Lifestyle Blogging

Essena O’Neill Will Work In A Bar Now

Essena O’Neill, the teenager who made a big deal about getting off social media, has taken to emailing her ‘fans’ to keep them updated. In her latest email update she repeats the story of her amazing fame and beauty, in case you forgot she was famous and beautiful.

I grew up being a teen idle…I became signed with one of Australia’s biggest modelling agencies in a matter of weeks…meeting with lots of different agencies and having proposals for major modelling and YouTube deals…I told my family, ‘I can’t do this. I don’t want to model. I don’t want to even be on social media, it’s just not for me anymore.’…Of course they thought I was going crazy. Why give up a preposed [sic] $50,000 Youtube deal? Five or six shoots already waiting for me in Sydney?

And on and on…and on and on. She blathers on about how her “truth” captions made her even more famous, in case you forgot she was famous. So famous. She was “idolised”, a word she uses repeatedly.

The point of her neverending ramble seems to be her announcement that she is “getting a job at a local bar and pursuing writing full time.” She has now shut down Let’s Be Game Changers, even though she claims “this site had 5 million unique visitors”; the site now simply says she is “currently writing first book” which is apparently going to be about how to get social media famous. She is also claiming she wants to write sci-fi novels, which has “been my dream since I was 12”.

She evidently gave all the donation money to cyberbullying charities, and closes by telling everyone “please if I could say one last thing don’t idolise me”.

  1. Janet Snarkhole

    Teen "idle"


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    • Rah Milque

      I didn't realize that was a typo! Lol Freudian keyboard slip?

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    • Ellen Walked But, I Kath, Ran 4 Miles

      I no, write? Its proposperous that anyone preposed she idle.

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    • BabyRoc

      So I was trying to figure this one out. Does she mean she was an idle teen, as in she was inactive? Or is she saying she was a teen idol. I cannot from the context of that sentence figure out what she is trying to say.

      This whole writing career thing seems like it's going to go swimmingly.

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      • Janet Snarkhole

        I think she meant "idol" because she used "Idolise" quite a bit.

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      • Apologetically Feministy

        English is not my native language, so I tend to take words literally when I first look at them and only after a pause understand their context. When I read “teen idle” I also thought she meant she was an unproductive teenager.

        I confess I was momentarily impressed that she admitted that she was lazy, but then I realized she meant “idol” and my “unfaith” in humanity was restored.

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        • snarkaceratops

          I am a native English speaker and I thought the same thing. Kind of a perfect typo, IMHO.

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      • draadje

        She said 'idle' again in the e-mail, so I'm guessing she really does not know how to spell 'idol'.

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    • bezoar

      Isn't there a Marina & The Diamonds song called Teen Idle, maybe a reference to that? I'm not that familiar with this girl so assumed it to be a clever pun :/

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      • American Idle

        I just was reminded of my favorite screen name, so it was worth reading on GOMI.

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      This reaction gif. Perfection.

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    • Army of Vaginas

      That would have been quite a clever play on words ... had it been intended.

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  2. Sponsored By NatureBox

    The money she donated would have been better spent on therapy.

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  3. Wut

    But can I idleise her?

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  4. lokicat

    I made it through the first paragraph then scrolled down to see how long this laundry list of how famous she is/was was going to last. I gave up.

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  5. selfie abuse

    So the kid GOMI's after admitting that everything people on GOMI b**** about bloggers is true and that she was a fraud and now she is a b**** because of that too. I guess you really can't win. btw, in the wall of text you may have missed a salient point, obviously writing isn't this girls strength: those who say she did it for money and fame are ignoring the fact that she was *already* instagram famous and making money out of her ass at only 19, no less, she was hardly a has-been. Which is a good point.

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    • struggleshed

      But she didn't GOMI...she's still trying to be internet relevant, just not in the typical blogger/instagram famous way that she used to.

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    • Posing sexily with Stilton

      If writing isn't her strength then why is she writing a book? She also wants everyone to know she is writing a book.

      Obviously all the attention she got was a big deal to her but she needs to remember that most people forget shit like this in a day or two. Imagine being her therapist! "It's so ironic that (insert something that isn't ironic) happened to me"...."I've found my truth" etc. I congratulate any hams that made it through that wall of text.

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  6. crispenclean

    Whoa. Her post is the longest post I have ever not read.

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  7. BreakfastPrincess

    I swear the Australian education system is far superior to what her writings may suggest.
    Also I was about to say I don't think she'd be allowed to work in a bar legally, then I googled and realised she's 19, not 14 like I'd assumed. Jesus Christ.

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  8. Pluck Me Running

    Someone clearly needs help in:
    1. Adulting
    2. Quiting the Internet 101
    3. Weening the DramaLlama

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  9. Bmo

    Um, if you leave the internet and don't want people to "idolize" you, why are you sending out emails updating everyone on the internet that you are writing a book? Or working at a bar...or any update really. Is this just how younger people internet these days?

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  10. omgbusy

    Teen idle is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. If I had teenagers, I'd have to be an embarrassing mom and start calling then "teen idles" when they were being lazy.

    And it doesn't need to be said, but I'll say it anyway: the irony of this dip getting a book deal for flouncing from social media while skilled, experienced writers fail to get book deals because they don't have the social media presence required to sell books these days, is just...ARGH.

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  11. activate my almonds

    Can she please just stop writing? Cease and desist, Essena. FOREVER.

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  12. Cruella DeBlog

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  13. JuliasTooSmallTutu

    I was just wondering what happened to her. She had her moment of fame brought to you by The Deep Thoughts of Basic White Girls Everywhere and then seemed to disappear. Is she still begging people for money?

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