. In several successive snaps the kids are dancing and singing in a vehicle that seems to be moving through what looks like a suburban neighborhood. Meg also appears to be driving the vehicle.

Seriously, why do bloggers keep doing this?


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Fashion Blogging Slow News Day

Jessica Quirk Will Finally Squirk A Ladybaby

I guess the headline says it all, but Jessica Quirk, still managing to keep her What I Wore blog limping along, has announced she is indeed squirked up with a tiny female human.

I’m so excited to share some fun news with you! Our growing family is excited to announce we have a baby girl on the way! We are thrilled! This pregnancy has been so different from my first so I had a hunch we’d be adding a daughter to our crew. I even started a baby quilt for her room a few weeks before I knew for sure!

Misusing the word ‘gender’ just like every other blogger who wants a reason to instagram a pink or blue cake, Messica makes sure we know Squirk 1.0 is thrilled about being dethroned by the long awaited Mini-Messi.

We’ve had a name picked out since before our first was born, so now we just need to narrow down a middle name. Knowing her gender has done a lot for me and pregnancy bonding and it’s so fun to say ‘she’ and to prep Felix for his little sister. Last night in his sleep he reached over to my stomach and said BABY!

Sure. Why not.

Anyway, I’m sure 99% of you don’t give a toss about Messica’s uterine contents but I think we can all agree poor Kins needed to stop being at the top of the page. So just pretend this is ‘news’ and then feel free to comment ‘who?’ and ‘no1curr’ so poor Fat Naked Baby can fade from top post.


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Internets Mommy Blogging

Tiffany Continues To Serve Up Her Daughter To The Internet

Tiffany, the wooooorst, is taking her instagram stage momming to a new level. She posted new special pictures today and Kinsley’s fans went wild.

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This type of thing has been going on for a while with this instagram mom, so I’m not sure what she thought she was doing posting nudes of her daughter. But as she’s said in the past, she will post what she wants.


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Internets

RIP in Peace Gawker

I never thought I would see the day.

After nearly fourteen years of operation, Gawker.com will be shutting down next week…Nick Denton, the company’s outgoing CEO, informed current staffers of the site’s fate on Thursday afternoon, just hours before a bankruptcy court in Manhattan will decide whether to approve Univision’s bid for Gawker Media’s other assets.

Evidently Gawker.com is dunzo, and the staffers are being dispersed to “other editorial roles, either at one of the other six sites or elsewhere within Univision”.


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Internets no1curr

How Dare Twitter Not Verify Lynette’s Account

Lynette Young, apparently important and famous, is having a nice little “don’t you know who I am” huff on twitter.

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Yes twitter, that bon mot graveyard for the 40 somethings who refuse to figure out snapchat, has denied her request for the Verified Badge that everyone on social media drools over. Despite having a whopping 14,000 followers and namedropping Biz Stone, Ms. Literally One Of The First was unable to get that ego validating blue checkmark. Can you believe this? Can nothing be done to right this injustice?


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Lifestyle Blogging Slow News Day

Momastery Wants Your Constant Loving Gaze

Glennon, of Saint Lap fame, has expressed her gratitude and humility after an event with her worshipful lapostles. Oh wait, no she didn’t – she just wants everyone everywhere to have the palpitating fangirl slobbers when they look at her.

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Some bloggers never do get over themselves, I guess.


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Lifestyle Blogging Slow News Day

Old Joy Possibly Leaving The House That Made Her Popular

Old Joy, one of the top four ‘white walls and babies’ instagram clones (other members include Mama Watters, Amelia, and Burtsbrisplease), announced she and her family are leaving the gram palace that helped shoot her to popularity.

She addressed the move in a series of snapchats yesterday, saying “people are asking where we’re moving, and the truth is we have no idea” before going on to explain that the reason for the move is they “found out while we were on vacation that my husband lost his job”.

Basically we are terrified…we have no idea what the future’s going to hold…

She went on to reveal they are selling her husband’s record collection and added “real life isn’t glamorous, real life is scary…but everything’s gonna be ok”.

The announcement sparked questions over whether the faux prairie mama bubble is bursting, and highlights the shaky reality of a trendy ‘perfect life’ as seen through a gram filter.


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Lifestyle Blogging

Jenna Made A “Mistake”

Jenna Cole, the playground flask mom, put up another vaguewhine instagram about how hard she has it as a “solo parent”. In the comments of her post she began gassing about feminism and being a career woman vs. raising kids, because she seems to think she is the expert voice of our time on anything #upwithwomen. Eventually she dropped this amazing conclusion:

I should have done a whole lot more personal reflection before a made the huge commitment to have kids! A mistake my kids will hear a lot about and hopefully they won’t feel the same

Those #blessed children. They have years of their tub vaping, day drinking mom telling them she made a mistake having them and being told not to make the same choice while she’s smugging around the internet about what a great sobrave solo mom she is. Happy weekend, everyone!


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Healthy Living Blogging

FGAA Has Produced That Children’s Book

Eric Hites and the Angie Gnome have completed their book and are now offering the beautifully bound story for sale on their website.

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They claimed it would be “simple yet be good for a first Grader” and say it was “printed and assembled by Angie and Eric Hites with a spiral binding”. It is “40 pages of content with pages for coloring”, though they don’t seem to have any images up showing the inside of the book.

Kinda makes you miss Book Club, eh?


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Fashion Blogging

What I Wore Announces Squirk 2.0

Jessica Quirk, I guess she’s still blogging or something, has finally admitted that she is pregnant again after everyone on GOMIBLOG knew for like 2 months.

… I’m pregnant! I thought I’d do some big post to announce but I haven’t really had a bump until this morning! It’s kind of weird how it works in the early days…The early days were so rough on meMuch more difficult than my pregnancy with Felix…which some of you have probably guessed by my lack of summertime posts!

She says it’s “strange to keep such a big secret for so long” even though pretty much every single person who follows her blog at all has known she was resquirked since oh, May. I’ll never understand why these people who live their entire lives publicly – and leave a detailed trail of their changing shape and fashion choices and attempts to skinny app on the internet – think they are able to contain such secrets. But sure, ok. Big secret.

Anyway, I’m sure we are all looking forward to round two of Messica’s condescending decrees about how to treat a human broodmare and her increased whining about being a mom of two as if she is the first woman to ever have two children under three years old.


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Healthy Living Blogging

Escape From Obesity Is Inspired By Eric Hites

Lynn, apparently did not escape obesity the first 39 times, is now jumping on the ‘across America’ bandwagon.

I have plotted out a route across America on Google Maps, from coast to coast, and I’m going to ride that route on my stationary exercise bike. Yep, it’s Fat Mom Across America! This way I am committed to the ride but can do the miles without leaving home.

Inspired by Forest Lump’s amazing tale of accomplishing nothing for a year before returning home, Lynn will use his story to motivate her as she attempts a “virtual trip” from coast to virtual coast.

Part of what inspired me to do this is wondering: can I, at 245 pounds, do the same amount of miles that Fat Guy Across America can do at 560 pounds, even with my joint issues? If he can do it, I can too, right?  I’ve tried to find a ride log on his site with no luck, so I am wondering how many miles per day he is doing and how far he has gotten. I can’t find his official route, either; there seems to be some driving and circling around and changing routes along the way, so I decided to pick my own route instead.

That sounds…whatever, sure, awesome. Stunt weight loss is always a great solution to decades of eating issues and an inability to include daily exercise without making a big public performance of it. Just ask Ben and Eric!


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