Mommy Blogging WTF

Mommy Wants Vodka Was Terminal

Aunt Becky, the human equivalent of a telenovela, has posted the dramatic tale of her latest trip to the hospital for her broken femur.

…I realize they have stabilized my neck. Frighteningly, I have absolutely zero memory of the incident leading up to this ambulance – I only know that my femur and hip are broken. For the second time in two months…Then it all goes black.

She recounts what was going on around her…while she was in a coma. Apparently the doctor said she “snapped the titanium rod in two pieces” and it was “by far one of the worst breaks” the doctor had ever seen.

She has an infection, this may be contributing to why she hasn’t yet woken up after surgery, I could hear the doctor. The cultures from her femur are a nasty group alpha streptococcus. She’s going to both need a central line and indefinite antibiotics.

She hears the doctor say “she has brain waves indicative of excellent brain function” but Aunt Becky just wasn’t waking up. Then Aunt Becky hears the doctor say she’s dying.

She is terminal. We are very sorry. We’ve done all we can, I can hear them say. Her children should say their goodbyes.

At this point Becky claims she woke up the next day, which is when I assume she jumped on twitter. Because even when you’ve just come back from the brink of death, your priority should be the intarwebs.

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Mommy Blogging WTF

NieNie Will Laugh When You Fall Through The Ice

NieNie, best mom ever, enjoyed a fun-filled ice walking frolic with her children recently. Normally they shuffle out onto Utah Lake and behold God’s majesty in a “mystical and calm” manner. Not this time!

This trip however, was a little less calm since Oliver slipped through the ice into water about 100 feet from the shoreline. We all freaked out for about 20 seconds, and then began laughing hysterically. It certainly cut our playtime short since he was frozen to his waist.
Not that I can complain.  I was freezing.

She says they were all in their pajamas and “so not really prepared for a winter adventure”, but it was “wonderful” anyway.

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Internets WTF

Roosh V Apparently A Super Successful Macho Man

Roosh V, the man who once claimed his “default opinion of any girl I meet is worthless dirty wh**e until proven otherwise”, has had to cancel his Return of Kings meetup after a women’s boxing team said they’d be showing up. Of course, the RoK website says it’s because the evil SJWs stirred up controversy making it unsafe for the sausage party to get together and talk about how much they love rape.

He also filed police reports out of fear for his own precious life because all those mentally ill ugly chicks were sending him death threats. When the police showed up to take a report about the threats, the international businessman who totally has piles of cash emerged from his mommy’s basement in a pit stained tee shirt. Because that is where he lives. In his mom’s basement.

So basically the man who thinks a woman’s only value lies in her looks and the status of her hymen is living in his mommy’s basement and squeaking by on ad revenue from a site about hating women. What an heroic icon of manhood.

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Internets WTF

Amanda Is Now Pissed About New Things

Amanda, the woman who claims her husband’s mistress forced him to cheat, is back with a new blog. Calling herself a “radically honest and brave woman” for publishing “about her husband and his five-year affair with a blackmailing sexual sociopath”, she shares the brutal hardship she is enduring since her marriage busted up.

It’s amazing what I’ve learned to live without for the last two months…my car payment is due today, that Ricky Bobby is legally responsible for, and it isn’t getting paid…Will I gracefully learn how to live without…my precious convertible BMW…

She also goes on about being “surprised by myself and what I’ve learned to live without and how to hold my head high when using my EBT (electronic benefit transfer-aka food stamps) card at the grocery store” while saying the second that deadbeat Ricky Bobby sends her some spousal support, she’s going back in for a Botox touch up.

She also moans that she can no longer get expensive haircuts while pitying the broke women who cannot afford the upkeep to which Amanda was accustomed.

Although my hair is untouched and thus needs no color upkeep, I can certainly spot a fake blonde in dire need of a touch up. Would I say to her, “Is your husband screwing you over, too? I can tell by your excessive wrinkles and horrible roots. I see you’re a natural brunette. Perhaps it’s time to embrace it”.

So if you want to follow the continuing saga of Amanda feel free to head on over to her new trainwreck. Happy Monday!

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Internets WTF

Author Allegedly Catfishing Book Bloggers Into Reviewing Her Book

bookweirds

Jon at Bookish Antics has posted a bizarre tale of catfishing in the book blogger world. He says a “woman ‘named’ Corinne Rosanna Catlin has been contacting bloggers such as myself and masquerading as a publicity assistant” at Penguin Books. He claims she is sending out purchased Advance Reader Copies to send out along with her own book in an effort to trick bloggers into reviewing her work.

I got mail from Corinne in a box with a Penguin Random House label and a letter that was supposedly from Penguin Young Readers. I received one of the ARCs I requested, a random adult book from a Penguin imprint and a strange looking indie title. The YA book from my list had a “Thrift Books” sticker on it and I’m confident that Corinne bought the ARC I wanted online. This was all a ploy to make bloggers read her novel, Spectaccolo by Christine Catlin, which she claims that Penguin is now publishing in paperback.

The author, Christine Catlin, is being accused of astroturfing Goodreads with fake reviews about her book as well. Jon says he has “received emails from an official PenguinRandomHouse address from a Corinne despite confirmations from a source that she doesn’t work there” and says “Penguin Random House is now getting involved in this and their Legal department will be handling this”.

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Internets Mommy Blogging WTF

Mommy Wants Vodka Went Into A Coma

Aunt Becky, can break her femur just by standing up, has evidently spent “nearly the past month in the hospital”.

mwv20

Um, ok, sure. Her life is turning into a really bad story arc on Grey’s Anatomy or something. Are her fangirls still buying this crap?

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Mommy Blogging WTF

Elena Wants You To Know Her Daughter Is A Flasher

Happy New Year’s Eve, hams! To guide us gently out of 2015 here’s a final ‘lol wut’.

Elena, art of making a flasher, posted what she called an “hilarious” photo of her daughter lifting up her shirt for the mailman.

flashdance

Ha. Well ok then. Thanks Elena, everyone needed to know this.

Everyone stay safe tonight and I’ll be posting the 2016 GOMIBLOG Awards voting page with the final categories when our hangovers go away on Monday.

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