Internets

David Karp Is Fucking Sensitive, You Nebish

Can you help me move this couch into my van?David Karp, creator of something, is exploring Jewphistication:

Does it upset Jews when non-Jews put turkey, ham, and bacon on Challah bread?

No David, it upsets Jews when an arrogant shaygitz tries to be funny.

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Internets

Rachel Puts Safety First

Needs more retard

Rachel Billow, the apparently intelligent vaginal American who mysteriously tolerates Julia Allison, has finally figured out the Orwellian purpose behind twitter:

The reason tweets have to be <140 characters is so you can read them while driving and finish just in time to swerve and avoid an accident.10:42 AM Sep 2nd from web

Thank the stars someone responsible is on the road to show all those Cher Horowitzes of Chicago how to totes pass their driving test.

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Internets

Julia Thinks You Deserve To Know She Gets Booty

We are not ready for this jelly.

Julia Allison, champion failer at blogging, thinks you should know that it’s not like she just adds anyone to her Facebook.

Me: Actually, my summer fling (aka ‘Booty Text’) isn’t a “friend” of mine on Facebook either. @RBillow: This is a truly disturbing trend.about 5 hours ago from web

It’s like we are twins. I know when I talk to my friends the first thing on my mind is ensuring that the exchange is sufficiently jocular for tweeting to the entire planet. Why enjoy the actual conversation when I can spend time deciding which combination of 140 characters will get me nominated for the next hooray-for-us book of tweets?

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Internets

thathalfwitallison Continues To Emulate Her Poor Role Model

Oh yeah, healthy glow.

“thatgirlallison”, the idiodic disciple of such brilliant minds as Julia Allison and Mary Rambin, finally secured her supply of the Buttleak Cleanse! OMGOMG SO EXCITING U GUYZ!

My reasons for doing the cleanse were as follows: NOT weight loss – I think it’s a ridiculous thing to think that after three days of drinking only liquid that you will lose weight that you won’t immediately gain back when you start your normal diet again, so that was NOT why I was doing it.  I did it because my eating habits had spiraled out of control in the last year and I found myself taking in vast amounts of sweets and foods that were, in general, not good for me.  To try to rectify this, I wanted to detox of all of this for a short period of time.  BPC seemed a good way to do this.

As anyone who has seen a picture of Miss “I am significantly underweight at 180 pounds” Allison knows, she obviously likes her food. It’s an easy prediction that she wouldn’t exactly enjoy this experience right?

So, in conclusion, I can definitely say that the BPC helped me in changing what I set out to change (cleaning up my eating habits!), but was it hard?  You bet.  Would I suggest this as a long-term lifestyle change?  Absolutely not.  I think this is a good thing to do maybe once in your life, but I think you could also achieve a healthy life style through simply eating healthy.

Well thank god Our Lady of the Obvious is here to stun us with this galaxy shattering conclusion. All I can say is whatever she’s been doing the last year is certainly working. She looks mighty healthy.

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Internets

How Dare A Country Not Be Up To The Standards of Sarah?

Sarah Lacy, professional complainer, has found a new reason to spew her justifiable rage: Brazil refused to drop everything and cater to her whims.

Apparently TechCrunch\’s resident Mariah Carey waited too long to  get her visa and was unable to secure the necessary permissions to enter the number one country for tech reporting. When she finally got off her tuchas and tried to scramble together the crap she should have done 2 months ago, the consulate had the audacity to be upgrading their systems! What the ?

You want foreign investment and attention, Brazil? Here\’s an idea: LET PEOPLE ENTER THE DAMN COUNTRY. You want to show your IT prowess? How about outfitting your consulates with computer systems that work? …The country should be embarrassed.

Any country that does not immediately shuffle Sarah \”I think I\’m the Diana Ross of tech writing\” Lacy to the top of its priority list SHOULD be embarrassed. I doubt Brazil will ever fully recover from the damning impression they made on \”smoking\” hot Lacy considering how respected her opinion is. I only hope that the entire country can eventually shake off the shame, perhaps by slapping their notoriously hot bodies into thongs, and having a frolic on the beach will help them think about what they\’ve done.

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