Mommy Blogging WTF

Courtney Wants You To Know When Her Child Is Alone

Courtney Snowden, some instamommy in Utah, recently informed her 10k+ followers that her youngest child would be flying alone to another state. Just to make sure the whole internet had the details, she posted a picture of his itinerary to her public instagram.

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Sure. This seems like a safe idea.


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Mommy Blogging

Living Absolutely Will Take A Flask To The Playground

Jenna, that person, does not celebrate Father’s Day. Instead she and the family spent Sunday together doing things as a family. They started off with a nice family Sunday walk, and like most totally hip cool moms, Jenna spent the walk taking nips from her inspirational message flask.

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Once they reached the playground ol’ Sippysides really got in the spirit of family.

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The day ended with a snap apparently taken from bed before sundown, which is generally how day drinking ends. What a Happy Uncelebrated Father’s Day!


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Mommy Blogging

Tiffany Would Like You To Take A Moment Of Silence

Tiffany Raina, still pimping out her plump baby, is also pimping out a “friends shop”. Despite tragedy upon tragedy the past seven days, Tiffy would like you take a moment of silence…for baby clothes.

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Obviously followers informed her that her wording was pretty tone deaf considering the past week’s events. Tiffany responded that “it’s a figure of speech, and you took it way too literal. I’m advertising my friends shop. This has nothing to do with world events. Get over yourself.”


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Healthy Living Blogging

Eat Live Run Is Happy To Shill Despite The Sad News In The World

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Jenna Beaugh, she eats lives and runs, is terribly sad. So sad that she can’t even look at the news. But she won’t let that stop her from pushing the awesomeness of her mlm.

When everything on TV and media seems so negative right now, it makes me even more thankful that my job is SO positive and uplifting…I’m thankful I get to mentor such an amazing team of women who are all about radiating JOY and helping others.

Yep, sorry about all the death and horror, but at least Jenna is happy to shill Beachbody! So glad she can choose joy while she tunes out the events of the world and lives her best life.


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Mommy Blogging

Zsuzsanna Thinks You ‘Sodomites’ Deserved To Die

Zsuzsanna, of Are They All Yours, doesn’t understand why people are upset about the Pulse Massacre.

If the news had been that a ring of p**ophiles was shot and killed, no sane person would be mourning. Those who believe the Bible ought to know that sodomites are reprobate, and thus capable of any perversion, having the mind of animals. This includes p**ophilia. Of course, the average brainwashed American will protest this notion, but facts are stubborn things.

Her facts include a deranged email, because obviously one email represents all gay people. And that email proves that the evil gays are evil because they are gay!

If you think sodomites are just like the rest of us, you are sadly mistaken. They are violent, and capable of any perversion…What the media and society wants us to learn from this gay bar shooting is that homosexuals are nice people, and guns should be banned. Reality tells us homosexuals are violent predators that will stop at nothing, and that everyone ought to keep a gun within easy reach to protect themselves and their families from the attacks of these perverts.

She then comes to the this Jesus-like conclusion.

According to both the Old and New Testament, sodomy should be punishable by the death penalty. As always, God knows best…

Spreading love, forgiveness, absolution – Zoozoo and her pastor husband seem like lovely Christian folk.


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Mommy Blogging

Tiffany’s Bid For Baby Fame Is Going Well

Tiffany Raina, the ultimate instagram stage mom, didn’t manage to get on the Ellen Show. But her baby pimping gram feed certainly is getting attention.

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Her instagram is full of such hypercreepy comments. Just another reason to think twice about creating instagram accounts of your child.


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DIY Blogging

Young House Love Jumps On The Podcast Bandwagon

Young House Love, they just can’t stay away I guess, are joining basically every other waning blogger by moving to podcasting. Because podcasting is super cool with all the kids and is like trendy-dizzle represent dawgs. Or something.

The first question on everyone’s mind is probably: why a podcast? (And for anyone whose first question is actually “what’s a podcast?” we’ll get to that in a moment). The short answer to the whole “why ” question is that we’re podcast junkies, especially me, and we got excited to try something new and a little bit different for us.

Sure. Ok. They currently have three episodes available and they are…just awful. I’m sorry but they’re awful. They are just as terrible and forced sounding on radio as they are on video. But they claim they are super nerdy a/v club  geeks so obviously they want to be part of the podcastocracy. And obviously, sweet $pon$or money and the chance to show off how many celebrities they know is a great bonus!


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Healthy Living Blogging Internets

Fitting It All In Has Found The Viral Boyfriend Of Every Blogger’s Dreams

Clare, not some obese binge eater, has allegedly been seeing a new guy lately. According to him, he’s handsome, and educated, and makes six figures.

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He also apparently likes to go nutburgers on women on dating apps.

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Connor has since disappeared from social media. No word on whether Clare intends to continue dating the pseudo-MRA brofail.


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Lifestyle Blogging

Cup Of Jo Adds Another Jo Clone To Staff

Jo Goddard, Shakespeare expert, has finally found a new editor for her yawn farm, ‘Cup of Jo‘. To the surprise of nobody  the new hire is yet another skinny white brunette Brooklyn type. When commenters responded with some bewilderment that Jo hired just another Jo Clone, she replied that she is totes going to hire some diversity.

we’re hoping to hire another person later this year, and we have some great new freelancers of different races, ethnicities and sexual orientations, so please stay tuned!

Look, let’s be honest: Cup of Jo isn’t really a site targeted towards chubby wage-job having Latinas living in Orlando. It’s pretty clearly an upper middle class thin white ‘creative’ Brooklyn lady site. So I don’t even know wtf she would accomplish forcing diversity into her brand, other than getting buttpats for trying.

But hey, take that, complainers! Or something. I’m not even sure what she means by this. So she’s going to actively TRY to hire in some diversity now that people have commented on her fleet of Jos? I dunno, maybe it’s just me but it kind of smacks of tokenism to suddenly announce you’ll be bringing on “different races, ethnicities and sexual orientations” after your readers bring up your lack thereof.

 


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Mommy Blogging

Art Of Making A Baby Finally Announces Divorce

Elena, expert in the art of not making homosexual babies, has finally acknowledged that she and her robotic looking husband are no longer joined in a mutually beneficial financial arrangement.

In her announcement post she says she is coming clean because divorce is “not a subject widely discussed or talked about” and “it should be”.

I can’t discuss the whys here. It wouldn’t be fair to Lexi’s dad…I don’t hold anything against him, and hope to stay friends and parents and hope that with time he will not hold anything against me.

Evidently they’ve been over for 2 years, which “some of you have noticed”, and Elena says she will finally be moving into her own house or condo. She tells other women who may be thinking about divorce that “It’s never an easy decision, but I think taking your time to make it, without emotions, using logic, can help make the right one.” She then vagueblogs that “it’s not good to be with someone who doesn’t love you” and says she would rather be alone.

She concluded by saying this would be the “only post about this matter” and she also “will not answer questions, comment on the matter”, because while she’d like to “pour my heart out on the blog about every detail of the separation” she realizes it’s a public blog and “I don’t want anyone’s feelings hurt”.


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Lifestyle Blogging

Jordan Reid’s Dream Predicted 9/11

Jordan Reid, ramshackle trains of thought, honored Memorial Day by informing everyone she had a premonition about 9/11.

On September 11, 2001, I woke up several hours before my first class because I was startled awake by a dream in which I died in a fiery explosion. In this dream I went to heaven, where I sat on a hilltop and watched things burn way down below. I wanted to remember that dream, and sat down at my computer to start writing it down. And so I was awake when my father called to tell me about the plane that had hit the World Trade Center.

She says she ran downstairs to tell everyone but they “just kept eating breakfast” like it wasn’t a big deal because they weren’t as psychically in tune with true patriotism as Jordan.

She then reprinted a piece about how Trump is the next Hitler or something, imploring us to contemplate politics while she headed off to “go drink some beer and lay in the sun and be happy I have the day off”.


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Healthy Living Blogging

Hungry Runner Girl Is Engaged

Congrats on your properly moisturized hand situation!

Congrats on your properly moisturized hand situation!

Janae, previously divorced, is now engaged. She has allegedly known her fiance for about two months. She talked about their meeting in a recent post.

…we were set up on a blind date and we clicked instantly (although, I was my normal awkward self of course for that first date and talked a million words per minute and told stories that had no relevance to anything)….  It was weird because I even told about 8 people leading up to the blind date that I had a really good feeling about this one…

Anyway, they got engaged last night and this morning they celebrated by running ”5 celebratory miles” because I guess that’s what healthy active people do to honor a happy occasion.


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Lifestyle Blogging

Cupcakes And Cashmere Will Elevate Your Culture’s Textiles And Then Sell Them

Emily Schuman, the clean fresh hair behind Cupcakes and Cashmere, launched her eponymous bedroom decor line this week. It allegedly sold out on the Nordstrom site within hours, though it was all back in stock like half a second later so I’m not sure how that qualifies as “sold out”.

She says she wanted the line to feel “intentional”, I guess because “intentional” is the new “curated” and can’t be used by everyone often enough to describe everything they do or buy or make. She then explains her inspiration.

The Moroccan Geo pillow is a personal favorite, with prints and tassels you might see on traditional Hammam towels, while many of the colorful, embroidered pillows are inspired by our trips to Mexico. The rainbow of pinks, golds, and greens is a bright reminder of one of my favorite places in the world.

This of course resulted in people calling Cuppy out for her “orientalist mind” and “unispired” copying of native fabrics.

…Besides your counterfeit Mexican heritage fabric, the Moroccan Geo pillow pattern is actually one found in Turkish hammam towels, not Moroccan ones. There is a difference between Turkey and Morocco…

…I’m stunned that her line blatantly copies Otomi fabric/embroidery, which is Mexican folk art made by indigenous populations in Mexico…

Culture poaching aside, the collection is about as a big a yawn farm as you’d expect from Cuppy. Safe blues and whites and beiges in patterns of ‘lace’ and ‘dot’ and ‘stripe’, and color pop/decor trends that went out in 2014. None of it really seems much more special than any Martha Stewart crap in the discount bin so I have no clue how it “sold out” but whatever. I don’t understand Cuppy’s appeal in general so maybe it’s just me.


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